Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Outdoor adventures [and misadventures]

Bear's outside doing who knows what - and Momma and Ellie speculate on what he might be doing. In the end, another of Bear's secrets is revealed and the rest of the household is just a bit too happy to keep Bear from forgetting these indignities. 

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

The Boy: I'm going to bed. Where's Bear? I want to say good night to him.
MK: He ran outside when I went out to get the mail.
The Boy: For so long he didn't do that anymore and then all of a sudden, it's like every time the door opens, he's angling to get out.
MK: Your guess is as good as mine. The day I understand that cat is the day I start licking my butt and batting at string. Maybe he's feeling better? 
The Boy: Good night.
MK: Sleep well.
EM: {by the open door} Momma? Why does Bear like to go outside?
MK: I have no idea. You'd have to ask him.
EM: What does he do out there?
MK: No idea. He usually just eats grass and sniffs around.
EM: But his food bowls are in here, his toys are in here, and our litter box is in here ... why would he want to go outside?
MK: To prove he can get past me? I don't exactly LET him out.
EM: That makes no sense!
MK: Tell me about it.
EM: He goes outside JUST to show you that he can get outside if he wants?

MK: Pretty much. I used to chase him in circles on the front porch trying to catch him to bring inside and then I realized I was giving him what he wanted. So now I pretend to be chill and not care. Of course, then he has to prove he doesn't need inside by sitting outside for as long as he can.
EM: I could show Bear that I can hand him his butt on a platter ... I could show Bear I can eat a whole bowl of kibble at one time ... I can show you my ferocity by ripping up the carpet ... but what's fun about any of that? All that would just make me a jerk.
MK: You're asking the wrong person.
EM: There's a person that knows? Who?
MK: Err ... make that you have to ask Bear.
EM: I'd never go outside willingly! Though I sometimes kind of wonder what's on the other side of the door. 
MK: Bear actually lived on the street for about eight months before I adopted him.
EM: Whoa. The street is not a comfortable place to be!
MK: That's what I thought.
EM: I mean ... why lay on the concrete of the street when you can lay in the shade in the grass? What was he trying to prove by doing that? That he could get run over?
MK: Conversations with you and Bear are frustrating for different reasons.
EM: But I'm a good girl!
MK: That's true. You don't MEAN to be a jerk ... you just require a little extra time to process.
EM: It's not my fault I'm constipated!
MK: Huh?
EM: You said I require a little extra time to process. You meant my food, right?

MK: I'm sorry I asked. Bear pretty much means to be a jerk.
EM: He's good at it!
MK: I wasn't sure a free-wheeling tom could adjust to indoor life.
EM: Tom? He had a friend named Tom?
MK: I'm talking about Bear!
EM: So his name was originally Tom?
MK: Oh, for ... moving on ... other than the occasional mini-escape, you'd never know about his past on the street.
EM: Wait ... since he lived on the street, are his stripes actually tire tracks?
MK: Ugh. {opening the screen door} BEAR! Inside!
{Silence}
MK: BEAR!
{Silence}
EM: Maybe you should call him Tom? Would that get his attention?
MK: {walking outside} Son of a ... BEAR!
BC: I'm not outside!
MK: Said from the dark corner of the porch! BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: There's no one out here with that name.
MK: So help me ... GET INSIDE!
BC: I'm busy!
MK: THAT'S IT! I'm turning on the porch light.
BC: HEY! Turn that off! I'm BUSY!

MK: You're just laying on the porch! You haven't moved in twenty minutes!
BC: You wouldn't understand.
MK: No. I don't think YOU understand. GET INSIDE!
BC: {running off into the dark of the side yard} OVER MY DEAD BODY!
MK: You little ... come back here!
BC: Your porch light's not so great now, is it? It's dark over here!
MK: {walking back inside} That's it.
BC: That's RIGHT! Take that! I won. I always win. But somehow she keeps expecting ...
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The flashlight!
MK: Okay, Smarty-pants. Get inside!
BC: Oh! I'm in the spotlight! I like this!
MK: You're running the wrong direction!
BC: I'm not done. I'm checking stuff out.

MK: Oh, YES, you are done. There's only so far you can run! Our yard is surrounded by a retaining wall. That's the only reason you're allowed out here.
BC: Hmm. This looks like a good spot to take a rest. Get that flashlight out of my eyes!

