Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Doubt-a-cat-aholic

When Bear's ticked off, no cookie is safe in the Momma Kat household! And what's a doubt-a-cat-aholic? You know Bear wants to tell you!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

BC: Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... DUN DAH dun de dun.
EM: Ummm ... Momma? What's Bear doing?
MK: SHHHHHHHH!
EM: But ...
MK: Every night about this time he has the crazies and goes slinking around like a bad-@$$ spy.
EM: Double-O-Dumb@$$? But what's he DOING?
MK: He's staking out the house for his wet food treat. I can tell the time precisely when he does this.
EM: Can I try it? How does it go again?
BC: {in his own world} Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... DUN DAH dun de dun.
EM: OH! I think I got it! Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB!
MK: Hahahaha. That sounds about right.
EM: Bear?
MK: NO! If he knows you see him he'll start over again! Just pretend he's not here.
EM: I've had plenty of practice. I do that all day long.
The Boy: {walking into the room} Why is Bear slinking around and humming the James Bond theme?
MK: SHHHHHH!
EM: Pretend you can't see him.
The Boy: But I can't! He's not very slick. And he's a little ... hard to miss. When I walked out here, his entire backside was hanging out from under the curtain!
EM: Err ... well, I know how easy that can happen. You can't really hold it against him ... it happens to me all the time.

The Boy: Right.
MK: He's stalking around for any hint that his wet food treat is coming. SHHHH! GO!
The Boy: GO? Go where? I LIVE here!
MK: SHHHHHHHHH!
The Boy: You indulge that stupid cat more than you have to.
EM: She's a smart Momma. You've heard the happy wife, happy life concept? Well, it's especially true that a happy cat means a happy life. You know what they say.
The Boy: Who?

EM: THEM.
The Boy: Who? About what?
EM: Minimize strife, happy life. Pick your battles!
The Boy: I'm not going to be manipulated by a piece of ...
BC: FREEZE! Make my day, dumbnuts!
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: Didn't know I was here ... huh? I got skillz. I got power. I'm a bad-@$$ mother-meower who doesn't take crap from no one!
EM: Does No One have a litter box? Because that could be the reason.
BC: WHAT?
EM: Never mind.
BC: {staring at Momma from his spot on the kitchen table} Hi, Momma.
MK: Oh. Hi, Bear.
The Boy: I have someplace to be ...
BC: You mean ...
MK: BEAR! Don't say it.
BC: How did you know what I was going to ...
MK: Say?
EM: WHOA.
BC: Umm ... 
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!} {AHEM!}

MK: Are you okay?
BC: How nice of you to notice.
MK: Notice what?
BC: Tick tock tick tock.
MK: Bear, I don't have time for riddles.
BC: You have time for cookies.
MK: I'm eating them WHILE I work.
BC: It must be nice to have food.
MK: Ah.
BC: My wet food treat time was like five hundred hours ago and my physique is wasting away with my patience.
EM: Really? Because you could stand to lose a little more ...
MK: You could always eat some kibble. 
BC: Don't tell me the bowls are full. After Smellie's done ...
MK: Come on, Bear. She doesn't eat more than you do.
BC: Then she's starving too!
EM: I am? OH NO!
MK: NO! No one is starving!
BC: YES, I am!
MK: I can walk back there and I bet the bowls are both more than 90% full.
BC: Oh. So you have time to walk back to our kibble bowls, but you don't have time to feed us our wet food treat?
EM: YEAH!
BC: We should get worker's compensation.
MK: You don't work.
BC: Just because you don't appreciate my work doesn't mean that it is not work.
MK: You sleep sixteen hours a day!
BC: Exactly! I'm exhausted too! Around here, between Smellie, the paw-parazzi, and Mr. Can't Keep His Hands to Himself - there's no peace.
MK: Bear, I'm trying to finish this blog post!
BC: I'm trying to make my 11:17 nap!
MK: So take an 11:47 nap!
EM: {GASP}!

