MK: Momma Kat
Daily conversation - Get ready to crumble:
{Bear Cat jumps on the bed and finds Momma's stuffed bear, Beary, on the bed}
BC: Excuse YOU, you mangy, filthy, fake-furred vermin! This is MY bed! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE! And just in case you don't know, I DON'T SHARE!
{Pause}
BC: I see you cuddle with my Momma every night - IN MY SPOT on her chest! MY SPOT!!!! She can't give me two handed ear rubs when her arms are around you, furball!
{Pause}
BC: Leave ... or you'll regret it! I've had it with your arrogance and smugness.
{Pause}
BC: Prepare to die! Mark my words. This is your last chance!
{Pause}
BC: Wipe that silly grin off your face!
{Pause}
BC: You DIDN'T just go there! I was born like this ... what's YOUR excuse? A feeble mind? Figures. You were a present from The Boy to my Momma ... feeble minded like feeble minded.
{Pause}
BC: MY Momma! MY. That's M-Y. MINE!
{Pause}
BC: I'm going to rearrange your face, PUNK! Just TRY me! NO! I'm going to rearrange all your limbs and stuffing. This is your last chance! Move - or I'll take matters into my own paws! GET READY TO CRUMBLE!
The Boy: {in the other room with Momma} He means "rumble," right? It's hilarious when he uses tough guy phrases and gets them wrong.
MK: SHHHHHHHH! This is getting good and I'm trying to listen in ...
The Boy: Hahahaha. Who needs cable?!?!
{Pause}
BC: I'm going to tell my Momma on you! This is your last chance!
The Boy: {in the other room with Momma} He sure gives a lot of last chances. Should we do something?
MK: Nah. He's a cat and has a need for a certain amount of indignant arrogant aggression. Better that his furry fury is directed toward the stuffed bear and not us.
The Boy: He's not REALLY going to beat the stuffing out of a stuffed animal, is he?
MK: No. He's just got to be Mr. Tough Pants and talk trash.
BC: That's the LAST straw! Prepare to ...
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!
{THUNK}
BC: Owwwww.
MK: Uh oh.
The Boy: What? What happened?
BC: Thought you'd clock me, didn't you?
The Boy: The bear punched him?
MK: Nah. He probably charged and ran into the wall.
BC: That's IT! I've had it with your impertinence! You wouldn't dare to attack me a second time!
The Boy: Does he REALLY think a stuffed animal attacked ....
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH! Take that! And this!
{Momma walks into the bedroom where Bear is whacking the stuffed bear he knocked on the floor}
MK: That's enough, Bear.
BC: You always take HIS side!
MK: He didn't do anything to you! You have the bed to yourself!
BC: One more whack to teach this loser a lesson!
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIII ...
{The phone rings}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
{Pause}
BC: {Running under the bed} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
{Pause}
BC: {from under the bed} I KNEW it! Beary is in with the Cob. They're coming for me. If anyone asks for Bear "The Jaws" Cat ... I'm not here!
MK: What?
The Boy: You mean a corn cob?
BC: {in a mocking voice} "You mean a corn cob?" Yeah, dumb nuts. Beary's in with the corn mob. Phht.
MK: Ah. Cob as in the cat mob?
BC: Is it state the obvious day again? The question is HOW Beary got in with the Cob. I've been trying to get in with them for eight of my lives! I've filled out application after application!
MK: Why would you want to be a member of the cat mob?
BC: Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?!?!
MK: I guess.
BC: The Cob launders tasty whole chickens. Everyone knows that. I want to be hired on so I can skim a little tasty whole chicken off the top. Surely they wouldn't notice if one chicken disappeared from the washer.
MK: Washer?
BC: LAUNDRY, Momma! They LAUNDER chickens! And you said cleaning a chicken was hard!
The Boy: This is insane.
{Pause}
The Boy: Then again, what else would I expect coming from you? Crazy cat.
BC: Is there any other kind of cat?
The Boy: If you were part of the cat mob, your name would be Bear "THE FAT" Cat.
BC: You have a lot of room to talk!
MK: Wait a ... the Cob gets tasty whole chickens in exchange for their illegal activities?
The Boy: Don't encourage him!
BC: What's considered illegal is somewhat in the eye of the beholder, yes?
MK: I can't believe they wouldn't accept you given your portfolio! I mean, you extort food from The Boy every single day - in exchange for your liking him.
The Boy: WHAT?!?!?
MK: You only pose for pictures for me if treats are involved. You're always using your "muscle" to get what you want ...
BC: I KNOW! I even listed you as a reference!
The Boy: What? I don't get to be a reference? You do some of your best work on me.
