Friday, January 11, 2019

It's a Bear thing

MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat

MK: {holding her head in her hands} Hm sdh wsp quag harumph fgh zsa.
EM: What language is she speaking?
BC: What do you think?!? IDIOT!
EM: Hey! There's no reason to call me names! I was just asking!
BC: {sigh} I wasn't calling YOU an idiot - I was answering your question about what language Momma's speaking.
EM: Oh. And the language is idiot because it's human?
BC: SEE?!?! I don't have to explain everything to you.
EM: What have I asked you to explain to me?
BC: {AHEM}.
EM: That's not the same thing! Asking a question isn't the same as expecting an explanation.
BC: You lost me.
EM: See ....
BC: I want to stay lost.
EM: Oh.
BC: She's just mumbling to herself indistinctly.
EM: What'd you do to her this time?!?

BC: I didn't do anything! I was just watching the show.
EM: The show?
BC: Mumbles McMumbly!
EM: Because last time she got like this ...
BC: Why does everyone blame ME?!?!
EM: Care to answer your own question?
BC: I swear! I didn't do anything to her! And I didn't do anything to her last time either.
EM: Uh huh.
BC: I didn't! Why do I get blamed for everything around here?
EM: Ummm ... because you usually do it! You ALWAYS say you didn't - but then it becomes very obvious that you did!
BC: Maybe I really didn't do it this time!
EM: That's what you said last time.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! I really don't like having a peanut gallery always piping up in the background.
EM: I guess that's how Momma feels.
BC: That's not the same because you're just being annoying and I point out the truth!
EM: The truth according to Bear. 
BC: Well, who else's truth would I tell? I mean I can't very well make up stuff for other ... RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Not that I make up my own truth. It's grounded in truth-ality.
EM: That's not a word!
BC: It IS in the dictionary of Bear!
EM: The truth according to Bear? The dictionary of Bear? Is everything about you?
BC: What wouldn't it be? Just call me the sun.
EM: Of a bitch?
BC: NO! SUN as in the star.
EM: My mistake. Or not.
BC: Everyone knows I'm the star of this house and our blog.
EM: You're not a star of anything except the jerk review!

BC: I'm going to tell Momma on you!
MK: Ulp retq igderl dqs! 
EM: She's still at it What is she saying? What happened? What's going on?
BC: The last thing she was considering was our entries for the Cat Writer's Association Communications Contest.
EM: The irony. Her entering a communications contest and then mumbling indistinctly. 
BC: Really? Because I usually don't listen to her so I didn't realize this was different from all her other blabbing.
EM: You first said she was mumbling indistinctly.
BC: I KNOW! That's how I always hear her! WAH-WAH-TWAH-WAH-WAH.
EM: You're ridiculous. 
BC: It's a Bear thing.
EM: Being ridiculous?
BC: NO! Being the grumpy, but lovably endearing ...
EM: *^*@?
BC: A Bear thing! Like Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest.
EM: Who's that?
BC: ME!
EM: You're not a princess!
BC: And the shark. The shark is a Bear thing.
EM: Misspelling and getting euphemisms wrong? 
BC: Phht. Humans lack the logic of our catness.
EM: Being grounded?
BC: Isn't THAT the truth! I think Momma goes a little crazy with grounding. I've been grounded for all of my lives ... and she still grounds me!
EM: And what do you do to her?
BC: Well ... it's a Bear thing to not always ... err ... behave.
EM: Tasty whole chickens?
BC: WHERE?!?!
EM: NO! Tasty whole chickens are a Bear thing.
BC: Yep.
EM: Fighting inanimate objects? That's a Bear thing.

