Tuesday, February 27, 2018

TANK you very much!

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: You're ONCE! TWICE! THREE times a TORTIE. And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you!
EM: You know, three times a tortie sounds like a really fat tortie.
BC: What EXACTLY are you saying about my girlfriend? Err .. RATS!
{Pause}
BC: GIRLFRIENDS.
EM: In your dreams.
BC: You mean like you dreaming of the delicate lady-ness you lost five pounds ago?
EM: Well, THAT was not very nice!
BC: The truth hurts. Do you mind? I'm singing in the shower here!
EM: I'm just saying that three times a tortie sounds like an obese tortie!  How would you like it if I sang, "Three times a tabby?"
BC: Stop the jokes about my weig ... 
{Pause}
BC: OH. Good point.
EM: You should listen to me more often! Maybe you wouldn't be single!
BC: Don't let it go to your head. This won't be a regular occurrence. The Boy told me women are never right ... but we're supposed to let them think they are.
EM: My Daddy would never say that! You're just looking for an excuse to minimize women.
BC: Why would I want to minimize women? I LIKE women! ESPECIALLY torties! And my Momma leaves a lot to be desired, but she loves me to no end. 
{Pause}
BC: But then again, her doughnut butt is growing and if I could minimize that we wouldn't have to listen to her try to squeeze in her jeans. You know what brand of jeans she wears?
EM: Umm ...
BC: #lostcause #abouttopop
EM: So you don't want to  minimize women?
BC: NO! Hmmm ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a second ... I want to minimize you - to grape size?
{Pause as Bear thinks}
BC: Three SHADES of tortie? You know, shades of brown, black, and white?
EM: What's the big deal about torties anyway?
BC: What's the big ... you truly are stupid, aren't you? If you don't understand, I can't explain it to you.
EM: A cat shouldn't be judged by her fur color ... but by the content of her character.

{Pause}
EM: Which means you're screwed.
BC: GOOD! I want to be screwed! But only by a tortie ...
EM: No. I meant the content of your character leaves something to be desired.
BC: I'm never going to be able to retire on a tasty whole chicken farm with a harem of torties and crab cakes.
EM: I don't exactly feel sorry for you.
BC: That's ... why don't you just LEAVE ME ALONE!
EM: But ...
BC: You better run along ... last time I checked our food bowl was almost empty. Save yourself!
EM: OOH! I hope I'm not too late! BYE!
BC: A piggy and her food are not easily parted. But hey ... whatever makes her leave me alone.
EM: {from the other room} {GASP!} I'M TOO LATE!!! I'm going to starve! I'm going to starve! The bowl is completely empty! I'm a growing girl! I haven't eaten for THREE WHOLE MINUTES and now I find THIS! It's the end of me for sure ...
{In Momma's approximation, the bowl is full - though the cats would disagree}

MK: {in the room with Ellie} Bear might be the drama princess, but you're the drama queen.
EM: I'm gonna need more food. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY! I need more food!
MK: Ellie, it's wet food treat time. Don't worry.
EM: Easy for YOU to say! You'll have to catch me over my dead body! BYE!!!
MK: {sigh}.
EM: {running back into the room Bear's in ... and into the cat tree corner} She's going to kill me! She's going to kill me! She's going to do horrible things to me! HEEEEELLP! 
BC: Phht. WOMEN. So irrational. They make NO sense! Smellie's running because of the conspiracy theories in her ...
{Pause as Bear sees Momma walk toward him with concentration}
BC: HUH?!?
{Pause as Bear notices the toothbrush, claw clippers, and acne pads in Momma's hands}
BC: RATS! @%# the &%@#!!! Of all the *&@^ luck! 
EM: {from the cat tree corner} Who's IRRATIONAL now?!
BC: {running to the cat tree corner} Shut up, SMELLIE! You COULD'VE warned me! This is all your ...
{Pause as Bear realizes Ellie's hiding in the cat tree corner in the one spot Momma struggles to reach}
BC: *&@^ the &%@# &%@# @%#!!! I REALLY hate *@&%ing sisters! 
EM: I was here first! Too bad ... so sad. I guess you'll go first! If I'm lucky, she'll forget about me.
BC: In ten years of torture, she's never forgotten me ... EVER!
{Pause as Bear listens to determine Momma's proximity}
BC: You stole MY spot! I found it!
EM: But I was here first!
BC: Like it's MY fault you're too fat to hide under the bed anymore. That's the only reason you're hiding here - in MY spot! Too fat?!?!  BIG DEAL! Put on your big girl pan ...
{Bear sees Momma walking toward the cat tree}
BC: If I die, it's all your fault, Smellie! You think I'm bad alive?!?! Just wait until I HAUNT you! BYE!
{Bear runs to the second bedroom ... meanwhile, Momma contorts herself upside down to drag Ellie out from under the cat tree}
The Boy: Hahahahahaha. This never gets old! To see your legs flailing in the air ... Hahahahaha.
EM: Very ^&#$ funny, you *&@^! Leave me the *@^ alone, Momma! If it comes down to me and you ... we all know who's going to win!

