Friday, August 31, 2018

Bear's politics

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance


BC: It's time.
EM: For what?!
BC: The THING.
EM: What thing?
BC: Women! They never stop asking questions! Just believe me when I say I've got your best interests at heart.
EM: You?!? Got MY best interests at heart?!?
BC: Stop asking so many questions!
EM: What thing? 
BC: Stop asking so many questions!
EM: What thing?
BC: The PROTEST. We're going to give them a fracas they can't ignore.
EM: You never said anything to me about this before.
BC: If I told you, I'd have to kill me.
EM: WHAT?!
BC: I mean I'd have to kill YOU!
EM: But you DID tell me!
BC: Stop asking so many questions! Women are meant to be seen and not heard!
EM: Why are you going in the pantry? I thought we were going to give them a fracas they can't ignore? If you're in the pantry, they can just close the door.
BC: It's a SIT IN! I don't make up this stuff! To be a SIT IN ... you have to sit IN something! It's common sense!

EM: I always get suspicious when you start talking about common sense and my "interests."
BC: I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
EM: I really don't think that's what it means ...
BC: I'm the expert on protests around here.
EM: And how many times have your protests elicited the change you were protesting for?
BC: Don't worry about that now. I know what I'm doing.
EM: Don't you think sitting in the pantry is a bit too far? We could sit in our beds ... or sit in the kitchen ... anything to be OBVIOUS that they can't ignore.
BC: You can sit there in your stupidity for all I care. Do you want to be part of this or not? 
EM: Well, yeah ... 
BC: SIT. IN. We must do whatever is necessary for the cause. It's hard ... the major sacrifices ... but we have our rights to uphold.
EM: What are you talking about? You go in the pantry ALL THE TIME and you ENJOY it in there!
BC: You should listen to me. I'm the expert at these kinds of things ...
EM: An expert on sitting in things?
BC: But if you want to be a ...
EM: SHHHHH! I hear Momma coming! Move so I can get in there with you.
BC: Phht. No way. This pantry has a maximum occupancy of one.
EM: But you said I had to sit in ...
BC: Try the freezer. Or the oven. It's usually nice and toasty this time of year.
EM: But ...
BC: AND CLOSE THE PANTRY DOOR!
EM: But ...
BC: Don't ask and just do it! Hurry up! Before Momma gets out here!
EM: I don't ...
BC: Stop asking questions and just do as I say! You're a total suck-up and do whatever the humans tell you ... how am I any different?
EM: Do you really want me to answer that?

BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
EM: This is one of those times you tell me to shut up and then get mad at me because I didn't tell you, right?
BC: SHUT YOUR TRAP, WOMAN!
EM: {whispering} Before Momma gets here ... What are we protesting?
BC: It's need to know only and you don't need to know.
EM: {whispering} How are we going to communicate what change we want if I don't know what the change is?
BC: You know. Those higher muckedy mucks. They make all those decisions.
EM: WHO?! 
BC: What's wrong with you?  
EM: Momma and Daddy?
BC: They aren't the bosses of us. I wear the pants around here.
EM: Then who are the muckedy mucks?
BC: Are you on my side or not?!
EM: Well, I can't really say until you tell me what ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Here she comes! Here she comes!
MK: What are you two up to?
EM: We're protesting, Momma.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: What are you protesting, exactly?
EM: Err ...
BC: It's a surprise!
MK: You don't know because Bear didn't tell you what you're protesting, right?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! No fraternizing with the opposition. I'm the elected representative who deals with the humans.
EM: I didn't elect you. 
BC: More important cats than you made the SMART choice.
EM: Maybe if the facial tissue box gets out of line or the glass looks at me funny.
MK: Where's Bear? I hear him ...
EM: And you're awfully bite-y and scratch-y. And my Momma always says you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The whole brute force thing doesn't usually ...
MK: Bear? Where are ...
BC: Pay no attention to the cat in the pantry!
{Pause}
BC: The great and powerful Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest has spoken!
{Momma opens the pantry door}
BC: Err ... hi, Momma.

