"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 33

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household?

Bear and I talk quite a bit - about a whole lot of random things. Did you miss any of the daily "conversations" from the last few weeks? These "conversations" (posted below), include all the usual snarky and dramatic randomness on both sides.

See the previous collections of "conversations," like the ones posted below: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 28.5, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32.

The Sunday Selfies in this cycle, if you missed them: Sunday Selfie #21, Sunday Selfie #22 {Bear Kitten/Kitty - the couch}, and Sunday Selfie #23 {Bear Kitten hijinks}. Sunday Selfies is a blog hop hosted by our friends, The Cat on My Head; these posts are our entries for that blog hop.

Twice a month, Bear and I co-host a Pet Blogger Showcase Linky Party. The post in this cycle associated with that ... 
Pet Blogger Showcase 11/05/2016.

Here's the collection of dialogues from the past few weeks (in order from oldest to most recent):

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Treats and an esteemed derriere:
MK: Hey, Bear! I'm laying down. Why are you walking away? I've got some Momma snuggles for you!
BC: Oooooooooh! Momma loves! Momma LOVES!!! I LOVE Momma loves!!! Hi, Momma! Pet me!!! PET ME NOW!!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: PUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I love you so much, Momma! You're the best Momma EVER! You give good back scratches! And good ear rubs!  And good beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllly rubs! Oooooh BOTH hands!!! This is the best day EVER! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I .... 
BC: {CHOMP!!!}
MK: Owwww!
BC: Hmph. I'm my OWN cat! You kitty-napped me against my will and dragged me here to snuggle with you! I'm a CAT. I don't NEED you!
MK: Bear, you TURNED around from walking down the hall and you jumped up on the bed of your own free will when I called you.
BC: I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't hear anything.
MK: And I saw you walking here with your tail straight up and stuttering slightly.
BC: My tail doesn't TALK! Hmph. A stuttering tail! Next thing you know you'll say my NOSE MEOWS!
BC: Just in case you didn't know ... MY NOSE DOES NOT MEOW!
MK: Bear, you walked in the bedroom with your tail straight up on the air in greeting. 
BC: In greeting? A cat's tail greets no one. Well, except if she comes bearing tuna. Hahahaha. How does a tail say goodbye?!?! Flick a person off?
MK: That's not what flicking ... oh, never mind! Your tail was also doing that vibrating thing it does when you can barely contain your excitement. 
BC: Hahahahahaha. Contain my excitement. For YOU! Hahahahahaha.
BC: Hey! Why'd you stop rubbing my ears?!?!
MK: Because you BIT me!
BC: I don't understand what that has to do with anything.
MK: Ummm ... you bite because you don't want to be petted?
BC: No. I bit you because I had to pretend I hate you since I came ... oh, RATS!
BC: {walking in circles on the bed} Do de do DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Do de do DOO!
MK: Distraction coming in ten ... nine ... eight ...
BC: Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest presents her ... I mean HIS ... most esteemed derriere to you!
MK: Most esteemed?
BC: {whispering} You may appreciate it now.
MK: Excuse me?
MK: {giggling}.
BC: {AHEM!} Appreciate my most esteemed bu ... DERRIERE!
MK: {giggling}.
BC: Are you LAUGHING at me?!?! No one laughs at Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
BC: Momma!
MK: What?
BC: Your head is still attached to your body!
MK: Yes, my body appreciates that. It helps me see to feed you.
BC: Oh. Your arm?
MK: To pet you.
BC: RATS! Your leg?
MK: To run around and play with you?
BC: RATS! You're human ... you have to have some superfluous body part! Like the body parts you need to talk! Silent thumbs instead of chatty humans ... heaven!
MK: Says the world's chattiest cat!
BC: Well, I NEVER! I don't START our conversations, you know! Chattiest cat? Let me show you where to stick this conversation! I'm not talking to you any more! Take THAT!
MK: {sigh} Treats!
BC: WHERE?!?!?
BC: I HATE YOU! Crying TREATS where no treats are present is  only going to cause me to ignore the cry.
MK: Eat too many treats and your derriere will only grow in "esteem!"
BC: HAWT! Says the queen of doughnuts!
MK: Come 'ere, Bug. I have some quality ear rubs for you.
BC: OOOOH! I love ear rubs!  I love my Momma! I .... RATS! NOT AGAIN! Oh, hell. {sigh} Proceed with the ear rubs. Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest doesn't like to be kept waiting! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

"I do what I want" {with supervision}:
BC: There's a topic that must be addressed on our blog!
MK: Your lack of tasty whole chickens?
BC: That too! But not what I was thinking about.
MK: Your lack of a cat hammock?
BC: Holy baboon biscuits! That too! But not what I was thinking about.
MK: Not enough treats or outside time?
BC: How did I not notice this before?!?! Oh, wait. I DID! THIS. PLACE. SUCKS! I need to find a better Momma!
MK: Then what needs to be addressed on our blog?
BC: Aren't you paying attention? I don't have tasty whole chickens! No cat hammock! Not enough treats! And you never let me outside!
MK: I know that. I meant what you originally thought should be addressed on our blog.
BC: After seeing my Sunday Selfies where I was foraging in the kitchen cabinets, a bunch of readers commented on me being allowed in the cabinets.
MK: Yes, I remember.
BC: I'm not allowed to do anything! I do what I want. YEAH! You just have to deal with it!
MK: Ah. That is true. I don't "let" you do anything. You do what you want.
BC: And occasionally, you get there with the camera before I stop whatever I'm doing.
MK: True. I figure if you're already misbehaving - and whatever it is you're doing isn't going to hurt you while I'm supervising, I might as well get a picture.
BC: Or twenty.
MK: True.

