Always something, part 3

This post is the third in a series sharing the drama, frustration, nonsense, and yes, comedy, we now face daily as a two feline home. You may find the prior posts here: Always something and Always something, part 2.

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

{Momma and The Boy are napping ... on a Saturday afternoon}
BC: You have to do it louder!

{Both cats giggle}
BC: We want treats!
EM: Let me try! Let me try! I'm extra cute ... and we know my cute is persuasive. I mean, Momma DID adopt me. She fell in love with me the first time she saw me!
BC: WHAT?!?! I'M cute!
EM: I heard Momma say you're cute ...
EM: ... but a huge pain in her behind.
BC: Are you sure that wasn't a pain in her huge behind?
EM: Nope. She definitely said HUGE PAIN.
BC: WHAT?!?!

EM: I was about to ask you the same thing. I thought you said biting the humans' butts is hazardous and should only be used as a last resort. Like when you're sitting in Momma's desk chair ...
BC: You mean MY desk chair?
EM: ... and her doughnut butt is about to sit on you.
BC: You must mean MY desk chair.
EM: No, I'm pretty sure I don't.
BC: I'll have you know that I. AM. CUTE. REALLY REALLY REALLY cute! 
EM: If you find a round cat cute ... I suppose.
BC: That's IT! Stop calling me fat!
EM: Aren't you the one who's always saying Momma's fat because of her doughnut butt?
BC: But that's the TRUTH!
EM: The vet said ...
BC: I'm not missing any meals! He didn't say FAT!
EM: Hmmm ... we're starving!
BC: A lot of good saying THAT will do! They KNOW we're starving! I mean our kibble bowl is empty! How could they miss the glaring EMPTY?!?
EM: Which kibble bowl is empty?

BC: What do you mean WHICH kibble bowl?!?
EM: We have TWO bowls! My kibble bowl is full. Maybe Momma put you on a diet.
BC: WHAT?!?! Just keep insulting me ...
EM: I thought you said if it was the truth ...
BC: {sigh}. STOP LISTENING TO ME!!! You're fired.
EM: Stop listening to you before or after you fire me? Because it sounded like I shouldn't listen to you when you fire me.
EM: You can't FIRE me!
BC: You're no longer my sidekick.
EM: I was never your SIDEKICK. I'm a lean mean black kitty queen! Phht. You're just PRINCESS Buttercup.
BC: That's MALE Princess Buttercup BLACK BEAR CAT OF THE FOREST to YOU!
EM: But you're not a black cat. Or a bear. Or a buttercup. And you don't live in a forest.
EM: What are they doing?

BC: I don't know.
EM: They're not dead are they?
BC: We wouldn't be that lucky.
EM: HEY! I like them! Without them, we wouldn't have food or scooped litter boxes or loves.
BC: Without them, there'd also be no grabby hands, no "singing" or "dancing," and we'd never get in trouble!
EM: I NEVER get in troub ...
EM: Err ... mostly don't get in trouble. 
BC: No grabby hands, no "singing" or "dancing," and we'd never get in trouble!
EM: Well, when you put it THAT way ...
BC: PHHT. You know those humans ... LAZY! It's the MIDDLE of the afternoon! And when MY food bowl is empty!
EM: Actually, I think your bowl is ...
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?! I'm talking about our lazy humans!

MK: Says the cat who sleeps eighteen hours a day.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {bouncing off a wall} AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! {bouncing off a wall} AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  {ending up under the bed}.
EM: You run from your own shadow!
BC: {from under the bed} I thought they were incapacitated! 
EM: Why are you still under the bed then, Dumbbutts? 
BC: HEY! Are you saying I have more than one butt?
EM: Why else would you act like an ass all the time?
EM: Not to mention your ... err ... HEFTY size. Butts is more accurate.
BC: I told you ... STOP calling me fat!!! Why don't you pester Momma about her doughnut butt?
EM: You're always complaining ... but you have it pretty good, you know! 
BC: I don't comp ... err ... much.
EM: When Momma feeds you kibble, you complain that it's not real food - but when she only feeds you wet food, you throw a temper tantrum until she gives your kibble back.
BC: I don't remember ... 
EM: You complain about having to share Momma - but you bite her an awful lot.
BC: Grabby hands! That woman has grabby hands! And a doughnut butt! You'd think the two would find each other! Besides, I bite her because I LOVE her!

EM: I don't mind the grabby hands.
BC: Great. You three should get a room.
EM: And you have A LOT of really cool toys! You have a billion micey, and sparkle balls, and kicksticks, and the catnip banana, and a ton of other catnip toys, and two track toys, and wand toys ... I spend most of my day trying to decide what to play with! One whack here ... a little over there ...
BC: I'll give you a whac ...
BC: I'm telling you ... she has eyes in the BACK of her head! She sees everything!!!
EM: She didn't see you earlier when you ...
BC: NUTS! LOTS of nuts!
MK: It's okay. I already know ab ...
BC: WHAT??!?! You KNOW?!?! How do you know?!?! That's just freaky!
EM: She really does have eyes in the back of her head.
BC: Who asked you?
EM: Doesn't make much difference to me ... I'm a good girl!

