BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: I'm so glad the election is over.
The Boy: Me too.
BC: WHAT?!
MK: What what?
BC: You said the election is over. There was an election? You deprived me of the right to vote! And no one told me? How INSULTING. And immoral! And just plain WRONG! My vote matters you know.
MK: Cats can't vote.
BC: WHAT?!?! I single-handedly voted ... wait ... single-pawedly? Never mind. Anyway, I single-pawedly voted The Boy and Smellie off our island. CLEARLY I CAN vote.
The Boy: And yet we're still here.
BC: Yeah yeah. Don't rub it in. That's just a technicality. Tabby cat lives matter! I'm going to make a sign!
MK: Uh oh. NO SIGNS!
The Boy: At least he'll be busy and not doing something he's not supposed to.
MK: He's not supposed to make signs! I swear! You give him ONE sign and the next thing you know, this house is littered with them.
BC: You thought I wouldn't know you held an election?
MK: Bear, it was a HUMAN election.
BC: Ooooh. No wonder I couldn't vote ... it was an election for morons. Did Smellie vote?
MK: Bear ...
BC: Did you vote for a tasty whole chicken in every pot?
MK: No. The election included ...
BC: BOR-RING! You probably voted on all kinds of human nonsense like roads, emergency services, taxes, and representation. Phht. Like that stupid stuff matters. We cats don't require REPRESENTATION. Nope. We just power through like a boss.
The Boy: You mean TYRANT?
BC: That's what I said! Listen! No girly sissy elections.
The Boy: In favor of your election where you tried to pass, "Rid the Momma Kat household from the claws of The Boy and Smellie."
BC: Phht. I listed Smellie first, dingbat.
The Boy: Can we have an election to decide whether or not you can call me names?
BC: They're terms of endearment. You should hear what Momma calls you behind your back. She clearly has more endearment toward you based on what she calls you.
MK: He's making that up!
The Boy: Ummm ...
MK: He's just trying to cause trouble.
The Boy: Is he capable of anything else?
MK: Good point.
BC: HEY!
{Pause as Bear thinks}
BC: THANK YOU! That's the nicest thing you've said to me!
{Pause}
BC: Yep. I'm a bad-ass cat. Get in my way at your own peril. Make sure you tell the torties.
EM: Tell the torties what? That you're annoying? An ass? That you hide under the bed when the doorbell rings?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I didn't ask you.
EM: You never do.
BC: There's a reason for that.
EM: Because you don't want the truth?
BC: Oh, shut up! And you're not allowed anywhere near my torties!
EM: I'm a LADYCAT. They would be a corrupting influence.
BC: TAKE THAT BACK! You could learn a thing or ... or ... six hundred things! My torties are perfect!
EM: Probably hiss-fect too.
BC: You're just jealous because you don't know how to hiss.
EM: I'm a NICE cat. I CAN. I just choose not to.
BC: What fun is that?
EM: What fun comes from being an ass?
BC: Did you know about this election?
EM: Election? There's an election? Where do I vote?
BC: Momma said you can't vote!
MK: Now wait a ...
EM: HEY! If Bear gets to vote, I get to vote.
MK: He didn't vote.
EM: But he said ...
BC: I never said I voted. I just said you can't.
EM: What's the election about?
BC: Sissy stuff.
EM: What? It was about you?
BC: WHAT?!
EM: You said it was about sissy stuff ... I assumed that meant you.
BC: You know what they say about assuming.
EM: It makes an ass of you?
BC: NO! They don't say that at all!
EM: Ass ... u ...
BC: ME!
EM: I know! That's what I'm saying!
BC: NO! I mean they say assuming makes an ass of you and me.
EM: But I'm not an ass! I'm a GOOD cat.
BC: You act so guileless and you pretend twisting the knife is an accident.
EM: Momma said you're not allowed to play with knives. You remember what happened last time?
The Boy: To be honest, he carries around those eighteen claws and four fangs and it turns out to be more painful and more dangerous than if he had a knife.
BC: Thank you!
{Pause}
BC: I think.
{Pause}
BC: No. Wait. That WAS a compliment.
EM: But Momma said ...
BC: Stick a fork in it! It's done.
EM: I thought we were talking about knives?
BC: No. It's a SAYING. It's not literal. I don't make this stuff up!
EM: What are you doing, Bear?
BC: I'm busy. Mind your own beeswax.
EM: Let me see your sign ... {holding up the sign} "Tabby cat lives matter." Really?!?! I mean ... REALLY?!?
BC: You're just jealous because you don't have stripes!
EM: Why would I be jealous of looking like an escaped prison inmate?
BC: You're right. Black is perfect for you - it's slimming. If you weren't black, people would realize you're the size of an airplane hanger.
EM: Oh, shut up! Don't all lives matter?
BC: Stop asking questions.
EM: I mean, don't black lives matter?
BC: Do they say black lives matter?
The Boy: Ummm ... actually ...
BC: RATS. Do they say black CAT lives matter?
The Boy: Well, I guess I've never heard that one.
BC: Exactly.
EM: HEY! Black cat lives matter!
The Boy: You're not going to win this one, Bear.
BC: Fortunately, you're not the arbiter around here.
The Boy: You mean Momma?
BC: Huh. You're not quite as stupid as I thought.
The Boy: Thanks.
{The Boy thinks a minute}
The Boy: I think.
BC: That's what you said last night.
The Boy: "Thanks. I think?"
BC: Are you not sure if you think?
The Boy: No. Of course I think! I was just asking what you were referring to.
BC: "I think ..." Though with you, that's kind of loosely defined.
The Boy: I came out at midnight and found you in your Momma's chair at her computer and her sleeping on the floor!