BC: You don't take pictures of me chewing cords or sticking my paw in the toaster! Or climbing your closet!
MK: Exactly. Because you could get hurt. With this incident, after the shots with one door open, I was scared you'd hurt yourself getting out because you looked truly confused on how to get yourself out of that situation ... 
MK: ... thus I opened the other door so you had a way out. Then I supervised until you looked ready to jump out and I gently picked you up from the cabinet and set you on the counter. Again, so you didn't hurt yourself. 

MK: This is the first time you've managed to get in the cabinet before I put the dishes away. My favorite picture is the one where you're looking at your tail in the other half of the cabinet and you look confused as to how it got there.
BC: What do you mean I could get hurt? You act like I'm fragile!
MK: No. But you are mortal.
BC: Hey! I have NINE lives you know!
MK: Yes. And you're grounded well into your ninth life because of all your hijinks.
BC: You're overprotective!
MK: Bear, you mean everything to me. I'd be crushed if anything happened to you. 
BC: You mean like you were crushed with the boy?
MK: No, Bear. Some "crushed"s aren't recoverable. Your love is the reason I'm still alive ... both because you gave me a reason to fight and because your heart healed so much of mine.
BC: Oh.
MK: This isn't the first time you've been asked if I "let" you do something.
BC: Oh yeah! There was also the time you got a picture of me with the broken glass and people thought I'd actually broken it.
MK: Yes. If you'd broken it, you wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it because there could be shards everywhere. But in this case, it was broken in the dishwasher and there were three pieces ... and we were working on the shaming post, so I figured it would make a funny picture. I was watching you the entire time.
BC: {rolling his eyes} You watch EVERYTHING. OVERPROTECTIVE!
MK: Because I love you and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you.
BC: I'm not allowed to play with my wand toys without supervision ... I'm not allowed to play with half of my other toys without supervision. You keep them all in the pantry so I can't play with them if you're not around! You freak out when I jump ...
BC: You blocked the jump to the top of the bookcase so I couldn't do it anymore ... and when you looked for a new house, you made sure there were no cabinets I could climb on top of. Then you took those balls away that came with the cat tree! They came with MY cat tree and you stole them!
MK: Bear, the balls came with the cat tree but the instructions clearly stated they were NOT cat toys, but only for use as decoration. But you took off with one of them so I let you bat it around a little bit as I watched.
BC: I didn't hear the instructions say that the balls weren't cat toys!
MK: No, not out loud. I didn't mean "stated out loud."
BC: Hmph. Did I mention that you're OVERprotective? 
MK: On the other hand, I've been asked why I "let" you have my desk chair. Or why I "let" you bite me.

BC: You don't let me bite you! Nor do you let me have the desk chair. 
MK: Exactly. 
BC: When you try to remove me from the desk chair, I attack you. And I bite you when my furry fury needs some release. We wouldn't want it to get clogged up. Or I bite you just because I can. I AM a cat!
MK: I also don't "let" you on the kitchen table. Or "let" you on the kitchen counters. Or "let" you sit on my computer.

BC: You don't "let" me do any of that! I do what I want! I'm my own cat!
MK: {sigh} Yes. And if it's not going to hurt you, I take advantage of the situation and grab a picture before taking care of situation. Though, after thinking about it, maybe I'd be more effective at teaching you what you shouldn't do if I remove you from the situation immediately. I should probably also be more clear about what goes on around here. I, and most of our friends, know the dangers - but some people might not. I wouldn't want to give someone the idea that something is safe because you are pictured with it when it's really not and I'd closely supervised you and limited the dangers.
BC: Hmph. If you remove me from the situation immediately, I'd have to bite you.
MK: You already do. But I guess I pick my battles. You getting on the counters isn't likely to hurt you. Trying to jump the seven-foot-tall entertainment center? Umm ... yeah ... no.
BC: I almost made it that one ...
BC: And you grounded me anyway!
MK: Bear, you can't fly.
BC: HEY! If measly squirrels can fly, so can I!
MK: Squirrels don't fly, Bear.
BC What are you talking about?!?! "FLYING squirrels!"
MK: No, they "glide."
BC: WHAT?!?! That's false advertising! Leave it to you humans to be deceptive!
MK: Oh, Bear.
BC: Don't "oh, Bear" me, Momma! Next thing you're going to tell me is that a mountain chicken isn't a chicken! Or an American buffalo isn't a buffalo!
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: WHAT?!?! I AM the expert on chickens you know!
MK: Ummm ... actually, a mountain chicken is a frog. And the American buffalo is really a bison. ***
BC: WHAT?!?! I don't want a tasty whole FROG!!! Or wait ... maybe I do?!?! Are frogs tasty?
MK: I have no idea.
BC: What about a killer whale?
MK: Part of the oceanic dolphin family. ***
BC: A honey badger?
MK: While they do eat honey, they are more similar to weasels than badgers. ***
BC: You humans are confusing. You should classify animals based on whether they are tasty or not!
MK: Tasty according to whom?
MK: Right. The scientists of the world will get right on that.
BC: And I expect samples! Especially of chickens!
MK: Oh, Dear.
BC: WHAT?!?! Now I'm a cat ... with the name Bear ... but I'm really a deer? What kind of !@#%&$ up world do we live in?
MK: No, D-E-A-R. Like sweetheart.
BC: Are hearts actually sweet?
MK: True. You are more of a sweet TART.
BC: You know what would be SWEET? A tasty, whole CHICKEN tart!
MK: You know what? NEVER MIND. 
BC: Wait?!? Where are you going?
MK: To get some ibuprofen.
BC: You be WHAT?
MK: No. NOT "I be profen ... "
BC: That's right! You be nerdin'. You be meanin'. Hahahahaha. You be DOUGHNUTTIN'!!!
BC: HEY! You can't go in the pantry and close the door! The pantry is mine! It even has my name on it!
BC: You be pantryin'! You be ogrein'. You be starvin' me! Hahahahahahaha.
BC: {whispering} Are you coming out?
MK: No.
BC: Not ever?
MK: No.
BC: Hehehehehehe.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: I'm not up to ANYTHING, Momma!
MK: {coming out of the pantry} HIIIIIIIIII!
BC: RATS! You ruin all my fun! 