{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: Do I have to pick you up and carry you inside?
BC: Do I have to remove your arms from your body? Or wake you up every five minutes for the next year?
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! WAIT! Put me down! Do you know how this looks? I need to be CARRIED inside by my Momma? My street cred is in the toilet already thanks to you!
MK: OWWW!
BC: PUT. ME. DOWN!
MK: Son of a ... that HURTS, Bear!
BC: Apparently not enough. This is what happens when you mess with Bear Cat! That's right! BRING IT, WOMAN!
MK: Bear, no one is watching.
BC: How do you know that? You might not be able to see them! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: OW! You bit me! AGAIN! Fine. {putting Bear down} Now get inside!
BC: That'll teach you to mess with me! HA!
MK: Okay, Mr. Tough Pants, GET INSIDE!
BC: I'll go in when I'm good and ...

{Pause}
BC: HEY! Put me down! I hate you! I hate outside! I hate Smellie! I hate ... I hate ... stuff! I'm going to make you all sorry!!!
{Momma closes the front door}
BC: {AHEM!}
EM: Err ... Momma? I think Bear's about to barf up some grass again.
BC: Aren't you forgetting something, Momma?
MK: No. You only get treats when you come willingly.
BC: Will you let me back out so we can try this again?
MK: No.
BC: RATS!
EM: Bear, being outside sucks. Why would you want to be outside? I was outside when the animal control people found me!
BC: Phht. Animal control wouldn't have gotten anywhere near me! You probably tried to make friends with them!
EM: One can never have too many friends.
MK: Bear, you spent the first eight months of your life hiding under a deck. Not many people could've gotten you out.
EM: I thought he lived on the street!
BC: Phht. Under that deck was my tom cat pad.
EM: So your name was Tom then?
BC: NO! I was a tom cat! I was a ladies man.

EM: You had lady cats over?
BC: Phht. OBVIOUSLY. I had lady cats over and under and every way in between. Right now, scads of kittens are running around out there with my genetic superiority. 
MK: You were HIDING!
BC: Momma thinks I was hiding ... but I was getting my tom on with the ladies.
MK: In your imagination! All the times I saw other cats get near you, you hid behind me!
BC: Err ... I did that for THEIR protection!
EM: Hahaha. He STILL hides behind Momma when he gets scared.
BC: Phht. I'm not HIDING. It's just smart. Next to a target her size, I'm not very appealing to those who might try to eat me. They always go for the large and dumb ones first. Like you, Smellie.
EM: That's smart! Teach me your ways, oh Great One!
MK: Oh no! One Bear is enough!
BC: You got that right! Feel free to say that next time you're carrying me inside!
EM: {giggling} Hahahahaha. Oh, Great One!
BC: Yes?
EM: Momma! My practice is paying off! I got that out with a straight face!
BC: Very funny. Suit yourself and bask in your mediocrity.

EM: At least my full name on my vet records isn't Pooh Bear.
BC: SHHHHHHH!!!! Curse the big mouth in this household.
EM: You've had a lot of names. Tom, Pooh Bear ... Lily. Wasn't that what Momma named you first?
BC: Woman, are you telling me you told her ALL my secrets?
MK: Oops.
BC: It isn't MY fault Momma can't tell a virile tom from a weak chick. I mean, she's with The Boy! What more proof do you need?
MK: The vet didn't catch it either until she took you back to do an ultrasound because she thought you were pregnant.
EM: Bear was pregnant? Hahahahaha.
BC: Oh, yeah, Chuckles. I'm so much man I can procreate on my own.
EM: Not anymore.
BC: HEY! My missing balls are a sore subject.
EM: How can they be sore if you don't have them?
BC: How could anyone mistake ME, a virile and uber-masculine bad-@$$ for a girl?
EM: I thought you were a girl cat for the first few weeks I lived here.
BC: Because I treated you like the lady you are not. I'll whip my business out right now if you want to see it!
MK: Please don't.
BC: That's right!
MK: She'll never stop laughing!
BC: WHAT?!?! Insulting a dude's size? That's just rude!
EM: Phht.

BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: It was fairly obvious you were a boy when we combined litter boxes. It's kind of easy to spot boy-ness in the litter box.
BC: And you were impressed with my size?
EM: No. More like impressed with your lack of aim. You don't cover your business and you pee all over the litter box! Gross.
BC: That's right. I'm a man cat. I burp. I fart. I scratch my ... err ... bad example.
EM: So what was it like being pregnant?
BC: OH, SHUT UP!
EM: Whatever you say ... POOH BEAR.
{Momma laughs}
BC: This is all YOUR fault! Thanks for ruining my life again! This is the worst day ever!
MK: You said that yesterday.
BC: You two women just can't keep your mouths shut, can you? Keep busting my ba ... err ... bad example ... just ... STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! Isn't it bad enough that I have a stupid, smelly sister and a Momma with a mouth big enough to rival her other end?
MK: We love you, Bear.
EM: Err ... speak for yourself.
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: Yeah. Yeah.
MK: You're going to cuddle with me tonight?
BC: Heeeeeellll NO! I'm MAD at you!
MK: Ellie left the room.
BC: I'll be there in five minutes.

{Six hours pass as everyone sleeps}
{Momma and The Boy get up in the morning}
The Boy: Where's my Buddy Bear?
MK: I don't ...
{Pause}
MK: OH, CRAP! I LEFT HIM OUTSIDE!!!
EM: Really? Because I could've sworn ...
The Boy: YOU LEFT HIM OUTSIDE ALL NIGHT?!?! OH MY GOODNESS! HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HE'S OUTSIDE!?!?
BC: {coming up behind The Boy} BOO!
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Momma busts out laughing}
The Boy: I HATE when you do that! And you can do it with a straight face too!
BC: Phht. Momma has a straight face? Looks a little crooked to me. And the nose is kind of big. But that nose has nothing on her ...
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: Don't I know it.
MK: Stop encouraging him!
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!

The Boy: Bear getting locked out was believable. You have accidentally left him out there for a while.
BC: WHAT?!?! She FORGOT me?
MK: What did you care? You certainly didn't notice. You were busy sniffing around and hiding from me.
BC: But the point of hiding from you is making you worry! If you're not looking for me ... then I was hiding for no reason! My Momma FORGOT I was outside! I was almost homeless ... AND NO ONE CARES!
MK: For about five minutes, Bear. I was making dinner and some other stuff. If I'd made you come in at the beginning, you would've been mad at that too.
BC: I could've died! There I was ... roughing it on the front porch ... and there was a dog five miles away! FIVE MILES, Momma! My juicy loins were quivering!
MK: You could just not go outside.
BC: What's that have to do with anything?
MK: Never mind.
BC: And Smellie was sitting in the window making faces at me!
EM: WHAT?! I was not!
BC: Oh, right. That's your normal face!
EM: What was that, Pooh Bear?
BC: WHAT?! STOP CALLING ME THAT!
The Boy: Pooh Bear? 
EM: That's Bear's full name!
The Boy: His full name is POOH BEAR?!? Hahahahaha.
BC: Great. Just GREAT! Now The Boy's laughing at me. Where does the indignity end?!?

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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Friday, September 13, 2019

Sock it to me

Communication in our house sucks ... but the socks DO NOT! Of course, with Bear's handsome face on the socks, we might be biased!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

Disclosure: We received Socksery Custom Cat Socks - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - Socksery is not responsible for the contents of this post.

The Boy: What's in the package?
MK: Bear's socks.
The Boy: Umm ... excuse me?
MK: Bear's socks!
The Boy: Are his paws cold?
MK: I don't think so.
The Boy: So then why does he need socks?
MK: They're customized from Socksery- they're not just normal socks.

The Boy: Why?
MK: Because I thought it would be a great way to recognize and remember him.
The Boy: By wearing socks?
MK: Yep.
The Boy: Now, I've heard it all! Socks? For CATS?! Please tell me you're not going to try to put them on him.
MK: Of course not! That would be silly.
The Boy: He'll put them on himself?
MK: Now you're just being ridiculous.
The Boy: Says the woman who buys her cat socks!
EM: I want socks!
The Boy: Do you know what socks are?
EM: Well, no. But if Bear gets some, I want them too!
MK: They're not for Bear.
The Boy: You said they're Bear's socks!
MK: They're for me - but they have Bear's face on them.

