Tuesday, January 22, 2019

His Royal Beariness

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

MK: {thinking} I'm so glad we're over Bear's counter cruising. I can't remember the last time I saw him up there! I guess it's probably a sign of his age - which makes me sad ... but it's nice to know I can leave things out now without fear of Bear trying to fight them or knock them off the counter.
{THUNK!}
MK: {busy with her work and thinking at the same time} Huh? Eh. Being the pack rat I am, that could be anything. I'll clean it up in a minute.
{A few minutes pass}
BC: He he he. She has no clue. NO CLUE! I've been up here for ten minutes and she has no idea. She ignored the signs since I made her think I don't get on the counter anymore. Can you say ... GENIUS?

BC: On second thought, I'm technically not on the counter ... I'm on the stove. My brilliant geniusity frightens me sometimes.
{Pause}
BC: Watch this. I'm going to knock this lid to the floor and she still won't figure it out!

{WHACK!}
{CLATTER!}
MK: {thinking} Darn pots! How annoying! They always fall out of the cabinet.
{THUNK!}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BYE! It's after me! It's after me!

{Bear streaks past Momma and takes off down the hall}
MK: Huh. That's interesting. {noticing the aftermath} What the ... BEAR!
BC: {from somewhere deep in the house} I DIDN'T DO IT!
MK: Do what?
BC: I didn't knock the lid to the pot to the floor ... 
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: So it had help. I can't believe I missed the TELL TALE signs of a cat on the counter.
BC: Technically, I wasn't on the counter.
MK: It's been so long since I've heard that "THUNK!" and an item falling to the floor. I didn't realize what it was at first.
BC: I wasn't on the counter and I was ALMOST KILLED by the lid! And all you can talk about is THUNKS!
MK: Maybe you should've kept your paws to yourself.
BC: What fun is that? If I hadn't knocked something off the counter, you wouldn't have ever known I was up there! What's the point of being on the counter ... err ... stove, if you don't know that I was on the counter ... err ... stove?
MK: So you get up there for my benefit.
BC: You're welcome. But I also get up there to check for tasty whole chickens. You snooze, you lose - and no chicken is safe from me.
MK: And how many chickens have you found on that counter?
BC: They hide. They know the unspeakable things I'd do to them.
MK: AND you managed to freak yourself out when the lid hit the floor. The lid YOU knocked off the counter.
BC: I don't know what you're talking about.
MK: And what's really freaky about this whole thing is that I was JUST thinking about you not getting on the counter anymore.
BC: For the last time ... I WASN'T ON THE COUNTER! I was on the stove! 
MK: Thank you for clarifying that.
BC: Phht. If you have eyes in the back of your head and know what I'm doing before I do it - I get some voodoo who-do magic too! Although ...
{Pause}
BC: You had no idea I was on the counter ... 
MK: {AHEM!}
BC: WHAT? 
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I was on the STOVE. I was on the stove! But you didn't even know it, so maybe your powers are waning or I'm getting smarter about masking my thoughts.
{Bear jumps up on the table next to where Momma's working}

MK: You look ridiculous.
BC: You don't see ME telling you that you look ridiculous when you're dancing ... or with your doughnut butt!
MK: Actually ....
BC: Fine. MUCH. I don't tell you MUCH.
MK: So that's what happened to the tin foil.
BC: You're just jealous you didn't think of it first.
MK: Aluminum foil doesn't do any good at hiding your thoughts.
BC: Hmph. I'm not stupid.
MK: Okay. I'm not wearing tin foil ... What am I thinking?
BC: We really need to get rid of Smellie.
MK: Now?
BC: This is a stupid game to play with your cat.
MK: Those were all your own thoughts.
BC: RATS! Let me take this off. My thoughts must be reflecting back my way.
{Pause}
BC: There. Let's try that again.
MK: What am I thinking?
BC: You don't think.
MK: You set me up.
BC: I thought it was pretty funny.
MK: Say goodbye to your aluminum foil hat.
BC: At least put it to some good use ... like over Smellie's face.
EM: What's going on out here?
BC: You wouldn't understand.
EM: Awww ... come on, Bear.
{Pause}
EM: Are you doing your business?
BC: Do I look like a bus?
EM: Excuse me?
BC: Buses do bus-i-ness. I do Beariness. Beariness is personal dealings or transactions of Bear.
MK: That is the STUPIDEST thing you've ever ...
{Pause}
MK: No. Hmmm. That doesn't even rank in the top ten.
EM: Huh. Makes sense to me. Momma? Did you know buses do business?