  • *** Source: 15 Animals With Misleading Names. And fact checked by Momma through various additional sources.
  • When looking for the ball pictures that evoked concern from a few of our readers, Momma came across the never-shared-before pictures she took in the 15 minutes of play Bear had after Momma attached two of the balls to the cat tree. We should note that Momma was supervising the play the ENTIRE TIME. For those of you who don't know, the balls came with the cat tree but the instructions clearly indicated they were NOT cat toys, but only for use as decoration. Thanks, but no thanks. I might be overprotective, but my boy means everything to me, so the balls disappeared forever after the supervised play session. Yes, he enjoyed playing with them while supervised, but I also know how much he likes to destroy things and can make quick work of even the best made cat toys ... much less things like these balls that are disasters waiting to happen with any cat (in the last three pictures, he's trying to chew through the string hanging the ball ... thus the end of the supervised play session).

Share ... NOT in the feline dictionary:
MK: {walking into the room to find ...} Oh, for the love of .... BEAR! I got up from the desk chair for TWO MINUTES to get something to drink.
BC: {getting up to make a point} Do de do. La la la la la la. {RIP, RIP, RIP, RIPPITY, RIP!}.

MK: Move.
BC: No.
MK: Okay. Then share.
BC: Share is not in my feline dictionary.
MK: Let me show you where "share" is in your feline dictionary.
BC: BACK OFF! BEAR CAT DOES NOT SHARE! Don't make me "share" my fangs with you.
MK: You understand the word share when I'm eating tuna salad or crab cakes. You understand the word share when I'm doing my business in the bathroom and you require pets RIGHT. NOW. Or you just HAVE to prance around in front of the mirror WHILE I'm using it.
BC: I have no idea .... that's not SHARING! That's getting my fair ... my fair ... err ... 
BC: And I don't PRANCE! That's my sexy walk! All the ladies swoon when they see it!
MK: I don't swoon.
BC: You're not a lady!
MK: {sigh} Then what am I exactly?
BC: Mean ... ogre-ish ... selfish ...
MK: I meant what am I if not a lady, Bear!
BC: RATS! You're not a lady, you're a Momma!
MK: You CERTAINLY understand the word share when you steal my pens.
BC: Let the record show that I don't steal pens. I BORROW them. 
MK: Right. And then I have to dig them out from under the couch to get them back when I need a pen. 
BC: SEE! I just choose to store them in a different place than you do ... for safe-keeping!
MK: And how many pens have shown up that don't belong to me? YOU'RE AN INDOOR ONLY CAT! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!
BC: See? So I don't steal ONLY your pens.
{Pause as Momma moves to pick Bear up}
MK: You refuse to share? FINE!
BC: HEY! This is my chair! This is against the Geneva Cat Convention! This is ... this is ... is ... BAD! Immoral! Unconscionable. Unethical. WRONG! I WAS HERE FIRST!
MK: Not really. You were waiting underneath the chair until I got up and then jumped in the chair. 
BC: YEAH! SHOWS YOU! You follow me around JUST to steal my favorite spots!
MK: What?!? That's the pot calling the kettle black.
BC: I don't know any pots or kettles ... black or otherwise. And why do I care if your cookware calls each other names? But let me tell you ... a pot even LOOKS at me funny and it's GOING DOWN!
MK: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again. Your bark is much worse than your bite.
BC: I don't BARK!
MK: No, I meant ...
MK: OWWWW! Dang it, Bear! HEY! That hurts!
BC: Do de do ...
BC: Lalalala ...
MK: Okay! OKAY!!! Your bite is worse than your bark! LET GO!
BC: Fa la la la ...
MK: BEAR! Oh, FINE! Your bite is worse than your ... than your ... HISS! NOW LET GO!
BC: Hmph. Shows you not to mess with me.
MK: You have a SERIOUS attitude problem.
BC: Ever heard of cattitude? Furry fury? Mess with a cat ... and you're GOING DOWN!
MK: I'll take my chances.
BC: HEY!!! You can't sit in the chair while I'm in it! BEAR CAT DOESN'T SHARE!
MK: Great. Then leave.
BC: I've never been so insulted in my life! Your butt almost catcaked me! You've been eating too many doughnuts and too much pizza! And I can't bite your butt! EWWWWW!
MK: Says the cat with a serious sardine and tuna habit. Not to mention all the times you stick your butt in my face.
BC: My butt is CUTE! Yours is ... is ... ummm ... BIG! Hmph. I don't have to sit in my desk chair and take this abuse! I'm going where I'm appreciated!
{Bear jumps down haughtily, flicks his tail, then prances down the hall}
MK: {mumbling to herself} Get a cat they said! Oh, hell. It's totally worth it.
{Momma finishes what she's working on ... gets ready for bed ... and walks into the bedroom}
MK: Bear?
MK: Time to share!
BC: {changing positions} How rude ... wake me up ... expect me to SHARE. What kind of crap is that?
MK: So you change positions to take up MORE of the bed when I want to use it?
BC: It's a free country!
BC: Is this better?
MK: {sigh} No.
BC: HEY! Don't touch me! This is my bed! You follow me around and steal my stuff!!! {CHOMP!}
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Come on, Bear! We have a QUEEN-SIZED bed! You can flipping share!
BC: The flipping "S" word again!
BC: Fine. I'll just sleep on the cold, hard floor ... with my mousie who appreciates me! You know, since you keep kicking me out of places I'm napping.
MK: Bear, our readers know better. You can't post old pictures as "proof," when you look so much different now.
BC: Hmph. I'm not talking to you!
MK: Bear ... that's a picture from when you were a kitten. Anyone who pays attention knows you aren't that small anymore. 
BC: WHAT?!?! First you kick me out of MY desk chair ... then you kick me out of MY bed ... and now you call me fat?
MK: Bear. I didn't kick you out of the desk chair or the bed. I just asked you to share. And you're no longer a six pound kitten.
BC: What?!?! Like YOU'RE a spring chicken!
BC: Hmmm. It'd be nice if you were a tasty, whole, spring chicken. Just my luck, I got a non-tasty whole NON-spring chicken.
MK: Says the cat that has no problem biting me for no reason.
BC: I'm a cat!
MK: No. I meant ...
BC: I know what you meant! Being a cat IS my reason!
MK: Why don't you admit you're laying in bed next to me, pulled into me with my arms around you?
BC: Why would I admit that I like snuggling with you?!?!
MK: Hehehehehe.
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: Oh, HELL! I ... PURRRRR ... love you ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... too ... PURRRR ... {sigh} Momma.