EM: CHEESE! I love cheese. GIVE ME CHEESE! Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese!!!! Can I have some cheese?!?! Please?!?! PLEASE!?! I LOVE cheese!
MK: {putting cheese in front of Ellie} Here you go, Princess. 
BC: HEY! What am I?!?! Chopped liver? 

EM: OOOH! Did you say ... LIVER?!?! LIVER AND CHEESE?!?!? Where do I sign up!?!?!?
BC: Why don't I get cheese?!?!

MK: You don't like cheese!
BC: Yes, I do!
MK: Bear, I've been giving you bits of cheese for years and you always turn up your nose!
BC: I like it now!
MK: You see Ellie want it and so you do too?
BC: SO WHAT?!?! Fair is fair!

MK: {putting cheese in front of Bear} Here you go, Bear. {sigh} Next thing you know, you're going to want tea too.

BC: She got tee?!?! Would that make her ELLIE-ET? Like idiot?
MK: TEA! She jumped on The Boy's table and spilled some tea and then slurped it up. She'll eat anything!
BC: Phht. I have STANDARDS, you know!
EM: Says the cat who comes up behind me and licks my butt for no reason.
MK: She got you there. 
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!? You two are picking on me! I'm being picked on by a doughnut sniffer and a Nipper!
EM: Hehehehe. I AM kind of a Nipper ... especially when it comes to my catnip banana. Hey! Are you eating that cheese? Because if you're not ...

BC: WHAT?!?!? OF COURSE, I'm eating the cheese!
EM: The early cat gets the cheese. Hahahahaha.
BC: That was cheesy!
EM: {walking away} {groan} Time for some kibble.

BC: Don't you DARE touch the food in MY bowl!
EM: So you admit that there IS food in your bowl?!?
BC: Don't touch it!
MK: Bear, you can share!
BC: No, I can't!
{Bear looks at the cheese ... Ellie walking down the hallway ... the cheese ... Ellie ... the cheese ... Ellie ...}
{Bear chases Ellie down the hall ... as Ellie flies back up the hall to Bear's cheese}
EM: SCORE!!! Won one for the Nipper!

*** THE NEXT DAY ***
{Ellie's walking around the house}
EM: Bear! BEAR?!?! Where are you?!?!
EM: BEAR?!?! 
EM: Come out! I want to play!!!
EM: Momma! Where's Bear?!?! I can't find him anywhere!

BC: {thinking to himself} Don't you DARE Momma! Don't you dare!
MK: I have no idea!
BC: {thinking to himself} Finally! She learned her lesson!
EM: Where's he hiding?!? He's not under the bed ... or on the cat tree ... or ... or ... something happened to him!
MK: He always shows up ... eventually.
EM: But what if he was abducted by the chickens? You know, Gary and Larry? Or maybe it was the tasty whole aliens?
BC: You mean the aliens, Gary and Larry, or tasty whole chickens? Get my conspiracy theories straight!

{Ellie runs toward the voice in the bedroom}
EM: AHA! You're on the bed!

EM: MOMMA! MOMMA! He's on the bed!!!
MK: Maybe you should ...
EM: Bear! Let's play!!! Let's play!!!
BC: You go ahead! I'll be out there in a few minutes.
MK: Uh oh. At least they trick each other roughly equally.
EM: YAY! I'll wait for you in the family room!
{Ellie waits on the couch for ten minutes for Bear to come out}
EM: BEAR?!?! You said a few minutes!
{Ellie runs to the bedroom to find the bed empty}
EM: Where'd he go?!? He promised we'd play! BEAR? BEAR!?!?! I want to play!
MK: Ellie? {trying to distract her} Do you want some loves?
EM: Yeah!!!
{Momma picks Ellie up}
EM: I love you, Momma! You're the best Momma EVER!!! PUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR. This is DEFINITELY better than playing with Bear!!!

BC: {from his hiding spot} I heard that!
EM: A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN!!! Momma! Momma! You got me a tasty whole chicken!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: {from his hiding spot} WHAT?!?!?! I want a tasty whole chicken!!!
{Ellie runs toward the voice in the bedroom closet}
EM: AHA! You're in the closet!
EM: BEAR! Come out of the closet!  It's okay! We'll still love you!
{Momma tries to stifle a chuckle}
EM: Come on, Bear! Come out of the closet! No one's going to hurt you for coming out of the closet!
The Boy: It's about time he came out of the closet.
BC: Who asked you?
EM: Bear! Let's play! Let's play! 
BC: How about we play hide and seek and I hide first?
MK: Bear ...
EM: Okay! I'm going to go count in my room!
BC: {as he jumps in the window} Don't forget to close your eyes!
EM: One ... two ... three ... nine ... ten! Here I come!

BC: {thinking to himself from the window sill} Not ENTIRELY fair to skip some numbers ... 
EM: Bear! Where are you?!?! Hmmm. Not in the closet ... or under the bed ... or in the cat tree ... OOH! BANANA!!!! You are all mine, my precious! ARGGG!
{Ellie flops down on the banana}
BC: {to himself} She's lucky all I want is peace and quiet. If she finked out of a game of hide and seek while I was hiding, there'd be trouble to pay! Catnip banana ... small price to pay for nap time! 
BC: Whew! I FINALLY kept my mouth shut! That’s one small step in terms of a shut mouth for me, one giant leap for dealing with my annoying sister. One hiding spot remains secured. 

