Friday, September 27, 2019

Remember Me Thursday {writing to save lives} #RememberMeThursday

Did you know that each year, 2.7 million orphan shelter pets lose their lives, without finding their forever home? In honor of Remember Me Thursday, remember the rescues waiting for their forever homes. And remember that not all cats have happy endings like our sweet Ellie Mae. 


Ellie's story

My name is Ellie Mae Kat. The litter of kittens I was born into were named for fashion models! I think my floofy tail and soft black fur are consistent with being a supermodel and I love to walk my own catwalk and show my Momma and Daddy how pretty I am. But my life hasn't always been great and I haven't always had people who loved me, loved to admire me, and gave me endless cuddles just because I wanted them. I was born and adopted out as a kitten in 2010. A girl has her secrets, so I won't tell you everything that happened between my first adoption and when I was found on the street. Inquiring minds have guessed that I was a roadie for a band, traveled the world working undercover for the CIA, or maybe warmed the lap of any person who needed me. By the time I was found on the street, I was ready to retire and know the love of a forever home again. Excitement and new things aside, forever homes are always the best.



For those of you who don't know, the street is a scary place. A cat never knows where her next meal will come from, or who to trust. Plus, there are all those scary noises and human machines that spell the end for so many kitties. Worst of all, I had no one to pet me or let me lay on their laps. Living on the street wasn't just scary, it was lonely too! I wanted a home with a full food bowl, safe places to sleep,  and lots of love. I promised God that if He gave me another home, I would never complain about my food bowl being empty when the humans thought it was full. And I promised Him that I would NEVER poop or pee outside of the litter box. I never had, but I wanted Him to know I would be on my very best behavior and that my people would love me and never let me go! Truth be told, I was relieved to be picked up by animal control. As scary as the other cats and dogs were - as scary as that shelter was - at least I had food and a safe place to sleep. So many times, I saw a cat carried into a room behind a huge door. What was behind that door? A cat paradise with endless laps, tuna, and sparkle balls? Or maybe they kept the catnip behind that door? I was starting to feel left out and wondering when I would be chosen to see what was behind that door. But one day, the nice lady cat next to me was taken through the door and I realized she never came out again! This lady cat's name was "FL9829302." Isn't that a strange name?!? I don't particularly LOVE my name, but it's certainly better than FL9829302. When FL9829302 never came back to her cage, I started to suspect maybe I didn't want to go in that room and see what's behind the door. What was in that room that ate all these cats? 




I was lucky. My original rescue had me microchipped, so when the animal control people couldn't reach my humans, they called the rescue and the rescue came and got me. I started to think that maybe FL9829302 had been picked up by HER original rescue organization. Why else would cats go in a room, never to be seen again? But when my rescue organization came for me, we went out the front door, isn't that strange?

My rescue had me checked out - and other than yucky hookworms and a scar on my ear, I was in pretty good shape. Not all cats are so lucky. Those big, loud human machines, mean humans, contagious cat sicknesses, being exposed to the elements ... hookworms seemed like such a small price to pay given all these dangers and the mystery of what happened to FL9829302. Of course, all that poking and prodding by the kitty doctor was annoying and I gave her my best stink eye. She told me how pretty I was, but I only forgave her a little. Was I going to a new home? What would happen to me? 




I ended up at the rescue's enclosures at one of those big pet stores. It was pretty lonely. And there were all these new smells and noises to get used to. The rescue volunteers only came around every so often. I was relieved there was no spooky door here though. Person after person walked past my enclosure. Each time someone peeked in my enclosure, I'd jump up and say hello by rubbing myself against the enclosure wall. Would you be my new Mom? I didn't get it. What was I doing wrong? I made sure to show people my pretty tail! And I'd dance for them! Maybe this WAS my new home. Maybe I was there to make people feel better. People seemed to smile when they saw me. But I was desperate for ear rubs and being scratched between my shoulder blades.

Then one day, a woman stopped at my enclosure and peered in. I did my little dance for her and her face lit up. She ran away. Wait?! WHAT?!?! Didn't she like me? Was I going to get in trouble for not making her happy? Was I going to have to live on the street again?