BC: Oh, no she didn't.
EM: SHE DID! She DEFINITELY did!
BC: I have a very strict routine. I take even thirty more seconds in the litter box and my day is RUINED!
EM: Which means MY day is ruined because he beats me up.
MK: You can wait fifteen minutes for your wet food treat.
BC: Yeah. Why don't you wait fifteen minutes for your cookies?
MK: Because I'm the boss.
BC: Of the No-Life people? The village idiots? THE BOY? Yeah. Talk about low-hanging fruit!
EM: I can't believe Momma really thinks she's the boss of us.
BC: I know! She woke me up last night when I napped on my bed! She thought SHE should have that spot when I was clearly there first! 
{Silence}
BC: Momma?
EM: MOMMA?!?!
MK: I'm ignoring you both until I get my work done.
EM: Awww. That's fair.
BC: WHAT?!?! FAIR?!?! Fair to HER. We're still starving!
EM: Well, to be honest, I stopped at the food bowl on the way out here.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I must decide how to make Momma pay ... Bear Cat Kat does not take this kind of disrespect.
EM: Err ... what kind of disrespect do you take?
BC: Oh, shut up! Thinking ... OH! I know!
MK and EM at the same time: Uh oh.
BC: Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... DUN DAH dun de dun.
EM: He's on repeat.
BC: Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun ... 
The Boy: {from the other room} OWWWW! What the *@^*! That &#*@ing hurt!
BC: {from the other room} The name's Kat. Bear Cat Kat.
EM: That probably sounded better in his head.

MK: Like most stuff that comes out of his mouth.
EM: Well, yeah. Other than the barf.
The Boy: {from the other room} KAT! Do something! Bear's got me cornered in the bedroom.
MK: Oh, for the love ...
EM: Aren't you going to help Daddy?
MK: He's a big boy.
EM: So's Bear. If you know what I mean.
The Boy: {from the other room} Why can't you be a normal cat!?
BC: There's no such thing. Besides, I sleep most of the day and spend the rest of my time planning to take over the world and impose my will on humanity.
The Boy: You have a point, but I need to get in bed. I have to work tomorrow.
BC: {taking off} Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... Dah dun dun dun dun ... DUN DAH dun de dun.
The Boy: He's an odd duck. Err ... shark. Cat. Spy. Pain in the behind ...
BC: Chop chop, Momma! now my wet food treat is 347 hours late.
MK: Earlier you said it was 500 hours late ... now 347?
BC: {jumping on the table}  I don't concern myself with details. So feed me. 
MK: Just a couple more minutes ...
BC: No. NOW. Because I said so.

MK: Bear ...
BC: Cat. Cookies. Being ignored. She knows how much I HATE to be ignored. Time for some revenge.
{The sound of licking}
MK: HU ... BEAR! You're licking every single cookie! That's gross!
BC: I was hungry!
MK: Oh, no you don't. You had no intention of eating the cookies. You're just hissed off that I made you wait for your wet food treat.
EM: Well, to be honest, we wait all day for our wet food ...
{Bear's still licking the cookies}
MK: Get away from there!
BC: Then get away from your computer. I warned you!
MK: {mumbling to herself} LICKS all the cookies in the bag! What a jerk. All because he had to wait ...
{Momma gets up, feeds the cats their wet food treats}
{While Momma takes care of some other tasks, Bear types furiously on the computer}
BC: Finally! My project is complete!

{Pause}
BC: And just in time too! Here comes Momma.

MK: WHAT THE?!?!
{Pause}
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: You didn't type up the twelve steps for people with cats?
BC: Oh. That. Now repeat after me ... I, Momma Kat ...
MK: Forget it!
BC: NO! You have to introduce yourself and say you're a doubt-a-cat-aholic!
MK: A WHAT?!?
BC: Repeat after me ... I, Momma Kat, take you ...
EM: Err ...
BC: No wait. Wrong one.
{Pause}
BC: In sickness and health, for richer or ...
EM: Ummm ...
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: By the power vested in me ...
EM: My name is ...
BC: @*&! I KNOW! I don't need the little pipsqueak to feed me lines!
{Pause}
BC: Okay for real this time! Repeat after me: My name is Momma Kat and I'm a doubt-a-cat-aholic ...
{Silence}
BC: You can't follow simple instructions from your cat? YOU JUST PROVED MY POINT!
EM: Hmmm ... she IS a doubt-a-cat-aholic.
MK: There's no such thing!
BC: SEE?!?! Further doubting!
MK: So help me, Bear ... {reading the steps} This is ridiculous!

