Ellie Mae's crises

What do you do when your Mom requires inspiration for your next blog post and your sisfur shows you that your whole life is a lie? Ellie Mae counts her blessing (her Momma) and offers Latte a glowing recommendation for her resume to find a new family.

EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat] 
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"] 
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat] 
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie 

MK: Can't you guys DO something?
EM: Like what?
MK: Like something that inspires a blog post. I'm out of inspiration.
L: Like we have a JOB? Eww. No.
MK: This may be a bad idea.
L: I try to inspire you all the time, but you're always telling me to STOP doing stuff. Latte, stop chewing the lampshade! Latte! Stop sitting on your sisfur! Latte! Stop eating your sisfur's food! Latte, stop chewing your scratcher! I'm ALWAYS in trouble.
EM: That's why you have prison stripes.
L: They're slimming.
EM: Not when you weigh 15 1/2 pounds!
L: I'm floofy!

EM: That's one word for it ...
MK: Ellie, I hate to break it to you, but many black cats are tabbies, too. Your black fur just hides the stripes. I can actually see your stripes in the right light.
EM: Take that back!
EM: I'm a black house panther!
MK: And black panthers often have stripes or spots that are hidden by their black fur. Look it up. However, animals that are commonly referred to as black panthers are either black jaguars or black leopards of the genus Panthera. There's no specific species known as a black panther. 
EM: Bear's right. No one likes a know-it-all. I don't even know who I am anymore.
L: What? How did you know what I was going to say?

L: Did it work?
EM: No. And he looked ridiculous.
MK: That's because I don't have to read anyone's mind ... I just KNOW you.
EM: Wait ... did you say panthers are geniuses?
MK: No. Panthera is a genus, or classification of related animals.
EM: Oh.
L: Are skunks part of Panthera .... because I can see the relation.
EM: Oh, shut up, Latte.
L: Haha. You're like Penelope, the black cat that the skunk Pepé Le Pew was obsessed with.
EM: I HAVE a boyfriend!
MK: Bear tried several things to stop me from reading his mind.
EM: He did?
L: Did they work?
MK: No. Another memorable one was the crime scene tape. That one was kind of ironic because Bear's mind was one big crime scene in the making.

L: Bear sounds like the kind of cat I want to be.
EM: He was a good brofur. Whenever I started meowing because I was lonely, he'd come and keep me company, even if he was snuggling with Momma.
MK: That really ticked me off! But it was also nice that he did that for you.
L: Momma snuggles are sacred!
MK: Unless you're waiting for food.
L: Duh.
EM: We ARE almost starving ...
L: Yeah.
MK: Do you want me to put your weights on our blog to prove that you're not starving?
EM: Err ...
L: Ellie already outed my weight. It sounds only fair to share hers.
EM: You can't prove my weight.
MK: Your weight is on the receipt I get with every vet visit ... let's see ... last time, Ellie weighed ...
EM: A lady should not have her weight divulged!
MK: Then a lady should not claim to be starving.
{Ellie looks at Latte}
L: Don't look at me! She has a point!
EM: Whose side are you on?

L: Not yours.
EM: Then I'm not on your side, either!
L: That's ...
L: I know something you're not expecting me to say ... Ellie, the red dot isn't real!
MK: {sigh} Oh, geez.
EM: {GASP} Take that back!
L: Have you noticed that you can't catch it?
EM: Well ... I don't know ... I don't like to sink my claws into things ...
MK: Latte.
L: What?! Tell her!
EM: Is the red dot real, Momma?
MK: Erm ... 
EM: MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE! I wear PRISON STRIPES! My favorite prey isn't even REAL!

MK: Ellie, that's a bit dramatic. Bear used to get really frustrated because he couldn't sink his claws into the red dot, so I stopped using it. But then we got one in the Remember Me Thursday goodies and you seemed to really enjoy it ...
MK: And Latte had no interest, so it seemed to be the perfect way to play with you that your sisfur wouldn't hone in on ...
L: I prefer REAL toys that I can sink my claws and fangs into.
EM: I guess now, you're going to tell me I was adopted!
L: You didn't know you're adopted? You don't look anything like Momma!
MK: Ellie, you came to live with us when you were 6 years old!
EM: Oh, GREAT! Now I'm an orphan, my favorite thing to hunt isn't real, and I'm a tabby in disguise!
MK: {sigh}
L: You wanted inspiration.
EM: My life is OVER! How can I trust anything ever again?
MK: You can trust that I love you. And that you like snuggling with me.
EM: Well ... yeah. Okay. I guess that's what matters ...
L: Remember, you ASKED for inspiration.
MK: Maybe next time, you can provide some inspiration that doesn't involve Ellie having a crisis?
EM: I'm having a crisis, too?!?! This is the worst day EVER! 