I saw the woman almost jumping up and down as she talked to one of the store employees. They looked at me and then at each other. Oh, no. What had I done wrong? The next thing I knew, the store employee, the jumping woman, and one of the rescue workers were walking toward me. The jumping woman came right to my enclosure and opened the back. I was dancing with everything I had as she lifted me up and cuddled me to her. It felt so good to be loved again. The woman pet me for what seemed like days and I enjoyed every moment. I knew this woman somehow - but I couldn't figure out from where. She gave me the best ear rubs I've ever had! Had I finally found heaven? I kept poking myself with a claw to check if I was dreaming.


The man with the jumpy lady fell in love with a bigger black cat named Darby. A handsome tabby caught his eye as well, but that quickly went by the wayside because the tabby wanted nothing to do with the man. So then the man came over to see what all the fuss was about and he commented on how soft my fur is. He told me I was pretty ... DUH! He finally convinced the jumpy woman to let him hold me and he found the spot between my shoulder blades where I melt when scratched.



The man and woman talked a lot to one of the rescue workers. I noticed the woman's face fell and I wondered what happened. The woman gave me a sad glance and they left. Wait, WHAT?! I'd aced that audition, hadn't I? What was going on?

The next week, the man and woman came back to the store. They were disappointed to find that all the rescue's kittens from kitten season were in the enclosures and I'd been moved to my foster mom's house. I get it, who doesn't love kittens?! And kittens are so much easier to place and have a better chance of being adopted. But what about MY happily ever after?

Later that day, my foster mom brought me back to the store to spend time with the man and the woman. Forget that! Hmph. I decided to show them that I was mad they left me there last time. Oh, I let them pet me a bit, but then I wanted little to do with them. When I saw them playing with the kittens and laughing at the kittens' antics, I wondered if they ever really loved me at all.

My foster mom was great, but she had many other cats and dogs that needed her more than I did. I wanted to be the star! I wanted to have my own lap whenever I wanted it! I didn't want to share my home with a bunch of other cats and dogs! An aside on my foster mom: two and a half years later, she still checks out our blog's Facebook page every so often and keeps up with what I'm up to. Isn't that wonderful? As foster mom's go, she truly was the very best. She obviously loved all of us more than most cats get in their forever homes. 



A couple weeks later, my foster mom took me back to the store. Was I going back to one of the enclosures?! I kind of regretted my being mad at the man and lady. But before I knew it, the lady was back! I sat in front of the door begging my foster mom to let her in. The woman's face lit up when she saw my reaction to seeing her again. I'm sorry, I got mad! I'm so glad you're back! I love my foster mom, but I'm ready for my own home! 

And sure enough, after some more talking, and the woman giving my foster mom a pile of papers and a check, the woman put me in her carrier and we were off. Was this a new foster home? Would I end up back on the street? I'd gotten my hopes up so many times and I didn't want to be wrong again. I hate being stuffed in a carrier! And I hate car rides! But the woman kept talking to me calmly and it wasn't so bad. Next thing I know, my carrier was open and I was in a new house! There was a hissy older cat that didn't seem all that happy to see me. But my new Momma wrapped me in her arms and showed me how much she loves me. 



Oh, and the bath. I HATE GETTING WET and my new Momma gave me a bath. I ALMOST thought about running away and finding my foster mom again - but then she hasn't given me another bath, so I can forgive the first and only bath.

Now, I have my forever home. My Momma and Daddy love me and they've enjoyed watching me turn this place into my home. I love laps! I love sparkle balls! And I love tuna! I like to tell the humans what I think about stuff. I even kind of like my brother, that hissy older cat. He's mostly a bad example. He thinks I'm too nice. We used to fight more at the beginning, but we mostly get along now. Sometimes we play and chase each other. We don't exactly cuddle, but I've learned that sometimes you just don't know - maybe we will one day.


Maybe it seems like it took Momma forever to make up her mind to adopt me, but she did that because adopting a cat is a big commitment. One must be prepared financially, emotionally, practically, and realistically. My hissy older brother didn't get along with the cat my Momma had when she adopted him so she was worried that might happen again. Momma took the time to really consider what was best for her, my hissy older brother, and me. I'm glad she took a little longer to adopt me and weigh all the variables because that means it really will be forever this time. I know she didn't adopt me just because I'm cute - which can always change when reality sets in. She adopted me because I was the right cat for her. Momma will admit that I looked nothing like what she would've looked for in another cat - but my heart beats alongside hers as if it always has.



