Dear Latte ... [part 2]

She's BAAAAAAACK! Latte answers more of your pressing, nosy, or otherwise essential questions. This time, she employs Ellie Mae as her letter screener as Momma let letters from a bunch of crazies (her humans) through to Latte's all-important letter-answering desk. Will this time be Latte's defining moment in furthering her agenda advice-giving? We think Ellie Mae and Kat might have a few things to say about that.






Dear Latte,

My parents like to play kissy-face. I don't like to be left out of whatever they are doing. What can I do to get them to include me?

~On my own


Dear On my own,

Have you ever watched them? This tends to make humans nervous, and they lose interest in kissy-face-type activities. If simply watching isn't sufficient, jump on one of their backs and peer over the person's shoulder. Kissy-face over.

Latte









Dear Latte,

My humans constantly complain about my fishy breath. I'm worried they'll stop feeding me fish!

~ Fish-lover


Dear Fish-lover,

Stop breathing on your humans. Only lick them in places far enough away from their noses that they can't smell your breath. It's actually fairly entertaining to watch your fursib nip at the human where you licked them with your fishy breath. But my sisfur is an idiot, so results may vary.

I've noticed that humans are especially disgusted when the barf they step in is fishy-based. No matter how many times my Mom washes her foot, she walks around with her nose screwed up for the rest of the day. Enough about entertainment ... our humans can't help it that they don't have our mental capacity.

Just be careful! My Mom is on a toothbrush kick. If that's not hell, I don't know what is. Let's just say a human shouldn't put a hand in a cat's mouth unless we put it there.

~ Latte






Dear Latte,

Have you heard the humans deride that goofy, doofy kid who always licked the spout of the water fountain in school? Well, my sisfur LICKS the spout of our water fountain. It makes me so mad I only use the other water bowl.

~ Grossed out


Dear Grossed out,

No one likes a tattletale. Get a life.

~ Latte







Dear Latte,

How are you so fortunate to only have one sisfur? We think you might make a good advice columnist, and we wish you luck in your new career. 

XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh


Dear Kitties Blue,

I flushed the rest down the toilet.

~ Latte



Dear Kitties Blue,

No cats were flushed in our house at any time. We apologize for the bad advice (please don't sue us). We assure you that Latte is grounded.

~ Kat







Dear Blog Readers,

In my defense, I didn't get paid for screening letters for Latte. I was promised time on my favorite scratcher, and MY SISFUR didn't live up to the deal. Thus, I slid in the letter about Latte licking the fountain. Payback is a ditch.  BITE ME, Latte!

ps - HIIIIII, Woodrow!

pps - I didn't mean that LITERALLY, Latte!

~ Ellie Mae




Latte will be back at work as soon as she's no longer grounded (or she wins her lawsuit alleging Kat infringes on her freedom of speech).


© 2022 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2022. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 



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If you missed the first installment of Dear Latte ..., you may find it here: Dear Latte ...

36 comments

  1. AMARULA: I feel you sister! My human is also on a toothbrush kick! It is hell. I am thinking of throwing her own toothbrush in the toilet until she gets the message! My bad breath is one of my best features! It's the only way I can get Frodo to stay away!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear used to knock my Mom's toothbrush in the toilet! She wasn't amused. ~Latte

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  2. Dear Latte I 100% think you have a very bright future being an advisor and to all.
    I loved your answers.
    Hugs and Happy holidays to you all
    Cecilia

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  3. Dear Latte, Yep, Mom says flushing kitties is a bad practice, as plumbers are very expensive and cat fur plugs up the drains even when the actual cat is not attached. Kizmet has been washing mom’s face with her cat food breath. The only way Mom got her to stop was to get out Kizmet’s iPad with the Mouse for Cats game. Of course, after two minutes she lost interest and left. At least that leaves Mom’s fingers free to send out note to you. Keep up the good work. It’s always refreshing when a cat actually decides to work! XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kittens have a lot to do. Even "kittens" that are over a year old ... ~Latte

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  4. Great work ~ sweet kitty ~ Xo

    Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

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  5. Dear Latte, I'm purrsuing a career as a joocy gossip reporter, but yoo clearly are the Dear Abby of the blogging wurld. Great advice! Love, Dori

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We know your fusibs give you plenty of material to gossip about! Especially the ass ... I mean, Rabbit. ~Latte

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  6. Replies
    1. I do concede that Latte is smart for being one. ~Ellie Mae

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  7. That really was a lot of mostly wise advice sweet Latte, your future as a columnist is secure!

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  8. Cute post and great answers. My Rosie has a question- how can I get my mom to stop trying to put me in a sweater for the holiday card photo?

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  9. Wow, you're BOTH good at this advice thnings, Latte and Ellie! :)

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    Replies
    1. SOME of us could do better ... but I don't have any stones to cast, yet. ~Ellie Mae

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  10. {giggle} Can't wait for the next mailbag with questions, Latte!

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  11. You have good advice Latte, but maybe flushing the kittens is a bit extreme!

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  12. Seem like good answers, except for flushing the cat. Not good for the kitty! Linda

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  13. You totally made the entire rest of my YEAR!!!! Loved every word!!!!

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  14. My Amiga licks my face, and she's got horrible breath. She's the most stinky cat I ever had, but that's all right with me.

    Cats don't like to be left out. They get jealous. When I sit with my other cat, Hazelnut, curled up against my leg, Amiga whines and complain until Hazelnut chases her away.

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  15. I don't know, Ellie Mae, someone might need a little more supervision with these responses. But good job sliding a letter in there. Hopefully next time you'll get paid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, technically, I'm laid off until Latte wins her lawsuit ... ~Ellie Mae

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  16. Well, you sure have your paws full giving out so much advice. We don't actually eat fish in our house, never the less, our breath sometimes smells a bit fishy too. So, you could always say that's just what a kitty's breath smells like. Big hugs

    Luvs ya'

    RaenaBelle and Zebby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We certainly don't understand our Mom's obsession with cleaning our teeth. We prefer she didn't. ~Latte

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