Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Through the looking glass

Window season is upon us and the cats vie for Momma's attention. Bear knows that if Momma's surrounded by any kind of animal, she will always pursue the most reserved member of the group; Ellie suspects he uses this to his advantage ... what do you think? Do you think Bear acts apathetic because he knows that will get Momma's attention or do you think he's really annoyed at Momma?

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

MK: {walking in the front door} BEAR! HI! I saw you in your window!
BC: {mumbling to himself} Good for you. Ruin my life why don't you? Thank goodness I don't have a puppy she can run over!
{Pause}
BC: Why DON'T I have a puppy she can run over?
EM: Hi, Momma!
BC: Oh, yeah. I do.
MK: Hi.
EM: I need a lap! I love you, Momma! I missed you! I missed you a lot! I was looking all over for you and I couldn't find you anywhere. 
MK: Just give me a minute to see Bear!
BC: Do you have to?
EM: But ...
BC: I'M BUSY!

EM: MOMMA!
MK: {peeking in the window from behind where Bear's sitting} Since when are you too busy for your Momma?
BC: Since ... you really need to get a life! And stop heckling me!
EM: {from the other room} MOMMA!
BC: Wait a ... I know what that look means!!! Please tell me you didn't! The Boy promised you wouldn't!

MK: The Boy's at work.
BC: There are times I wish he were here 24/7 to babysit. I should tell him how much I appreciate him. 
EM: {walking into the room} And me too?
BC: Don't push it!
EM: What's going on?
BC: Momma went to the park across the street.
EM: I know! She was gone forever!
{Pause}
EM: Wait a ... Daddy said you weren't allowed to go to the park without him!
BC: A little slow ... but at least there's a figment of connection.
EM: What's Bear doing?
BC: What are you doing?
EM: Trying to figure out what you're doing.
BC: Can you do it a little quieter?
EM: Oh, sorry.
BC: SEE?!? Was that so hard? The Boy needs to control his woman! Not that Smellie is my woman ... but men are bosses!
EM: Ummm ... {Ellie stops when she sees Bear giving her "the look."}
BC: I can't even look at you, Momma ... so what did you do to harass the goslings this time?

MK: There were so many! Maybe like 4 or 5 broods worth! There were at least thirty goslings!
EM: What's a brood?
MK: A bunch of goslings.
EM: Goslings?
BC: BABY GEESE, Dumb @$$!
EM: Oh! I bet they're really cute! I would love to have a gosling! Well, provided it doesn't try to eat me!
MK: They ARE cute! With so many broods, there were goslings of every size. One group was very tiny!
BC: Blah blah blah. Does it ever end?
MK: I got as close as I could to most of them! I really wish I'd brought my camera.
BC: The first taste of paparazzi ...
EM: Who's Papa is Razzi?
BC: I can't believe I share my days with these idiots! One is dumb as a brick and the other a compulsive, serial goose harasser who should be required to register as a goose offender! SCREW THAT! She's a BEAR offender!
EM: Momma's not dumb as a brick! And if the goslings are cute ...
BC: Don't you have something better to do?
EM: Like what?
BC: HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
EM: Err ... I'll go and do ... something ... err ... somewhere else.
{Pause as Bear turns around to give Momma the back of disrespect}
BC: {mumbling to himself} So help me, if anyone saw her and I become the laughing stock of the block again ... JUST when I'd recovered my street cred! And what does she do? She goes mother goose on some goslings' asses!

MK: Well ... fine! Where's Sm ... I mean, Ellie?
EM: {from the other front window} MEW! I'm watching whatever Bear's watching!
MK: My kitties are in their windows!!! I better go say hi!
{Momma walks out the front door and goes to Ellie's window}
EM: OH! Hi, Momma! I didn't know you were gone! I thought you were talking to Bear! But I'm so glad you're home! Come in and sit so I can jump in your lap! I love you, Momma! You belong in here with me!

MK: Hang on.
{Pause as Momma moves to Bear's window}
MK: Hi, Bear!
BC: Oh for ... maybe if I pretend I don't see her, she'll go away! People KNOW ME around here! If she starts ...

