EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat]
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
MK: Ellie, Latte!
EM: I'm TIRED. Being this gorgeous is exhausting.
L: THAT gorgeous?!? Hahaha. You don't know the half of it, sister! I rock 70 different colors, and you don't hear me complaining!
EM: I don't remember asking you.
MK: Everyone up and at 'em!
EM: Whhhhhhhhhhyyyy?!?!
L: What are you doing?
MK: Putting something together.
L: What?! Your dignity?!
EM: This better be worth my while! And involve treats.
MK: You'll see.
L: Did you read the instructions?
MK: OF COURSE! I'm not your Daddy!
L: Are you sure you're doing it right?
MK: Just wait!
{Pause}
MK: TADA!
L: What does it do?
MK: It's a cool extra-special scratcher house! Only the house is a coffee shop! Every Latte needs a coffee shop!
L: Does it say "cool extra-special scratcher" on the box?
MK: No!
L: Good, because I'd argue against truth in advertising.
MK: Oh, come on! Try it!
EM: You know Latte's going to ruin it?!
MK: Why would she do that?
EM: Do you KNOW her?
{Latte goes inside}
L: Hmmm ... just have to run a few tests. Momma, walk past my shop!
MK: Why?
L: Just do it!
{Latte swats at Kat through the window as she walks past}
L: Okay! Now we're getting somewhere! Ellie! Walk past my coffee shop!
EM: No, thanks!
L: Okay. I'll pretend!
{Pause}
L: {sticking her paw out to swipe at imaginary Ellie} Hmm ... got you! This will work!
EM: I would never walk that close to you.
L: You would if you didn't know I was there!
EM: You're a big cat to miss!
L: Don't make me come out there!
EM: I'm not scared of you!
L: {leaving the coffee shop} Say that "fat kitty" joke to my ...
EM: This is niiiiiiiiiiiiiice! Totally worth giving up a nap! It just needs a picture of Woodrow on the wall.
L: HEY! That's my coffee shop!
EM: Bite me!
L: Get out of MY coffee shop, or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll tear your coffee shop down!
EM: Like you're one of the three not-so-little pigs? How accurate. Go ahead. But you'll ruin the coffee shop!
L: MOMMA! Tell Ellie to leave my coffee shop!
MK: You can give Ellie a turn.
L: But I'm the boss of my coffee shop! My coffee shop! My choice!
MK: Latte ...
{Latte whaps Ellie's behind}
EM: {leaving the coffee shop} HEY!
{Latte runs in and alternates throwing her weight around and whapping Ellie when she gets too close}
EM: HEY! What are you doing to my coffee shop?!?
L: Mind your own beeswax!
EM: See, Momma?!? I TOLD you she'd ruin it! She's why we can't have nice things!
L: You don't need nice things when you have me.
L: After all that hard work, I need some snacks. See ya later!
EM: Momma! Put it back together for me!
MK: Okay. Okay.
EM: QUICK! Before she gets back!
{Kat puts the house back together}
EM: Oh. This IS nice. I have my scratcher ... some peace and quiet. I look pretty, right, Momma? I just need a name for my place. How about "Pretty Panther Princess's Place?"
{Pause}
EM: I could take a nap! Mmmm ...
L: HEY! No sleeping on the job!
EM: We're closed! Come back later!
L: Your fat is spilling out of the side of the shop!
EM: GO AWAY!
L: I want a black coffee ... TO GO!
EM: I'm not leaving!
L: {lunging at Ellie} Oh?
EM: What is your problem? I bet it's hard to pronounce!
L: Excuse me a minute ...
EM: You're NOT excused.
L: Time out! Stop whapping me!
EM: Go away!
L: HEY! Stop whapping me! I said ... TIME OUT! My foot is dirty!
EM: I am so sick of your crap.
L: Leave my crap out of this. Speaking of ... I need to use the little girl's room.
EM: It hasn't been a little girl's room since you moved in!
L: How rude.
EM: I need to redecorate. Momma, can you get me a picture of you and a picture of Woodrow?
MK: Okay.