MK: What are you protesting?
BC: Smellie favoritism.
EM: WHAT?!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You feed her. Food I could eat.
EM: Now wait a minute ...
BC: {LOUDLY} Roses are red, violets are blue ... and just for the record, we hate you!
EM: But I don't hate my Momma. She's the bestest thing ever.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Before you ruin everything!
The Boy: What's going on out ...
BC: {loudly} Two four six eight ... who do we repudiate!?
The Boy: What'd your Momma do now?
EM: She feeds me.
The Boy: Ummm ... isn't that a GOOD thing?
BC: It's food I could eat!
The Boy: But you've never been without food. Your Momma makes sure to get plenty for both of you and you both eat as much as you want.
BC: That's not the point!
The Boy: Then what's the point?
BC: I don't have to tell you!
The Boy: Because there is no point, right?
BC: I'm BUSY here. I don't have time to talk with the little people. As big as the little people are around here.
The Boy: Do you agree with this, Ellie?
EM: Well, no. But if the higher muckedy mucks ...
The Boy: There are no higher muckedy mucks!
EM: But Bear said ...
The Boy: Your Momma's the highest muck around here.
{Pause as Bear snickers}
The Boy: That's not entirely what I meant.
BC: But it's what you said.
The Boy: We're NOT going to stop feeding your sister.
BC: Then I'm not leaving the pantry.

The Boy: Umm ... is that supposed to convince me to change my mind? I would love to go in a room and close the door and not have you try to beat it down ... and I'd love to eat just ONE TIME without you in my face. And maybe I could actually get eight hours of continuous sleep! Stay in there all you want. Heck. If you want, I'll even close you in there ... PERMANENTLY.
BC: Mooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmma! The Boy's being mean to me! I'm like Cinderella with the two mean and ugly step-sisters. Surely you can see the wisdom in not feeding the trolls.
EM: HEY!
The Boy: HEY! Your Momma doesn't have more power or say in the house than I do!
BC: Ah. The Smellie Neighs are back.
The Boy: I'm not smelly and I'm not a horse!
BC: You doth protest too much.
The Boy: Feeding the trolls?! YOU'RE a troll!
BC: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The Boy: That wasn't a compliment!
{Pause}
The Boy: {toward Momma} This is all YOUR fault! You've encouraged and enabled him all along!
MK: He's not that bad. He's just misunderstood.
The Boy: That's not what you were saying last night when you clipped his claws.
BC: ABUSE! I was being ABUSED and NO ONE cares! Smellie gets what's coming to her and everyone gets upset ... but I get my claws clipped one by one and no one knows I'm alive!
MK: Really? Because I have no fewer then five bandages after your little fit last night.
BC: Little fit? LITTLE fit?! YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL ME! And I have short claws. I'd take bandages over short claws!
The Boy: I can help you with that.
EM: She clipped my claws too.
BC: Oh, BOO HOO. Your livelihood isn't determined by how well you use your claws and fangs.
EM: I'm a nice cat. And the people love me just fine. I'm eating well ...
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: Bear, we love you, fangs and all.
BC: Then why do you clip my claws?!
MK: Well, see, there's love and there's being a glutton for punishment.
BC: Vote Smellie for punishment! NO FEEDING THE TROLLS!

MK: Bear ...
BC: All this protesting ... I'm exhausted. And hungry. Protesting is not for the weak or gentle. I'm taking a nap.