The ignominious scandal:
BC: Do de do ... la la ... {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick}.
BC: You're once {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} do de do ...
BC: Twice {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} do de do ...
BC: {licky, licky, lick, lick, lickety lick} THREE TIMES ... A TORTIE!!! Do de do ...
MK: Give it to me!
{Bear runs under the kitchen table}
MK: Oh, yeah!
{Bear looks one direction}
MK: Come on!
{Bear looks the other direction}
MK: Oooooooh! Yeah, right there!
{Bear looks up}
MK: {grunt} No! NO! Don't stop!
{Bear looks down}
MK: Oh my ... YEAH!
BC: What the FILTH?!?!?
MK: {grunt} Harder!
BC: Hmph! I NEVER ...
MK: Almost ... just a little ...
MK: I'm about to ...
BC: Oh, for the love of ...
MK: Bear?
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I was in my desk chair singing while I bathe ... and I hear THIS ... THIS ...
MK: Come here!
BC: NO! Don't involve me in your ... your ... INIQUITY! My poor ears! Subjected to this FOUL-ility! This ... sleaze! This .... SMUT! I feel DIRTY! EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
MK: {coming out of the bedroom} What are you talking about?
MK: Don't want to know WHAT? 
BC: What ... what ... INDECENCY!  If you come out here ... YOU BETTER BE WEARING PANTS!
MK: Why wouldn't I be wearing pants? Bear ...
MK: Bear!
BC: Your ... your ... VULGARITY! VILENESS!
MK: What are you ...
BC: LUBRICITY! UNCOUTH-OCITY! My favorite tortie will never be allowed to come over with this ... this ... CRUDITY! SALACITY! OBSCENITY! INDECENCY! She's a lady ... and you're a ... a ... LOOSE WOMAN!
BC: With your .... your ... LICENTIOUSNESS! DEBAUCHERY! CRASSNESS! I have to re-bathe myself! I feel contaminated by your ... your ... IMPROPRIETY!  DEPRAVITY! INDECENCY!
MK: But ...
BC: Hmph. At least you put on pants before coming out! The horrors! But still! My poor ears!!! I need MIND BLEACH! LOTS of mind bleach! NO! I need to scour my hard drive! Err ... reboot? 
BC: No. I don't have boots ... umm ...
MK: Bear, I was ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!! What kind of cat do you think I am? I'm a GENTLEcat! A NICE boy! Uncorrupted! Angelic! PURE!
MK: You? GENTLE? Hahahahahaha.
BC: I ... umm ... RATS!
MK: You? ANGELIC? Hahahahahaha.
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! I'm LEAVING! I'm packing my stuff up in my suitcase and LEAVING! 
BC: No. Wait. You're packing up my stuff. I don't know how to fit all my stuff in my suitcase. I got my suitcase out. I'll be waiting here by the front door.
MK: This sticker on your suitcase ... "I break for food?!" Don't you mean, "I brake for food?"
BC: Shows what you know! Cats can't DRIVE! And besides ... we're CATS. Even if we COULD drive, we'd hit the gas and just plow full speed ahead without a care in the world ... especially in regard to what a HUMAN thinks! Brakes are for sissies.
MK: Huh. You have a point ... thank goodness you don't drive. 
BC: Remember this cat shaming sign, Momma?!?
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! I pulled up all the pictures of what's mine. GET TO IT, Momma! Dice dice!
BC: Mince mince?
MK: Chop chop.
BC: Last time I did that, I got grounded! But wait ... I'm leaving, so what do I care? HIIIIIIII-YAH!
BC: Here's my list of things to pack. I'll supervise from under my paper bag so I'm not subjected to more of your corruption!