BC: I don't know that I like the direction this conversation is going.
EM: Waking the humans up by dramatic barfing, sticking a claw up Momma's nose or sticking your wet nose in Momma's ear?
BC: Who's side are you on anyway?
EM: It's an Ellie thing.
BC: It's not the same thing! You're not me! It only works for me! Are you obsessed with tanks and bazookas?
EM: Well, no ... but what does that matter?
BC: Do you enjoy just staring at people?
EM: You do that to Momma all the time! It freaks her out! You just sit there and stare. 
BC: See? Those are Bear things.
EM: Like being obnoxious.
BC: Obnoxious but endearing.
EM: Grumpy.
BC: Grumpy but lovable.
EM: I had no idea you had so many buts.
BC: HEY now! OH! My handsome stripe-y pants are a Bear thing too!
EM: Prison stripes. 
BC: Oh, shut up. You don't know everything!
EM: Laps! Laps are an Ellie thing!
BC: Dimwit ... lap cats are an Ellie thing.
EM: What about the way you love Momma?
BC: She's alright.
EM: You're always there for her when she needs love and you always make her life better and you always stick your purrer all up in her face.
BC: Yeah. Loving Momma is a Bear thing.

EM: So maybe you can do your Bear thing?
BC: I don't think Momma would be amused. She told me I had to stop being the shark.
EM: But you can love Momma ... that's a Bear thing and it seems like she might need it.
BC: That's what The Boy's for! Where is he anyway?
EM: Work! You're up!
BC: {mumbling to himself} I should demand a raise! I fix everything around here. But does anyone appreciate me? NO! BEAR! Do this!  Bear! Do that! BEAR BEAR BEAR!!!
EM: Whoa. The mumbling thing is contagious!
BC: It's a hard job ... but I guess somecat has to do it. If she starts crying and trying to give me a hug, I quit! Be prepared to come and rescue me!
{Bear sits on the table next to where Momma works and stares at her]
MK: {looking up} Hi, Bear.
BC: You look horrible! 

{Pause}
BC: Well, unless you're trying to look like a ... umm ... zombie?
EM: {AHEM!}
BC: I mean ... what's wrong, Momma?
{Pause}
BC: Not that I actually want to listen to what's wrong - but Smellie says I have to.
MK: I finished all my entries to the Cat Writer's Association Communications Contest and it just hit me that of my twelve entries - if I don't even get ONE certificate of excellence, I'll be crushed. I'd rather not enter and then be mad at myself for not entering - than to enter and find out I'm not worth anything.
BC: Well, I mean, you're NOT a cat. But for a non-cat you're not so bad.
MK: I don't want people to blow smoke up my butt and tell me how good I am. I want to actually EARN it.
BC: Blowing smoke up your butt? Is that a human thing? It sounds dangerous. Hmmm ... then again, danger is my middle name.
EM: {whispering} DO SOMETHING!
BC: There. There.
EM: You're a complete nitwit!
BC: WHAT?!?! I'm still stuck on smoke up one's butt ... Smellie, would you blow smoke up my butt? I mean ... I'm just curious and all.
EM: The task at hand!!! I swear ... if you want something done right, you might as well do it yourself!

BC: What task? I never said I was tasking anything! Phht. I don't work. That's for the peasants. And I don't have hands!!
MK: I'm terrified and it didn't hit me until after I completed my entries. I'm really putting myself out there - opening up to being rejected - sharing my most important work - and perhaps not winning even so much as one certificate. If I'd thought this through before, I wouldn't have risked it.
EM: You could earn a certificate, Momma. Anyone who scores above a certain amount gets one!
MK: But it's more likely that I won't. You know, the first year I entered us in the BlogPaws awards, I was so sure I wouldn't be chosen that I submitted our blog just to have an excuse to quit because my work wasn't exceptional. Then I did get recognized the first year and so I've never really felt this vulnerable ... what if my stuff isn't any good? I mean, there are a ton of cat writers' with more experience - and better writing skills - and I always feel like my articles lack a certain something. If I'd known writing was my thing, I'd have paid more attention in school!
BC: Don't worry, Momma. If the worst happens, Smellie volunteered to be your personal teddy bear and let you cry in her fur.
EM: Now wait a min ... I don't like my fur getting wet!
BC: For the greater good?
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: And we'll still have each other, right? I mean, you wouldn't give me up just to get some award, would you? 
EM: Yeah! And you wouldn't give me up either.
BC: Don't go too far, Smellie. 
EM: You're not really even helping! 
BC: No matter what, you'll still have me, right? I mean, that counts for something. I can't say as much for Smellie or The Boy - but I'm used to your bad choices.
EM: HEY! Didn't anyone ever teach you how to encourage and comfort people without cutting down others? It's a miracle Momma's lasted this long with your handiwork.
BC: Phht. I only cut down the inadequate. There's been no one to cut down ... you and The Boy are a different story.
MK: Come here, Bear. I love you, Bear.
BC: Wait! Wait! Watch my ... hey! Something's poking in my ... {sigh} I love you too, Momma.