EM: Oh, no! Where's the rest of him?
MK: Wait ... what?
EM: Then again ... if his face isn't attached to his body, he can't talk and he can't lick me until I move. Though he could fart. That's the really stinky end.
BC: What up, Peeps!
EM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
BC: What's HER problem?
EM: Momma said your face is on her socks!
BC: OH! We got my socks!
The Boy: You two really need to reconsider clarity when you speak.
BC: Who's that gorgeous kitty?!? I have a crush. Hubba hubba.

EM: But that's not a tortie!
BC: We'd make beautiful babies.
EM: You and torties?
BC: NO! 
{Pause}
BC: Err ... well, yes. But I was talking about me and the handsome devil on these socks. Can you say STUD MUFFIN?
EM: Stud muffin.

{Pause}
EM: So? I can say stud muffin.
BC: Somehow it isn't nearly as sexy as when I say it.
EM: But that's YOUR face on the socks!
BC: Shocking!
EM: No, really! Look!
MK: Ellie, he knows. He's just complimenting the way he looks.
EM: Why?
BC: WHAT?!? What do you mean ... WHY?!? What's wrong with you?
MK: You know he kind of has a high opinion of himself.
BC: Phht. I'd just say it's justified!
{Pause}
BC: That you're not swooning shows your poor taste.

EM: I see what you leave in the litter box! Not exactly romantic - or attractive.
MK: Should I try them on?
BC: Wait ... what? You can't wear them!!!
MK: What else would I do with them?
The Boy: Put one over his head. He might shut up for once.
MK: They go on my feet! See?!?! Looking pretty good, I think!

BC: I can't see it when your foot is on the table!
MK: Oh, right. How's that?
BC: Oh, great. Now you get to walk all over me.
EM: What? Momma wouldn't do that!
MK: He means because his picture is on the bottom of the socks, I would step on him.
EM: What does having his picture on the bottom of the socks have to do with stepping on him?
MK: NO! His pic ...
BC: {cough cough} GET YOUR STINKY FOOT OUT OF MY FACE!
The Boy: That's kind of a predicament ... he doesn't want to be near a stinky foot ... but if he attacks your foot, he's attacking the image of himself.
{Silence}
BC: RATS! He's right! At least you got the socks in my favorite color. But why didn't you give them a picture of me in my tiara?

MK: I'm pretty impressed. This was the original photo.
{Pause}
MK: And this is the final product ...
MK: To be honest, I love these too much to wear - I'll instead use them as a keepsake. If I were to wear them, I'd hope they stretch out a bit. I'm surprised at how thick the material is - these are definitely not cheaply made! Excellent all around!
BC: Well, it helps to have an exquisite model!
MK: You are very handsome, Bear.
BC: Like I don't know that!

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© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

You catch more fleas with honey ...

Ellie interrupts Bear and Momma's snuggle time and Bear's ready to teach her a lesson she'll never forget. The conversation is all over the place, including spam folders, Bear's outside exploits, fleas, orgies, vegetables and names. Momma's not sure she can keep up.

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

{Momma's sound asleep}
EM: {from the other room} Meeeeeowww.
{Pause}
EM: Meeeeooww. Meow.
BC: {in bed with Momma} Keep it down out there! Momma and I are snuggling! And Momma's sleeping!
MK: Not anymore.
BC: Oops.
{Pause}
BC: Now look what you did! You woke Momma up!
MK: Which you have no problem doing yourself.
EM: Meow.
BC: That's different! Your MY Momma!
EM: Meow.
MK: Your people haven't left you, Ellie! Come see for yourself!
BC: You just HAD to invite her HERE to OUR private time, didn't you? Now I'll have to chase her off the bed.
EM: {from the other room} Meow meow meow!
BC: Oh, shut up!

