Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Tabby cat lives matter {and other stories} #ChewyInfluencer

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: Ellie Mae

MK: I'm so glad the election is over.
The Boy: Me too.
BC: WHAT?!
MK: What what?
BC: You said the election is over. There was an election? You deprived me of the right to vote! And no one told me? How INSULTING. And immoral! And just plain WRONG! My vote matters you know.
MK: Cats can't vote.
BC: WHAT?!?! I single-handedly voted ... wait ... single-pawedly? Never mind. Anyway, I single-pawedly voted The Boy and Smellie off our island. CLEARLY I CAN vote.
The Boy: And yet we're still here.
BC: Yeah yeah. Don't rub it in. That's just a technicality. Tabby cat lives matter! I'm going to make a sign!

MK: Uh oh. NO SIGNS!
The Boy: At least he'll be busy and not doing something he's not supposed to.
MK: He's not supposed to make signs! I swear! You give him ONE sign and the next thing you know, this house is littered with them.
BC: You thought I wouldn't know you held an election?
MK: Bear, it was a HUMAN election.
BC: Ooooh. No wonder I couldn't vote ... it was an election for morons. Did Smellie vote?
MK: Bear ...
BC: Did you vote for a tasty whole chicken in every pot?
MK: No. The election included ...
BC: BOR-RING! You probably voted on all kinds of human nonsense like roads, emergency services, taxes, and representation. Phht. Like that stupid stuff matters. We cats don't require REPRESENTATION. Nope. We just power through like a boss.
The Boy: You mean TYRANT?
BC: That's what I said! Listen! No girly sissy elections.
The Boy: In favor of your election where you tried to pass, "Rid the Momma Kat household from the claws of The Boy and Smellie."


BC: Phht. I listed Smellie first, dingbat.
The Boy: Can we have an election to decide whether or not you can call me names?
BC: They're terms of endearment. You should hear what Momma calls you behind your back. She clearly has more endearment toward you based on what she calls you.
MK: He's making that up!
The Boy: Ummm ...
MK: He's just trying to cause trouble.
The Boy: Is he capable of anything else?
MK: Good point.
BC: HEY!
{Pause as Bear thinks} 
BC: THANK YOU! That's the nicest thing you've said to me!
{Pause}
BC: Yep. I'm a bad-ass cat. Get in my way at your own peril. Make sure you tell the torties.
EM: Tell the torties what? That you're annoying? An ass? That you hide under the bed when the doorbell rings?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I didn't ask you. 

EM: You never do.
BC: There's a reason for that.
EM: Because you don't want the truth?
BC: Oh, shut up! And you're not allowed anywhere near my torties!
EM: I'm a LADYCAT. They would be a corrupting influence.
BC: TAKE THAT BACK! You could learn a thing or ... or ... six hundred things! My torties are perfect!
EM: Probably hiss-fect too.
BC: You're just jealous because you don't know how to hiss.
EM: I'm a NICE cat. I CAN. I just choose not to.
BC: What fun is that?
EM: What fun comes from being an ass?
BC: Did you know about this election?
EM: Election? There's an election? Where do I vote?
BC: Momma said you can't vote!
MK: Now wait a ...
EM: HEY! If Bear gets to vote, I get to vote.
MK: He didn't vote.
EM: But he said ...
BC: I never said I voted. I just said you can't.

EM: What's the election about?
BC: Sissy stuff.
EM: What? It was about you?
BC: WHAT?!
EM: You said it was about sissy stuff ... I assumed that meant you.
BC: You know what they say about assuming.
EM: It makes an ass of you?
BC: NO! They don't say that at all!
EM: Ass ... u ...
BC: ME!
EM: I know! That's what I'm saying!
BC: NO! I mean they say assuming makes an ass of you and me.
EM: But I'm not an ass! I'm a GOOD cat.
BC: You act so guileless and you pretend twisting the knife is an accident.
EM: Momma said you're not allowed to play with knives. You remember what happened last time?
The Boy: To be honest, he carries around those eighteen claws and four fangs and it turns out to be more painful and more dangerous than if he had a knife.
BC: Thank you!
{Pause}
BC: I think.
{Pause}
BC: No. Wait. That WAS a compliment.
EM: But Momma said ...
BC: Stick a fork in it! It's done.
EM: I thought we were talking about knives? 
BC: No. It's a SAYING. It's not literal. I don't make this stuff up!
EM: What are you doing, Bear?
BC: I'm busy. Mind your own beeswax.
EM: Let me see your sign ... {holding up the sign} "Tabby cat lives matter." Really?!?! I mean ... REALLY?!?