MK: Ellie, STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING BEAR SAYS! 
EM: So buses don't do business?
MK: You know what? You two deserve each other.
BC: HEY! I don't deserve Smellie!
{Pause}
BC: There's a pile of barf around here somewhere with your name on it, Momma.
MK: OH! A chance to try out the new cleaner we're supposed to review!
BC: YAY! Bear barfed all over the bed! Way to go! Bear barfed all over the closet. And I GET TO CLEAN IT UP! PAR-TAY!
MK: Haha. I get it. Excitement about cleaning up barf is a little ... misplaced.
BC: Misplaced? You don't get out much!
{Momma walks off in search of vomit}
EM: Hahahaha. The barf and your attitude? Beariness!
BC: That sounds cute and cuddly when you say it.
EM: You like to cuddle with Momma.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You never know who's listening! I have NO IDEA WHAT you're talking about! I am NOT a Momma's ...
MK: {from the other room} BEAR CAT KAT!
EM: She found it.
BC: Give me some credit. "It?" "It"s are for cats like you. More like she found the WHOOOOOOOOSH!
MK: {walking into the room} How is it that you managed to barf in THREE ROOMS?!
BC: Err ... my aim was off?
MK: The second Chewy item we ordered this month is a cleaner to clean up all the things that get messy around here.
BC: HEY! Get your nose out of my ...
EM: I found a place to spray it! Actually ... you can spray it all up in that direction.
BC: HEY! You're the one we call Smellie!
EM: Only because it rhymes with my name! You actually ARE smelly. Boys.
MK: Wait wait wait. This cleaner isn't for cats - it's to clean up pet messes on floors.
BC: Let me get this straight ... you chose carpet cleaner as one of the two choices we get from Chewy this month? I don't even know you anymore.

EM: He's right, Momma. Carpet cleaner? How could you?


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Disclosure: We received Nature's Miracle Advanced Dog Stain & Odor Remover - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Nature's Miracle nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post. #ChewyInfluencer

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{Pause}

EM: Wait a minute ... this says it's for DOG messes! We don't have a dog! 
{Pause}
EM: {looking around} Do we?
BC: If you have to ask ...
EM: Because Bear said ... and now this ...
BC: Hahaha. SURPRISE! You're a dog!
EM: I don't believe that! You made me think I'm a dolphin ... a horse ... but even I know I'm not a dog.
BC: Bark!
EM: Arf.
{Pause}
EM: Holy tuna-sticks! I'm good at that!
{Pause}
EM: ARF! ARF ARRRRRRRRF! ARF!
The Boy: {walking in the front door} Err ... excuse me, I must have the wrong house.
EM: NO! Daddy! WAIT! I'm a dog! I can roll over and fetch and ...
BC: Be annoying ...
The Boy: Don't listen to Bear. You're not a dog.
EM: Awwww ... I was starting to like life as a dog. Can I be a dog? PLEASE?
BC: My sister's a fourth wit. Not even a HALF wit. Just a fourth! Then again, very dog-like.

EM: THANKS! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
BC: Hmmm ... relatively ... yeah, probably.
EM: Can I be a dog?
The Boy: Ask your Momma.
{Momma and The Boy look at each other}
MK: Thanks.
EM: Can I be a dog, Momma? PLEASE?!
The Boy: I don't even know what to say.
BC: Life is better that way.
MK: GREAT! You can help me clean up Bear's barf trail through three rooms!
BC: Yes, yes. I know. I outdid myself. I knew we had this cleaner to test ... aren't I helpful?
MK: The cleaner we're trying is Nature's Miracle Advanced Dog Stain & Odor Remover. It's for use on carpets, hard floors, furniture and fabric. AND it's safe for pets.