BC: More doubting!
MK: Bear, you can't accuse someone of  ... OH, NEVER MIND.
BC: Watch it. Or Smellie and I will start a group for cats affected by doubt-a-cat-aholics.
MK: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can ... And the wisdom to know the difference.
BC: NOW you're getting with the program!
EM: OOH! I want to be the president of the cats affected by doubt-a-cat-aholics group!
BC: Phht. Yeah, right. You're a girl!
MK: Uh oh. Sounds like Bear's a doubt-a-girl-aholic.
EM: He is! He TOTALLY IS!!!!
BC: You can't use my own terms against me!
MK: What's wrong, Bear? Doubting a girl's thoughts? Proving my point?
BC: THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Girls don't even HAVE thoughts! And you can't prove a point that doesn't exist!
EM: NO! She's right!
BC: Grrr ... I HATE YOU! Your cookies are MUSH! Next time you leave them out, I will lick them until they are a soggy mess.
MK: You stay away from my cookies! And so help me ... if I find barf on my pillow again ...
EM: Haha. She knows all your tricks.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
EM: You're a MEAN doubt-a-girl-aholic!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
 All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

Friday, July 26, 2019

A-bear-cat-abra?

What happens when one has a show to put on and the audience is less than cooperative? You give them a show they'll NEVER forget (and hope they forgive you before your wet food treat time)!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

BC: Hear ye! Hear ye! Gather round! I have something special for you today.
EM: I'm not falling for that again. Fart somewhere else.
BC: NO! I have a show!
EM: I'm not falling for that one again either. Your "shows" always mean I get hurt!
BC: What's a guy gotta do to get an audience for his magic show?
EM: MAGIC? Oh! Cool! I'll watch!
BC: Welcome to Eight Ball's magic show!
EM: Wait. I thought you said it was YOUR magic show?!
BC: I AM Eight Ball!
EM: But you don't have any balls. Much less EIGHT. Truth in advertising and all. Maybe you could use "Ball-less."
BC: NO! You've heard of a magic eight ball?
EM: No.
BC: It's impossible to explain things to an idiot!
EM: Yeah! You should see when I try to get Daddy to ...
BC: I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU VILLAGE IDIOT!
EM: Well, that's not very nice. Especially since I'm the only member of our household that was willing to watch your stupid show.
BC: It's not a stupid show! Fine. You don't like Eight Ball. How about A-bear-cat-abra?
EM: I don't know French!
BC: It's not French! It's abracadabra with Bear Cat embedded in it.
EM: It's all Greek to me. Forget about me watching your stupid show, Ball-less.
BC: But ... but ... I need an audience!
MK: If you know magic, why not make an audience appear?
BC: THAT'S IT! Whoever isn't here gets top priority on my barf list.
MK: Uh oh.
The Boy: What's going on out ... why's Bear dressed like that?
BC: Why aren't YOU dressed ... like a normal person?

MK: To answer both of your questions ... I figured it was better not to ask - either of you!
The Boy: I'm going to ...
MK: Bear said whoever isn't here gets top priority on his barf list.
The Boy: Great. I'd love to be dislodged from my spot at the top of the list.
BC: Abra-ca-dabra! I have completed my first trick!
EM: What?
MK: Nothing happened!
BC: I made an audience appear.
MK: By force.
BC: HEY! That counts.
EM: Oh! Cool!
MK: That's not cool! He didn't make anything appear, he just threatened ...
EM: Well, I thought it was cool. Bear's right. You pick on him.
MK: WHAT?!??!
EM: Stop being mean to Bear! He's a good musician!
BC: MAGICIAN!
MK: Though he is a musician too ...
The Boy: Who I'd recommend to people who are stuffed up and can't smell.
BC: Hey, now. Smellie's way better at butt-music than I am.
The Boy: Ellie's farts don't smell.
BC: If they don't smell, how do you know they're there?
{Crickets ...}
BC: For my next trick ...
The Boy: Err ... can you take off that get-up? It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you look like a ...
EM: YEAH! Take it off! Take it ALL off!

BC: SHHH! It's not that kind of show!
EM: Don't SHHH! me!
BC: If you SHHH!, I'll give you a private show later.
EM: COOL!
MK: That got out of hand quickly.
BC: {with his magician's clothing removed} For my next trick ...  I'm going to make Smellie disappear!
EM: Erm ...
MK: You better not.
BC: For my third trick, I'll ...
MK: That's only your second!
BC: Just wait. For my next trick, I'll pull tuna out of my hat!
EM: COOL!
MK: You don't have a hat.
BC: SILENCE! Or no tuna!
MK: Bear ...
EM: SHHHHHHHHHHH! I want my tuna! 
BC: How does a catillion pound tuna sound?
EM: YAY!!! This isn't so bad ...
BC: Now, to make it happen, Smellie, you need to go outside.
MK: Oh, no she's not.
EM: But ... tuna. I don't mind!
MK: Ellie ...
EM: I want to go outside!