MK: You want to take me with you?
MK: Bear, this is ridiculous. You can't take the kitchen pantry with you. The desk chair? The love seat? The bed? The KITCHEN COUNTER?
BC: Why not?
MK: Because they're MINE! Or they're attached to the house!
BC: Hmph. OBVIOUSLY not. My name IS on them.
MK: You can't stick a post-it note on something and claim it's yours.
BC: Shows what you know!
MK: And the cat tree isn't going to fit in your suitcase.
BC: Why not?
MK: Bear! Compare the size of the suitcase to the size of your cat tree!
BC: What's the problem? SHEESH! You ask a human to do ONE LITTLE THING and her incompetence becomes readily apparent!
MK: {sigh} All this because I tried to get the mirrored closet door back on track?
BC: NO! I meant you were incompetent because you couldn't get my tiny little cat tree in the .... WAIT A SECOND!
BC: You were trying to get the closet door back on track?
MK: Ummmm .... YEAH!
BC: Why didn't you say that before?!?!?
MK: I gladly would have if you'd given me the chance!
BC: Hmph. How am I supposed to know when you'll have something useful to say? I mean, it happens so rarely ... usually your gabbing sounds like a mosquito buzzing. ANNOY-ING!
BC: WAIT! Did you find my mousie?
MK: What?
BC: The closet ate Pinkie!
MK: Wait a ... is THAT what that racket was this morning?
BC: Stupid closet!
MK: That's how the door got off track! You body checked the mirrored panel repeatedly, didn't you?
BC: Well, yeah! It ATE my favorite mousie! I was trying to get her back!
BC: Uh oh. 
MK: BEAR! Are YOU the reason that panel keeps getting off track?
BC: I ... err ... ummm ... I WANT MY MOUSIE BACK!
MK: {sigh} How about you stop carrying your mousie into the second bedroom?
BC: Because I like playing with her in there! For PRIVACY!
MK: But you get her stuck in the closet.
BC: I do NOT! The closet EATS her!
MK: Okay, okay. Hold on.
BC: What are you doing? Can I watch? 
MK: BEAR! I can't see what I'm doing with your nose in my face!
BC: I have to make sure Pinkie doesn't get hurt when you extricate her from the evil closet!
MK: {sigh} Here she is.
BC: OooH! OOOOH! Pinkie!
MK: No. You can only have her back outside of this bedroom.
BC: Hmph.
MK: Here!
BC: Oh, Pinkie! I thought I'd never see you again! I'm so glad you're okay! You're so pretty in pink! Your tail is looking ESPECIALLY fine today! That evil closet ate you! I'm so glad I saved you!
MK: {AHEM!!!!}
BC: Do you MIND?!?!? We're having a private moment here, Momma!
MK: Oh, never mind.
BC: SEE! This is why we have to take our amorous-ity into the second bedroom! 
MK: {mumbling to herself} Oh, for the love of ... and you accuse ME of iniquity! GET A ROOM!
BC: Do you hear buzzing, Pinkie?!?! There's an annoying mosquito around here ... Let's go elsewhere so we can be alone!
{Fifteen minutes pass}
MK: I quit! 
MK: Okay, okay.
{Momma messes around with the closet door}
MK: {mumbling to herself} And it's 9 - 1 - 1! And not SCAT ... but STAT! How many times do I have to tell  ...
MK: BEAR! I can't see what I'm doing with your nose in my face!
BC: I have to make sure Pinkie doesn't get hurt when you extricate her from the evil closet!
MK: {sigh} Here she is.
BC: OooH! OOOOH! Pinkie! My pretty! I missed you! It seemed like FOREVER that you were gone! 
MK: {mumbling to herself} Stupid panel is off track, AGAIN!
BC: {carrying Pinkie to his desk chair} I'll groom you right now! Hold on a sec ... let me clean my paw first ...
MK: Come on!
{Bear looks up}
MK: Oooooooh! Yeah, right there!

MK: Almost ... just a little bit ...

MK: {grunt} No! NO! Don't stop!
BC: DO YOU MIND?!?!?!? I have to cover Pinkie's ears! She's a NICE girl-mousie!
MK: You could just rip her ears off like you've done with your other micey!
BC: WHAT?!?! Don't listen to her Pinkie! Ask all your other micey friends ... they'll tell you I'd NEVER ...
MK: They couldn't HEAR her question because THEY DON'T HAVE EARS!
BC: RATS! Don't you have something better to do than harass me and Pinkie?
MK: You mean ... like get the closet door back on track?
BC: See what I have to put up with, Pinkie! It's a cruel, cruel world.

Pinkie Mouse in the White House:
MK: What the ....
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: {sigh} I REALLY hate how you say that EVERY TIME I call your name!
BC: You could stop calling my name!
MK: Never mind. Why is there a line of your toys down the hallway?
BC: There's no line of toys.
MK: Yes .... there is! Your toy micey ... your sparkle balls ... kitty ... your chicken leg ...

BC: OHH! You mean the VOTERS.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: We're holding the first free elections within the boundaries of your tyranny.
MK: Tyranny doesn't have free elections, Bear.
BC: Exactly. I'm running on the anti-tyranny party ticket. My platform is simple ... no more tyranny.
BC: OH! And tasty whole chickens in every pot. And box. Actually, turn the house into a tasty whole chicken farm!
MK: You can't hold elections without all the parties knowing there's an election!
BC: They do!
MK: What about me?
BC: Oh, yeah. Well, you're not going to win, so it doesn't really matter if you know about the election or not.
MK: Bear, your toys aren't representative of the constituents.
BC: They have to tolerate your tyranny too! You abuse poor Pinkie Mouse! And all the other micey that no longer have ears!
MK: And WHY are those micey earless, Bear?!?!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Oh, yeah? Who's the one who's Mr. Tough Pants with his toys?
BC: Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep toys in line? NO! You wouldn't! So much disrespect ... they're just ASKING for a smack ...
MK: Wait a ... ARE THOSE MY POST-ITS?!?!
BC: DUH! An election requires ballots.
MK: Bear!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Oh, for ... I told you not to touch my post-its!
BC: Nooooooo. You said not to go around sticking post-its on everything. These are BALLOTS.
MK: Bear!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: {sigh} Some of these ballots don't even have my name on them!
BC: Well, YEAH. You ARE tyranny!
MK: I guessed that.
BC: So you admit it!
MK: {sigh} No. Just process of elimination.
BC: You're about to be eliminated!
MK: ANYWAY. Some of these ballots don't even have 'Tyranny' listed!
BC: I got tired of writing ... and since everyone is going to vote for me ...
MK: Bear, your toys can't vote.
BC: Tell THEM that! DO YOU HEAR THAT, TOYS?!?! Tyranny says you can't vote!
MK: Toys don't vote in ANY election, Bear.
BC: Said who? Have you not heard of the three-fifths compromise?
MK: Bear, that applied to slaves in the early days of this country.
BC: Toys ... slaves ...
MK: And you call ME a tyrant! At least I don't have slave equivalents! Or any toys "asking" for a smack down.
BC: Well, if you hadn't noticed, you don't have any voters either!
MK: So much for "free election."
BC: It IS free! You had the post-its laying around! I didn't have to wait until you were pre-occupied to steal your credit card and ...
MK: You don't even know the meaning of free elections!
BC: I'm not stupid! 
BC: I think my favorite tortie will make an exquisite first lady!
MK: Oh, my ....
BC: And Pinkie Mouse will make a fantastic first mouse in the white house!
MK: We don't have a white house.
BC: Time to redecorate!
MK: No. You've "redecorated" enough already.