{Pause}
MK: Nature's Miracle Advanced Stain and Odor Remover uses enzymes to remove organic material like urine, diarrhea, vomit and blood from floors and surfaces. Nature's Miracle claims it's so effective that the odors are eliminated - which reduces the chance of re-soiling.
BC: Good luck. This cleaner's never met ME before.
MK: Let's test it and see how well it cleans up Bear's messes.
BC: One person's mess is another person's masterpiece.
MK: Okay. First, pick up the solids and blot as much of the stain as possible. Next, spray the spot thoroughly and wait fifteen minutes.
{Twenty minutes pass}
MK: After fifteen minutes, blot the stain out and let the area dry for twenty-four hours. TADA!
{Pause}
MK: Here's spot number one ...
{Momma shows what the stain looks like now}

{Pause}
MK: And here's spot number two ...
{Momma shows what the stain looks like now}

MK: Not bad? Right? And without harsh cleaning chemicals!
BC: WHAT?!?! There's NO sign of my barf extravaganza! No record of my barf-ploits? There HAS to be a record! If there's no record, it's like it never happened! Like, "On this side here is Bear's barf-a-pallooza from 2013. Notice the intricate detail!" "And over here we have Bear's barftastic episode from 2015. Notice the stain is in the shape of ..."
The Boy: Your Momma gets that one.
BC: I must up my barf game. Barf like no one's ever barfed before. I accept the challenge. In fact, I've got one I've been saving for a special occasion. 
MK: Oh, for the love. Carpet cleaner isn't glamorous, but it's important - especially when one has a barf-master like Bear. As I've said before, Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?

Interested in trying 
Nature's Miracle Advanced Dog Stain & Odor Remover? Go visit Chewy and order a bottle for your favorite feline (or pup)!

Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.


Featured post:
To read more about what Bear's "things" are ... It's a Bear thing.

48 comments:

  1. Momma Kat should know by now that you should never second guess a cat, eh Bear Cat? You look mighty cute on that counter top but it looks remarkably free of any treats you could pinch!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That sure looks like some good cleaner and we so need that around here. When the cats toss their cookies, it is really hard to clean up. Thanks for that good info. Have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've learned that lesson over and over recently. Mr. Bear is having furball issues and it gets pretty messy.

      Delete
  3. Good for you still counter surfing Bear! Hey, we use that cleaning stuff here when some of the others make a mess!

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  4. dood.....chex out sum time archie mcphee's tin foil hat for cats....noe joke !!! ewe could
    total lee bee a spokez cat....wavez two ewe ellie N yez ewe shuld bee leeve EVEREE THING yur
    brother sayz ;) ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does being a spokescat come with compensation? Because at this rate, I'll never get my tasty whole chicken farm! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. That product looks like a good cleaner ! Purrs

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  6. Bear, I guess you really are going to need to up your barf game with that cleaner around. But really, you should keep your barf extravaganzas to a minimum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What fun is that? I mean, no joys of hearing humans curse after stepping in one? My Momma is the worst - I always hang around to learn some words ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Where do I even start? Bear, I do not understand that your Mamma Kat can't understand the importance of semantics. It was clear you were on the stove NOT the counter! I must say, you do look rather dapper sporting a tin foil hat. And, finally, CARPET CLEANER from Chewy???? Oh the horror, the selfishness, the complete lack of concern for the well being of the felines in your household. This cannot be allowed to happen again. I propose we felines create a group called CIOFC (Chewy Is Only For Cats) and insist that our humans sign a contract holding them to this.
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto & The Tribe of Five

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Works for us! Like we're dirty anyway! Not like those humans stinky males! Momma says she got the cleaner because Ellie and I have gotten really picky about food and she's tired of month after month us turning up our noses. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. We've used that stuff and it. is. amazing!