And my Daddy is pretty great too!



I hope every cat waiting for a forever home knows the joy of actually finding one. For me, it was worth the wait. Not every cat is as lucky as I was though. According to Animal 24-7 published by Merritt Clifton, each year, 2.7 million orphan shelter pets lose their lives, without finding their forever home. In honor of Remember Me Thursday, remember the rescues waiting for their forever homes. And remember that not all cats have happy endings like me. Would you open your heart to a rescue that just wants your love? I hope so because too many cats are waiting for someone to choose them - and too many die without ever having the honor of being chosen. Is it their fault? Are they less lovable somehow? 

I'd say no. Many pets in shelters are terrified and don't let their true selves come out. But take a chance on one, and you'll see that everything burns just a bit brighter in your life. And you will find love like you've never experienced before. Don't let them be forgotten. Don't let them die waiting. You might be surprised, but by opening your heart to a rescue, the rescue rescues you back in ways you'd never imagine.

NOTE: Ellie's story is mostly true from what we were told, however, we have fictionalized parts to present an entire story. Of course, she hasn't told us about what it was like at the shelter and some of the finer points of her story - we used artistic license to speculate what she might've seen and thought.



What can you do to raise awareness about #RememberMeThursday?


What else can you do to recognize #RememberMeThursday?
  • Support TNR practices locally to help reduce pet-overpopulation and eliminate extermination policies in regard to ferals.
  • Make people aware that animals matter and that their lives have value. Speak out against animal abuse. The majority of people who abuse animals also abuse people. Don't let it get that far.
  • Support local rescues by donating supplies, volunteering or adopting one of their pets.
  • For the third year, in honor of Remember Me Thursday, we're sharing several cats available at All Paws Rescue, the rescue responsible for loving our sweet Ellie Mae until we found her. These kitties are just the kind of kitties Remember Me Thursday is meant to remember (I'm sharing them in the spirit of the day - I haven't received any other incentive). If not these kitties, visit any rescue or shelter and you'll probably find many like them. Don't let them be forgotten. To view the profiles on any of these cats, please check out All Paws Rescue, and click on their "adoptable cats" link.

  • * MOUSIE *
    From All Paws Rescue: Do you like leg rubs and nose kisses? If you do, you will like Mousie! This quiet, gentle guy loves attention and loving! Mousie just had his annual vet trip! He is in good shape!
    From Mousie's foster Mom: Mousie sleeps by my bed, and likes to sit by me in evening, if my cats let him. He is shy at first, but then craves attention.
      
    * PRINCESS FERGIE *
    From All Paws Rescue: Princess Fergie was found as a very hungry stray - she weighed less than 4 pounds! She has been friendly then mad, but now that she has been spayed the Princess is happier. She loves gentle petting, and likes to watch toys fly through the air. 
    From Princess Fergie's foster Mom: Fergie can be grumpy, so would be best as an only cat. She is very loving when it's just the two of us!
      
    * IRENE * 
    From Irene's foster Mom: Irene is the runt of a litter of 8. She seemed unsteady to me as a little kitten, but the vets and I hoped she was just developing slowly. But at this point, it is pretty sure she is a cat with Cerebellar Hypoplasia. She walks a little like a monster, stiff with a wide stance. A gentle pet may cause her to tip over. But she likes petting and is quite loving. She seems to like playing with other kittens, even though they knock her over a lot. She is a high to medium functioning CH cat—uses her litter box, able to go up and down stairs. Very sweet—she loves to rub my legs, that kind of thing. She doesn’t sit with me very often. 
    From Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat: Sophie, from Kitty Cat Chronicles, doesn't let CH stop her from being an adventure cat! You can read more about her, and what CH means for a cat here: Cerebellar Hypoplasia. Irene isn't listed on All Paws Rescue's page yet - but please get in touch with them if you are interested in her!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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Tuesday, September 24, 2019