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  1. Oh my, Bear, looks like you need a DBC (Dedicated Bear Cave) to save you from the unwanted attention... of course you would have to allow TWC's (Tasty Whole Chickens) access. Now, Ellie, you do need to understand one thing (actually theres more than that) about peeps, they aren't very good at napping. So you need to be encouraged them to nap more often. That way you can sync. them into your own daily plan and have way more cheese. Best start straight away my nibbling them, or jumping up on them or by being Miss Shark a short time after they fall asleep. They'll really appreciate it in the long run...

    1. Hmmm. You gave us some things to think about Erin. I sense the fun part coming up ... experimenting with all kinds of different strategies to save them from bad napping ;)

  2. You ended up finding the best hiding spot of all, Bear. You get sun puddles all to yourself there! And do you have good reception for Bird TV in that spot?

    1. Not really. We kind of live in a hole (bottom condo) ... but I'm okay with that. The few we've had find it fun to land on the outside window sill and squawk at me. They've startled me enough that I've fallen out of the window a few times. Birds are evil!!! ~Bear Cat

  3. Cheese, chopped liver and whole chickens sounds like a good diet to me!

  4. Please forgive me, but I cannot read these long posts! I just look at the photos and say, WOW!

  5. I love it!! They are so much like human siblings--EM likes cheese so Bear now wants it! I have a lot of that going on here! Also love that since knowing Frodo, your viewing of Lord of the Rings will never be the same!

    1. I love them dearly ... but sometimes ... I can't decide whether to hold them close or bang my head against a wall ;)

  6. guys.....just rememburr at de end oh de day; itz still uz catz against
    all de peepulz.....keep up de grate werk in makin MK and de boy THINK
    ya haz diz agreez....itz onlee a matter oh time bee for ewe both rool
    de lee....N dood...ya mite bee eatin de wrong kinda cheez
    ...haz ta bee colbee :) ♥♥

    1. Colby is what we have!!!! Yum. I think we already rule the roost though ... don't tell the humans ... but it's pretty obvious ;)

  7. Bear, you did find a good hiding place. But I bet Emmie will find you eventually. You two are very funny. Have a great day.

    1. Thank you! It's been over a month ... and so far, so good ... ~Bear Cat

  8. Good job Bear! Hopefully she won't find that one! My Mom was laughing when the boy said "it's about time he came out of the closet" MOL! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

  9. If your peeps were napping on a Saturday afternoon, why didn't you join them???

    1. I needed sufficient time to sniff Ellie's butt without the humans getting in the way ;) ~Bear Cat

  10. Ohhh we know all about those grabby hands. It's never - ending!

  11. You showed some amazing self-control there, Bear Cat! It's always important to keep one hiding spot secret!

  12. Bear, I'm proud of you! You didn't say your thoughts out loud and you got to have your nap time. Now you just need to hone your skills to take over MK and the boy (aka dumbnuts).

  13. Poor Bear, I know you feel neglected, but your Momma loves you so much. I hope you are not offended, but Thursday is Black Cat appreciation day. When is there a Bear Cat Appreciation Day?

    1. Probably the same day as Tasty Whole Chicken Appreciation Day! I'll get on that! ~Bear Cat

  14. Mom says she'd be crazy as a loon if she had 2 kitties climbing on the two are funny
    Hugs madi your bfff

    1. We love to hear that. Yes, Momma sometimes feels a bit ... overwhelmed with two kitties :)

  15. Glad ya'll have decided to play together. Even ifin you're not acutally together. MOL Hide and seek be a great game till mommy's get involved. Let da mommy not be able to find ya' and da whole house gets turned upside down. MOL big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    1. Oh, yes! We remember Raena's incident ... that would've been scary for everyone involved! Just yesterday, Momma was looking all over for Ellie and couldn't find her - I panicked but it turned out she was camouflaged to the black blanket on the loveseat :)

  16. MOL! Sometimes a Bear just needs quality time to himself, right?! Sisfurs can be annoying at times, but lucky you yours is of the same species. Mine is a D-O-G! Trade you! That's a nice windows sill lounge you have there, Bear & just wide enough for you to lounge there - no room for a fursib to join you. Tee hee hee!

    1. You're right, V! It COULD be worse! I just wish Ellie would leave my tail alone! I need a man cave where no girls are allowed! ~Bear Cat

  17. The dynamics of having a male and a female pet are always fascinating. This is better than HBO in terms of entertainment!

  18. Ellie, can you tell us more about this firing thing? We have a kitten we want to fire, but we didn't know it was possible!

    1. Bear thinks he's the boss ... and I let him think that MOST of the time ... but sometimes he just gets a little bit too big for his britches ;) ~Ellie Mae

  19. Well, it started off so well with you two giggling together...but that didn't last long. Siblings, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em! Dexter and Olive love cheese, too!


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