BC: {from the other room} MOMMA! She ALWAYS wins!
EM: Oh, SHUT UP, Bear!
BC: She says as she hides in MY cat tree corner! You'll get what you deserve!
EM: And then you'll be next!
{Momma finally gets a hand on Ellie}
EM: *&@^ the &%@# &%@# @%#! This is SO not worth a ...
{Pause}
EM: Put me down! Put me down right now! You're not going to get away with this! I ... I ... HATE you!
{Pause}
EM: Now I'm starting to sound like Bear. I don't really mean that, Mom ...
{Pause as Momma uses the toothbrush on Ellie}
EM: &%@# &%@# @%# Mother-meowing (#$!
{Momma finishes with Ellie and goes to find Bear ...}
{Momma finds Bear next to the bed in the second bedroom}
BC: {seeing Momma} RATS! RATS!! RATS!!! NO! Don't touch me! One more step and I'll hide under this bed!
EM: {from the other room} IF I CAN'T FIT, THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL FIT!!!
BC: Unh. UNH ... just a little more ... just gotta pull in my girth ...
{Momma watches Bear with amusement}
BC: Oh, you think this is funny?!?
{Pause}
BC: I DEFINITELY shouldn't have had that last bowl of kibble. I'm bloated!
EM: {from the other room} Yeah! "BLOATED" my butt!
BC: What does your bloated butt have to do with me?!? It's not MY fault your butt is too big to fit under the bed! Unh! UNNHHH!!! Matter of life and death ... suck in my gut ...

MK: Gotcha!
BC: Let me go! Let me go!
MK: Bear ...
BC: I protest! I'm offended! And put off! Unhand me, lady ... or you'll regret it.
EM: What are you going to do? Sit on her?
MK: Ellie, you're not helping.
BC: She never does! Put me down or I'll ... HIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS!
MK: OW!
BC: I warned you! This isn't over, lady! I WILL have my revenge. Mark my words!
EM: Why would I mark your words?! I usually just ignore you.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, SMELLIE!
{Momma brushes Bear's teeth, brushes him, washes his chin ... then lets him go}
{An hour passes ... sounds of building waft out of the closet}
EM: Bear?!? What are you doing in the closet?
BC: I'm busy!
EM: You missed your 9:03pm, 9:37pm, and 9:54pm naps! You didn't even touch your wet food treat!
BC: LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!!
EM: BEAR! BEAR! It's okay to come out of the closet! We love you just the way you are! There's nothing to be ashamed of!
BC: GO AWAY! I'm BUSY!
{Pause}
EM: Hehehehehe. That one never gets old! Get it?! You're in the closet ... nothing to be ashamed of ...
BC: Shut up, Smellie! I'm BUSY!
{Ellie leaves the room to lay on her cat bed and fifteen minutes pass}

BC: EUREKA! I've completed pimping my ride! 
{Pause as an engine starts up}
EM: Ummm .... Bear?!?! Do you hear something?
BC: Revenge is mine ... TANK you very much!
EM: WTF?!?!
BC: Prepare to die!
EM: MOMMA! MOMMA! Bear turned his spaceship into a ... he's headed your way!!!
BC: This tank stops for no man! Err ... woman. Or cat! Move, or I'll add you my pancake collection! Momma?!?! You're first on my list! No more torture and helplessness for Bear Cat!
EM: Uh oh.
BC: And Smellie is second! I'll teach HER to steal my spot! 
EM: A princess?!?! REALLY?!? You're a princess of death riding in a tank?!?
BC: How ELSE would a princess of death get around?
{Ellie cracks up}
BC: You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first!
EM: WHY?!? You look ridiculous! I mean, you ALWAYS look ridiculous ... but now even more so than usual!
BC: Change of plans ... Ellie's target one.
The Boy: {walking into the room and stopping when he sees Bear} Hahahahahahahahahaha. You're almost a parody of yourself! You look absolutely ridic ...
BC: I can go from the tank princess of death to I'm the shark in less than three seconds.
The Boy: Never mind.
BC: That's what I thought. I am tank-ful for you!