BC: You're just jealous because you don't have stripes!
EM: Why would I be jealous of looking like an escaped prison inmate? 
BC: You're right. Black is perfect for you - it's slimming. If you weren't black, people would realize you're the size of an airplane hanger.
EM: Oh, shut up! Don't all lives matter?
BC: Stop asking questions.
EM: I mean, don't black lives matter?
BC: Do they say black lives matter?
The Boy: Ummm ... actually ...
BC: RATS. Do they say black CAT lives matter?
The Boy: Well, I guess I've never heard that one.
BC: Exactly.
EM: HEY! Black cat lives matter!

The Boy: You're not going to win this one, Bear.
BC: Fortunately, you're not the arbiter around here.
The Boy: You mean Momma?
BC: Huh. You're not quite as stupid as I thought.
The Boy: Thanks. 
{The Boy thinks a minute}
The Boy: I think.
BC: That's what you said last night.
The Boy: "Thanks. I think?"
BC: Are you not sure if you think?
The Boy: No. Of course I think! I was just asking what you were referring to.
BC: "I think ..." Though with you, that's kind of loosely defined.
The Boy: I came out at midnight and found you in your Momma's chair at her computer and her sleeping on the floor!
BC: You mean MY chair.
The Boy: That's just the point! Your Momma spoils you! You want her desk chair? POOF! It's yours!
MK: That's not entirely true. I've just learned some battles aren't worth fighting and losing blood over a chair is kind of pointless.
BC: You're still hung up on it being her chair. And where blood and an angry kitty are concerned ... NOT usually pointless at all.
MK: Yes, yes. That's true.
The Boy: Twenty-two points.
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Very funny. Haha. I'm not falling for THAT ag ...
{Bear takes a step toward The Boy}
The Boy: BYE!
{The Boy runs down the hall and slams the bedroom door shut behind him}.
BC: He's FINALLY properly trained! Any time I want him to disappear ...
EM: That's my Daddy you're talking about!
BC: I thought Momma was the best thing ever.
EM: She is! But I try to make it look fair.
MK: Are you two up for finishing a review?
EM: FOOD?!
BC: With our luck, probably litter again!
EM: That would be crappy. Hahahahahaha.

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Disclosure: We received Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack Grain-Free Canned Cat Food {3-oz, case of 12} - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Miko nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post. #ChewyInfluencer

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MK: We're trying Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack. The four flavors included are Mackerel & Tuna Recipe, Salmon Recipe, Tuna & Tilapia Recipe and Chicken Recipe.

{Pause}
MK: We tried Tuna & Tilapia Recipe last night and we had clean plates. 

{Pause}
MK: The salmon wasn't as popular the night before that - but the chicken was every bit as popular the night before that.
EM: YAY! It was SOOO good. I mean, for not having a thick gravy and all. Actually, I might be a convert to ... to ... what do you call that stuff, Momma?
MK: Consommé.
EM: Whatever you call it ... YUM!
BC: Whatever. There are probably vegetables. There weren't any the last three nights ... but I'm on to your tricks, Momma!
MK: No vegetables in these. This Miko pack is made of flaked chunks of real fish or chicken as the first ingredients - and a consommé made with real broth provides hydration at meals. Even better, the contents of the cans are a complete and balanced meal with all the nutrition cats require ... and never any of the ingredients you don’t want - like grains, wheat, corn, soy or carrageenan.
The Boy: {walking into the room} Isn't food just food? I mean, it's fish or chicken. OF COURSE they'll eat it.
BC: Who said you could come out? 
The Boy: Err ...
BC: And what do you know about it? It's easy to foul up good food with vegetables.
The Boy: You mean, "fowl." Get it? Chicken ... fowl?
{Silence}
BC: "Isn't food just food." You can't possibly be that stupid, can ...
{Pause}
BC: Never mind.
EM: Yeah, that was kind of stupid, Daddy.
The Boy: BuddyBear! Let's be friends! 
BC: I really hope you're not thinking of ...
{The Boy picks Bear up and holds him in his arms}
BC: Of course you were. THIS FOOD BETTER BE GOOD FOR ME TO PUT UP WITH THIS! I'm going ... to ... count ... to ... five ... and ... if ... you ... haven't  ... put ... me ... down ... I'm the shark!