MK: Something's wrong.
BC: WHAT?!?! Don't tell me you wish The Boy was here.
MK: Of course I wish he was here!
BC: There's no accounting for taste.
MK: Says the cat that always bites him. When I said something's wrong, I wasn't talking about The Boy not being here.
BC: Phht. Where do I even start with what's wrong with Smellie Neigh? Everything's wrong! The better question is what's right about that sorry excuse for a cat? 
EM: Meow.
MK: She's meowing so sweetly. Maybe she got hurt. You know she falls off the cat tree every so often. I better check on her.
BC: And I'M punished because I'm not a clumsy oaf! I didn't know it was so easy to get your attention! Act hurt!
MK: Oh? You didn't know to act hurt?
BC: Oh, shut up. I don't do it THAT often.
MK: Overly dramatic barfage?
BC: Err ... yeah. But she just meows "sweetly" and you go running? What kind of @&^% up $#!+ is that?
MK: I'll be right back.
BC: But I was comfortable! Oh, this is just GREAT! Smellie calls and Momma runs. What about me? Stupid sister.

MK: {walking into the room Ellie is meowing from} Ellie, are you okay?
EM: Mee - meow meow.
BC: Oh, that's it! I'm going to make her cry for real.
{Pause}
BC: {walking into the room with Momma and Ellie} It's so unfair that Smellie can meow sweetly and Momma goes running. I have to sound like I'm dying! And I saved Momma from her life before me!
EM: You catch more fleas with honey than with vinegar.
BC: Why would anyone want fleas?
{Pause}
BC: Well, besides you. You'd probably try to befriend them.
EM: Do fleas have fur? Can they braid hair?
BC: Smellie and her BFFs ... fleas and buttworms.
EM: How many times do I have to tell you that the buttworms are really sensitive and get their feelings hurt when you call them buttworms.
BC: You just called them buttworms twice.
EM: Err ... {looking around} SHHHH! Keep it down!
BC: And who cares about your buttworms' feelings?!?! If they don't like it, they can go find another host.
EM: But ... but ... they're my FRIENDS!
MK: Now, Ellie ... we talked about this. The buttworms aren't your friends. They hurt you.
EM: You mean like Bear? Bear hurts me all the time! Can we get rid of Bear?
BC: Then again, I guess you're friends with whoever will be your friend. Buttworms, fleas, maggots ...

EM: I've never met a maggot. Are they nice?
BC: I'm sure you can also get more maggots with honey than with vinegar.
EM: You catch more fleas with honey than with vinegar. It's a saying!
MK: FLIES, Ellie! FLIES!!!
EM: {ducking} Oh, no! Are the flies going to eat me? Where are they?
MK: No. The saying is ... oh, never mind. It doesn't matter.
BC: Who said anything about flies? They taste nasty! Phht. You can have all the flies. I don't want them.
MK: No, I think she means hypothetically.
BC: Hypothetical flies? What's next? Hypocrite walruses? A flea orgy?
EM: What's an orgy?
BC: I don't know. Momma talks about them all the time.
MK: I DO NOT!
BC: Oh, yeah. The e-mails I get in my spam folder talk about them all the time.
MK: WHAT?!
EM: Mmm ... spam! Not as good as tuna ... I've never heard of a folder made out of spam though.
MK: But you're grounded from the internet.
BC: Err ... Smellie told me!
EM: You best believe that if I came across a spam folder, I'd eat it - whether it's online or not.
BC: SEE! It's all HER fault!

MK: {sigh} So you're okay?
BC: NO!
EM: YES!
{Pause}
EM: Wait ... Bear, are you mad at me?
BC: Yes.
EM: Can I change my answer to not okay? Because if that can of whoop-my-sister's-butt comes out ...
BC: You do realize Momma and I were cuddling, right?
EM: Phht. You two are ALWAYS cuddling.
BC: Are you jealous?
EM: Err ... yes?
MK: Want to cuddle?
BC: HEY!
EM: No.
{Pause}
BC: GOOD! We didn't want to cuddle with you any ...
MK: Want to sit on my lap?
BC: WHAT?!?! Just wait a minute, woman. I was cuddling with you first! And Smellie doesn't appreciate cuddling!
EM: Well ... I like laps and being petted.
BC: {imitating her} I like laps and being petted. 