The mosquito wars

There's a mosquito in the house ... and Momma's going buggy! Momma's mosquito hunting is like a train-wreck, but the cats just can't turn away from the entertainment.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

EM: {grooming her gorgeous tail} La de da ... 
{Pause}
EM: HUH? AHHH!
BC: Keep it down over there!
EM: There's a ...
{Pause}
EM: AHHHH! It's following me!
BC: I don't see anything!
EM: A bug!
BC: Hardy har har. That's rich coming from you.
EM: WHAT?! I'm rich?
BC: You're the most annoying bug around here.
EM: No! This one is buzzing!
BC: I hear buzzing, but it's coming from you.
EM: But ...
BC: AHH! That's a giant mosquito!
EM: What do we do?
BC: DON'T tell Momma. Our wet food treat time is an hour away and if she chases after this mosquito like the crazy-pants she is, she'll end up in the hospital and our treat will be late.
EM: A mosquito can put someone in the hospital?
{Pause as Ellie thinks}
EM: {GASP!} Will it eat me?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Momma would end up in the hospital after falling off chairs and running into walls and all the nonsense that happens when she sees a mosquito.

EM: AHHH! It won't leave me alone!
BC: Sissy. It's just a bug!
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It's after me! It's after me! I'm going to die!
EM: Oh no!
{Pause}
EM: Hmm ... no more being called Smellie, no more competition for hiding spots, no more chasing me off the bed ...
BC: DO SOMETHING!
{Pause}
EM: But it's just a bug!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Hahahaha.
BC: STOP ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ... LAUGHING .... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ... AND DO SOMETHING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: This is my favorite show!
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
MK: Bear? You ran into my leg.
BC: Hi, Momma. Technically, your leg ran into me.

MK: My leg wasn't moving and you were tearing across the room.
EM: That's true!
BC: Oh, shut up!
MK: What's going on?
EM: There's this humongous ...
BC: NOTHING!
MK: A humongous nothing?
EM: Err ...
BC: YES!
MK: Ellie, what is going on?
EM: Umm ... see ... if I tell you the truth, Bear will get mad at me ... 
MK: Isn't Bear always mad at you?
EM: Momma has a point.
BC: But I have twenty-two points!
MK: Put your claws and fangs away, Bear.
BC: WET FOOD!
EM: Err ... I'll tell you after our wet food treat.
MK: What the ...
{Pause}
MK: {ducking} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A MOSQUITO!!!
BC: RATS! Now we'll never get our wet food treat.

EM: We could help her.
BC: You mean ... work? You know my feelings on work.
EM: {in her best Bear voice} Work is for sissies. The bosses know how to make everyone work for them!
BC: Now you get it.
MK: {running around} I'm going to get you, you little *#%@! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Mom ....
MK: Not now, El ...
{THUNK!}
BC: Momma's known to be hard-headed and she's got an over-abundance of padding ... but that wall had to hurt!
EM: You probably shouldn't be laying in the middle of the floor.
BC: I'm going to hide in the closet.
EM: You're scared of the bug?
BC: Of course n ... 
{Pause}
BC: Err ... yeah. But don't tell anyone. That's no mosquito! It's like a hybrid of godzilla and a mutant mosq ...
MK: Prepare to be ...
EM: UH OH!
MK: OOF!
BC: OWWWWWW!
MK: Sorry, Bear.
BC: I'm laying here!

MK: I was chasing that mosquito!
BC: SEE!! It's been a minute and she's already run into a wall and almost cat-caked me! And that mosquito is still buzzing around mocking us.
EM: I TOLD you to move!
{THUNK!}
MK: OW!
BC: Make that two walls. Maybe I should tell her she doesn't have to body slam the mosquito into the wall she can just use her hand?
{Pause}
BC: Nah.
MK: I just DARE you to try to bite me! I'll squash you like a ... a ...
BC: Bug?
EM: I thought you were hiding in the closet.
BC: And miss this? This is world-class entertainment.
MK: I'm gonna F*** you up, F***ER!
{Pause}
MK: HUH?
{Pause}
MK: Oh, crap!
{CRASH!!!}
BC: Holy cat crap! Momma just took out the kitchen table! Momma! Momma! You're supposed to go OVER large objects, not through them.
EM: I love Momma and I don't want her to get hurt ... but this is DEFINITELY better than when she contorts herself around the perches of the cat tree UPSIDE DOWN to get us out of the corner.
BC: Yeah, but it's hilarious to see her feet in the air with her legs flailing trying to get UNSTUCK.
EM: If I weren't hiding in the corner at that time, I'd take a picture.
BC: I think The Boy might've gotten a picture once - but don't tell Momma! She'd flip out!