{Pause}
The Boy: {putting Bear down} Err ... I'll just go back in the bedroom ...
BC: And stay there until I tell you you can come out! How undignified! I'm a grown male cat! And he just picks me up like he thinks he owns me!
MK: {plating up the food} Tonight we'll try Mackerel & Tuna Recipe. You two have eaten the other three flavors.

{Pause}
MK: {setting down the plates} Here you two go ...
BC: Num ... num ... num ... num ...

{Pause}
BC: No veggies! Just fishy goodness!!

MK: Ellie?
EM: This is even better than the flavor we had last night!

{Pause}
EM: F is for fishy ... num ... num ... which good ... num ... enough for ... num ... me ... num! Num ...
BC: DON'T SING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!!! GROSS!
MK: These flavors were a total success! We love Chewy. That's not up for debate or election. Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?

Interested in trying Miko Seafood & Chicken Variety Pack Grain-Free Canned Cat Food? Go visit Chewy and order a case for your favorite feline!?

Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.

Featured posts:

Friday, November 9, 2018

The return of the Ellie-Vader

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: Stupid couch ate my sparkle ball! It's not that easy to get rid of ... {in a deeper voice} ELLIE-VADER!
BC: {in the other room} Like there's anything scary about an elevator. I hope Momma gets home soon. There are only so many days I can take a bunch of Dweebles and their inane dweeble-ness.
{Pause}
BC: {in the other room} Or is that dweebility? Hahahahahaha. Whatever one calls it ...
EM: AHA! I've got you now ... oh, NUTS!
BC: {in the other room} How nice it would be to not have to listen to Smellie's hunting saga every day ... I feel stupider than I was when Momma left ... at least when Momma's home, Smellie spends part of the day snuggling with ...
{Pause}
BC: PERFECT! It shouldn't be THAT hard. I tune Momma out all the time!
EM: I CAN'T GET MY SPARKLE BALL!!! THIS IS A DISASTER! Am I going to be sparkle-ball-less for the rest of my life?! I can't stand it! I can't live without my ... MOUSIE! Are you ready to crumble?
BC: {from the other room} I don't have the wherewithal to explain everything to her. Some cats are just born stupid ... and are hopeless to ever not be stupid. RUMBLE, stupid! RUMBLE! And you don't sound tough at all!
EM: Whatever. I'm schooling this mousie!
BC: {from the other room} Like you schooled your sparkle ball?
EM: Unfortunate accident. Danger comes with the job.
BC: The only danger around here is your stupidity.
EM: Silly mousie. You can't get away from the Ellie-Vader. I'm coming after you, you brazen hussy-mousie!

{Pause}
EM: I'm not your father, mousie ... but I can still spank you.
BC: {from the other room} I hate when she gets like this. There's no living with her. Hmmm ... come to think of it, there's no living with her at any other time either!

EM: BOO-YAY! I got you now, mousie!
BC: {from the other room} I give up. Besides, I actually like BOO-YAY better. BOO-YAY Momma!
{The front door opens}
BC: WHOA!
EM: YAY! Momma's ho ...
{Pause as Ellie sees what Momma sets down}

EM: HUH? What's THAT?
BC: {from the other room} What's what?
EM: ANOTHER CAT!
MK: BEAR?!?! Where are you? Don't you want to come and say hello to your Momma?
BC: {in the other room} PHHT. OBVIOUSLY NOT. Let her sweat a little ... let her think I left HER! HMPH! Suits her right. Another cat. As if Smellie doesn't count as three.
MK: {walking into the room Bear's in} Bear? BEAR?!?
{Momma gasps}
MK: You unstuffed the comforter again!
BC: Maybe she's not really here and if I close my eyes she'll go away ...