BC: Why don't we let the voters decide?

MK: Because the voters are YOUR TOYS!
BC: Don't worry, Momma. I'm sure one of my toys will vote for you. Teddy's always had it out for me.
MK: That's it! 
BC: What? Where are you going?
MK: My stuffed animals are voting absentee ballots.
BC: They can't do that!
MK: Why not?
BC: Because your stuffed animals aren't registered voters!
MK: Show me the registry.
BC: It's ... it's ... RATS!
MK: And your destroyed toys are DEFINITELY voting for me!
BC: Don't be ridiculous! Dead toys can't vote, Momma!
MK: Wanna bet?
BC: Sheesh! What kind of elections do you humans have where you stuff the ballot box and dead things can vote?!?!?
MK: What are you talking about "stuff" the ballot box?
BC: Your stuffed animals stuff the ballot box!
MK: That's not what "stuffing the ballot box" means!
MK: BEAR! You can't intimidate the voters by WATCHING the vote!
BC: So you're conceding that this is a valid election!
MK: No ...
BC: Because I have claws ... {RIP, RIP, RIP, RIPPITY RIP} ...
MK: That's voter intimidation! You're threatening the voters!
BC: SEE! You admit my toys are valid voters!
MK: NEVER MIND! Wake me up when this day is over.
BC: OOOOOH! Are you laying down?!?! Because I could use some snuggles!
MK: What about your election?
BC: One more day of tyranny won't hurt anyone. Especially if it's accompanied by ear rubs! Ooooh! Add ear rubs and belly rubs to my platform! I mean for me. 
MK: Always thinking of yourself, aren't you?
BC: I'm a cat!
MK: Synonym for cat? TYRANT.
BC: Err ... umm ... PET ME NOW! Or the comforter gets it!
BC: RATS! Thank goodness some of my micey don't have ears!
MK: I'm pretty sure they already know.

The bait {Pinkie Mouse in the White House, part 2}:
BC: Momma? We need some bait.
MK: I'm going to regret this ... Why?
BC: Because elections always include the bait!
MK: The bait?
BC: You know, where we stand around and insult each other and act all personable.
MK: How do you insult each other and pull off being personable? 
BC: Cat-able. Feline-able?
MK: What are you ...
BC: There's usually another guy who asks questions of the candidates!
MK: Debate?
BC: That's what I said! We need THE BAIT for a proper election!
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: Your Momma!
MK: Wait, no ...
BC: Your butt is so big, a doughnut hole looks small.
MK: Err ... Excuse me?
BC: Knock knock.
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: KNOCK KNOCK. Sheesh. You're supposed to answer the door!
MK: You mean say, "Who's there?"
BC: That's what I said!
MK: {sigh} Who's there?
BC: Funny.
MK: Funny who?
BC: Funny ... NOT YOU!
BC: I bring humor to the office of the anti-tyrant. You bring ... bring ... tyranny!
MK: But ...
BC: Okay! Time to talk about the issues now. 
MK: Ummm ...
BC: What's the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid. 
BC: If you're gonna be a smart-a**, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an a**.
MK: Hey! Wait a ...
BC: Isn’t it rather dangerous to use one’s entire vocabulary in a single sentence?
BC: OOOOh! This is a good bait!
MK: Bear, it's a DE-BATE. Not BAIT!
BC: I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
MK: These aren't ISSUES ... they're INSULTS!
BC: Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
MK: DE-BATE! As Merriam-Webster defines it ... "a discussion between people in which they express different opinions about something."
BC: What language are you speaking? Because it sounds like bull****.
MK: Hello,  tall, dark and obnoxious! 
MK: That sounded better in my head.
BC: You should probably keep all your thoughts there.
MK: Says the cat that aspired to be a "cat rapper," or, "crapper," with the tagline, "I drop more than beats!"
BC: I don't mind that you're talking as long as you don't mind that I'm ignoring you. 
MK: And I didn't think there could be a bigger circus than the Presidential debates this year. Leave it to a cat.
BC: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
MK: Hmmm. Monkey being oddly appropriate for both candidates. Except that it kind of is everyone's problem.
BC: Okay, so we've had the part of the bait where we claim we're talking about issues but instead insult one another ...
MK: Ummm ... technically, I didn't insult you because I couldn't get a word in ...
BC: What's your position on tasty whole chickens?
MK: Bear, if the voters are your toys, what use do they have for tasty whole chickens?
BC: Do you hear the condescension, toys? Tyranny thinks you have no right to tasty whole chickens! Vote for Tyranny ... and no tasty whole chickens for you!
MK: That's not what I ...
BC: What's your position on privacy for our voters?

MK: They're TOYS!
BC: "Just TOYS!"
MK: I didn't say ...
BC: Hear that, toys? Tyranny marginalizes you! Tyranny refuses to give you equal rights! When you vote, remember that, to Tyranny, you are "just" toys!