MK: Huh? Uh oh!
{THUNK!}
BC: Much like that. But probably less painful for her.
EM: Flip out like she did last night when she found you rolling in the compost pile in the garden?
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: She brought you in held at arm's length. You SMELLED.
MK: COME BACK HERE, YOU BLOOD-SUCKING ...
BC: Phht. I smelled nothing like that compost pile that now smells like me.
EM: Err ...
BC: That sounded better in my head.
MK: Where'd it go? Where'd it go?
EM: Momma walked around for the rest of the night mumbling about how if she wanted a pet that rolls around in stinky stuff, she would've gotten a dog.
MK: AHA! That's it! This is WAR and you're going down!
BC: After my compost pile roly-poly, did you see her face when she found me sleeping on the clean sheets she just put on the bed?
EM: Why didn't she just give you a bath?
BC: Let's just say she learned the hard way ... and by hard way, I mean the fang and claw way.
EM: But you used to play in your water bowl! And you have no problem standing in the pouring rain and demanding Momma come get you.
BC: Phht. The power of choice. It's ALLLL about the power of choice. And baths ... nope.
EM: I think Momma really got mad when she found the pieces of eggshell on Daddy's pillow.
BC: Yeah. I had to roll around to get all the junk off. There was a carrot peel but I guess she didn't see ...
MK: OWWWWWWW! My knee! *&@(# ^#(@!
BC: I got to write those words down.
EM: Momma should know better than to stand on her desk chair to kill a mosquito.

BC: On the plus side, the trip to the hospital might be sooner than later.
EM: Neighbors probably hear this and think Momma's a brutal bug hater. 
BC: Phht. That woman "saves" bugs in here and takes them outside. 
EM: Except for mosquitoes. Daddy always gives her a hard time for rescuing bugs.
BC: Crickets, spiders, lady bugs, lightning bugs ... she ruins all my good times! Phht. Let me rule my domain woman!
EM: MOMMA! Watch out for my scratcher!
MK: OOP!
BC: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEER!
{THUNK!}
MK: OWW!
EM: Oh no! My scratcher!!!!
BC: And she's down! Momma needs to learn the meaning of gravity.
{Pause}
BC: Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ... Momma, the mosquito is on your face.
MK: Oh, no! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL no!
{SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!}
BC: Hahahahaha.
EM: That's not very nice.
BC: Eh. She beats herself up all the time ... but this is FUNNY.
MK: Where'd it go? Where'd it ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHH! It's after me! It's after me! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP!
MK: Huh?
{Momma gets up}
MK: I got it, Bear! I got it! Don't worry!
EM: Just when I thought this couldn't get more insane ... a mosquito chasing after Bear - who's chased by Momma ... WAIT! WAIT! MOMMA!

{THUNK!}
MK: {rolling around on the floor} OWW!!!
BC: MOMMA! MOMMA! Get up! This thing is still chasing me! HELP!
EM: Ugh. That had to hurt.
BC: MOMMA! You can't kill this mosquito from the ground! GET UP! HELP! HELP! HELP!
MK: Owww ...
EM: Momma! Momma! I'll call 911 ... but I don't know the number!
MK: NINE! ONE! ONE!
EM: I know! That's what I said! But what's the number?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWW.
EM: WHAT'S THE NUMBER?!?! WHAT'S THE NUMBER!?!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: OWWWW.
EM: THE NUMBER!!!! I DON'T SEE PR!
BC: CPR, you twit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
The Boy: {walking in the front door} I don't want to know!
BC: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!
The Boy: What the ... honey? Are you okay?
BC: WHO CARES ABOUT HER! I have a godzilla-sized, ticked off because Momma kept chasing him, mosquito chasing me!
The Boy: I was right. I didn't want to know. Is it too late to just back out of here?
EM: Only if you take me with you!