{Momma sniffles}
BC: Too late.
MK: Hi, Bear!
BC: I just talked to you! 
MK: I know! But I haven't seen you since then!
BC: THAT WAS SIXTY SECONDS AGO!

EM: Momma! Momma! Come back to me! Come see me!
{Momma goes back to Ellie's window}
EM: YOU WERE GONE FOREVER!

BC:{from his window} She was gone for seconds while she flailed her arms and made a fool of herself over here ... though it felt like forever.
EM: NO! It's been like one hundred and eighty YEARS!
BC: {from his window} Listening to you makes it seem that long.

EM: Momma! Momma!  I have a lap emergency! You better come inside before I explode!

BC: {from his window} Promise? If only I were so lucky ... hmmm ... you know you can get treatment for that, right?
MK: I'm going to see Bear again.
BC: {from his window} Oh, really? Do you HAVE to? Just stay with Miss Jolly Ants-in-Her-Pants!

EM: I don't have ants in my pants! I don't wear pants! So THERE!

BC: Stupid *@&*! sister! You two deserve each other!
EM: Yeah! Momma stay here with me! Talk to me! Or even better, come inside so I can jump on your lap!

MK: Come on, Bear! I'not really that bad, am I?
{Silence as Bear stares at Momma through the window}

EM: Ignore him and cuddle with ME!
MK: But Bear ... WHAT?!?! Where did he go?
EM: What do you mean?
MK: He left his window!
EM: I hope he didn't get eaten!
{Pause}
EM: Mostly.

MK: All right. I'm coming in.
EM: YAY!!!! WAIT! {Seeing Momma walk down the hall} Where are you going? I'm right here!
{Pause}
MK: {as she looks around for Bear} Where's Bear? BEAR! Where did you ...
BC: {from his hiding spot} RATS! I should've locked the front door! That would've taught her!
{Pause}
MK: Oh, hi, Bear! It looks like you're hiding behind the pile of paper you like to play in!

BC: Oh, for the love! Do you have no shame? Can't you tell I want to be left alone?

MK: I love you, Bear! Want to come out and cuddle?
EM: HEY! I asked first! I get first dibs on your lap!
BC: Fine with me. Then you'll both leave me alone!
EM: You LIKE the attention! That's why you act standoffish ... because you know Momma won't leave you alone and I'll be lonely!
BC: Worked on that for a while, huh?
EM: Well ...
BC: THAT WASN'T AN INVITATION! GO. AWAY!
EM: See, Momma? All we can do is sit down and cuddle!
MK: Okay ...
EM: I love you, Momma! Ignore Mr. Grumpy Pants!
BC: MR. GRUMPY PANTS KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE!
EM: Uh oh. Now I'm scared.
MK: Don't be afraid, you know where he lives too.
EM: REALLY?
MK: Yes.
EM: Where?!
BC: She must be adopted because I can't be related to that ...
EM: {in Momma' lap} COOL! I KNOW WHERE BEAR LIVES!
BC: Great ... time to move.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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43 comments:

  1. I sure am glad you finally got some lap time Ellie Mae!

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  2. Alls well that ends in Momma's lap!

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. Bear and The Hubby sound an awful like each other...

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  4. dood...if we saw de food gurl neer....GEEZE......we wood knot onlee hide out; we wood pack
    up and MOOOVE !!!!......sorree ya had ta witnezz that buddy ~~~~~~~~~~

    ☺☺♥♥

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    1. All I know is if I find a gosling on the premises, I QUIT! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear and Ellie remind me that cats are as varied and as individual as people... maybe more so.
    I always wonder about people who say they don't like cats. I think they haven't met the right cat!
    xxoo

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    1. Yes! These two almost couldn't be more different - but sometimes it's nice. When I want a lap cat, I can grab Ellie and she'll be content for hours. But Bear sleeps with me and stays close by all the time. And our connections are just as complex!

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  6. AMARULA: Bear you like to play with piles of paper too!! So do I! We have so much in common-now when are you gonna invite me to share your cat shark condo with you>?

