EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat]
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
MK: Food time, Hungry Hungry Hippos!
EM: I hate that joke! I'm not a hippo. I'm a PRINCESS. You may call me ...
L: Hmmm ... if we eat, are we acknowledging that we are hungry hippos because we accept that she is speaking to us?
EM: Oh, SHUT UP, Latte!
{Kat opens the can of wet food to feed the cats}
L: Feed me! FEED me! feed ME! FEED ME!!!
EM: Look at my tail, Momma! Isn't my tail pretty? Tell me how pretty I am!!!
L: No. FEED ME.
EM: ADMIRE ME. Then feed me.
MK: Yes, Ellie. Your tail is very pretty. Thank you for doing your little dance for me.
L: That ain't nuthin' lady! Watch this!
{Latte jumps up on the counter and struts back and forth ... then tries to eat from both plates}
MK: Okay! Everyone out of the kitchen!
L: {jumping down} FOOD!
EM: Tell me my tail is pretty, Momma!
MK: {sigh}. Here's your food.
EM: TELL ME. MY TAIL. IS PRETTY!
MK: Your tail is pretty, Ellie.
EM: You're not just saying that, right?
MK: Of course not.
{Kat sets down the plates in each cat's specified meal area ... and goes back to the kitchen to clean up}
{Ten minutes pass and Kat comes back out}
MK: Where's Ellie?
The Boy: I don't know!
MK: You were here the whole time!
The Boy: I was busy!
L: What's going on?
MK: Where's your sisfur?
L: I don't know. I was busy eating.
MK: Did you eat your sisfur?
L: Ha. Ha. Doesn't that joke get old?
The Boy: Do you know your Momma?
L: I'm really getting tired of the fat kitty jokes. I'm 15 1/2 lbs of tortie floofiness. Get over it.
MK: I thought you would be our "small" cat!
L: Yeah, well, I thought I'd get Squeeze-ups at every meal!
EM: {walking into the room} I get Squeeze-ups! And I'm floofier than you are! I'm {mumbling} pounds of floofy panther princess! Momma, tell her!
MK: It's not a competition!
EM: Tell her! I'm your Princess Pretty Pants because of my floofy bloomers! Latte doesn't HAVE floofy bloomers!
L: But I have stripe-y pants! YOU don't have stripe-y pants!
EM: Yeah, well, the stripes make your butt look bigger!
MK: Oh, geez.
L: Besides not getting Squeeze-ups, I didn't think you'd clip my claws when you adopted me! I was screwed!
MK: You know why I clip your claws.
L: I need to defend myself!
MK: Against what?
L: Erm ... Ellie?
EM: That's not very nice! You attack ME!
L: Sparkle balls ...
EM: She's right about that. Sparkle balls are tricky. They sit there looking all innocent and ... sparkly ... but they'll cut a cat if your back is turned.
MK: I've never seen a sparkle attack you.
EM: That's because I never turn my back on one!
L: And I need claws to hunt!
MK: Hunt what? Daddy's toes?!
L: I don't do that anymore! No! I have to hunt for food; otherwise, I'll starve!
MK: Eating off your sisfur's plate doesn't count as hunting. Neither does burying your micey in the litter box or dropping them in your water bowl.
L: Different strokes for different folks.
MK: No. Nowhere in history does that count as hunting.
L: Then history is wrong!
MK: Oh! And what about when you destroyed your coffee shop?! I bought you the best scratcher house, and you decimated it so savagely I couldn't put it back together again.
EM: Yeah! It was a nice place!
MK: Every Latte needs a coffee shop ...
L: Another old joke.
EM: The saying should be that every Ellie needs a coffee shop. But Ellie DOES NOT need a Latte. If I drank coffee, I'd drink decaf.
L: Of course you would. You're boring. Live a little.
EM: I'm not BORING! I'm distinguished and TASTEFUL! I'm a GOOD GIRL. Besides, when you live a little, things get destroyed around here!
{Pause}
EM: WAIT! Earlier, you said you expected Latte to be your "small" cat! What does that say about me?
L: That you're dumb since it took you five minutes to realize that.
EM: I'm going to tell everyone the REAL story about what happened to your coffee house!
L: Fake news.
EM: Momma has pictures!
The Boy: Ellie, why don't you ever ask me to tell you how pretty you are?
EM: Phht. As IF.
The Boy: While Momma was out of town, you let me pet you and hold you.
EM: Hmph. I acquiesced because you kept following me around. I un-fired you temporarily out of a necessity for a lap. I tried to sit in Latte's lap, and she wasn't amused.
L: No. No. I was NOT.
The Boy: Come here, Ellie! Give Daddy cuddles!
EM: NO! It's OVER! GoodBYE!
The Boy: What?
EM: You're re-fired!
The Boy: Why?
EM: Momma's home! What do I need YOU for?
L: Oh, DAMN!
EM: What?! You know it's true!
L: Yeah, but I wouldn't say it OUT LOUD to Daddy's face!