BC: WHAT?!? No one is going to HELP ME!?
{THWAP!}
The Boy: There.
BC: {huffing and puffing} Huh?
The Boy: I got it!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
The Boy: I leave you all for an hour and this is what I come home to? What happened to the kitchen table?
MK: OWWW!
BC: Dude. I was cool. No mosquito scares me. It was all Momma. I was chasing the mosquito that was chasing her!
The Boy: BZZZZ!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: Ha. Ha. Very funny.
EM: Hahahahahahaha.
BC: Can we have our wet food treat now?
MK: OWW.
{Pause}
MK: {still laying on the floor} BEAR! Get off my face!
{Pause}
MK: DID YOU JUST FART?
BC: Fumigating for any mosquitoes. And ensuring you get up to give us our wet food treat.
The Boy: {in the bedroom} WHY'S THERE A CARROT PEEL ON MY PILLOW?!?

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Outdoor adventures [and misadventures]

Bear's outside doing who knows what - and Momma and Ellie speculate on what he might be doing. In the end, another of Bear's secrets is revealed and the rest of the household is just a bit too happy to keep Bear from forgetting these indignities. 

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

The Boy: I'm going to bed. Where's Bear? I want to say good night to him.
MK: He ran outside when I went out to get the mail.
The Boy: For so long he didn't do that anymore and then all of a sudden, it's like every time the door opens, he's angling to get out.
MK: Your guess is as good as mine. The day I understand that cat is the day I start licking my butt and batting at string. Maybe he's feeling better? 
The Boy: Good night.
MK: Sleep well.
EM: {by the open door} Momma? Why does Bear like to go outside?
MK: I have no idea. You'd have to ask him.
EM: What does he do out there?
MK: No idea. He usually just eats grass and sniffs around.
EM: But his food bowls are in here, his toys are in here, and our litter box is in here ... why would he want to go outside?
MK: To prove he can get past me? I don't exactly LET him out.
EM: That makes no sense!
MK: Tell me about it.
EM: He goes outside JUST to show you that he can get outside if he wants?

MK: Pretty much. I used to chase him in circles on the front porch trying to catch him to bring inside and then I realized I was giving him what he wanted. So now I pretend to be chill and not care. Of course, then he has to prove he doesn't need inside by sitting outside for as long as he can.
EM: I could show Bear that I can hand him his butt on a platter ... I could show Bear I can eat a whole bowl of kibble at one time ... I can show you my ferocity by ripping up the carpet ... but what's fun about any of that? All that would just make me a jerk.
MK: You're asking the wrong person.
EM: There's a person that knows? Who?
MK: Err ... make that you have to ask Bear.
EM: I'd never go outside willingly! Though I sometimes kind of wonder what's on the other side of the door. 
MK: Bear actually lived on the street for about eight months before I adopted him.
EM: Whoa. The street is not a comfortable place to be!
MK: That's what I thought.
EM: I mean ... why lay on the concrete of the street when you can lay in the shade in the grass? What was he trying to prove by doing that? That he could get run over?
MK: Conversations with you and Bear are frustrating for different reasons.
EM: But I'm a good girl!
MK: That's true. You don't MEAN to be a jerk ... you just require a little extra time to process.
EM: It's not my fault I'm constipated!
MK: Huh?
EM: You said I require a little extra time to process. You meant my food, right?

MK: I'm sorry I asked. Bear pretty much means to be a jerk.
EM: He's good at it!
MK: I wasn't sure a free-wheeling tom could adjust to indoor life.
EM: Tom? He had a friend named Tom?
MK: I'm talking about Bear!
EM: So his name was originally Tom?
MK: Oh, for ... moving on ... other than the occasional mini-escape, you'd never know about his past on the street.
EM: Wait ... since he lived on the street, are his stripes actually tire tracks?
MK: Ugh. {opening the screen door} BEAR! Inside!
{Silence}
MK: BEAR!
{Silence}
EM: Maybe you should call him Tom? Would that get his attention?
MK: {walking outside} Son of a ... BEAR!
BC: I'm not outside!
MK: Said from the dark corner of the porch! BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: There's no one out here with that name.
MK: So help me ... GET INSIDE!
BC: I'm busy!
MK: THAT'S IT! I'm turning on the porch light.
BC: HEY! Turn that off! I'm BUSY!