EM: But I thought you said we'd stick it to them until they listened to our demand.
The Boy: TO NOT FEED YOU, Ellie.
EM: Well, yeah. There is that.
BC: Time for my beauty rest. Keep it down out there or his royal sharkiness will deal with you!
The Boy: Have you ever noticed that he can wake us up whenever he feels like it, but we get a grumpy grizzly bear if we accidentally wake him up.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Now, everyone SHUT IT or you'll regret being born.
{Bear falls asleep ... light snoring is heard}
EM: HELL NO! I won't go! HELL NO! I won't go!
BC: Wha ...
{SMACK!}
BC: Quit smacking me!
{SMACK!}
BC: What are you doing?
EM: Protesting!
BC: But you don't have a permit! You need a permit.
EM: You're making that up!
BC: Fine. See for yourself.
EM: I'm getting revenge for this morning.
BC: I'm telling you ... it wasn't me that farted!
EM: NO! When I jumped on the bed ... you and Momma were sleeping ... and you whapped me until I jumped back down because you wanted Momma and the bed all to yourself.
BC: MY bed. MY Momma. I don't share. You're lucky they feed you. And you're lucky I let them.
EM: You don't let anyone do anything! You're not the boss around here! 
BC: Oh, shut up, Yellie Mae!
EM: Hell NO! I won't go! Hell NO! I won't go! Hell NO! I won't go!

BC: You've really been working on those lungs. You always have to outdo me and take things one step further to make me look bad, don't you?
EM: You don't exactly make it hard.
BC: HEY! You make it sound like ...
EM: And I'm not alone.
BC: What do you ...
{Pause as Bear sees his favorite mousie holding a sign in Ellie's protest}

BC: {GASP} Fat Albert! You traitor!
EM: Maybe if you called HER by her REAL NAME ... She's Crazy Pinkie! NOT Fat Albert.
BC: {seeing Pinkie with another sign} Oh, now this is ridiculous. I'll deal with you later.

EM: Don't get mad at her!
BC: I'll make my own sign! HMPH!
{A few minutes pass before Bear shares HIS sign}
BC: BITE ME! BITE ME!
EM: Get that sign out of my face before I ...
BC: I thought you were a NICE cat.
EM: Don't try me.
BC: Move your ...
{A fracas breaks out ...}
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: ELLIE!
{Pause}
The Boy: YOUR cat is being mean to MY cat!
MK: If they were really fighting, my cat would wipe the floor with your cat!
The Boy: No way!
MK: Knock it off!
The Boy: They're not listening to us.
MK: They're CATS!
The Boy: I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom.
BC: BATHROOM?!? Are there tasty whole chickens in there? HEY! Let me in there!
{On and on}

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Tuesday, August 28, 2018

A charitable mood?

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: {GASP}!!! What are you doing with all that cat stuff? Are you setting up a smorgasbord for Smellie and me?
MK: Time to donate all the excess supplies, samples, and food you kitties don't like. Might as well help other cats and dogs instead of just throwing it away.
EM: But what about US?!
MK: You two aren't starving. You both weigh over thirteen pounds.
EM: Yes, we are! I haven't eaten for a whole ... 347 seconds! I KNOW! I COUNTED!
BC: Like you can count that high.
MK: These donations will go to people in need who have pets - a pet food pantry.
BC: Pantry? Did you say ... PANTRY?!?!? A whole PANTRY of CAT FOOD?!? Our pantry isn't nearly as exciting. 
MK: No. It's not the kind of pantry you walk in.
BC: You just said it's a pantry! You know I love to sit in pantries.
MK: Bear ... If I were in trouble, you and Ellie would keep me sane. If I could help others keep their lifelines, then it's worth it.
EM: But what about us?
MK: Do you two remember what it was like on the street?! Hungry, scared ...
BC: Phht! That was LAST WEEK!
MK: I suppose I should be happy my kitties have no conception of trouble - that you two can be carefree and pimp your rides and build your castles without a care in the world.
EM: When's dinner?
MK: ALMOST not a care in the world.
BC: SO!?!? You didn't answer her question!
MK: As soon as I'm done going through everything in the pantry and the bags of swag in the other room.
BC: Pantry? Did you say ...
EM: Oh, for the love! Just go in there already. I promise not to close you in there.
BC: Don't mind if I do.

