Wednesday, August 31, 2016

They've landed

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - They've landed:
BC: Wha? 
BC: What the ...
{Pause as Bear's ears perk up and he looks both ways}
{Pause as Bear's ears perk up and he looks both ways}
BC: Momma! MOMMA!!! MoooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmMMMMA! They're after me! They're after me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have to hide!
MK: {half awake} What? What's going on? IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, BEAR!!! Where are ...

BC: They've landed! I KNEW they were coming for me! THEY'VE LANDED!!!! They want to CATNAP me! {GASP} NO! They want to EAT me! They want to sample my tasty loins! I'm well hidden ... they'll never find me here!
MK: Umm ... Bear ... I hate to break it to you, but your bottom half is sticking out of the paper bag.
MK: Bear, calm down ...
BC: Calm down? CALM DOWN?!?!?! THEY are here and you tell me to CALM DOWN!?!?!? THEY want to torture me and you tell me to CALM DOWN?!?!? I have to hide!

MK: Ummm ... Bear ... only your head is hidden this time.
BC: THEY won't take me alive!
MK: They who?
BC: What do you mean WHO? The ALIENS!
MK: Gary and Larry?
BC: And their spaceship doubles as our dishwasher!!!
MK: Wait, wait ... WHAT?!?!
BC: I heard some funky noises from the dishwasher, so I dragged myself, HALF-AWAKE, I might add ... into the kitchen. Then AS I WAS SITTING THERE, the lights on the door started BLINKING and the door to the dishwasher suddenly started to open slowly. Smoke went all over the place! It was the alien landing! And I watched as they let down the hatch to their spaceship! THEY'RE IN THE DISHWASHER!!! 
MK: Wait. So the hatch to their spaceship is the door to the dishwasher?
MK: {sigh} Continue.
BC: That's when I took off and ran for my life. Err ... I mean ran for my life as much as possible within the confines of our house.
MK: Bear, you ran in circles. If the aliens HAD landed, you wouldn't have gotten very far. And the dishwasher wasn't running.
BC: EXACTLY! THEY couldn't use the dishwasher as their landing vessel if it was IN USE!
MK: What's that smell?
BC: I bet it's their filthy disfigured bodies! THEY want to TOUCH me and do horrible UNSPEAKABLE things to me!
BC: ... Oh. Right. I just pooped. My mistake. 
MK: That explains the smell.
BC: Like your poop doesn't stink!
MK: No. But at least I could differentiate between the after-effects of pooping and an alien invasion.
BC: Alien invasion ... pooping ... easy to mix up. I hear the voices telling me they're coming for me either way. The aliens want to CATNAP me ... I KNOW it! They want to take me to their grubby, nonsensical planet and do horrible, inhumane experiments on me as a study in superior life forms.
MK: Ummm .... Bear? If aliens had the intelligence for extended space travel and using the dishwasher as a way to infiltrate houses, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't consider a cat a superior life form.
BC: Why not? What are you saying? That they don't want to catnap me?
MK: There's only one cat catnapping around here ...
BC: Speaking of cat naps ... I'm tired.
MK: Imagine that.
BC: I don't have to! I AM tired! Pooping takes it out of a cat!
MK: So exhausting, I'm surprised you managed to get out of the litter box before collapsing into a deep sleep.
BC: It was hard. And the step outside of my litter box is perilous! Not to mention THE VOICES.
MK: What do these "voices" say?
BC: They TAUNT me! They tell me I'm a tasty whole cat that they can't help but want to get their alien hand-like appendages on. They want to TASTE me and savor my lusciousness. 
MK: Well, the vet DOES tell me that you definitely aren't missing any meals.
BC: They want to torture me and study my excessive handsomeness to steal its best qualities.
MK: "Excessive handsomeness?"
BC: Who's side are you on?!?!
MK: I was just thinking that maybe if you lost a pound or two, you might be less tantalizing to extraterrestrial life. 
BC: Great! My Momma uses my fears to insult and disparage me! You should be ashamed of being mean to your cute, little, VULNERABLE, defenseless, much lusted after by aliens and ladies alike, sweet kitty cat! The aliens will catnap me and you will wish you listened to me and treated me better!
MK: Hmmm. Maybe I should take them up on that offer of a lifetime supply of doughnuts in exchange for you ...
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
BC: You're kidding, right? MOMMA? MOMMA?!?!?!?!? 

The "spaceship."

Pictures of the Day:
More Bear Cat cuteness ... "excessive handsomeness" ...

Featured posts of the Day:

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

The Boy Returns

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Boy Returns:
BC: Are you talking to THE BOY?
MK: Shhhhush!
BC: HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you talking to?