{Pause}
MK: BEAR! I know you're not asleep and are just ignoring me!
BC: RATS! Where are the abducting aliens when one needs them.
{Pause}
BC: You're home early ... err ... I didn't do it. I was just laying here and FLOOF!, the fluff burst out of the comforter! I almost died!
EM: Really?! Because I could've sworn your paw was in the hole.
BC: Err ... I was staunching the flow of fluff?
EM: No, you weren't! I ...
BC: You're REALLY NOT helping! 
MK: BEAR! You are in so much trouble!
BC: You left me here ... with THEM! You owe ME an apology! And quite possibly hazard pay. Oh! And a tasty whole chicken and a bazooka!
MK: This isn't Christmas, Bear.
BC: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN AND A BAZOOKA FOR CHRISTMAS?!?
MK: That got out of hand quickly.
BC: YOU BROUGHT HOME ANOTHER CAT!
MK: You destroyed my comforter!
BC: It's not DESTROYED when you can just stuff all the fluff back in the comforter.
MK: Why don't you come and see what I brought home?
BC: Unless it's a bazooka, a tasty whole chicken, or a tank ... NO THANKS.
EM: Bear, you better come look at this!
BC: {walking down the hall} I have to do everything around ... {GASP} ...
{Pause}
BC: What the ... YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT'S A REAL CAT!
{Pause}
BC: Put 'em up! Put 'em up so I can mop the floor with you.
{Silence}
BC: Don't you arch your back at me! And wipe that stupid smile off your face! I'll teach you proper respect.
EM: They say that those who can't do, teach. 
BC: I'll teach you a thing or two.
EM: Like you know about respect.
BC: I know what it's not!
EM: This cat. If you really thought it was real you wouldn't be antagonizing it, you'd be under the bed like when I came to live here.
BC: I DID NOT hide under the bed.
EM: Sir Hisses-a-lot.
{Pause}
BC: {back to focusing on the invader} What?! Cat got your tongue? Hahahahaha. Get it? You're a cat ... you're not saying anything ...
{Pause}
BC: She doesn't talk much. THE. PERFECT. SIBLING. Or maybe she's even dumber than Smellie ... wanna fight?
{Momma's drops her bag and startles Bear}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!
EM: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again! 

BC: It's going to kill me! It's going to kill me!
EM: We wouldn't be so lucky.
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: WHAT IS THAT?! It looks like a cat but doesn't smell like one.

BC: Smellie ... always with her nose in other cats' business.
EM: I didn't ask you!
BC: Oddly enough ... more of a cat than my sister. This one's got a backbone and is pretty hard-headed.

EM: Ha ... ha ... ha. Very funny.

BC: Another black cat.
EM: I'm being replaced?
BC: If that's the case ... thank the kitty gods because this one is quiet and not annoying.
MK: It's not alive.
BC: You prove my point.
EM: But ... but ...

BC: Now you know what happened to Momma's LAST black cat. Hahahahaha.
EM: You're kidding, right? I mean, she wouldn't ... she couldn't ...
BC: The cat got your tongue too! I like this!
EM: But ... but ... I'm so much prettier than this cat! And my tail is so much more luxurious! Nope. I'm not scared of this impostor one bit. It better stay away from my sparkle balls!
BC: You two can start a black cat club and do black cat things.
EM: Black cat things?
BC: And braid each other's fur and sing songs ...
EM: And play with sparkle balls? Because I'm NOT sharing my sparkle balls.
BC: Maybe.
EM: A best friend?!? I've always wanted a best friend. Best friends are the best things ever! We could stay up all night ...
The Boy: You already stay up all night!
EM: Did I ask you? NO! I'm planning my sleep-overs with Rhonda.
The Boy: WHO?
BC: You're going to regret asking.
EM: My new best friend! She's not very cuddly but I don't hold that against her.
{Pause}
EM: {GASP!} She's hiding a sparkle ball! That's IT! No more nice cat!
MK: Come on, Ellie. You can be friends.
EM: Nope. Over my dead body.
BC: OOOOOOOOOOOH! Promise?

