The Boy is back!

The Boy is back from his trip and it's hard to tell who in the Momma Kat household is most excited by that fact! 

Perhaps you've noticed that our last three posts were serious posts without levity. This past year with Bear's health issues has been tough. Bear's always written himself with his ... COMPREHENSIVE personality. With Bear not himself, I've found myself short of inspiration and not feeling that I could expand a spot of inspiration into a full post. I can't promise that we're "back" to humor full-time, but this recent [and shorter] conversation gave me hope that Bear might be back to writing himself. I'm sure The Boy is thrilled.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

{The Boy walks in the front door with Momma after she picks him up at the airport}
EM: {jumping down from her perch on the cat tree} DADDY!
The Boy: BABY GIRL! You're jumping down to greet me because you're excited I'm ...
EM: {as Ellie runs past The Boy and takes off down the hall} BYE!
The Boy: I guess she wasn't excited to see me.
MK: Bear came out!
The Boy: Hi, Bear!
BC: Eh. Whatev.
The Boy: I was gone for a few days.
BC: But she let you back in.
EM: {from under the bed} Daddy, were you in the dog house?
The Boy: What? NO! I wasn't kicked out! I went on a trip!
EM: {from under the bed} To the dog house, right?
The Boy: NO! I went to visit my family.
EM: {from under the bed} We're not your family?
BC: 🎶 We are fam-i-ly 🎶 ... NOT! 
The Boy: No, see, I didn't do anything wrong! Momma didn't let me back in - I just came home from a trip!
BC: But since she took you to the airport and picked you up - you didn't have a key. And she let you back in any way.
EM: {from under the bed} YEAH!
The Boy: No one is glad I'm home?!?
MK: I AM!
The Boy: You don't count.
MK: I WHAT?
BC: Damn. That's got to be some kind of record for the quickest a man has rammed his foot down his throat. We should check to see if it came out the other end.
EM: {from under the bed} NO! Daddy said ONE WORD last week and Momma let him have it!
BC: I must've been sleeping. Why didn't you wake me?
EM: {from under the bed} Because Daddy said one word ... and Momma gave him THE LOOK. It was over before it began. 
The Boy: YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I'M PUSSY WHIPPED!
BC: I DON'T want to know what you and Momma are into.
The Boy: No, wait! That's not what I meant.
BC: You meant Ellie and I whip you? Don't tempt me.
EM: {from under the bed} YEAH!
MK: So I don't count?
BC: He DEFINITELY said you don't count. Maybe you'll remember that BEFORE you let him back in again.
The Boy: Ummm ...
MK: And to think I jumped out of the car when I saw you and gave you a hug! But now that I don't count ...
EM: {walking into the room with a book in her paw} Here. Throw the book at him, Momma!
BC: Book?! Phht. Throw the LIBRARY at him!
The Boy: Should I leave again?
The cats: YES!
MK: NO!
{Pause}
MK: But I don't count, right? So what I say doesn't count either. If only the cats count, I guess you have to leave.
BC: Hahahahaha. She really knows how to burn a guy.
{Pause}
BC: Psst! Tell her she doesn't count because she has a time of the month!