The Boy: HEY! I feel VERY unappreciated! If I hadn't been here, you wouldn't have gotten wet food, fresh water, or pets for three days!
EM: Umm ... thanks for keeping us alive?
L: Yeah!
The Boy: You're welcome! Now, about those pets ...
EM: Not THAT thankful, now-again-fired-Daddy.
L: Yeah. Thanks for keeping us alive until Momma got home.
The Boy: I feel like a Not-the-Momma.
L: EXACTLY!
EM: You don't just FEEL like a Not-the-Momma, you ARE a Not-the-Momma.
The Boy: Next time Momma's out of town, I'm not giving any pets!
EM: Can I get that in writing?
{Kat laughs out loud}
The Boy: What are YOU laughing about?! You're always the cats' favorite!
EM: I think it's time to reevaluate your life choices, now-again-fired-Daddy.
The Boy: I don't use old jokes! I'm the funny one! Why doesn't anyone like me?!?!
MK: I like you!
The Boy: You don't count because you're not a cat!
MK: Excuse me?
EM: Life choices, now-again-fired-Daddy. Life choices.
The Boy: Stop calling me "now-again-fired-Daddy!"
MK: So I don't count?
The Boy: You don't count in this conversation because you aren't furry!
MK: Oh. So now I don't count in this conversation, either!
EM: You have bigger problems than what I call you ... now Momma's mad at you, and you're in BIG trouble!
STAY TUNED FOR THE DIRT ON LATTE AND HER COFFEE SHOP ...
© 2024 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2024. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
If you missed Bear naming The Boy "Not-the-Momma" ...
Good Meowning Girls! Listening to you two is like having my own kids back again here at home. XXXX
ReplyDeleteMy Mom grew up with a brother, so she's VERY experienced in these sibling matters! ~Latte
DeleteWOW, that is quite the dining adventure! Everyone here just sits patiently and waits to be served!
ReplyDeleteThat would be nice!
DeleteUmmm kinda sounds like feeding time here. MOL MOL MOL
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
I understand it applies to human kids, too!
Deletenothin wrong with poundage! tuna waz knot called de big katoona just
ReplyDeletebee cauz! hay, we due knot think we hada chanze ta say happee mew yeer
two ewe all…sew happee mew yeer 🌟😺💙🐟‼️
Hahaha! We love Tuna!
DeleteCreative and fun post ~ great kitty photos and 'conversations' ~ thanks,
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteYou are both beautiful and not hippos now please just eat. :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha. After the food gets passed out, it's the most quiet this house gets!
DeleteUh-oh...foiled by the clever cats again. Poor fired Daddy.
ReplyDeleteNow-again-fired Daddy ...
Deletewe think R commint wented ta cyburr space….we rited that poundage’z
ReplyDeleteizza good thing! tuna waz knot de big katoona just bee cauz ‼️
Hahaha! We love Tuna!
DeleteAt my house there are 13 of us, and evfurrybuddy wants their noms served first. It's definitely a circus, what with some of us getting pwescwiptshun noms, and Candy can't have any kibble cuz she's stretching her calico cat suit. Have yoo considered InstaCat for nom deliveries? It might be a solution to evfurryone getting exactly what they want, when they want it. Love, Dori
ReplyDeleteWe can't imagine the circus at your house! Kat's hands are full keeping Latte from eating Ellie's food and chasing Ellie around with her plate to get her to eat!
DeleteI honestly thought Latte would be a small cat! She was small for her age, all the time I had her. Or maybe we didn’t estimate her age right . . .
ReplyDeleteCan’t wait to hear about the coffee shop. Linda
The only thing I can figure that indicated she'd be on the large size is that she had huge paws for her size as a kitten. But she'll always be our kitten :)
DeleteYou girls are too funny! I can't wait to hear about the coffee shop either :)
ReplyDeleteIt's very spicy!
DeleteYou two always make us smile. :)
ReplyDelete"Then history is wrong!" MOL!!!
Said every cat ever ...
DeletePoor Again fired Daddy had better accept he is never going to win! Can't wait to hear what happened to the coffee shop.
ReplyDeleteHe might be un-fired if Momma leaves us for a few days though ... us cats have needs ... ~Ellie Mae
DeleteOh no, Dad Kat seems to have gotten snared into that argument again, the one he can't win. I do hope that fired Dad Kat gets a hefty settlement from the Cats in lieu of wages!
ReplyDeleteERin
He should pay us for allowing him to call himself Daddy! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAMARULA: I feel for you Latte! I too am (number withheld) pounds of tortie floofiness and I am not fat!
ReplyDeleteBig and beautiful! Or something like that ... ~Latte
DeleteHey Ells, you have a very pretty tail!! ~Woodrow
ReplyDelete{blushing} Thank you for noticing! ~Ellie Mae (your Ells)
DeleteThat is a circus indeed! There is a lot more that goes on at food time there, much of it noticeably not having to do with food! LOL
ReplyDeleteHahaha! That's so true!
Delete