MK: You're just laying on the porch! You haven't moved in twenty minutes!
BC: You wouldn't understand.
MK: No. I don't think YOU understand. GET INSIDE!
BC: {running off into the dark of the side yard} OVER MY DEAD BODY!
MK: You little ... come back here!
BC: Your porch light's not so great now, is it? It's dark over here!
MK: {walking back inside} That's it.
BC: That's RIGHT! Take that! I won. I always win. But somehow she keeps expecting ...
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The flashlight!
MK: Okay, Smarty-pants. Get inside!
BC: Oh! I'm in the spotlight! I like this!
MK: You're running the wrong direction!
BC: I'm not done. I'm checking stuff out.

MK: Oh, YES, you are done. There's only so far you can run! Our yard is surrounded by a retaining wall. That's the only reason you're allowed out here.
BC: Hmm. This looks like a good spot to take a rest. Get that flashlight out of my eyes!

{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: Do I have to pick you up and carry you inside?
BC: Do I have to remove your arms from your body? Or wake you up every five minutes for the next year?
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! WAIT! Put me down! Do you know how this looks? I need to be CARRIED inside by my Momma? My street cred is in the toilet already thanks to you!
MK: OWWW!
BC: PUT. ME. DOWN!
MK: Son of a ... that HURTS, Bear!
BC: Apparently not enough. This is what happens when you mess with Bear Cat! That's right! BRING IT, WOMAN!
MK: Bear, no one is watching.
BC: How do you know that? You might not be able to see them! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: OW! You bit me! AGAIN! Fine. {putting Bear down} Now get inside!
BC: That'll teach you to mess with me! HA!
MK: Okay, Mr. Tough Pants, GET INSIDE!
BC: I'll go in when I'm good and ...

{Pause}
BC: HEY! Put me down! I hate you! I hate outside! I hate Smellie! I hate ... I hate ... stuff! I'm going to make you all sorry!!!
{Momma closes the front door}
BC: {AHEM!}
EM: Err ... Momma? I think Bear's about to barf up some grass again.
BC: Aren't you forgetting something, Momma?
MK: No. You only get treats when you come willingly.
BC: Will you let me back out so we can try this again?
MK: No.
BC: RATS!
EM: Bear, being outside sucks. Why would you want to be outside? I was outside when the animal control people found me!
BC: Phht. Animal control wouldn't have gotten anywhere near me! You probably tried to make friends with them!
EM: One can never have too many friends.
MK: Bear, you spent the first eight months of your life hiding under a deck. Not many people could've gotten you out.
EM: I thought he lived on the street!
BC: Phht. Under that deck was my tom cat pad.
EM: So your name was Tom then?
BC: NO! I was a tom cat! I was a ladies man.

EM: You had lady cats over?
BC: Phht. OBVIOUSLY. I had lady cats over and under and every way in between. Right now, scads of kittens are running around out there with my genetic superiority. 
MK: You were HIDING!
BC: Momma thinks I was hiding ... but I was getting my tom on with the ladies.
MK: In your imagination! All the times I saw other cats get near you, you hid behind me!
BC: Err ... I did that for THEIR protection!
EM: Hahaha. He STILL hides behind Momma when he gets scared.
BC: Phht. I'm not HIDING. It's just smart. Next to a target her size, I'm not very appealing to those who might try to eat me. They always go for the large and dumb ones first. Like you, Smellie.
EM: That's smart! Teach me your ways, oh Great One!
MK: Oh no! One Bear is enough!
BC: You got that right! Feel free to say that next time you're carrying me inside!
EM: {giggling} Hahahahaha. Oh, Great One!
BC: Yes?
EM: Momma! My practice is paying off! I got that out with a straight face!
BC: Very funny. Suit yourself and bask in your mediocrity.