EM: Can you make a sign that says "No Daddies allowed!"
MK: Ellie, that's a bit mean.
EM: NO. DADDIES. ALLOWED.
EM: Now, if I knock down this wall and install a drive-thru ...
{Pause}
EM: Or a nice patio ...
L: No picture of Woodrow!
EM: This is my coffee house! If I want a picture of my boyfriend ... HEY! What's your problem?!?
L: I ate your picture of Woodrow.
EM: What else is new? You EAT everything!
L: Take that back!
EM: NO!
L: I mean it ... last chance ... ARRRRRRRRRRGG!
MK: AHHHHHEMMM!!!
L: What?
MK: I'd like to place an order at your coffee shop!
L: We don't take customer orders ...
{Pause}
L: ... unless you order a Latte.
L: {mumbling} At least cheaper ...
EM: That Latte should come with a warning ... extra spicy! And only one size ... Trenta.
L: No one asked you!
EM: Your customer service sucks!
L: I'm a cat. I don't SERVE anyone!
EM: I'm a cat and Momma's best friend!
L: Do you have any self-respect?
EM: I'm going to put up another picture of Woodrow, right here.
EM: There. Under NEW MANAGEMENT! Can I take your order?
EM: Satisfaction guaranteed.
MK: I'll take a black coffee!
EM: Coming right up!
L: She has no self-respect.
EM: Ermm ... Momma, you know I don't actually have black coffee? I mean, when you mentioned black coffee, you were referring to me, right? If I guarantee satisfaction with your order, I have to make sure you won't be disappointed.
MK: Yes, Ellie. You're purrfect.
L: Barf.
EM: I love you, Momma.
L: Show off.
MK: I love you, too, Ellie!
EM: Just so you know, this coffee shop isn't better than your lap.
MK: I understand.
L: I'm going to toss my cookies.
EM: I didn't know you had cookies! What flavor are the cookies?
L: {sigh} They are tuna cookies.
EM: OHHH! Where?!
L: In my office.
EM: In the bathroom on the bathmat?
L: Yep.
EM: {running to the bathroom} Bye.
L: I better destroy the coffee shop before she gets back!
MK: LATTE!
L: WHAT?!?
MK: That was a mean trick.
EM: {walking back into the room} I didn't find any tuna cookies, but I found some tasty dried-out wet food! {GASP!!!} My coffee house!!!
MK: Don't worry, Ellie. I'll put it back together.
EM: Are you sure? Can you leave the drive-thru?
MK: Yeah!
{Kat puts the shop back together}
MK: TADA!
L: MINE.
MK: Latte, you don't even WANT the coffee shop! You just don't want your sisfur to have it.
L: What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?
EM: Wait! I thought this was a coffee shop! Why does the price of tea matter in a coffee shop?!?
L: Too busy to talk ... remodeling!!!
EM: You're destroying my coffee shop!
L: I'm BUSY!
EM: Momma! She's destroying my coffee shop!
L: No one likes a tattle-tale!
EM: No one likes a bully who doesn't even want a coffee shop but destroys it so her sisfur can't have it!
L: I'm not destroying it! I'm gently REMODELING!
EM: The result is the same!
L: Don't you think it's a little dark in the coffee house?
EM: Well, okay, but ...
{Pause}
EM: Momma! Do something! I can't hold up this end for much longer!
L: HIIIII-YAH!
{Pause}
L: THERE! More light!
EM: It's not exactly a skylight! Beware free remodelers!
L: Fine. I'll put it back!
EM: Well ... it is kind of nice to have extra light ...
L: Then stop complaining!
{Pause}
L: Hmmm ... nice. If I do say so myself ...
MK: Ellie! What are you doing sitting on the roof?!
EM: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
{Pause}
EM: Besides, I like the extra light. It really opens up the space.
L: You're welcome!
EM: Though, now, it's a little drafty.
L: Make up your mind!
MK: I'll take care of this and put it back together again.
EM: Thanks, Momma!!!
L: {sigh} More work for Latte.
Then, things go off the rails ...
L: WHAT?!?! I'm taking a break!