MK: Wait a ...
BC: Foreign policy.
MK: I can't BELIEVE this!
BC: Walk softly with a big claw.
MK: What?
BC: No, no. Walk softly with big FANGS!
MK: Do I get to share my ...
BC: BOOM! The bait is OVER!
MK: Wait!
BC: That reminds me. It will cost your stuffed animals five dollars each to vote.
MK: WHAT?! I thought you said this was a FREE ELECTION?
BC: Well, I figure you have WAY more stuffed animals than I have toys, so I'm bound to lose. At least this way, I'll have the money to buy a tasty whole chicken. Or ten.
MK: That's extortion!
BC: I can do whatever I want; I'M A CAT!
MK: And you call ME Tyranny.
BC: Okay, Tyranny. Time for ...
MK: But ...
BC: Time for press shots! 
MK: You've GOT to be kidding me! I am not taking pictures of myself.
MK: You might just be a politician after all.
BC: Thank you!
BC: How's this? {Bear mugs for the camera}. This??? {Bear mugs for the camera}.
BC: Do I look regal this way? {Bear turns sideways to mug for the camera}.
BC: Do I look pensive this way? {Bear faces forward again but looks down to mug for the camera}.
BC: Time for a close up!!!
MK: {sigh} You ARE cute.
BC: I don't get by just on my looks, Momma! I'm a very serious business cat, you know!
MK: {reaching out} Even business cats like ear rubs, right?
BC: I guess. If I ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... have ... PURRRR ... to ...
MK: Poor you.
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: My revolution can wait another ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR {sigh} ... day.

Knock! Knock!:

BC: What are you doing? {Bear puts his nose in Momma's face} HUUUUUUUHHHHHHH?!?!?
MK: BEAR! Do you have to put your nose in everything?
BC: {backing up a bit} Well, THAT'S a stupid question!
BC: {Bear puts his nose back in Momma's face} OBVIOUSLY!

MK: Oh, for the love ...
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: Bear! Not right now!
BC: Knock! Knock!

BC: Knock! Knock! {Bear puts his nose in Momma's face again} Momma! Play along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BC: Like it would kill you to play along ONCE!

MK: But it's never just once is it?
BC: Hmph. What's a cat got to do to get some attention around here?
MK: {grabbing Bear to snuggle him in her lap} Come here, Love Bug.
BC: I'm trying to tell you ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... a JOKE ... PURRRRRRRRRRR!!! This ... PUURRRRRR ... is not ... PURRR ... the attention ... huh? ... NO KISSES!!! Cats ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... don't ... PURRRR ... do ... PURR ... kisses!
BC: MooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMA! Knock! Knock!
BC: {moving his paw to try to get out of Momma's embrace} PUT ME DOWN!!!
MK: Oh, come on, SnugBug!
BC: No, thank you! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: Bear. No knock knock jokes. I'm not falling for this again.
BC: But ... WHY?
MK: No.
MK: Wha?
BC: GRRRRR! Why aren't you screaming in agony? Maybe if I turn my head THIS way ...
BC: RATS! I HATE winter! Winter means sweatshirt season! My furry fury doesn't work right!
MK: Or you could just not attack me because I won't answer the figurative door.
BC: {ears perking up} Did you hear that?
MK: Hear what?
BC: Someone knocked on our REAL door!
MK: How convenient.
BC: Don't you think you should ask "Who's there?"
MK: No. 
BC: You ruin all my fun!
MK: That's what Mommas are for, Bear.
MK: Nice.
BC: Hmph. Here's what I think of YOU!
{Fifteen minutes pass ... Bear wanders off}
BC: Shhhh! Be very quiet! We don't want Momma to know you're here!
MK: {from the other room} Bear?
BC: I'm not talking to anyone!
MK: What the ...
BC: Hehehehehe ... {SNORT} ... hehehehehehehe ... {SNORT} ...
MK: BEAR! Why is this door to the bedroom closed?
BC: Shhh. She doesn't know we're in here.
MK: What's going on in there?
BC: Hehehehehe ... {SNORT} ... hehehehehehehe ... {SNORT} ...
MK: I swear ... your tail could cause all kinds of destruction if you can swing it hard enough to whack the door closed.
BC: Hehehehehe ... {SNORT} ... hehehehehehehe ... {SNORT} ...
MK: {knocks on the door} BEAR! Who's there?
BC: Interrupting cow.
MK: WHAT?!?! Interrup ...
MK: You're grounded.
BC: It was totally worth it!
MK: Can you open the door now?
BC: That depends.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: Who’s there?
BC: Robin.
MK: Robin who?
BC: Robin you to buy lots of tasty whole chickens! 

MK: Now open the door!
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: Who’s there?
BC: Two knee.
MK: Two knee who?
BC: I need two-knee fish in my tummy!
MK: {groan}.
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: This better be the last one!
BC: Knock! Knock!
MK: Who’s there?
BC: Cows go.
MK: Cows go who?
BC: Cows go moo! OWLS go who!
MK: {opening the door} I'm coming ...
BC: This would've been so much better if you'd just played along from the beginning!
MK: So you tricked me into playing along ...
BC: {walking past Momma, meanwhile flicking his tail} Man, am I tired! It's my nap time! All this knocking wore me out. I do not want to be disturbed!
MK: Funny. Since you have no compunction disturbing me!
BC: Well, in all fairness, you're already disturbed. Hehehehehehehe .... {SNORT} .... hehehehehe. I quack myself up.

  • Bear Cat looks so cute and innocent when he's sleeping! In this case, he had his left front paw wrapped around his left hind thigh and his tail. 

  • Over the course of the picture-taking, his tail got loose and started flicking around with irritation. 

  • In the last picture, his tail is under control again ... and he changed position slightly.

Bear knocks his luck {Knock! Knock!, part 2}:

MK: I'm getting the mail. Do you always have to stick your nose ...
BC: I want to go outside!