MK: You two are ridiculous. As blogging cats, we get more stuff than we could ever use. And Bear's getting ridiculously picky and and neither of you will eat pate. 
BC: But TOYS?!
MK: Bear - you and Ellie have over fifty micey scattered all over the place. We can share the rest of these with needy cats.
BC: HMPH! Like one can ever have enough toys! 
EM: And you and Daddy don't always dig our toys out from under the furniture.
MK: Oh, come on. You STILL have at least twenty micey to play with - not to mention all the other toys. You kitties are spoiled and we can share our abundance with kitties in need.
EM: But, I'M in need!
MK: Ellie, you both have everything you could ever want.
BC: I don't! Tasty whole chickens? Tanks? A tiara? A bazooka?! Not quite. But those aren't for girls so Smellie couldn't have them anywhere.
MK: Well, no. We haven't gotten any offers to review those things.
BC: Phht. I liked it better when I had less stuff but I had you to myself.

MK: I know, Bear. It's not the same - but I think we're better for it. 
BC: BETTER. HMPH.
MK: I love you, Bear. Even more than before we added to our family.
BC: Hmph. I love you too, Momma. MOST of the time.
MK: And I think you like having your sister around.
BC: She does provide a lot of entertainment ... her jumping fails are epic! I could charge admission and buy my own stuff.
EM: Screw you!
BC: You WISH. I'm saving myself for my torties and my ginger lady cat.
EM: Is it food time yet?
MK: No ...
EM: NOW?!
MK: NO! I'll tell you when it's food time.
EM: Sheesh! You don't have to get so grumpy on me!
BC: I told you she needs counseling!
MK: No, I need cats that don't enjoy being pains in my butt.
{Later the same night ... the people are in bed sound asleep}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! It's an emergency! My ears need rubs RIGHT NOW or they'll fall off!

EM: {from her bed in the other room} Too bad it's not his mouth that might fall off ...
MK: I'm sleeping.
BC: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time ... my EARS need RUBS.
MK: Bug The Boy.
BC: But ...
MK: Last night, you jumped on his lap and fell asleep.
BC: You weren't there!
MK: I was right next to him! You walked over me to get to his lap!
BC: That was you?!? I just thought there was a lump in the couch.
MK: You sure know how to make a Momma feel good.
BC: Well, then, if you want to know the truth ... I thought size-wise, you were a ginormous lump.
MK: BEAR!
BC: WHAT?! You said what I said made you feel good!
MK: I was being sarcastic.
BC: WOMEN! They say one thing and mean another ...
MK: Remember yesterday?
BC: The couch?
MK: Wait ... couch? What did you do to the ...
BC: Err ... nothing. Ellie did it anyway.
MK: {sigh} Yesterday when you saw Ellie on my lap and you told me that you thought we were over the weight limit for the desk chair.
BC: I was trying to help so you didn't end up a heap of fur on the floor! Sheesh. How was I supposed to know you'd be sensitive?
MK: Bug The Boy.
BC: He said to bug you.
MK: WHAT?!?!? You went to him for ear rubs before me?!?
BC: Sheesh! Chill out!
MK: I was SECOND?!?! 
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY ... you're more like fifth or sixth when you include torties, tasty whole chickens, tanks, bazookas, et al.

MK: And how many of those things give you ear rubs?
BC: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
MK: I don't believe this! You WAKE. ME. UP. ONLY. TO. INSULT. ME.
BC: Don't be ridiculous. I woke you up to insult you AND get an ear job. 
MK: EXCUSE ME?!?
BC: Ear rubs ... ear job ... same thing.
MK: I don't even want to think about it. I just want to go back to sleep instead of listening to you insult me.
BC: I thought you'd be used to it by now.
MK: You have a point.
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY ... I have twenty-two points ... but I understand you can't count that high so ...
MK: Stop insulting me!
BC: Stop being stupid!
{Crickets}
{More crickets}
BC: Can I have some ear rubs? It's an emergency! 
MK: If you don't succeed at first ... try, try again.
BC: Phht. You humans and your TRYING. Us cats know how to DO, not just TRY. Besides, my modus operandi is more, "whack them over the head until they bend to my will."
MK: That's actually pretty accurate.
BC: Well, OBVIOUSLY. I think I'd know my own MO.
MK: Though I think it's more ANNOY them instead of whacking them over the head.
BC: Whatever works. That's just because you do a good enough job of falling off things and hitting your own head.
MK: Thanks.
BC: That wasn't really a compliment anyway ...
MK: I. WAS. BEING. SARCASTIC.
BC: You better keep it down or you'll wake The Boy up.