MK: Now who's encouraging him!?!?
BC: I have some messages for you, Beary!!! PAY ATTENTION! If you take over my bed again while I'm under here, I'm going to be REALLY mad. REALLY mad!
{Pause}
BC: And I'll tell my Momma on you!
MK: No one's fighting you, Bear.
BC: Don't fall for the stuffed bear's clueless look! He knows EXACTLY what he's doing!
BC: And one more thing, stupid bear ... if I ever catch you near my food bowl ... that'll be lights out for you! Just remember that. No one messes with my food and lives to tell about it once my Momma's done with them!
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: "Once my Momma's done with them!" Sounds like your Momma is more muscle than you, Fat Cat. Maybe SHE should apply for the Cob.
BC: Just saying. He can't say I didn't warn him.
The Boy: He's a STUFFED BEAR, Bear! He can't say you did either!
BC: {sending The Boy a dirty look} You're in cahoots with this rapscallion, aren't you? You feed him intelligence. Not that you HAVE any intelligence. I mean you feed him my whereabouts ... my strengths ... my weaknesses ... you probably even feed him more tasty chickens than you feed me! You should be ashamed of yourself! When I come out from under the bed, I'm going to have my Momma beat you up too!
The Boy: I don't hide behind my Momma like you do.
BC: I don't HIDE behind her ... I just stay where it's safe until she takes care of the threat.
The Boy: You were right, Bear. "Get ready to crumble" suits you well.
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?!
{Silence}
{Momma and The Boy leave Bear hiding under the bed in the bedroom and sit down in the family room}
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: "Once my Momma's done with them!" Sounds like your Momma is more muscle than you, Fat Cat. Maybe SHE should apply for the Cob.
BC: Just saying. He can't say I didn't warn him.
The Boy: He's a STUFFED BEAR, Bear! He can't say you did either!
BC: {sending The Boy a dirty look} You're in cahoots with this rapscallion, aren't you? You feed him intelligence. Not that you HAVE any intelligence. I mean you feed him my whereabouts ... my strengths ... my weaknesses ... you probably even feed him more tasty chickens than you feed me! You should be ashamed of yourself! When I come out from under the bed, I'm going to have my Momma beat you up too!
The Boy: I don't hide behind my Momma like you do.
BC: I don't HIDE behind her ... I just stay where it's safe until she takes care of the threat.
The Boy: You were right, Bear. "Get ready to crumble" suits you well.
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?!
{Silence}
{Momma and The Boy leave Bear hiding under the bed in the bedroom and sit down in the family room}
BC: {starting to sing from under the bed} Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
MK: {from the other room} Not again.
The Boy: It's actually kind of funny. Hahahaha.
{The Boy notices the look on Momma's face}
The Boy: Err ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they torture you?
The Boy: You DO brush his teeth and clip his claws ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they won't share food with you?
MK: Oh, for the love ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they ignore you?
MK: {from the other room} That's it. You're GROUNDED, Bear!
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they're mean to you?
{Bear repeats the tune over and over again ... ♩ ♬ ♩ ♬}
Featured posts of the day:
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
MK: {from the other room} Not again.
The Boy: It's actually kind of funny. Hahahaha.
{The Boy notices the look on Momma's face}
The Boy: Err ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they torture you?
The Boy: You DO brush his teeth and clip his claws ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they won't share food with you?
MK: Oh, for the love ...
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they ignore you?
MK: {from the other room} That's it. You're GROUNDED, Bear!
BC: Bad Mommas, bad Mommas.
Whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when they're mean to you?
{Bear repeats the tune over and over again ... ♩ ♬ ♩ ♬}
Featured posts of the day:
- Bear's been known to attack stuffed bears and stuffed comforters in the past ...
- The first time Bear's attacked a stuffed bear ... The stupidity allowance.
- To read about the comforter ...
- KABLOOIE!!!
- The Santa ship sails, part 2.
- Bear's Christmas.
- Momma's resolutions.
- Bolt Cathack Returns.
- Momma's new teddy bear was introduced in The cat-ocalypse, and Bear's first confrontation with him occurred in Bear vs. Bear.
- Bear has quite the history of acting tough (Momma calls him Mr. Tough Pants) ... here are a few examples:
- Remaining nameless.
- The stupidity allowance.
- Mocking me.
- The Many Faces of Mr. Tough Pants.
- "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 {On "Savagery for Dummies" series}.
- Do you feel lucky?
- Bear knocks his luck.
- Bolt Cathack.
- Bear tries to rip off Momma's legs as part of a game in I'm the shark.
- Tricks, no treats.