The Boy: WHAT? She DOES have a time of the month! But you cats are mean to me all the time!
MK: {screeching} EXCUSE ME?! I have a TIME OF THE MONTH where I'm mean to you?
EM: Haha. Masterfully done, Bear.
BC: Thank you.
The Boy: Well, crap.
BC: Keep digging! Keep digging!
EM: Yeah! You might find the body of Momma's LAST fiance!
BC: That was a good one!
EM: I know!
BC: Now see, this is ironic. The Boy is gone ... whatev. But while The Boy was gone, I missed Momma's smackdowns! You can't make this $#!+ up. So now, I'm KIND OF glad The Boy is here.
EM: We need tuna popcorn!
BC: Maybe if we sell admission, I could buy my tank and my flightless bird ranch.
EM: And I'd sell snacks! Then I could buy my tuna farm!
BC: Tuna popcorn? That sounds nasty! Only cats would eat tuna popcorn - and characteristically, cats don't have money; but only because we're oppressed by humanity. If they didn't demean us by calling us cute kitties and being condescending about our hunting ... we'd rule this world!
EM: Good point!
BC: Technically, I have twenty-two points. Would you like to see the other twenty-one?
EM: No, thanks! We're well-acquainted!
The Boy: Are you two enjoying this?
MK: So now I DON'T COUNT and I have a TIME OF THE MONTH where I'M MEAN to you? 
{The Boy looks to the cats for help}
BC: Don't look at me! Your foot is hanging out your rear end on your own merit!
EM: I don't see Daddy's foot hanging out of his rear end!
BC: Shut up, Smellie.
EM: But ...
The Boy: Umm ... I ... you ... ARG!
{Pause}
The Boy: I'm glad I'm home!
MK: Phht. 
The Boy: I appreciated you jumping out of the car to give me a hug!
BC: I think it's safe to say THAT'S never going to happen again!
EM: Hahahahahahaha.
The Boy: THE CATS SET ME UP!
MK: Don't blame your mess on the cats! You dug that hole all by yourself.
EM: YEAH!
The Boy: {reaching down to pick Ellie up} Baby girl!
EM: NOPE. I'm going to sit in Momma's lap.
The Boy: But you spent the last couple of days with her ... while I was gone! Isn't it my turn?
EM: NO! You said Momma doesn't count! Well, she counts to me!
BC: What is it with chicks? They have all these zingers that would melt the petals off a greenhouse of flowers.
The Boy: BuddyBear! What about ...
BC: Dude! You're on your own! I'm not crossing the Dumbnuts line. With Momma and Smellie, all that's left of me would BE a scab! I know which side my bread is buttered on!
EM: But you don't eat bread!
The Boy: Bros before hoes, right?
BC: WHAT did you call MY MOMMA and MY SISFUR?!?!
{Pause}
BC: On second thought ... WHAT did you call MY MOMMA?!?!?
The Boy: What about your sisfur? You think she's a ho?
BC: For laps or tuna ... yes.
EM: What's a hoe?
MK: Erm ... a garden tool.
EM: But Daddy doesn't have any garden tools!
MK: Tuna?
EM:  What were we talking about?
BC: The Boy is in BIG trouble!
EM: {while eating her tuna snacks} Forefth realzefth! Senfth himfth backth tooth thefth dogth houfse!
The Boy: I WASN'T IN THE DOG HOUSE! I was on a trip! Oh, NEVER MIND!
BC: You impress me. I thought you wouldn't learn to shut your yap for another five minutes.
The Boy: Thank you! Wait ... was that a compliment or an insult?