BC: You mean MY chair.
The Boy: That's just the point! Your Momma spoils you! You want her desk chair? POOF! It's yours!
MK: That's not entirely true. I've just learned some battles aren't worth fighting and losing blood over a chair is kind of pointless.
BC: You're still hung up on it being her chair. And where blood and an angry kitty are concerned ... NOT usually pointless at all.
MK: Yes, yes. That's true.
The Boy: Twenty-two points.
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Very funny. Haha. I'm not falling for THAT ag ...
{Bear takes a step toward The Boy}
The Boy: BYE!
{The Boy runs down the hall and slams the bedroom door shut behind him}.
BC: He's FINALLY properly trained! Any time I want him to disappear ...
EM: That's my Daddy you're talking about!
BC: I thought Momma was the best thing ever.
EM: She is! But I try to make it look fair.
MK: Are you two up for finishing a review?
EM: FOOD?!
BC: With our luck, probably litter again!
EM: That would be crappy. Hahahahahaha.
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Disclosure: We received Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack Grain-Free Canned Cat Food {3-oz, case of 12} - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Miko nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post. #ChewyInfluencer
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MK: We're trying Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack. The four flavors included are Mackerel & Tuna Recipe, Salmon Recipe, Tuna & Tilapia Recipe and Chicken Recipe.
{Pause}
MK: We tried Tuna & Tilapia Recipe last night and we had clean plates.
{Pause}
MK: The salmon wasn't as popular the night before that - but the chicken was every bit as popular the night before that.
EM: YAY! It was SOOO good. I mean, for not having a thick gravy and all. Actually, I might be a convert to ... to ... what do you call that stuff, Momma?
MK: Consommé.
EM: Whatever you call it ... YUM!
BC: Whatever. There are probably vegetables. There weren't any the last three nights ... but I'm on to your tricks, Momma!
MK: No vegetables in these. This Miko pack is made of flaked chunks of real fish or chicken as the first ingredients - and a consommé made with real broth provides hydration at meals. Even better, the contents of the cans are a complete and balanced meal with all the nutrition cats require ... and never any of the ingredients you don’t want - like grains, wheat, corn, soy or carrageenan.
The Boy: {walking into the room} Isn't food just food? I mean, it's fish or chicken. OF COURSE they'll eat it.
BC: Who said you could come out?
The Boy: Err ...
BC: And what do you know about it? It's easy to foul up good food with vegetables.
The Boy: You mean, "fowl." Get it? Chicken ... fowl?
{Silence}
BC: "Isn't food just food." You can't possibly be that stupid, can ...
{Pause}
BC: Never mind.
EM: Yeah, that was kind of stupid, Daddy.
The Boy: BuddyBear! Let's be friends!
BC: I really hope you're not thinking of ...
{The Boy picks Bear up and holds him in his arms}
BC: Of course you were. THIS FOOD BETTER BE GOOD FOR ME TO PUT UP WITH THIS! I'm going ... to ... count ... to ... five ... and ... if ... you ... haven't ... put ... me ... down ... I'm the shark!
{Pause}
The Boy: {putting Bear down} Err ... I'll just go back in the bedroom ...
BC: And stay there until I tell you you can come out! How undignified! I'm a grown male cat! And he just picks me up like he thinks he owns me!
MK: {plating up the food} Tonight we'll try Mackerel & Tuna Recipe. You two have eaten the other three flavors.
{Pause}
MK: {setting down the plates} Here you two go ...
BC: Num ... num ... num ... num ...
{Pause}
BC: No veggies! Just fishy goodness!!
MK: Ellie?
EM: This is even better than the flavor we had last night!
{Pause}
EM: F is for fishy ... num ... num ... which good ... num ... enough for ... num ... me ... num! Num ...
BC: DON'T SING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!!! GROSS!
MK: These flavors were a total success! We love Chewy. That's not up for debate or election. Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?
Interested in trying Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack Grain-Free Canned Cat Food? Go visit Chewy and order a case for your favorite feline!?
Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.
Featured posts:
- If you missed the last election ... Ellie finally has enough.
- Another lopsided election occurred in Pinkie Mouse in the White House.
- If you missed the episode of forking ... Forking Bear.
- To read the posts associated with Bear's signs:
- Share Bear Day.
- Ellie finally has enough.
- There's a sign for that.
- Thanksgiving {kind of}.
- Poopetiquette.
- The ignominious scandal.
- How to get to ...
- The name game.
- The custody "arrangement."
- Drawing the line.
- Wear your tail loud and proud (Bear post).
- Momma's resolutions.
- Momma shaming.
- TMC ISO TWC.
- Momma's resolutions.
- I'm the shark.
- How to get to Bear's food bowl.
- Imitation: the sincerest form of flattery.
- Don't embed on me.
- And your little teeth too.
- You may find Bear's Royal Sharkiness explained in ... I'm the shark, The chicken, and His Royal Sharkiness.
- To read more about the desk chair wars:
- The most recent post about the desk chair wars: Bed-hopping, horseys and a #ChewyInfluencer review
- To read about the beginning of the desk chair wars: Chair + Towel + Cat = Tons of Pictures. The pictures aren't up to current standards, but it gives you an idea of the history.
- Another series on the desk chair wars occurs in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 12 (On the desk chair wars, parts 1-3).
- The most recent updates to the desk chair saga are found in: "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 23 ("On sharing selfishness"),"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 24 ("On MOO!"), Loud, proud ... and blunt, 1.14876 seconds, What's wrong with this picture?, Iz speako nodo engleeesh, Better in my head, WHEE! and The custody "arrangement."