MK: {sigh}.
BC: {running outside} Do de do de do do do ...
{Thirty seconds pass ... Momma gets back}
{Complete silence in the garden}
MK: Oh, for the love ...
{Momma goes inside to set the mail down}
MK: Bear! Not again.
BC: KNOCK!!!!!!! KNOCK!!!!!!!!
MK: {as she opens the screen door} Not another night of this ....
{Pause ... Bear hustles inside}
MK: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeellllo.
MK: Well, aren't you a floofy beauty!
CAT: Mew ... meooooow.
MK: Can I pet you, beautiful?
BC: What's WRONG with you? You choose to be friendly NOW?!?!
MK: Do you have a home, sweetheart?
MK: Oh, come on, Bear. She's a gorgeous long-haired tortie!
MK: I just want to pet the kitty and see if she has a collar! I'm not going to hurt you, sweetheart ...
CAT: {runs away into the dark}.
MK: @#$!
BC: A cat in our front yard is NOT the time to make friends!
MK: I hope she has a home. Maybe I should go after her?
MK: Outside is a dangerous place for a cat, Bear. Especially one that doesn't have a warm place to sleep or an always full food bowl. You should know that.
MK: And yet the vet says you're not missing any meals.
BC: What does he know?!?! He's never seen my food bowl! And he called me a "she" when I had my yearly visit last week!
MK: You remember what it's like to be starving, right?
BC: I STARVE RIGHT NOW! Look at my emaciation! I'm skin and bones!

MK: {sigh} You almost weigh fourteen pounds, Bear. 

BC: YEAH! Fourteen pounds of STARVING!
MK: Would you like to go on a diet and only be twelve pounds of starving?
BC: {just staring at Momma}.

MK: You remember what it's like to be cold and scared, right?
BC: But you're MY Momma!

MK: Bear, her life matters too.
BC: I'm the only cat who you can talk to! I'm the only cat that OWNS you!
MK: Oh, Bear.
BC: THAT'S IT! I'm putting a sign on the front door so cats know this house is taken!

MK: No more post-its, Bear!
BC: Would you prefer I mark our front door by another method?
MK: Okay ... post-its it is!
BC: La de da ... de da ... do de ... {lick, lick, licked-y lick!}.

MK: Ummm, Bear?!?!
BC: DO YOU MIND?!? I'm sprucing myself up a bit before you open the door again!
BC: Which reminds me! Hmph. What took you so long to let me in? I was knocking on the door with my paws for HOURS!
MK: The boy who cried wolf.
BC: WHAT?!?! There was a WOLF out there too? ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE ME KILLED?!?!?
MK: No. It's an EXPRESSION. Because ...
BC: Express this ... I HATE YOU!
MK: Maybe if you hadn't run around yesterday knocking to try to tell your "Knock! Knock!" jokes, I would've known there was a problem tonight.
BC: That cat was trying to kill me!
MK: She was not.
BC: Girls are trouble!
MK: I suppose so.
BC: Excuse me?!?!?
MK: Huh?
BC: What are you trying to say about Bonnie?
MK: Who's ...
BC: You just want me to be alone for the rest of my life!
MK: You asked the cat's name?
MK: I thought she was trying to kill you.
MK: Ummm ... what's obvious about that?
BC: You love someone ... they use that against you to kill you.
MK: Your idea of relationships is a little warped, Bear.
BC: Says the Momma that spent months CRYING! I ALMOST didn't have enough band-aids to put you back together! 
BC: And I let you play with my favorite toys (except for my chicken leg) during that time too!
BC: And who can forget this?!?!
MK: I see your point.
MK: But love isn't all bad, Bear! What about your favorite tortie?
MK: So was the Boy ...
BC: {just staring at Momma}.
MK: Err ... anyway! Love isn't all bad! I mean, look at you and I!
BC: Don't remind me!


MK: You forget ...
BC: RATS! I hate that #@$%! camera!
MK: Speaking of love ... I saw Bella the other day.
BC: WHAT?!?!?! My black kitty girlfriend is back?
MK: She was in the bushes across the way.
BC: She didn't come see me! I've been abandoned! I'll be ALONE for the rest of my life!
MK: Oh, Bear. Maybe if you weren't so scared of other cats, you could have a relationship.
BC: WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! As if YOU'RE the expert on relationships!
MK: I see your point.
BC: Maybe if you were more scared of boys instead of always assuming they won't hurt you, you'd fare better!
MK: That's just the way I love, Bear. I love you the same way.
MK: Come here, Bug.
BC: No!
MK: Come snuggle with your Momma.
BC: I'm too tough to snuggle, Momma! I'm not moving! I'm guarding this door! I'm armed to my teeth ... err ... FANGS with my furry fury! Fangs, and claws, and ... and ... LOTS of furry fury! That cat tries to come in ... and she's cat toast!

MK: {opens front door}.

MK: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again!
MK: I can't. You're hiding underneath the bed.
BC: I don't know what you're talking about. Bear Cat is DEFINITELY NOT under the bed,


  1. Wow Bear, you are one kitty with a lot to say! I hope you and your Momma have a wonderful (conversation-filled) weekend.

  2. Amarula is now insisting on getting her own tiara!!

    1. As she should!!!! ~Bear Cat
      ps - I'm a bad example. I get grounded A LOT!

  3. I love those pics of you putting the bitey on, Bear.

  4. Tht voting line was my favorite- too funny.

    1. Momma was relieved that when she showed up to vote on Tuesday, her line was shorter. Though her line wasn't nearly as fun as mine! ~Bear Cat

  5. We're laughing at "holy baboon biscuits" over here. You are both too funny!

  6. You are so busy Bear, do you ever manage to get any naps???

    1. I talk ALMOST as much as I nap ... ON or OFF are my only two speeds ;) ~Bear Cat


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