The Boy: Too late. You two couldn't do this during the day time?
BC: It's not nearly as fun. And besides, I sleep during the day.
MK: What a novel concept!
BC: I didn't get that from a book!
MK: What?! I never said you ...
BC: A NOVEL concept ... which comes from a NOVEL!
MK: Oh, for the LOVE. Will you just let me go back to sleep?
The Boy: {AHEM}.
MK: Will you just let US go back to sleep?
BC: No.
The Boy: He's your cat.
BC: You know, if we're being honest ... TECHNICALLY, it was Momma that woke you up, not me. WOMEN. So LOUD ... so OBNOXIOUS ... and they NEVER SHUT UP!
The Boy: Hahaha. He's got a p ... {seeing Momma's face}.
{Pause}
The Boy: Err ... never mind. Maybe you shouldn't have given away all that cat stuff.
MK: THEY DON'T USE THE THINGS I GOT RID OF! It was YOUR idea to donate stuff we won't use.
EM: {from the other room} That's cold, Daddy.
BC: And to THINK I sat on your lap and let you pet me. Oh, sure. Donate OUR stuff! We'll be homeless and destitute and ...
EM: HUNGRY!
BC: Oh, shut up, Yellie. You're a good twenty pounds away from hungry.
MK: Maybe you didn't catch this the first time ... but what I gave away is stuff you two refused to eat, play with, or use.
BC: Well, by giving it away, you ensured we wanted all of it.
MK: Now that I believe.
BC: By the way, I barfed in your bed.
MK: WHAT?!
The Boy: AGAIN?!
MK: Don't even start. He never barfs on YOUR side of the bed!
The Boy: Well, I didn't give away his food and toys!
MK: Maybe you didn't hear me the last ten times ... but the stuff I donated was stuff our cats decided they were too good for!
BC: We're too good for you, but you don't see us trying to sell you in the paper.

EM: We'd have to pay someone else to take her!
The Boy: There is nothing wrong with your Momma!
BC: Well, there's nothing RIGHT with her either. Did she tell you about falling off the chair a few weeks ago?
The Boy: Wait a ...
BC: And how she tripped over her own feet last week?
EM: We should charge admission!
BC: Hmmm ... then we can buy our own stuff we won't use. And she won't be able to give it away since it's OURS.
EM: Umm ... if we buy stuff we won't use, then we won't want it anyway. It's only in it being given away that we want it.
MK: Can we do this later? I have a headache.
BC: Sure. No problem.
{Momma starts to go back to sleep}
BC: How about now? Because my ears are still lonely.
MK: WHA?! It's only been five minutes!
BC: You said later! You didn't say HOW much later.
EM: Even I know five minutes is too long for cats to wait.
MK: Oh, no. DO NOT even get me started. Bear, when you want to go outside, I hold the door open for you and you sit there staring at me! But if I close the door, then you bang on it with your paws until I open it again and you sit and stare again.
BC: Phht. We're cats. We want what we can't have. Like sane humans.
EM: I don't know. I love my Momma. She's the bestest thing EVER!
The Boy: HEY!
EM: Well, you're okay. For a Daddy and all.
BC: You're not a cat. You're just a loud ball of fur.
EM: Take that back!
BC: What are you going to do? Use your claws and fangs on me?