MK: Fine. But only until the end of the tuna trick.
{The front door closes}
BC: TA-DA! My second trick is complete.
MK: I don't see any tuna.
The Boy: Or a hat.
BC: I made Smellie disappear!
MK: Bear, now she's going to be upset that you promised her tuna! You know how she gets!
BC: I'm not the one that has to deal with her.
MK: Fine. This ONE time, I'll open a can of tuna so we don't have to hear her meowing and howling for hours about her non-existent tuna. But that's the end of your magic show!
{Momma goes to the kitchen, opens a can of tuna and puts it on a plate}
MK: Let her in ...
The Boy: Maybe you don't realize ...
{Momma opens the front door}
EM: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOA! It worked! There's tuna! Bear, you're my hero! Do it again! Do it again!
BC: Okay.
MK: NO WAY!
EM: But I want more tuna! Though that doesn't look like a catillion pounds ... not that I know how much a catillion is.
The Boy: This "magic show" is just a total rip off!
MK: YEAH! Your magic is getting us to do stuff to your ends!
BC: You have no appreciation for the arts.

MK: At least we didn't pay to see the show.
EM: Err ...
MK: Ellie, please tell me you didn't let Bear raid your piggy bank.
EM: I have a bank of pigs? I don't really like pig.
{Pause}
EM: But I like tuna! And Bear DID make some appear for me. Aren't you being a bit unfair to Bear?
BC: YEAH!
MK: Ellie, the tuna on your plate is from a can I opened.
BC: LIES! Momma is threatened by my magic! Don't believe her! I made tuna appear.
EM: Speaking of my tuna ... the plate is empty! My tuna that appeared disappeared again!
BC: Err ... TADA!
MK: Uh oh. I think I know what happened to the tuna.
EM: Let me see you make more tuna appear.
BC: Err ... give me a few minutes ...
EM: Any time, Bear!
BC: HWK! HWK! HARWK!
The Boy: That's really gross!
BC: TADA!
EM: Hmmm ... it smells the same. Good enough.
MK: Don't eat that!
BC: If one is what he eats, Smellie is barf.
MK: Bear! Your MAGIC show is over.
BC: But I didn't do my finale! I'm going to saw Smellie in half!
EM: That sounds painful.
BC: Just think of it as a diet.
MK: NO!
EM: I don't need a diet! You need a diet! And a brain! And magic!
BC: OH! I have a new idea! I'll make a bag of treats disappear!

MK: Yeah. Right before you barf them all up again.
EM: And on my scratcher!
BC: Tough crowd. You give an audience what they want and they get all mad.
MK: Sounds like you're behind the Eight Ball.
EM: I am not!
MK: NO! I was referring to Bear. Bear's magician name is Eight Ball ... and he's behind the Eight Ball because he's in a difficult sit ... {seeing Ellie's blank face} ... oh, never mind!
The Boy: Oh, I get it! Hahahahahahahahaha. BEHIND the Eight Ball.
BC: Too bad I couldn't make Momma's sense of humor appear.
The Boy: Some things are impossible.
MK: HEY! I'm funny!
BC: Yeah! Momma's funny!
{Pause}
BC: {mumbling to himself} ... looking.
MK: Fine. Bear, your wet treat just disappeared. And The Boy, the lunch I made for you tomorrow disappeared!
EM: WHOA! Momma's good at magic! Though she doesn't have Bear's stage presence and showmanship.
MK: Your wet food treat is gone too, Ellie.
EM: But ... but ... where'd it go? Should I look for it? Where was the last place you saw it?
BC: Dumb-@$$.
EM: Oh! I have an idea. You should make yourself disappear!
MK: Hahaha.
The Boy: That's a good one!
BC: Phht. I know when I'm not wanted!

The Boy: Then how is it that you haven't figured that out before?
MK: HEY! Bear, you're wanted. The Boy, be nice to him!
The Boy: After all that nonsense, why are you defending him? You encourage him.
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!
MK: He doesn't need my encouragement. He can do that all by himself.
BC: YEAH!
The Boy: Fine. YOU deal with him.
BC: Just watch. My finale is now making The Boy disappear: An Eight-Ball specialty.
EM: But I don't want my Daddy to disappear!
BC: Then it would just be us and her.
EM: No distractions?
BC: Nope.
EM: Can I help?
The Boy: HEY!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

Featured posts:
This isn't the first show Bear's graced our household with ...