EM: HMPH! 
BC: The black invader and the Ellie-Vader find themselves at odds.
MK: Food time?
BC: As long as I don't have to share with HER!
EM: HEY! I'm hungry too!
BC: I wasn't talking about you!
EM: REALLY?!?!
BC: Yes.
{Pause}
BC: No.
{Pause}
BC: Err ...
EM: You LIKE me! All it took was a third cat to chase you into my arms.
{Pause}
EM: Err ... paws.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't give Momma any ideas! Unless you WANT to share our food bowls, litter boxes, and toys with another real cat.
EM: You're RIGHT! Nope. We have the perfect house as it is ...
BC: Well, I wouldn't go THAT far ...
EM: No siblings for us. No siblings to play with.
MK: What are you talking about, Ellie?
EM: How I don't want another cat around here.
MK: Who said anything about another cat?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: Okay. Who wants to go first?
BC: ME! ME! PICK ME!
EM: Umm ... HE ALWAYS GETS TO GO FIRST!
{Momma whips out the claw clippers}
BC: THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK! I'll have you know I won't take this sitting down. Or standing up. Or upside down. Or flying. NOPE!
EM: Never mind. Better him than me.
MK: Come on, Bear ...
BC: PUT ME THE @*&^ DOWN YOU *)@#% OR I'LL &@%$! YOUR *^&# UP!
{Momma continues to clip Bear's claws as he curses her out and she lets a couple choice words flow herself}
MK: Bandages are on. Ellie's turn.
EM: Moooooommma! And to think I was happy you were home!
MK: If you don't fight me, this goes much faster.
EM: I'm really really mad at you! I'm saying some really bad words in my head right now! I'm ... I'm ... just SO MAD at you!
BC: Tell her how you really feel.
EM: Oh, SHUT UP!

Featured posts:

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Playing favorites

The Boy: Momma's fiance
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat


{The Boy walks in the front door}
The Boy: I'm home!
BC: NOT THE MOMMA!
EM: What? You were gone?
The Boy: I was at work all day!
EM: HERE?
BC: NOT THE MOMMA!
The Boy: No. Did you see me at all today?
EM: Well, no. But I was busy snuggling with Momma.
The Boy: Great. And you're MY cat.
EM: Not really.
BC: NOT THE MOMMA!

The Boy: STOP SAYING NOT THE MOMMA! I get your point!
BC: Good. But you're still here. If you got my point ...
The Boy: Yes, I'm starting to see the order of things around here. What else were you up to today?
EM: I played with my sparkle ball. Then I lost my sparkle ball under the couch. Then I got it back. Then I lost it again and ...
BC: Oh, brother. This is RIVETING! How could it POSSIBLY end?
EM: You didn't play with my sparkle ball!
BC: What?
EM: You said, "oh, brother," in relation to my sparkle ball but you - my brother - never touched my sparkle ball. 
BC: My balls are even better than sparkle balls. All smart girls would see that.
EM: I don't see it!
BC: I rest my case.
EM: Take that back!
The Boy: Balls? You have balls? We better take you to the vet for a refund.
EM: Yeah, right. You'd be lucky to get a dirty litter box in exchange for him. In fact, they probably PAID Momma to take him!
BC: Can she really be that stupid?
EM: Can you really be that ugly?
The Boy: That's my girl.
EM: But I'm MOMMA'S pretty girl! Do you want to see my tail? Because my tail is really pretty and everyone likes to admire it.

BC: We all know it intimately. The black menace. BARF!
EM: It's not nice to talk about Daddy like that.
The Boy: Wait ... WHAT?! 
EM: Bear called you the black menace.
The Boy: When did I become the butt of all the jokes around here?
BC: Ummm ... when you moved in? And because you're a butt? Hahahahahahaha.
{Pause}
BC: NOT. THE. MOMMA. I didn't call The Boy the black menace though. Yeah. I've said a lot about him - most of it inappropriate - especially in relation to the butt end.
EM: Then who's a black menace?
{Pause}
EM: Wait a minute ... OOOOOOOH.
BC: Well, that explains it.
{Pause as Bear looks both ways}
EM: Daddy, do you want to chase me?
The Boy: I'm tired, Baby Girl.
EM: Err ... let me amend that ... Daddy WILL you chase me?
The Boy: Ummm ...
EM: If you chase me, you'll be my favorite person ever.
The Boy: You said that last night. And the night before that. But you didn't even know I was gone today!
EM: Err ... I was busy. With Momma. We have a rigorous cuddling schedule and I didn't want to let her lap down.
The Boy: Ellie ...
EM: Err ... I mean it this time!
The Boy: Says the cat who spends most of the day snuggling with Momma.
BC: You're telling me! She puts a real crimp in my Bear and Momma time! Not a crimp ... more like a TANK.
EM: Okay. Okay. So I didn't notice you were gone. But you're still my Daddy!
The Boy: That's true.
EM: So you'll chase me?
The Boy: Maybe later.
EM: You said that last night and then you forgot!
BC: Most cats would take that as a cue. He "forgot." Hahaha.
EM: That's what I just said! Anyway. I had a horrible day.
BC: Snuggling with Momma? Because that meant I had a horrible day.
EM: So I had a sparkle ball ... and then I lost it under the couch ... and then I got it out ... and then I lost it again ... then I found it ... then I taught it a lesson and gave it a good whack and it taught me a lesson and got stuck behind the couch. 