EM: Err ... no. I'm a NICE cat.
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: Wait a ...
BC: Where did they go? They were here a second ago!
EM: You were too busy arguing with me.
BC: Why's it always my fault?
EM: Because you're not a NICE cat.
BC: Oh, knock off this nice cat crap! If you're nice, you aren't a cat.
EM: Like you're the expert at being a cat. You're just a grumpy old man.
BC: Who needs ear rubs! Where did they go?! The service in this establishment is WAY BELOW my expectations. I mean, there goes the entire neighborhood! No tip for them!
EM: Umm ... you never leave Momma a tip.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! Momma has no problem grabbing me when SHE wants something ... but I want a couple ear rubs and she gets all bent out of shape.
EM: Well, in her defense ... they WERE sleeping.
BC: Whose side are you on?!?
EM: And not only did you barf in the bed, but you woke Momma up.
BC: You wake Momma up all the time! We should call you Yellie Belly.
EM: I try to tell her stuff before I forget it.
BC: You walk around here and do your strangled meow that sounds more like a bleat. You just like the attention. When Momma and The Boy try to pet you, you play hard to get.
EM: If they love me, they'll chase me around.
BC: WOMEN. Not making sense since the Garden of Eden.
EM: You would've bitten the apple just to show the higher ups that you do what you want.
BC: You have me there. Though I would've shown that stupid snake a thing or two.

EM: You'd show the snake how to run like one's tail is on fire?! Or how to be scared of everything that moves?
BC: Snakes don't scare me ...
EM: Whatever. If you came face to face with a snake, you'd be under the bed so fast ...
BC: Don't be ridiculous. A snake?! Under the bed?! It could get me there! Nope. I'd go for the high ground.
EM: You've thought this through.
BC: I prepare for all contingencies. Alien abduction. You being eaten by a buffalo. Zombies with tanks ...
EM: You really should lay off the catnip.
BC: You're the one with the problem! I can quit any time!
EM: I really am curious where the humans went.
BC: Maybe they were abducted by aliens! Nah. Probably locked themselves in the closet again.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: THEY HAVE TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS IN THERE!
EM: Oh, not this again.
BC: WHERE ARE MY CHICKENS?!? 
EM: Since they left, I'm pretty sure they want to be away from you.
BC: Why would they want that?! I'm FABULOUS! And I'm a handsome ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} EXACTLY! They're keeping my tasty whole chickens for themselves! MOMMA! MOMMA! MOMMA?!?! Where are you?
EM: And you call ME Yellie. Good grief. I actually feel sorry for them.
BC: MOMMA?!? Momma?!?  WHERE ARE MY TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS! I know you're with them!
{On and on ...}

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Friday, August 24, 2018

Sleepy-time hijinks, part 2 #ChewyInfluencer

While craziness reigns in the Momma Kat household 24/7 - no time is that more true than in the evenings just before bed. The cats waiting for their wet food treat and being tortured, The Boy attempting to say 'good night' to the cats, inter-cat conflict ... there's a whole lot of running, name calling and nonsense. If you missed part one of this post, you may read it here: Sleepy-time hijinks, part 1.

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae

BC: Is it our food time yet?
MK: In a few minutes.
BC: You better not feed us THAT food again! If it can even be called FOOD.
MK: Come on Bear! It looks like the quality of food people eat. It looks so good! Gravy ... meat ... no vegetables ... what's not to like?
BC: You keep telling me how good it looks ... YOU eat it!

EM: Don't listen to him. He's just grumpy because he lost another bet.