{Pause}
BC: PHHT! Lame! A real cat knows how to love his human.
MK: Oh, really? Because your way of loving me is to escape past me outside and then hide in the rosebush so I can't bring you back in? Or the other night when you hid around the corner? And who can forget last night when you came back in and then promptly turned around and ran back out? OH! And that bad-@$$ hiss you gave me as I herded you back inside?
BC: I have no idea what you're talking about.
MK: Good! Then I don't have to worry about letting you outside anymore.
BC: Phht. You don't LET me outside! I outwit you!
MK: More like you under-size me. 
BC: Look out! Momma's BUTT coming through!!! Hahaha.
MK: At least I've learned to check the garden before I toss the stuff in there to compost. I imagine you'd be incredibly tee'd off if I tossed the bucket and you ended up covered in water, carrot peels, and lettuce.
BC: Phht. VEGETABLES.
MK: You eat grass all the time!
BC: That's different.
MK: How?
BC: It is.
{Pause}
BC: STOP LOOKING ME AT ME LIKE THAT!!! What's your problem? I'm going to cuddle with myself and you're not invited!

MK: Ooookay.
{Momma goes back to bed and then gets up to find Bear laying on floor ...}
EM: Err ... Momma? Is Bear ...
MK: NO! Don't poke the sleeping bear.
EM: So he isn't ... {SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF} ...
BC: If you want to keep that nose I suggest you stick it somewhere away from my business.
EM: It's not fair! Bear has no embarrassing nicknames like Smellie or Yellie or Bellie. And he's cool! He gets all kinds of references to bears ... like don't poke the sleeping bear and don't feed the bear. I want to have a cool name!
BC: You have to be a cool cat to have a cool name.
EM: Aww. How do I be a cool cat?
BC: Phht. You're hopeless. 
MK: BEAR!
BC: Though, you might choose to be in a different room than me all the time.
EM: But I already do that ... because you said ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: And you could stop getting me in trouble.
MK: Only you have the power to do that, Bear. 
BC: You're right. Smackdown time!
EM: Err ... that's not very nice.
MK: NO! STOP DOING STUFF THAT GETS YOU IN TROUBLE!!!!
BC: What fun is that?
EM: What fun is getting in trouble?
BC: Bless your heart.

EM: The worst nickname he has is Pear Bear. I get called Smellie and Yellie and Belly ... and  Bear can be a care bear!
BC: Lies! I oughta ...
EM: But only with Momma. {SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF} ...
BC: HEY! Keep your nose to yourself!
EM: You smell like outside.
BC: Do you want a crash course in outside 101?
MK: Bear, NO. Just no.
EM: I still should have a cool name!
BC: Phht. Bear's taken.
MK: Here's something you don't know ... we call him Bear for short, but ...
BC: Don't you DARE!
MK: ... his full name is Pooh Bear.
BC: I'm never going to live this down.
EM: Because of his stinky poops?
BC: Hey, now!
MK: No, because he's sweet like Winnie The Pooh.
EM: OH! I bet Winnie The Pooh and I could be best friends!
BC: Oh, for the ...
MK: How about we call you Princess Panther Pretty Pants?
BC: Thank you!
EM: NO! I'M Princess Panther Pretty Pants!
BC: You are not! Momma! Tell Smellie she's not a princess and she doesn't have pants!
EM: Oh, no! I don't have pants? Where are my pants?
BC: You outgrew them. You can't fit a moose in a hamster's pants.
MK: Ellie, you're a lady. That's why you don't have pants. 
EM: Oh. So what do I have?
BC: A brain of ...
MK: BEAR! Not helping!
EM: HA! SEE?! I am a princess! That's why I don't have pants.

MK: Oh, no.
BC: Phht. YOU?! A princess? I have more princess in my little claw than you have in your entire body!
EM: You're not a girl!
BC: Neither are you!
EM: Oh, that's it. Bring it, Hissy Pi$$y Pussy Pants.
BC: I'm virile and masculine enough to be secure in my manhood. I have no embarrassment at being a princess.
EM: I'm going to turn you inside out and then rearrange your face!
BC: Err ... Momma? MOMMA?! Smellie's glaring at me!
EM: That's right! Who's the wussy princess now?
BC: ME! 
{Ellie chuckles}
BC: Err ... without the wussy part.
EM: I didn't hear you ... POOH BEAR. What did you say?
BC: What I said is the LEAST of your problems, Pee Pee squared. Get it? Princess Panther Pretty Pants? Pee Pee squared?
MK: No way are you calling your sister ...
EM: I love it! Now I have a cool name. Thank you, Bear!
BC: Phht. Don't let it fool you. You'll never be cool like me.
EM: "Cool." Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
BC: Nope. Momma she's just fine.


© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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