{Pause}
EM: It was HORRIBLE! My life was OVER!
BC: Here we go again. You sounded like a dying cricket mixed with a constipated train. A-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! A-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
EM: Don't be ridiculous. I was louder than that.
The Boy: Did Momma get it out for you? She's good about that.
EM: YEAH! You give her a hard time for bothering to rescue my toys!
The Boy: You two have so many toys, it would take years for you to lose all of them.
EM: SEE?!?! That's why Momma's are the best!
BC: And NOT THE MOMMAs are just ... there. 
EM: Err ... I mean, YOU'D be the best if you chased me but since you won't ...
BC: Smellie howled for an entire hour before Momma got a clue and rescued her sparkle ball.
The Boy: I bet it was a happy reunion.
BC: Just wait ...

EM: But ... but ... then I lost it again. And I found it. And I lost it ...
BC: Yep. There it is. RIVETING. I wonder what happens next.
The Boy: That sounds horrible!
BC: It was. For the rest of us.
EM: I wasn't done telling you what happened yet.
BC: Yellie ... up close and personal.
EM: If you weren't stupid, I wouldn't have to yell at you!
BC: You yell at Momma all day long! You don't think she's stupid too, do you?
EM: She did adopt you ...
BC: And then the neighborhood went south and she made all bad choices after that.
EM: Our NEIGHBORHOOD moved south for the winter? I'm glad it came back!
BC: {sigh} NO! She let The Boy and you move in!
EM: I think you have it confused.
BC: Be very careful ... you're walking on thin ice.
EM: Oh no! That's really bad! I don't even feel the cold.
BC: {sigh} Bless her heart. Her brain just doesn't engage.
EM: Then I lost my sparkle ball again, and then I switched sparkle balls because the green one was prettier than the red one I was playing with ...

BC: She can go on for hours. Women. I used to think it was rude when you don't listen to what Momma says ... but when words are a waterfall of poop ...
EM: Why are you so grumpy?
BC: Didn't we already cover that? You stick your tail right in the middle of Bear/Momma time AND then you never shut up!
EM: Oh, right. I love you, Momma. You're the best thing ever.
The Boy: HEY!
EM: OH! You'll chase me?
The Boy: No. I was saying hey because you just said your Momma was the best thing ever.
EM: You wouldn't chase me!
The Boy: Neither has your Momma!
EM: She gets special allowances for being a Momma. 
The Boy: Why wasn't I born a Momma?
{Pause}
The Boy: That sounded better in my head.
{Silence as Bear thinks}
BC: Sheesh. One Momma is bad enough ... but TWO? There would be no peace between them and Yellie. Then again, if I had two Mommas there'd be no stupid boy, so ... worth considering.

EM: You're right! Boys ARE stupid!
The Boy: HEY!
EM: Well, I mean except you, Daddy.
The Boy: If I was a Momma, then you couldn't call me Not The Momma.
BC: But I could still call you everything else.
EM: Daddy can't be a Momma! He doesn't have ... err ... MOMMA STUFF.
The Boy: I knew it was a mistake to let Momma feed you. I'm screwed.
EM: You'd let us starve? I mean, I'm glad you let Momma feed us ... if you wouldn't let her feed me, you would be the WORST person in the world.
BC: This from the mobile airplane hanger.
The Boy: NO! I was talking about how much more bonded you both are to your Momma because she feeds you.
BC: Yeah. THAT'S why. NOT THE MOMMA.
EM: But she also clips our claws and brushes our teeth.
The Boy: You don't see me doing that!
BC: To be honest, I don't see you doing ANYTHING.
The Boy: Haha.
EM: I don't get it. What's so funny about the truth?
The Boy: HEY!
BC: Smellie Neigh deals with the hay around here.
The Boy: I don't see you and Ellie lifting a paw.
BC: Now that's just completely unfair! I use my paw to whack Smellie all the time.
EM: HE DOES! And he finally admits it!
BC: RATS! Sisters are tricky!
EM: And brothers are stupid.
BC: Not as stupid as NOT THE MOMMAS!
The Boy: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a NOT THE MOMMA too!
BC: {GASP} I AM NOT!
The Boy: Are you a Momma?
BC: Well, no!
The Boy: Then you're a NOT THE MOMMA!
{Silence as the gears turn in Bear's head and he processes this unfortunate revelation ...}