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    1. Bear doesn't so much play with paper as use it for "camouflage" to ambush his sis-fur.

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    2. Don't mind him. He doesn't know anything. I do like to play in paper - our second bedroom is stuffed with the stuff. You're more than welcome any time! I'd even share with you! ~Bear Cat

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  7. I sure hope Ellie Mae finally got some well deserved lap time. I always wonder what the girls are saying to me when they see me through the window.

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    Replies
    1. One can get lost in surmising what they're thinking. Actually, that's one of my better coping mechanisms.

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  8. I am beginning to think Ellie is a lap cat :)

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  9. I am glad Ellie Mae got her lap before she exploded! Crisis averted.

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    Replies
    1. No kidding! With her girth, that'd be a huge mess! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Bear! That street cred has me proper dazzled! Your note this meowning to me was just what I needed to get my day off to a good start. *preens and washes face again* You think I'm beautiful. Ellie Mae, your crisis is my crisis, girl friend. I had to keep telling momma over and over yesterday to sit DOWN and let me up into her lap. Too F-O-R-E-V-E-R to get her to obey!

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    1. What could be more important than our need for a lap?!? Too busy my behind! ~Ellie Mae

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  11. Oh Bear Cat, I feel you. Why do the humans think they need to go outside the window, when we're sitting in the window, and say stupid stuff to us? I mean seriously? There are neighborhood cats around and I need to maintain my macho feline image. Sigh. Sometimes they just don't get it.
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto

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    1. My Momma does that ALL THE TIME! And we live in a condo complex! There's no privacy here! It's a good thing I never go outside ... I'd be the laughingstock of the block! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Hmmmm...we wonder, what is Bear's true motivation? We tend to think that he is just an independent boy. Ellie is the needy one, and she ended up with the lap...so if we're wrong, Bear's plan didn't work!

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    1. Bear's needy in his own way. He's gotten more independent since we added The Boy and Ellie - but he's still a Momma's boy above all else.

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  13. Humans do seem to forget that we cats like down time, too. You know, away from the bright lights of stardom, vets, puppies and geese—not necessarily in that order or all at once. . . . but then again, just think of the fun your humans could have chasing a puppy and geese around your flat!? How far away far away was the park and the local puppy pound?
    ERin
    PS
    Bear, we couldn't help but read that you wanted to bond with the boy in your life, 24/7/365 — have you two finally bonded, if so what glue was it? ;)

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    1. Phht. The Boy's not dumb enough to bond with me ;) ~Bear Cat

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  14. Ellie, do you want to be a full time lap cat? It's so much fun! We love the windows, too, and we can't figure out why our mom always bugs us when we're chilling out there! I know we're cute, but cats are always cute! We're sorry we haven't been visiting much lately. We hope Mommy's job slows down soon!

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    1. Do you know what it's like to go to your Momma's lap for loves and your SISTER'S already occupying her lap?!? I actually have to wait in line! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Bless your hearts no rest for the devoted and weary cats...
    This is funny
    Hugs Cecilia

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  16. The lady is a HUGE sucker for a kitty in a window. Her heart melts when she sees that when taking a walk. Ellie, you are such a sweetheart. Bear, you know how to work it. I thought it interesting that you want to tell the boy how much you appreciate him, even if it's just for babysitting MK.

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    1. You can bet if my Momma sees a cat in anyone's window, she'd be all over that. Poor cat wouldn't even know what hit him.

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  17. Woodrow always claims dibs on laps over here!

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    1. Woodrow?! Tee hee hee ... ~Ellie Mae
      The girl's obsessed with Woodrow! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Your mama goes Mother Goose on goslings? Bwahaha, Bear...you 'quack 'me up! 🤣{snorf}

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    1. I don't quack anyone else up ... they sorely lack a sense of humor! ~Bear Cat

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  19. My mom gets all googly over goslings, too, when she sees them in the park. I don't know about your momma, but mine never brings me home even just one. Isn't that rude?! Tee hee hee.

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    1. I'd love to have one for dinner! Err ... one over for dinner. ~Bear Cat

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