TO BE CONTINUED ...

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Friday, February 23, 2018

Turn about is fair play

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Bye, Smellie Mae!!! I'm ready for lift-off in my new spaceship!
EM: Finally! BUH-BYE! Don't let the rocket kick you on the backside on your way up!

{Pause}
EM: {under her breath} It's not so fun to share with YOU either, jerk face!! My own food bowls ... my own litter box ... the catnip banana all mine ... the cat bed all mine ... Momma and Daddy ... ALL MINE!!! No sharing!!!
BC: Hmmm ... I'm getting a bit sleepy ... it can't really hurt to take a short nap first, right? I mean, bad-a$$ adventurers and explorers rest up for their expeditions. Hmmm ... this is pretty comfy for a spaceship ... SLEEEEEEPY ...

EM: That's because it's NOT a spaceship, dumbo!
BC: I hear that! What else would it be?
EM: The new carrier Momma won! She calls it a "mobile pet bed" ... but who is she fooling?!?
BC: Carrier?!?! Like, "I'm taking you to the vet" kind of carrier?

EM: YES!
BC: Well, why didn't you say that before?!?!?
EM: I DID! Yesterday! You told me to shut up!
BC: I'm getting out of here! Better not take any chances ...
{Bear walks over to the bed Ellie's laying on}
BC: MOVE! This is my bed!
EM: HEY! Where am I supposed to sleep?!?
{Bear plops down on the other cat bed}
BC: Like that's MY problem! I'm tired. It's nap time. Hold my calls ...

EM: Wait a ... that's MY ... oh, NUTS!
{Ellie climbs on the love seat to nap}
EM: Hmmm ... like it's MY fault he didn't listen! This isn't NEARLY as comfortable as ... And who does he think he is ANYWAY?!?! He thinks he can take whatever he wants whenever he ... I wish it WERE a rocket ship ... GOOD RIDDANCE!!
{An hour passes, Bear wakes up and switches back to the "spaceship" bed ... and Ellie wakes up to hear ...}
BC: Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ...
EM: You ate seven?
BC: Oh, great. A critic. DO YOU MIND?!?! I'm BUSY!
EM: It's my turn to nap in the mobile cat bed.
BC: Bear doesn't share.
EM: Come on! Let me try it out! I promise I'll give it back to you in fifteen minutes.
BC: Fifteen minutes is enough to contaminate the area! Slobber nastiness ... fleas ...
EM: I don't have fleas!
BC: And you'd probably destroy the bottom with your wide load.
EM: That's not very nice! I'm not any bigger than you are! Ummm ...
{Bear snickers}
BC: Realize it's a lie?
EM: Come on, Bear! Just fifteen minutes!
BC: If you'd kindly remove your paw from the edge of my spaceship, I'll be flying by the moon in fifteen minutes.
EM: What's so great about space anyway?!
BC: What's so great about ... Phht! You and The Boy are NOT there.