EM: MIND. BLOWN. Not that it's hard for him to have his mind blown ... 
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: YOU shut up!
BC: Bite me!
EM: I'm a NICE cat!
BC: That's not the word I'd use.
The Boy: Be nice to your sister!
EM: I can handle my stupid brother by myself, Daddy!
MK: Oh yeah? Then why do I have to rescue you from him from time to time. That's not a squeal of delight.
EM: Is it dinner time yet?

*** The conclusion of this post was written by The Boy ... enjoy! ***
{It’s dinnertime in the Momma Kat household. The Boy is eating rotisserie chicken for dinner.....Bear walks into the room}.
BC: *SNIIIIIIIIIF* Okay, something smells good. Wait, is Momma here? Oh no, she left and someone that can cook showed up!
The Boy: Hey Bear.
BC: Hey, Stupid. Wait....that smell....you have.....chi....chick.....CHICKEN?!
The Boy: Yes, I do. Why?
BC: YOU have a tasty whole chicken?!
The Boy: Yes, I do....or rather, I used to. Now it’s a tasty whole chicken in pieces!
BC: GAAAASP! You ..... have chicken ..... and you didn't give it to your sweet, loving, cuddly {choke} {gasp} {barf} BuddyBear?
The Boy: Do you want some?
BC: What kind of stupid quest.....wait, you’re stupid. I should not expect anything but stupid from you.
The Boy: Well?
BC: Yes ...... please. That’s painful to say.
The Boy: Here you go BuddyBear. You’re a good boy. 
{A small piece of chicken is placed on Bear’s plate}.
BC: Oh good! A tasty whole chicken is finally .... wait. Where is it?
The Boy: It’s right in front of you, stupid!
BC: THAT is NOT a tasty whole chicken! I thought you were my ..... {gag} friend! That’s a PIECE of chicken! Hey Dumbnuts, you were SUPPOSED to give me a tasty WHOLE chicken!
The Boy: Did I say that at any time?
BC: That’s behind the point! You said you had chicken!
The Boy: I do. Don’t you mean beside the point?
BC: The day I’m corrected by a Dumbnuts like you is the day I......wait....that’s today. 
{Pause}
BC: So give me the chicken!

The Boy: I did. It’s on your plate! 
{Pause}
The Boy: Ellie! Come get a piece of chicken!

EM: Oh goody! My Daddy’s the bestest ever! I love you, Daddy!
MK: Aww. Aren’t you sweet to give the cats some chicken. Wait, why isn’t bear eating his?
The Boy: He is demanding the entire chicken. Again. Sigh.
BC: Unless you want me to introduce you to my twenty two very sharp friends, the tasty whole chicken you promised WILL appear before me. 
MK: I didn’t hear him say anything about giving you a tasty whole chicken, Bear. 
BC: Oh, shut up!
The Boy: How about you eat the piece I left for you, Bear? Hey, where did it go?
EM: Buuuuurp. ‘scuse me. Sorry.
BC: SMELLIE STOLE MY CHICKEN! Daddy, make her give it back!
The Boy: Daddy?
BC: Oh whatever. Where is my chicken?
The Boy: {a
s he sets a piece of chicken before Bear} Here you go, Buddybear.  You’re welcome. 
BC: I did NOT thank you! But this is pretty good, so......okay, you can stay for a little while longer.
MK: I’m glad he has your permission.
BC: You’re both still here? I.....oh heck.....I love you, Momma. Snuggles?
MK: Of course, Bug. I love you, Bug.
The Boy: Oh, for Pete’s sake.
*** The conclusion of this post was written by The Boy ... what did you think? ***

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Bear's previous uses of the term, "Not the Momma:"