BC: I did not!
EM: Oh, yes, you did.
MK: What bet?
BC: {AHEM}.
EM: Err ... bet? I didn't say anything about a ...
MK: {sigh} Bear, did you bet your cat tree away to Ellie again?
BC: Notice Momma said it was MY cat tree.
EM: Phht. You said it. WAS your cat tree. Momma, he lost it fair and square last time. He can't lose it AGAIN. 
BC: I can use the cat tree any time I want! I just choose not to. Been there. Done that. BOR-RING. Plus I'm not going to be on the same cat tree as HER.
EM: Hmph. Last night you BEGGED me to join you on the ottoman! Momma saw it!
BC: Phht. I was cold. You're warm. 
EM: Cold-BLOODED ... at least when one considers his fangs and claws.
MK: That was pretty cute. Bear looked all over for you and found you on the loveseat.
BC: I was cold!
EM: Then he sat there and stared at me until I jumped down.
BC: I. WAS. COLD!
MK: Next thing I know, you two are cuddled up on the ottoman TOGETHER.
BC: Yeh. Because we'd be snuggled up APART!
MK: It was one of those proud Momma moments.
BC: Considering that you claim pooping as a proud moment ... 
EM: You do announce it around here.
MK: I never said ...
BC: The other night? When I was cold?! Smellie jumped down off the ottoman first! Fine! I didn't want you up there ANYWAY.
EM: You told me you were done cuddling and that it was in my best interest to vanish!
BC: Oh, yeah. BLAME ME for LEAVING me. You've been taking logic lessons from the humans.
MK: At least you two were fighting over the ottoman last night. That's a nightly occurrence around here. You two run around the ottoman like nutsos and pounce at each other.

BC: She starts it!
EM: I do not! I just mind my own business on the ottoman and you whap me from the floor.
BC: And you whap me as I walk past.
MK: It's all fun and games ... until it's not.
BC: She whaps me as I walk past! I IGNORE her!
EM: And you try to knock me off the ottoman! EVERY. NIGHT.
BC: Like I could knock you anywhere. You're built like a hippo!
MK: BOTH OF YOU! Back to the bet and using the cat tree.
EM: Bear, you can use MY cat tree any time if you pay rent.
MK: I thought we agreed that bet was void.
EM: Well, yeah. The FIRST time. But he lost it to me again!
BC: Will you just SHUT UP?!?
EM: HEY! I should get SOMETHING out of your stupidity. 
BC: MY stupidity?! You came to live in MY house!
EM: If he wants to wager his wet food for a month, he should be ...
BC: SHHHH!
EM: Though my personal favorite was winning Momma's bed for a ...
BC: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
MK: Is that why you haven't cuddled with me in bed recently, Bear? You bet exclusivity and Ellie won? 
BC: Blah blah blah. Like The Boy says, women should be seen and not heard.
EM: My Daddy doesn't say that!
MK: He doesn't.
BC: What you don't know ...
EM: You're just saying that because The Boy went to bed and we'd have to wake him to find out if he really said that.
MK: Yeah. We're not falling for that again.
BC: And Smellie calls ME stupid!
EM: You ARE stupid!
BC: Am not!
EM: Are too!
BC: Shut up!
EM: YOU shut up!
MK: Come on, you two!  It's time to address our second item of the month from Chewy.
BC: How convenient. You just want to save Smellie the mother of all smackdowns. 
EM: You couldn't smack me down if you were made of hands.
BC: Oh, shut up. At least we'll have some new food to try.
MK: Err ...
BC: It's not food?
MK: Ummm ...
BC: So it's something someone calls food, but you aren't so sure?
MK: Err ...

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Disclosure: We received Ever Clean Multi-Cat Clumping Cat Litter, 25-lb box - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Frisco nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post.

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BC: All I see here is a box of ... wait a minute .... LITTER!?!? Really?!? AGAIN?!? You should be ashamed!

MK: Bear, you're picky. You don't eat like half the things I feed you.
BC: Phht. I should have the chance not to eat it! That's the whole point! I keep you in line by refusing food just to show I'm my own cat.
MK: That's ridiculous. If it's good food, you should eat it.
BC: That's for suck-ups with no self-control like a certain bus ... I mean ... sister ...
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: What?! I'm just saying you eat everything.
EM: Because it tastes good!
BC: Have some self-control and turn your nose up to something JUST to prove that you don't HAVE to eat whatever Momma feeds you.
EM: And then you'll eat my food too!
BC: I won't do that ... err ... again. Besides, eating less will do wonders for your beachfront property.
EM: My what?
BC: Momma? Meet my back of disrespect. 