EM: But neither is Momma!
BC: Sometimes you just gotta throw the lady out with the bath water.
EM: Baby?
BC: I'm not a baby! YOU'RE a baby!
EM: NO! You throw the BABY out with the bath water.
BC: That's bad parenting right there.
EM: No! I ... oh, never mind.
BC: GOOD! Now if you don't mind, there's a tasty whole chicken farm in space that's calling my name.
EM: You don't HAVE any chickens!
BC: Not YET. That's just a technicality.  I'm sure there are TONS of unclaimed chickens flying and pecking around space!
EM: There aren't chickens in space! And chickens can't fly!
BC: OBVIOUSLY. If you're chicken, you'd be too scared to lift off. Like you.
EM: No, I ... I REALLY don't like you sometimes. You twist and misunderstand everything!
BC: Well, HA! I don't like you EVER!
EM: I really wish this WAS a spaceship! Then I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore!!
BC: Haha. If it's not a spaceship, I don't know what is. You're a know-it-all and you're just trying to trick me! Tasty whole chicken farming in space ... here Bear comes!
EM: That's the new carrier Momma won! Remember?! The one she calls a "mobile pet bed?"
BC: Carrier?!?! Like, "I'm taking you to the vet" kind of carrier?
EM: YES!
BC: Well, why didn't you say that before?!?!?
EM: I DID! Yesterday! AND earlier today. You told me to shut up both times!
BC: I'm getting out of here! Better not take any chances ... of waking up and finding myself in hell.
{Bear climbs out of the "spaceship"}
EM: You frying for eternity ... I'd be okay with that.
BC: No! HELL! The vet! Stabby place! Other cats and dogs! 
EM: I just make friends!
BC: You WOULD! A carrier takes cats to the vet ... I'm getting out of here before Momma gets any ideas! BYE!
{Ellie waits a few minutes until she hears snoring ... then she looks around ... then she climbs in the "spaceship."}
EM: That was easy. Almost TOO easy. Like stealing tuna treats ... 
{Pause as Ellie looks around} 
EM: Not that I do that or anything.
{Ellie falls asleep - only to wake up to Bear screeching at the top of his lungs}
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: Huh?
BC: You STOLE my spaceship!
EM: Hey! Don't get mad at me! It's not MY fault you're stupid and gave up your spaceship.
BC: I ought to ... I can't believe the nerve! MY spaceship!
EM: It's NOT a spaceship, remember?
BC: Oh, and I wouldn't be interested in it if it wasn't a spaceship, right?
EM: Well, you said ...
BC: You tricked me because you wanted the cat bed for yourself! I'm so mad I could ... could ... HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I'm going to beat you up and ENJOY it!  I'm going to eat BOTH bowls of kibble, and lay a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side, and then roll over everything in this house so everything smells like me. I wish it were a spaceship ... then I could be rid of you! Light the rockets ... and problem solved! No more of this SELFISH sharing nonsense!!
MK: BEAR! Can't you two keep it ...
EM: But sharing is NICE! 
BC: You WOULD say that, wouldn't you? SUCK UP! Brown noser! Stupid BARN! If Momma weren't here, you wouldn't say that! I'm not stupid ... I see the way you look at my wet food treat.
EM: I'm not a barn!
BC: Uh huh. You wouldn't be hanging around in there if you knew the 911.
EM: Emergency?
BC: INFORMATION. DUH!
EM: Information is 411, doofus!
BC: Oh, excuse me ... Miss "I know how to use a human telephone!" Phht.
{Pause}
BC: Well, if you want to chance it ... that's your own business.
EM: TELL ME!! WHAT?!?
BC: Phht. It's not MY problem. Just something I heard about a vaccination being overdue. I got all my shots in November ... so it must've been about you. You hanging out in the space ... err ... mobile cat bed only makes Momma's life easier.
EM: NO!
{Pause}
EM: MOMMA!!!!! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!
MK: {walking into the room} What's wrong? Bear? Are you messing with Ellie?
BC: Of all the ... How do you know she wasn't messing with ME!
{Silence}
BC: Oh, shut up.
EM: Momma, am I overdue for a vaccination?
MK: Yes. The rescue we got you from didn't do it at your last yearly visit. Many people claim it's not necessary - but I don't know.
EM: That's it! BYE! Don't follow me!
{Ellie jumps out of the cat bed and hides under the bed in the bedroom}
MK: What'd you say to her?
BC: Hard to know exactly. It could've been anything! WOMEN! SO sensitive. Emotional. Irrational. Makes no sense. Bless her heart. She tries.
MK: She looked so cute in there!
BC: What?!? HER?!?! Check THIS out!
{Bear jumps in the cat bed}

BC: I'm cuter than Smellie. Am I right? Or am I right? And I don't smell! I don't slobber! I'm your Momma's boy!
MK: Bear ... you are just as cute.
BC: Oh, that's just ... AS CUTE! AS SMELLIE NEIGH!!! I'm not a smelly horse! 
MK: You are very handsome in the mobile cat bed, Bear.
EM: {from the other room} HEY! 
BC: SEE!?!? All she can talk about is HAY!
EM: Did you steal my cat bed?!?
BC: Define YOUR.
MK: Bear?!?
BC: Who are you going to believe? Your cute little kitty cat or dumbo?
MK: My cute little kitty cat.
BC: That's what I THOUGH ...
EM: He's too stupid to even realize that I'M your cute little kitty cat and HE'S dumbo!
BC: Shows what YOU know! Momma meant I was the cute little ...