EM: At least my full name on my vet records isn't Pooh Bear.
BC: SHHHHHHH!!!! Curse the big mouth in this household.
EM: You've had a lot of names. Tom, Pooh Bear ... Lily. Wasn't that what Momma named you first?
BC: Woman, are you telling me you told her ALL my secrets?
MK: Oops.
BC: It isn't MY fault Momma can't tell a virile tom from a weak chick. I mean, she's with The Boy! What more proof do you need?
MK: The vet didn't catch it either until she took you back to do an ultrasound because she thought you were pregnant.
EM: Bear was pregnant? Hahahahaha.
BC: Oh, yeah, Chuckles. I'm so much man I can procreate on my own.
EM: Not anymore.
BC: HEY! My missing balls are a sore subject.
EM: How can they be sore if you don't have them?
BC: How could anyone mistake ME, a virile and uber-masculine bad-@$$ for a girl?
EM: I thought you were a girl cat for the first few weeks I lived here.
BC: Because I treated you like the lady you are not. I'll whip my business out right now if you want to see it!
MK: Please don't.
BC: That's right!
MK: She'll never stop laughing!
BC: WHAT?!?! Insulting a dude's size? That's just rude!
EM: Phht.

BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: It was fairly obvious you were a boy when we combined litter boxes. It's kind of easy to spot boy-ness in the litter box.
BC: And you were impressed with my size?
EM: No. More like impressed with your lack of aim. You don't cover your business and you pee all over the litter box! Gross.
BC: That's right. I'm a man cat. I burp. I fart. I scratch my ... err ... bad example.
EM: So what was it like being pregnant?
BC: OH, SHUT UP!
EM: Whatever you say ... POOH BEAR.
{Momma laughs}
BC: This is all YOUR fault! Thanks for ruining my life again! This is the worst day ever!
MK: You said that yesterday.
BC: You two women just can't keep your mouths shut, can you? Keep busting my ba ... err ... bad example ... just ... STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! Isn't it bad enough that I have a stupid, smelly sister and a Momma with a mouth big enough to rival her other end?
MK: We love you, Bear.
EM: Err ... speak for yourself.
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: Yeah. Yeah.
MK: You're going to cuddle with me tonight?
BC: Heeeeeellll NO! I'm MAD at you!
MK: Ellie left the room.
BC: I'll be there in five minutes.

{Six hours pass as everyone sleeps}
{Momma and The Boy get up in the morning}
The Boy: Where's my Buddy Bear?
MK: I don't ...
{Pause}
MK: OH, CRAP! I LEFT HIM OUTSIDE!!!
EM: Really? Because I could've sworn ...
The Boy: YOU LEFT HIM OUTSIDE ALL NIGHT?!?! OH MY GOODNESS! HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HE'S OUTSIDE!?!?
BC: {coming up behind The Boy} BOO!
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Momma busts out laughing}
The Boy: I HATE when you do that! And you can do it with a straight face too!
BC: Phht. Momma has a straight face? Looks a little crooked to me. And the nose is kind of big. But that nose has nothing on her ...
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: Don't I know it.
MK: Stop encouraging him!
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!

The Boy: Bear getting locked out was believable. You have accidentally left him out there for a while.
BC: WHAT?!?! She FORGOT me?
MK: What did you care? You certainly didn't notice. You were busy sniffing around and hiding from me.
BC: But the point of hiding from you is making you worry! If you're not looking for me ... then I was hiding for no reason! My Momma FORGOT I was outside! I was almost homeless ... AND NO ONE CARES!
MK: For about five minutes, Bear. I was making dinner and some other stuff. If I'd made you come in at the beginning, you would've been mad at that too.
BC: I could've died! There I was ... roughing it on the front porch ... and there was a dog five miles away! FIVE MILES, Momma! My juicy loins were quivering!
MK: You could just not go outside.
BC: What's that have to do with anything?
MK: Never mind.
BC: And Smellie was sitting in the window making faces at me!
EM: WHAT?! I was not!
BC: Oh, right. That's your normal face!
EM: What was that, Pooh Bear?
BC: WHAT?! STOP CALLING ME THAT!
The Boy: Pooh Bear? 
EM: That's Bear's full name!
The Boy: His full name is POOH BEAR?!? Hahahahaha.
BC: Great. Just GREAT! Now The Boy's laughing at me. Where does the indignity end?!?

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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