L: Hmmm .... enough?
{Pause}
L: No.
{Pause}
EM: Momma, can you put it back together?!?
MK: Erm ... I don't think so.
EM: Latte ruins everything!
L: Okay. Now I'm done. Phew! That was hard work! I need a nap.
{Pause}
L: Goodbye, coffee house! Even several rolls of duct tape and my determined Momma can't put you back together!
EM: Now, where will I hang my picture of Woodrow?!?
L: I have an idea!
MK: NO. NO, you DO NOT.
EM: I want to hear her idea!
MK: It's not an idea! She's just going to be mean.
EM: No one messes with my boyfriend!
MK: LATTE!
L: What?!
MK: Leave it!
L: You're no fun!
EM: I think you've had enough fun for one day thankyouverymuch!
© 2024 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2024. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured post:
Girls, you have absolutely totally completely outdone yourselves today. My Mom is snortin' and laffin'. And she said she will recommend this one to some friends too, who aren't bloggers. You girls are a blast.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'M a blast. My sisfur is a dull stick in the mud. ~Latte
DeleteWhat a cute building. Love it...a cat coffee house for Latte. To clever. Although when you remodel, you may need to upgrade your Wifi signal...I think I saw some dangling wires. :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha! SOME Momma won't let us have phones or computers ... so not sure wi-fi is necessary ...
DeleteThat was a supercharged demolition if ever I saw it. An epic 'how not to do a home/coffee shop makeover' disaster movie. Still, you had fun, and that's what starting your own business is all about. Maybe next time, get your staff to build a wooden one, with restrooms and parking out front. Drive-through Cat Nip! Also, add an electric car charging point so Latte can charge the Tesla (or tank) she'll get with all the dollars she'll earn off the passing trade?
ReplyDeleteERin
We should totally get our own home renovation show! ~Latte
DeleteQuite the creative kitties, post and photos ~ and dialog is great ~ have fun ~ hugs,
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
We do our best :)
DeleteLatte I would so love to have you open your Coffee Shop here in Raleigh. I would go each day. Give Mama Kat a big standing ovation for this post
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
You'd have to order a Latte, though ... ~Latte
DeleteWhat a darling coffee shop! You kitties are too cute.
ReplyDeleteCute, but ferocious, right? ~Latte
DeleteYour coffee shop is (was?) pawsome.
ReplyDelete"Was" is probably most accurate ...
Deletehay ewe galz..due knot bee sew hard on each other, stuffz just
ReplyDeleteknot qual a tee any mor….ya buy a houz spectin plaster wallz N
they bee prezz bored….roof iz spozed ta haz shingullz and ya get
paper platez …..floorz shuld bee concreet and they bee shale
any way, yur coffee shop waz awesum ther for thoz few moe mintz ‼️💙🐟😺
I really liked it, though! Sisfurs ruin everything! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteMOL that adorable coffee shop never stood a chance. "I rock 70 different colors"...priceless answer!
ReplyDeleteTorties just don't get the respect ... ~Latte
DeleteHA! That was really fun you two and you sure made shot work of your remodeling project!
ReplyDeleteIt was a lot of work! I napped for three hours afterward! ~Latte
DeleteGreat idea to have a drive thru. Looks like your coffee house ended up in recycling like part of Rosie's boat. :)
ReplyDeleteCats aren't bad for the environment, right? We always recycle. ~Latte
DeleteDang. That was a major renovation, you two! The patio and drive through are a nice touch. :)
ReplyDeleteMy Momma certainly didn't appreciate them! She kept trying to "fix" them! ~Latte
DeleteThat was a lot of renovation, but maybe you would be more suited to demolition work!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to put that on my resume! ~Latte
DeleteWoodrow is going to drop a photo in the mail for you, Ells. Maybe two in case Latte eats it again.
ReplyDeleteReally?!? Great!!! ~Your Ells
DeleteAMARULA: Oh my God I want one! Instead of a coffee shop however, I'd like a jail and I think you can imagine who the first two prisoners would be!
ReplyDeleteThey can cuddle in there so no one else has to see it!
Delete