MK: {into the phone} He ignores me all day long and then the phone rings and I've got cat butt in my face!
BC: It IS handsome cat butt, if I might say so myself!
{Silence as Momma listens}
MK: {into the phone} Yes. He doesn't take no for an answer.
BC: HEY! I'm right here! I can hear you!!!!

MK: {into the phone} Okay. We'll talk later. Bye.
MK: Do you try to be annoying?
BC: Why are you talking to The Boy?
MK: Because I like him.
BC: But he made you cry.
MK: Well, yes. I have issues.
BC: You're telling me!
BC: Umm ... not helping?
MK: I naturally assume that any problem is because I'm not good enough or worth fighting for ... or any of my other self-esteem issues.
BC: You know what would make you good enough?
MK: Uh oh.
BC: But he hurt you!
MK: Well ... ummm ... sometimes people make mistakes.
BC: You mean like when you accidentally sprayed the dry spray deodorant in your eyes?
MK: Well ....
BC: Or when you jumped ten feet because the dishwasher started running and frightened you? Or when you fell out of your desk chair TWICE in one week?
MK: Yeah. Thank you for that.
BC: My pleasure.
MK: I'm sure.
BC: So you're still talking to The Boy?
MK: Yes. 
BC: Hmph. You forgive people WAY too easily!
MK: I forgive people AND cats way too easily. Remember when you bit me just because I tried to sit in my desk chair? Or when you ripped up my desk chair just because I was standing there watching?

MK: Or when you broke the glass on the counter? Or one of the million times you stole my desk chair?
BC: Err ... RATS!
BC: What does he have that I don't?!?!? HHHHUUUUUHHHHH?!?!?
MK: Well ...
BC: I give you unlimited cuddles! Sure ... I don't do kisses, but I'm cuddly! I'm cute! AND I let you scoop my litter box!
MK: What?
BC: You get to scoop my litter box.
MK: I'm sorry, Bear ... but why would I enjoy scooping your litter box?
BC: Well, not just ANYONE gets to scoop my litter box! I mean, I work HARD to give you something of quality. We BOND over what's left in my litter box!
MK: I don't even know what to say to that.
BC: You COULD lick my butt for me though ... my real mom would ... do you lick The Boy's butt?
BC: I'm super cute too!

MK: He's cute in his own way!
BC: Oh? Does he carry a string around like a teddy bear?
MK: Bear ... that's not cute when you take your string in your litter box!
BC: Does he take his string in his litter box? I don't see you complaining!
MK: He doesn't have a litter box! 
BC: Just because he doesn't have a litter box doesn't mean his poop doesn't stink!
MK: At least, I don't think he's got a litter box.
BC: What do you know about this guy if you don't know whether he has a litter box or not?!?!?
MK: How did we get in this conversation? It feels like a bad trip.
BC: Bad trip? You mean like yesterday when you tripped over your own feet and almost catcaked me?
MK: Bear ... you were sprawled out in the middle of the hall IN THE DARK. I didn't trip over my own feet.
BC: You almost catcaked me!
MK: Maybe you shouldn't lay in the middle of the hall!
BC: Maybe you should watch where you're going!
MK: It was DARK!
BC: I could see!
MK: Then why didn't you move?
BC: You've reached Bear Cat ... I invoke my Fifth Amendment rights against self incrimination ... BEEP!
MK: Bear, cats aren't covered under the Bill Of Rights.

MK: OWW! What was that for?
BC: For not including cats in the Bill of Rights!
MK: Bear, it wasn't my decision!
BC: I bite you pretty well, don't I?
MK: What?
BC: I bet The Boy doesn't bite you as well as I can!
MK: I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a BAD THING?
BC: {flicking his tail and walking away} You've reached Bear Cat ... I'm ignoring you ... BEEP!
{Silence for fifteen minutes}
{Phone rings}
MK: {into the phone} Hello?
{Silence as Momma listens}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MK: Oh FOR THE LOVE of delicious doughnuts! {into the phone} Yes. He's back.
{Silence as Momma listens}
MK: Well, yeah. Of course I'm petting him! Why wouldn't I?

{Silence as Momma listens}
MK: {into the phone} Yeah, I guess that reinforces the behavior. But he's cute! You try to resist.
BC: And I'm the one that's here too! I don't see HIM in your lap!
BC: Which reminds me ... I need to poop. BYE!
MK: {into the phone} Yes, you heard that right, he DID just tell us he needs to poop.
{Silence as Momma listens}
MK: {into the phone} No, I have no idea why he feels the need to share that.
BC: Momma? Where's my string? I can't poop without my string! I require company!
{Silence as Momma listens}
MK: {into the phone} Welcome to my life. I just try not to encourage him.
BC: {Seeing the look on Momma's face} Sheesh. You'd think I'm INTERRUPTING something!