EM: YOU?!?! LITTLE?!?!?! For an airplane hangar!
BC: At least I'm not the size of a herd of tanks.
EM: HEY!
BC: There she goes with the HAY nonsense again!
EM: Tanks don't go around in HERDS.
BC: Who knows all about tanks around here?!?! Ummmm .... ME! I've studied up for when I get my own tank!
EM: You're never going to get your own tank, stupid!
BC: I'm not stupid ... YOU'RE stupid! You're the one that believed Momma was going to take you to the vet for your overdue vaccination if you stayed in the mobile cat bed!
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!!!
BC: RATS!
EM: At least I'm not stupid enough to tell on myself.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! YOU started this by tricking me into leaving the bed by telling me it's a carrier.

EM: It's not MY fault you're a moron! But it IS a carrier!
BC: It's not a carrier, Momma, is it?
{Silence}
EM: HA!
BC: You mean it's really not a spaceship?
EM: You mean you're really too dumb to have figured that out before?
BC: Well, I mean it IS comfortable ... maybe I need to pimp my ride out a little bit ... but it IS pretty stylish ... maybe I could make it LOOK like a tank?!
EM: A purple tank?!? His vanity knows no ends ... does it?

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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

We need a spaceship

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
MK: Momma Kat

EM: Do de do ...

BC: I see you up there on the table ignoring me!
{Silence}
BC: Come down here so I can beat you up properly! You can't stay up there forever!
EM: I didn't do anything!
BC: Are you my little ... err ... FAT sister?
EM: I guess.
BC: Then that's what you did! The table can't save you ... 
EM: Whatever. You sleep and then take a break to eat  ... you're more likely to leave the room first.
BC: I'm a busy cat! TOO busy to sit here and wait for you to come down for your just hurts.
EM: My what?
BC: Just hurts!
EM: You mean "just desserts?"
BC: Don't try to trick me! I know what I'm talking about!
EM: Moron.
BC: More-on the table. Hahahahaha.
EM: Shut up. 
BC: Look, Momma! Smellie is so fat, her rear end looks like an elephant!

EM: Haha.
The Boy: Wouldn't that make her an Ellie-phant?
BC: You're not funny.
MK: That was a little funny.
BC: Maybe just a teeny tiny bit ...
EM: What's YOUR excuse, Bear?
BC: I'm virile ... masculine ... sturdy!
EM: Just because you use your claws and fangs doesn't mean you're any of those! A REAL man doesn't need to beat others up!
BC: FINE! I'm FLUFFY.
EM: For an elephant!
BC: Elephants aren't fluffy! BOO-YAH! You lose ...
EM: Your backside makes a better elephant than mine!

BC: I'm not an elephant ... YOU'RE an elephant!
The Boy: Ellie-phant.
BC: ZIP IT! It wasn't funny enough to repeat.
The Boy: Well, I thought ...
BC: Did I ASK what you thought?! Though I must admit that I'm surprised you think.
The Boy: HEY! I could say the same about you!
BC: NO. I think with my claws and fangs.
EM: And I'm cute!
BC: That's debatable. Maybe for a barn.
EM: HEY! Being cute is my meal ticket! Without being cute, I'd be SCREWED, like you!
BC: HEY! Everyone says I'm adorable!
EM: When you're asleep ... which doesn't count!
BC: {seeing something he's never seen before} Wait a ... what's THIS?!?!
EM: Our new carrier ...
BC: SHHHHH! Can't you see I'm busy?!
{Pause as Bear walks around the new item}

BC: WHOA! It's a spaceship!
MK: Ummm ... not EXACTLY.
BC: You finally got me a spaceship! My VERY OWN NEW spaceship.
MK: Not exactly ...
BC: My very own USED spaceship?
MK: Not exactly ...
BC: {GASP} You stole it from Gary and Larry! They're here! I KNEW it! 
EM: Daddy's been here forever! Even you couldn't miss that!
BC: What are you talking about?
EM: Daddy's name is Larry and you said he and Gary are here.
BC: NO! They're aliens!
EM: Daddy's an alien?
BC: I wonder why they're here ... to abduct me and mine my vast intellect? To explore? Hmmmm. Wait a ... how did my banana get in here?!?! {GASP} Gary and Larry are trying to steal my catnip banana!

{Pause as Bear climbs inside the "spaceship"}
BC: Beam me up ... RATS! Who am I supposed to tell to beam me up?