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  9. Looks like that cleaner really does a good job on your barf Bear.

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  10. Mudpie is on the counter all the time. She even has her own mug of water up there. (Spoiled much? LOL) She wants to know if her yummy belly picture today is going up on Bear's wall?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ohhh up on the stove! I remember the days I could get up places. Enjoy your adventures, Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  12. That would probably work on Lexy's barf. I never barf, so all the stains are her fault. Uh oh.. here she comes. I better run.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh Bear, we think we might be able to hurl better than you. We send out purrjectiles that can fly from one side of the room to the other. MOL Glad ya'll liked the cleaner. We thought 'bout it, but cuz it was fur dogs, mommy figgered it wouldn't be strong enuff. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Momma was pretty impressed. She usually just uses regular soap and water - but this stuff seems to work at least as well.

      Delete
  14. Chuck once barfed down the cold air return; that was a heck of a cleanup!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EWWWW! Don't give Bear any ideas ... that sounds like his department!

      Delete
  15. Wow! That cleaner did a great job! Believe it or not, we get barf stains out with just water and elbow grease.

    Bear, does Ellie jump on the stove or counter too? Pierrot once walked across our stove when it was still very hot. We never saw him move so quickly, poor guy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I usually just use regular soap and water - but this stuff seems to work at least as well. I've only seen Ellie up on the counter once. Right after we adopted Bear, he ran across a hot stove too. Poor guy was burned on his paw pads. I shudder to even think of it.

      Delete
  16. AMARULA: Bear! No one wears aluminum foil like you do! and I love how they are finally calling you ROYAL as you deserve -ps I am sure nothing you ever do smells!

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    Replies
    1. Don't you think I'd be more smokin' in full aluminum foil body armor? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. We think we may need something like that because stains show up a lot on the carpet in our new house.

    Love your aluminium hat, Bear!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh oh. I almost don't care after ten years ... but I at least try.

      Delete
  18. oh my Mama HATES when I counter (and stove) surf too Bear!! I'm older than you and I still do it! Oh, I have been throwing up lately and maybe my Mom should change cleaners to the one you used? Love, Cody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older by what? A day? Our Moms underestimate us at their own peril ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  19. Oooh, I like the sound of that. We get round the need for chemicals by having wood or stone floors. PLUS I have my secret ingredient: Mrs H! Yup, just one squirt from Mrs H and her bottle of elbow grease and a myriad of problems dissolve away. Buy now at my local on-line store for the bargain price of just $300 a week plus air fare for two to Bermuda (not the triangle!)
    Purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does Mrs H have a sister? Brother? Asking for a friend of course.

      Delete
  20. That stain remover is like magic!!
    Bear you are a CAT's CAT...keep up the counter surfin'
    Hugs Cecilia

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  21. Bear, if TroutTowneTabbies say it, it's too. Order up that hat and ;et us know if any thought waves come through or go out. If they don't do either..then I'm spending my allowance on one so momma can't find me when I'm hiding. I love scaring the hair off her head when I hide.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is pretty fun, isn't it? Especially when they start running around frantically trying to figure if you got out!

      Delete
  22. That cleaner sounds pretty effective. We'll have to check it out! As for still being able to counter surf (re, um, we mean stove surf) ... well done, Bear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you know any surfer babes? Especially of the tortie variety? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  23. You're just doing your job, right, Bear? If cleaners need to be reviewed, then something needs to be cleaned up! Good job!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  24. Ellie, you don't want to be a doggie. They never bathe themselves and they drool and do other weird things. I know, 'cause I live with one. My Mom has some sort of spray in the closet. She gets it out on occasion like when the doggie leaves muddy footprints or yacks. And when the doggie does that it amounts to a whole bowl of food and the looks of the mess makes my skin crawl and makes mom want to yack! Tee hee hee.

    ReplyDelete

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