Picture of the Day:
Yes. Bear Cat IS adorable.

Featured posts of the Day:

Monday, August 29, 2016

Bear's framed

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Bear's framed:
MK: La de da ... do de da ... d ...
BC: {snickering} Do it again, Momma! Do it again! That was HILARIOUS!
MK: I'm so glad I provide you with entertainment. 
BC: ENDLESS entertainment.
MK: Great.
BC: {snickering} Hey, Momma! The dishwasher's running! You better go catch it!

MK: That's enough from the peanut gallery.
BC: Hey, Momma! Glasses are for drinking from ... not throwing.
MK: {sigh}. Are you done?
BC: Hey, Momma! {snickering} Why's there water all over the floor?
MK: Hey, Bear! SQUAWK!
BC: Well, I ...
MK: Hey, Bear! Window sills are for sitting ... not falling off of ...
MK: A certain bird ... a certain windowsill ... landing outside ... squawking ... you falling out of the window ... ring a bell?
BC: We don't have any bells!
MK: Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
BC: But we don't live in a glass house! And I've never thrown stones! 

MK: Knock knock.
BC: What?
MK: Knock knock.
BC: Who's there?
MK: The pot calling the kettle black.
BC: Why are you talking in riddles?
MK: Why were you laughing at me jumping ten feet when the dishwasher started running ... sending my glass of water flying through the air?

BC: Because it was FUNNY. 
MK: And yet I didn't laugh when you fell out of the window when the bird's squawk scared you.
BC: Well, that wasn't funny! That bird was just evil!
BC: Knock knock.
MK: Who's there?
BC: Mean.
MK: Mean who?
BC: That sounded better in my head.
MK: Why am I NOT surprised?
BC: Hey! Stop taking pictures of me! I'M not the one that jumped into next week!
BC: Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Hey, Momma! You've got litter on your chin!
MK: And how did that happen?
BC: Because you were laying on the floor with your chin resting on the floor to take pictures of me.
MK: How did the litter get outside of your litter box?
BC: I was framed!
MK: By whom?
BC: How should I know?!?!?! Everyone has it out for me!
MK: Oh?
BC: Yeah! I'm always getting in trouble! Like with the toaster! I was framed!
MK: Bear, YOUR paw was stuck in the toaster. How can you claim it wasn't you?
BC: I never said it wasn't me ... I just got framed.

MK: How?
BC: How should I know?!?!?!
MK: Being framed means someone did something and made it look like you did it. But it was YOUR paw that was stuck in the toaster.

BC: But HOW did my paw get there?
MK: Probably the same way your back paw got stuck in the jar of peanut butter.
MK: You forget you made sure I WATCHED as you stuck your paw in the toaster. Because you wanted me to come running, right?
MK: Knock knock.
BC: You've reached Bear Cat ... I don't like this line of questioning ... BEEP!
MK: Treats!

Pictures of the Day:
That moment that you can barely keep your eyes open ... but you fight nonetheless ...

*** To read more about Bear's antics (the toaster and jar of peanut butter): Things I Never, Ever Thought I'd Say to a Cat.
*** If you missed the post about Bear's proclivity to say things that sound better in his head: Better in my head.
*** To read about Bear's usual behavior involving the dishwasher: "Bear, the Helper" from Bear, While Momma Sleeps.
*** Momma's had plenty of embarrassing moments since we started our blog. To read more episodes ...
*** Curious about Gary and Larry, Bear's "aliens?"

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Sunday Selfie #13

I know I'm handsome. So joining The Cat on My Head's Sunday Selfies blog hop is a no brainer! This week, I'm sharing more pictures of me in my desk chair. Because of the dog upstairs, I refuse to use my cat tree anymore ... so the desk chair (or under the kitchen table as you saw last week) is my new default nap spot. Of course, my Momma isn't amused with having to compete for the chair constantly ... but it IS mine. It even has my name on it!

After viewing my pictures, you're MORE than welcome to express your appreciation of this fine feline specimen with tasty whole chickens ... my Momma will give you the address (just tell her you're sending me socks!). ~Bear Cat

ps - Look at what our friends at 15 and Meowing sent me!!! A crocheted chicken leg!!!! SCORE! THANK YOU, Mom Ellen and Phoebe & Crew for the thoughtful and incredible gifts!

pps - You can see our previous Sunday Selfie posts here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #4.5, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12.