MK: Oh, geez.
EM: Someone hold me!
L: Don't look at me!
MK: Come here, Ellie.
EM: My WHOLE LIFE is a lie! Is Woodrow even my boyfriend?
MK: Erm ...
MK: My love is real ...
EM: And your ear rubs are real ...
EM: But sometimes, I wish my sisfur weren't real.
MK: I understand. Sisfurs can be ... complicated.
L: Can I put that on my resume?
MK: I thought you didn't want a job. I believe you said, "Eww."
L: No, my resume is to help me find a new human who lives up to my expectations. Your violations of my adoption agreement show that you're not up to the job.
MK: It's not an agreement if I don't sign!
EM: I'll provide you a glowing recommendation as long as the new human doesn't live in this house!
L: Err ... thanks ... I think?

MK: Next time I need inspiration, I'll just clip your claws and brush your teeth.
EM: That's not even funny to joke about Momma.
L: Why do I always have to go first?
EM: Because you're too stupid to hide. You just run around in circles.
L: I'm not TOO STUPID ... I'm err ... too FAT! I run to all the places I COULD hide and then realize I don't fit.
EM: That should teach you not to eat my food.
L: But your food tastes better.
EM: Then why do you eat MY food AND your food?
L: Erm ... well, Ellie plots Momma's murder for hours after her teeth being brushed!
EM: MURDER is a little extreme. I do briefly consider what my life would be like if Momma was run over by a bus ...
L: Did I mention I'm looking for a new human?
EM: But after about 60 seconds, I realize that without Momma, we'd be stuck with Daddy.
L: {GASP}.
EM: I know, right!?! You want inspiration, Momma?! Envision me and Latte with only Daddy!
EM: It's not even fair. But he's also not Momma.
L: That's true. Mommas are always better.
EM: I thought you were looking for a new home?
L: Erm ... maybe tomorrow.

© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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  1. Still smiling! I got transported back in time to what I endured coming from the backseat of the car, with three boys...starting with "Mom! He touched me!"

    1. My brother used to slap himself and say "oww!" I got in so much trouble. But that's nothing compared to our arguments over who was on whose side. I was convinced that since I was bigger, I should get more of the backseat. Hahaha.

  2. OMCs Katie Isabella and her Mom cracked me up. Thank you for the fun post
    Hugs Cecilia

    1. Thankfully, when I take the cats to the vet together, I don't have to listen to that from the backseat!

  3. da tabbies o trout towneNovember 14, 2023 at 12:13 PM

    ellie mae, ewe noe and we noe that de red dot IZ reel, just like de flyin trout IZ reel, and latte, if ewe go two linked inn ore inn deed they can help ewe with a grate rez oomay, tho frank lee we think yur mom and dad total lee rock ‼️

    1. Hmph. I could do with more Squeeze-ups, more play time, and less claw-clipping! ~Latte

  4. Sweet kitties and fun post with lol captions and words ~ Xo

    Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

  5. Amarula: Latte I think you'd look great in a tin foil hat! If you find the instructions as to how Bear made the hat please send them my way! I know Frodo is trying to read my mind!

    1. Might I recommend that Frodo wear the hat? That way, he can't read your mind and he's the one that looks ridiculous. ~Latte

  6. Ahahaha, kitty girls, such a fuss! Just for the record, our tabbies say stripes are 😎 cool, and our house Panthers say, we ARE geniuses.

  7. Latte, you may think you want a new home...but seriously...there's no better than the one you already got. ;)

    1. There could be more Squeeze-ups ... and more toys ... ~Latte

  8. Stick with your real home sweetie, changes aren't often worth a hoot!

    1. You're right. I should just sell my sisfur on eBay and use the money to buy more Squeeze-ups. ~Latte

  9. You two are funny. :) I really think Latte is Bear reincarnated. XO

  10. I highly weccommend getting a westwaining odor. It's been wurking wonderpurrly since I got one against Wabbit. Meanwhile I'm needing a paying job because I want to hire someone to catnap Gidget. She gets on my last nerve and I want her gone. As always yoo all bwing me smiles. Love, Dori

    1. If you find someone who catnaps, please let me know. Latte should take a hike ... ~Ellie Mae

  11. You two make us laugh! But no matter what (and even if you're having a crisis) you both have the best forever home. :)

    1. I guess my life isn't QUITE over ... I do have Momma. ~Ellie Mae

  12. Poor Ellie Mae, you do have a hard life with all the crises you go through. Latte, it is better to stick with the devil you know. Ermm, I wasn't suggesting Momma Kat is a devil. She has a lot to put up with!

  13. {Snicker, snicker) Life is tough when you're a kitty.

  14. OK, so as to the whole weight question? Mrs H says I'm like one of those transformers, look small and compact yet house a huge earth-saving potential. That's my excuse for a few extra pounds.

    1. We think whatever works for you is what you should do! We certainly have a little extra extra 'round here!

  15. Ellie, how could you doubt Woodrow's love for you?!? He would love to see your tabby stripes.

    1. Well, see, we all know my Momma's obsessed with you, Woodrow. I am too. But I wasn't sure if my feelings were returned. ~Ellie Mae


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