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Bear's barf-a-palooza

No one's weekend turned out as planned in the Momma Kat household. Instead of attending her niece's birthday party, Momma cleaned up a barf-a-palooza courtesy of Bear and helped clean up the mold/water mess. The fart-off between Bear and The Boy was canceled ... and Ellie struggled to make sense of her brother.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: Where's Momma? Where's Momma? I just woke up from my long nap! I need ear rubs and Momma time and treats!
EM: Did you say ... TREATS?!?!
BC: Is it daytime? Nighttime? Bear time? Hahahaha. It's always Bear time.
EM: {to herself} After Bear's long nap is the worst part of the day! He never shuts ...
BC: {looking around} Did Momma leave without saying good-bye?!? HOW RUDE! I'm going to leave her more than a few reminders of my dissatisfaction.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ... though she might not notice the difference because I always do that when she's here. 
EM: I learned a bunch of new words last night after your barf-a-palooza. And some REALLY creative words after your barf-pocalypse.
BC: Hahaha. Momma stepped right in both!
EM: Hard for her to miss the trail of barf down the hall and spread all over in the bedroom! And that's the NEW carpet! 
BC: Phht. New carpet. Tabula rasa: carpet-style. I regret that I had but one full belly ... err ... hmm. I regret that I had but three full bellies to barf.
EM: Yeah. In like five minutes.
BC: I work fast. I'm very efficient.
EM: And effective.
BC: Word.
EM: What?

BC: Word.
EM: What word?
BC: WORD!
EM: WHAT?!. WORD!?!?!?!.
BC: SHUT UP!
EM: That's two words!
BC: Look at you, Miss Fancy McBrainy Pants.
EM: I don't have pants.
BC: That's okay. You also don't have a brain. Or any fancy.
EM: HEY!
BC: With Momma gone ... hmmm ... what am I going to do? So much mayhem, so little time. Maybe I'll start by beating up Smellie.
EM: Umm ... Bear?
BC: DID I ASK YOU? NO! So zip it!
EM: But ...
BC: With Momma gone, peace and quiet rules. That means no talking.
EM: Well, but ...
BC: I think I'm going to tip the water bowl over. Maybe toss a little kibble. Then for the main course ...
EM: {seeing Momma} SHH!
BC: Don't SHHHH me! I'm feeling good! I'm ready to take over the world!

{Pause}
BC: {LOUD squeal} Huh?
MK: {holding Bear} Hi, Bear.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What are you doing here?
{Pause}
BC: Are you really not here? Are you a ghost? An alien?
{Clawing}
MK: OWWW! Knock that off!
BC: Is this some new kind of voodoo, like when you see what I do when I'm in a completely different room than you? FREAKY!
MK: I'm really here.
BC: How do I know for sure?
MK: Want me to clip your claws?
BC: No. Clipping claws isn't a joke - ever.
{Pause}
BC: Don't you have someone else to harass?!?! I thought I was going to go for a few days and not have to deal with you or your torture. I NEED A VACATION! PUT. ME ...
MK: Down?
BC: That's better.
MK: Going back to snuggling with Ellie?
BC: We're not snuggling!
EM: We're aren't?

BC: We here together for our protection.
EM: We were? What do we need pro ...
BC: Before Momma rudely snatched me.
EM: Just a minute ago, you were mad she left without saying goodbye!
BC: I ... it's ... MY PREROGATIVE! 
EM: You're just mad because you wanted to let it all hang out.
The Boy: {walking into the room} BURRRRRRRP!!
EM: Like that!
{Pause}
EM: EWWWWWW! I don't know who just farted, but that's nasty! 
BC: It wasn't me.
The Boy: It wasn't me!
MK: How mature.
The Boy: Wait ... aren't you supposed to be gone?
MK: I'm staying home this weekend because the people are coming over this weekend to take care of the water damage and mold. Since you're working, I want to be here with the cats.
BC: NUTS!