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

Featured post:
This isn't the first time The Boy's gotten in trouble after returning from a trip ... The Boy Formerly Known as Daddy.

40 comments

  1. Being loved clearly isnt the same as being missed, MOL. As most humans get grouchy, you'd have thought they'd have managed to sort soome sort of way of balancing things out between the sexes? A rota, maybe, or one of those cubicles to go in and let off steam — Mrs H tells me that is called a 'sauna'. Apparently works wonders for destressing, plus you can cook healthy vegetables in it too! OK one of those statements MAY be wrong ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. For Christmas, I'm thinking of building my Momma an axe-throwing studio. Nothing blows off steam like target practice. What could possibly go wrong? ~Bear Cat

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  2. BC, you certainly know how to stir things up. Mind you, The Boy doesn't make it an easier for himself.

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  3. BC I cracked up at the book title, "Managing the He's in your Life"!! Men are from Mars women are from Venus(as in flytrap).Happy Halloween Eve
    Hugs Cecilia

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    Replies
    1. I was hoping to come up with something more clever for the book title - perhaps I should've used a real book like Men are from Mars ...

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  4. I think y'all really missed The Boy and you're very sweet to giving him a warm homecoming MOL!

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    Replies
    1. Yeeeeaaaahhh, that was a warm homecoming I received? I would hate to see what would happen if they were NOT happy to see me. My life might be in danger.

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    2. We did miss him! At least I did. I'm sure the cats missed him too. Kind of. I think. ~Kat

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  5. I hope I can continue to work remotely from the office for a good, long while...being with the cats all day is only the bestest thing! As much as I enjoy travel, it's being home that's the most enjoyable ting.

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    Replies
    1. I think comfortable travel is just as good as being home, honestly. The trouble is, travel is not usually comfortable.

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    2. Yes, home is where the heart is. And I worry about my cats and miss them while I'm not home. I'm used to working from home - which isn't to say that I'm very good at it!

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  6. Bear is the master of giving compliments and insults at the same time.

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    Replies
    1. You noticed that, huh? To be fair, Smellie IS a ho. ~Bear Cat

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  7. Has anyone ever explained to The Boy you can't win when you're trying to dig out from an avalanche of girl missteps?

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    Replies
    1. Avalanche or rockslide? Either way, the cats enjoyed the ride!

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  8. Replies
    1. "Happy" isn't the word I'd use ... though I'm sure my Momma would. She has bad taste in men ... erm ... she has bad taste in HUMAN men. Her taste is phenomenal when it comes to feline men. OBVIOUSLY. ~Bear Cat

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  9. Better be careful Bear....the Boy may leave again. But then...maybe that’s what you want. ;)

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    1. You promise he'll leave?!? Like FOREVER?!?! Can he take Smellie Neigh WITH him?! Then it would be just me and my Momma again and everything would be right with the world. ~Bear Cat

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  10. Nice to see you two kitties ganging up on The Boy- good to share a hobby. :) XO

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  11. You all love each other really!

    Happy Halloween

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  12. We have to come later to read your story, BearCat, just stopped by to wish you all 👻Extra Spooky Pawkisses for a Happy Halloween👻🐾😽💞

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  13. Well, WE are glad the Boy is home. We think you both are, too, Bear and Ellie, and that you're just messing with him. MOL. Speaking of MOL...

    "Damn. That's got to be some kind of record for the quickest a man has rammed his foot down his throat. We should check to see if it came out the other end." MOL!!!

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    Replies
    1. Men are talented at some things ... err ... I mean MALE HUMANS. Male cats are uber-talented at EVERYTHING. ~Bear Cat ;)

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  14. We hope things return to, um, "normal" again soon!

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    Replies
    1. Using "normal" to describe anything related to us is a bit ... optimistic!

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  15. BEAR: Just when you think you've gotten rid of a human they come back! Terrible isn't it Bear. And you were right-- “tortie” and “obedient” should never fit in the same sentence -- i just let the human think I will be obedient cause that way she lets me go on walks unleashed and one day when she least expects it I can make my escape--straight to your house!

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    1. It must be horrible living in Canadia! Then again, I'm not there ... so how great could anyplace where I'm not be okay? You play the long-game ... I like that in a lady-cat. My Momma would die of happiness if you showed up at our front door. I would be in heaven too obviously. We only need to figure out how to send Smellie to your house now ... maybe tell her Frodo likes to braid fur (and it's probably true too - he seems to like EVERYTHING!!!). ~Bear Cat

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  16. TUNA POPCORN !!!!!!! now yur talkin grate eatz......N fezz up....ewe all mizzed dad.... { pluz if ya tell
    him ya did, next trip; him will come bak home with GIFTZ ;) ♥♥☺☺

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    Replies
    1. EXCELLENT point! Why didn't Smellie think of that? Oh, right. Because she's dumb. ~Bear Cat

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  17. I can totally sympurrthize with you Bear on not feeling much like paw penning as much anymore. I haven't felt much interested in playtime these days which always makes my mom worry. You and I are lucky to have momma's that care so much about us. Hugs.

    PS: It looks like the comment I tried leaving last week for this post didn't go through, so trying again here.

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