EM: I thought you wanted to lift off in the spaceship. Being beamed up is different.
BC: {climbing out of the "spaceship" to square off with Ellie} Guys don't like know-it-alls! 
{Pause}
EM: Only because they feel threatened in their ignorance.
BC: Shut up! I deserve the proper respect! {AHEM}

{Pause}
BC: {to the tune of "Rocket Man" by Elton John}
I packed my bag last night pre-flight.
I gave you all goodbye bites.
My engines are ready to ignite. Stand back ...
{Pause}
BC: I won't miss earth a bit; Ellie or The Boy.
In space, I'll be the king,
Finally spread my wings.
{Pause}
BC: And I think it's gonna be a long long time,
'Til I'm back, they'll miss me ... on my return,
They'll see I'm much more than they think at home.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a rocket cat.
Rocket cat shooting across space all night.
{Pause}
BC: And I think it's gonna be a long long time,
'Til I'm back, they'll miss me ... on my return,
They'll see I'm much more than they think at home.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a rocket cat.
Rocket cat shooting across space all night.
{Pause}
BC: Earth isn't up to a feline's standards.
We're always screwed no doubt,
And so often we are outright slandered.
{Pause}
BC: Lack of proper respect quickly gets old,
Catting is my job, I'm not bold.
A rocket cat, a rocket cat.
{Pause}
BC: And I think it's gonna be a long long time,
'Til I'm back, they'll miss me ... on my return,
They'll see I'm much more than they think at home.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a rocket cat.
Rocket cat shooting across space all night.
EM: Good riddance! I hope the rocket slams on your butt! OH! Make sure you leave my banana!
{Pause as Bear climbs back inside the "spaceship"}
BC: I dispute that it's yours ... but what do I need a stupid banana for? HERE!
{Bear tosses the catnip banana out of the "spaceship" and it hits Ellie on the head}
EM: {getting up} HEY!

BC: {with irritation} Quiet in the flea-butt gallery!
EM: The term is "PEANUT" gallery, stupid!
BC: I think you're more a flea-butt than a peanut ... but just to be safe ... quiet in the DWEEBLE gallery! And I'm not stupid! YOU'RE stupid! I mean, you follow The Boy around and suck up to him all the time!

EM: I've seen you on The Boy's lap a time or two ...
BC: {changing the subject} I don't think my bag will fit ... and where do I put my cat tree?! Gary and Larry must be tiny aliens! 

{Pause}
BC: Time to go over my list of required supplies. Wet food ... CHECK! Treats ... CHECK. Mousie ... CHECK! Catnip banana ... NOPE. 
EM: How are you going to open the bag of treats or the cans of food?
BC: Ummmm ... err ... RATS!
{Bear throws the cans of food and bag of treats out of the "spaceship."}
EM: OWWWW! Stop throwing things at me!
BC: Phht. It's not MY fault you make such a huge target!
EM: HEY!
BC: Bye, Smellie Mae!!! I'm ready for lift-off! 
EM: Finally!
BC: Hmmm ... I'm getting a bit sleepy ... it can't really hurt to take a short nap first, right? I mean, bad-a$$ adventurers and explorers rest up for their expeditions. Hmmm ... this is pretty comfy for a spaceship ... SLEEEEEEPY ...

EM: That's because it's NOT a spaceship, dumbo!
BC: I hear that! What else would it be?
EM: The new carrier Momma won! She calls it a "mobile pet bed" ... but who is she fooling?!?
BC: Carrier?!?! Like, "I'm taking you to the vet" kind of carrier?

EM: YES!
BC: Well, why didn't you say that before?!?!?
EM: I DID! You told me to shut up!
BC: I'm getting out of here! Better not take any chances ...
{Bear walks over to the bed Ellie's laying on}
BC: MOVE! This is my bed!
EM: HEY! Where am I supposed to sleep?!?
{Bear plops down on the other cat bed}
BC: I'm tired. It's nap time. Hold my calls ...

EM: Wait a ... that's MY ... oh, NUTS!
{Ellie climbs on the love seat to nap}
EM: Hmmm ... like it's MY fault he didn't listen! This isn't NEARLY as comfortable as ... And who does he think he is ANYWAY?!?! He thinks he can take whatever he wants whenever he ...
{Loud snoring is heard}
EM: I can't sleep with that racket! Momma?!? We need a spaceship!!! Or a bulldozer!

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