EM: YAY! We can braid each others' fur ... err ... and hair. We can sing songs and tell secrets and wear pajamas ...
The Boy: Oh.
MK: Oh? What does that mean?
BC: We'll have to reschedule our fart off.
EM: DARN! I hate to miss that.
The Boy: I don't know what you're talking about.
EM: Remember? Bear clawed you and one thing led to another and you insulted his manhood, so he challenged you to a fart off?
The Boy: That never happened!
BC: Phht. You're just scared.
The Boy: Now, listen here, Pint-Sized ...
BC: The only thing pint-sized around here is your brain!
{Pause}
BC: Wait. If Momma's not going ... I'm stuck with you? 
MK: Sounds like I saved you a bunch of trouble.
BC: SMELLIE?!?! YOU COULDN'T TELL ME MOMMA WAS STILL HERE?
EM: Well, I tried, but ...
BC: YOU'RE FIRED! 
EM: Awww. Does that mean I have to leave?
BC: YES!
MK: NO!
BC: I swear! When I want you to talk, you don't say anything and when I don't want you to talk, you won't shut up!!!
EM: Ummm ... what?!
BC: You said you were going! You got out your luggage! And you are still here! I need compensation! And damages! And extra treats!

MK: This weekend just turned into a huge boondoggle. Since the people we rent from wanted to be here this weekend to fix the water and mold issue, I felt better being here to watch you and Ellie. So I had to cancel my trip to my niece's birthday party. 
BC: Whatever.
MK: And a couple weeks ago, I was set to go to Meow-Meetup in Chicago this weekend - but then my brother told me when Sarah's birthday party was and I had to cancel. It's not very common that I have things I want to do that overlap. And then this disaster!
BC: You really need to get a life.
MK: Believe me ... I could use a little LESS life around here. 
BC: Huh?! Are you talking about me? And my barf-a-palooza? 
MK: No. The barf-a-palooza wasn't a big deal ... it was the barf-pocalypse that was the last straw. By life, I meant a flooded walk-in closet and second bedroom, mold all over the place, having to throw away things that are ruined and there's no point to keep, ruined furniture, giving up several weekends and uprooting my entire life to deal with it all because walls need to be torn open and the carpet replaced ...
BC: Wait. So those people are going to be back?
EM: I was the one traumatized! Momma reached under the bed and pulled my tail thinking it was something that needed to be moved.
MK: By ACCIDENT!
BC: Well, she wasn't half wrong ...
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: GET AWAY FROM ME!! Don't tell me to shut up! YOU shut up!
The Boy: You both can shut up!
EM: That's not very nice.

MK: I'm so glad I wasn't gone and missed this!
The Boy: I have to go to work.
MK: They'll be here when you get home.
The Boy: Obviously! They're our cats!
BC: EXCUSE me?! YOUR cats? I think not.
The Boy: Momma's cats.
BC: NO ONE OWNS ME.
EM: YEAH! 
The Boy: Funny. I've watched your Momma brush your teeth, clip your claws, and give you medicine and it doesn't look like you had much of a choice.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
MK: Umm ... I meant that the workers will be here when you get home.
The Boy: Oops. Okay.
BC: Erm ... don't forget your pants ...
The Boy: WHA?!
BC: Haha. Made you look.
The Boy: Very funny. I'll see you all later.
{The Boy walks out the front door}
EM: So are the workers going to move all our stuff again? Because we lost all our hiding places!
BC: YEAH! And I had to squash into the cat tree corner with Smellie!
MK: No. We already took care of the master bedroom. They're taking care of the second bedroom this time.
EM: All those strange people and smells and noises ...
BC: Phht. I wasn't scared.
EM: You were hiding in the same place as I was.
BC: LIES! I wasn't HIDING ... I was ... err ... umm ... 
MK: Like I said, they're dealing with the second bedroom this time. That's why I stayed home: to make sure you two are safe and okay.
BC: AHA! That's where all my paper and my shark bed went!

EM: Where?
BC: Momma stole it!
EM: Momma! Why would you steal ...
BC: At least it wasn't the aliens.
EM: Aliens? Umm ... do they eat cats?
BC: Only the ones they can find.
EM: Err ... 
MK: There are no aliens!
EM: I don't want to take any chances. BYE!
BC: Hahahaha.
MK: Bear, that wasn't very nice.
BC: Have you noticed how quiet it is?
MK: You have a point. But one of these days she's going to get smart and stop believing what you say.
BC: You've said that for the two years she's lived here.
MK: Another good point.
BC: SMELLIE! I know you're hiding under the bed!
EM: {from her hiding spot} I AM NOT!
{Pause}
EM: {from her new hiding spot} Anymore.
BC: Hahaha. She is predictable!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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