{Pause}
BC: {hissing} Are you happy now, Smellie?
EM: Hey! What about me! What about me!?! I need a lap! I need some love! I love my Momma too!

BC: {hissing} GO AWAY! Can't you tell we're BUSY? WOMEN! They can't decide what they want! Bear! Fix Momma! Bear! Let me fix Momma! The Boy's right! We can't win!
EM: There's a tasty whole chicken in our food bowl!
BC: Food bowl? {jumping down and running} BYE! Oh, this is the best day ever ... a tasty whole ... wait a minute ...

EM: I love you, Momma. You're the bestest thing ever even if you never win a contest.
MK: I love you too, Ellie.
BC: HEY! What about me?!? How rude!
{Pause}
BC: {mumbling} I fix everything around here and get blamed for everything and then I get the shaft!
EM: I think Bear's broken. He's mumbling.
MK: Oh, believe me ... mumbling means he's working just fine. It's a Bear thing. And you both are right. Life goes on, contest or no - and I'm pretty lucky - The Boy, both of you ... I guess I already won where it counts.

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24 comments:

  1. Hey Bear, that MK is always a winner in our book!

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    1. We agree! Well, unless she does something we don't like ...

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  2. I agree with Brian,MK is a winner as far as I am concerned!

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  3. Bear, you know it and I know it. MK IS the winner every day in every way, right there at your house and in the writing world. And...when she wins the Cat Writers Association Writing Contest, there's a tasty whole chicken in to for you. (But EM gets the Tank~ it's only fair. Right? Right.

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    1. Hahaha. She'd be in such a good mood ... she just might buy me my tasty whole chicken farm AND a tank! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Momma has you two, and so many loyal readers and friends....she just needs to remember that she is good.... awards, certificates, or not! ♥
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  5. Awww Bear, your Momma is sooooooooo much like my Momma!!! My Momma entered for the FIRST TIME EVER this year. She entered just two blog posts. She feels exactly like your Momma about what she said here: "I'd rather not enter and then be mad at myself for not entering - than to enter and find out I'm not worth anything."......................my mom used to enter A LOT when BlogPaws was around and only was a finalist...ONCE.......and that was for a photo. Mom wasn't going to enter the CWA contest at all for the exact reason your Momma said. My Momma wishes your Momma lots of good luck, my Mom thinks she has a MUCH better chance than she does! And....even if neither Mommas when anything.....they have to remember that they are still special!!!! Mom and I send love! Cody

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    1. We love your attitude, Cody. Maybe our Moms will realize that blogs about us are always winners! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear, you know that your momma is a good writer. I know it, everyone who reads her blog knows it. Contests and awards are super subjective since judging by individuals is involved. I entered for the first time this year, too. I felt like you a bit after I entered. I was like, huh, why did I just enter? Not because I'll be upset if I don't win anything (again, it's subjective and basically up to three people's opinions), and not because I don't think I'm good enough. But more because there are so many other good writers out there! The CWA contest is like a celebration of all the great cat writers and artists, etc. I'm also excited to be a judge and get to review all the fantastic entries!

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    1. We can't wait to see which of our friends are recognized!

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  7. Your definitely a winner in our books! 🏆

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  8. You don’t need certificates or awards to know how good you are.

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    Replies
    1. I wish I felt that way - deep down, I still need the external recognition.

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  9. Don't worry Bear, you will always be the star. :)

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  10. As Momma Kat said, she already won the most important ! Purrs

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  11. See, in the end, MommaKat is a winner. Just the way we like it! :)

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  12. AMARULA: Not sure about your mom but you are always a winner in my eyes! And I also always get blamed for everything!

    HUMAN: Every single writer--even those that win Pulitzer's feel as your mom does! iT'S the writers curse. That's why when it comes down to it you have to look inside for approval and just love to write--Even professional writers constantly doubt themselves- clearly you have lots of readers - that's the best kind of appreciation!

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