MK: We're already well acquainted. At least it's not your butt of ...
EM: Hahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: I'm protesting litter. I'm a glamorous and sexy boy - I deserve glamorous and sexy and not litter.
EM: Maybe Momma can buy you glitter to use in your litter box.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! Who asked you?
MK: A few more pictures and then we can get the show on the road.
BC: You told me I wasn't allowed to put on that show anymore!
MK: What ...
BC: Duh duh duh duh.
EM: TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT ALL OFF!
MK: Stop the cat calls!
EM: I'm a CAT! What kind of call am I supposed to make?!
MK: DO NOT encourage him!
BC: Too late.
MK: Let me try one more angle ...
BC: Holy crap monkies! How many pictures do you need of a box of litter?!? You act like we won the lottery or something!

MK: When considering litter, I look for tight clumping, little tracking and I prefer low dust and great odor control - but those are both secondary to clumping and not tracking. I know litter's not exactly glamorous ... but it is necessary. And a good litter makes for happy kitties. Ever Clean is a clay-based litter with an antimicrobial agent to inhibit the growth of odor-causing bacterial and plant extracts that work to eliminate odors completely. Plus, Carbon Plus technology clumps tight and minimizes odors. My expectations are pretty high with this litter. 

{Pause}
MK: Time for the test ...
EM: TEST?! No one told me we'd have to take a test! I didn't even study! I'm going to flunk!
BC: Oh, brother.
EM: Bear, how do you cope with being a flunkie?
BC: How rude! Let me show you ...
MK: BEAR! ENOUGH!
BC: But she ...
MK: I don't care.
BC: Has anyone ever told you that you need counseling!?
EM: I want to try the new litter!
BC: What's wrong with you?!? You poop in one substance, you've pooped in them all. Only you girls notice the subtleties. 
EM: You want subtle ... you're a grade A jerk!
MK: Okay. Box filled.

BC: Get your head out of the litter box, Momma! Hahahahahahaha.
EM: I wanna try it! I wanna try it!
MK: Okay! Go!
EM: Ooooh. This litter is nice. I don't feel it sticking to my feet as much as other litters we've tried.
MK: Wait! Where are you going, Ellie? You said you were going to try the new litter!
EM: I did!
MK: Oh. Huh. Couldn't tell. Let's get a picture of the clump.

MK: Tight and hard clumps. We really won the lottery with this litter! Tight clumps, no odor, low tracking ... This litter is fantastic! No doubt one of the best we've tried!
BC: Fantastic? LITTER?!! Did you fall off a chair and hit your head again?
MK: You say that, but you're the first kitty around here to throw a fit when the litter box needs cleaning. Maybe this will make that a thing of the past.
BC: OR ... YOU COULD JUST SCOOP MY LITTER BOX MORE OFTEN!
MK: Bear, I can't just drop everything and get to the litter box ever time you use it. 
BC: Why not?
MK: Because I have other things to do!
BC: MORE IMPORTANT things? Fancy hotels have bathroom attendants ... why can't you be our potty attendant?
MK: Are you going to pay me?
BC: Err ... that's what litter box deposits are for.
MK: Come on, Bear. ESPECIALLY with two of you - it's hard to be there every time! That's why finding a good litter is important!
BC: What in the ... THIS DOESN'T BELONG IN HERE! Momma! You left the scoop in the litter box and I have to poop!
MK: Sorry, Bear. I wanted to get a good picture of the tight clumps.  
BC: All these pictures! Don't you dare take a picture of ...

MK: Okay! Okay! Anyway, beyond this litter, Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?

Note: The Boy thinks Ever Clean is the best litter we've used. I agree. The price is higher than we'd like - but I'm no stranger to hunting sales so we might buy Ever Clean if we can find a price more comparable to other brands..

Interested in trying Ever Clean Multi-Cat Clumping Cat Litter? Go visit Chewy and order a bag for your favorite feline!

Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.