Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Bear fights back

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae

Last Wednesday ...
{Ellie walks into the bedroom where Momma and Bear are cuddling} 
BC: Huh?!? What's SHE doing here?!
MK: Who?
BC: SMELLIE!
EM: My name is not Smellie! It's ELLIE!

BC: Whatever you say, Smellie Neigh.
EM: I'm not a Smellie Neigh! YOU'RE a smelly horse!
BC: Can't you see I'm snuggling with my Momma?! This is an A and B snuggling session ... so C you later!
EM: She's my Momma too!
BC: No, she's not.
EM: Yes, she is!
BC: Phht. You two look nothing a like!
EM: And YOU look like Momma?!?
BC: Well, when you put it that way ... I mean, with Momma's looks and all ... err ... NO THANKS! I was OBVIOUSLY adopted. Or abducted by aliens.

EM: How?
BC: The aliens landed their ship ... they searched the Earth for the smartest living being ... and BADA-BING! Abducted by aliens.
EM: That's not what I ... besides, with all your carrying on in the car, the aliens probably would've tossed you out mid-flight just for some peace and quiet.
BC: She can only be a Momma to one of us!
EM: But I want to snuggle!
BC: Go away!
MK: Bear! She only sleeps at the foot of the bed. She doesn't actually snuggle with either of us. She's a good two feet away from you.
BC: Two rank, SMELLIE feet at the SMELLIE foot of the bed.
MK: Oh, for the ...
BC: Go find The Boy.
EM: But I love my Momma too.
BC: She's NOT your Momma! She's MY Momma! That means I have exclusive cuddling privileges.
EM: But ...
MK: Bear ...
BC: You love The Boy so much ... go snuggle with him! 
EM: You only say that because you don't want him. 
BC: OBVIOUSLY! There's no accounting for taste. Or lack thereof, in this case.
EM: Why would I want something that you don't want?!
{Ellie jumps on the bed}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS!!! 
EM: I just want to sleep in the corner!
BC: Find another corner ... preferably outside and far away from me and my Momma.
MK: Bear!
BC: NO! I've HAD it! You and I had the perfect life. We spent most the the day cuddling ... I got to sleep with you ... I didn't have to share ... and now, we not only have Dumbnuts - but also Smellie! The Dweebles stole you!

MK: That's not true. I love you all. Nothing changes that.
BC: Phht. Tell that to my butt when it's cold because The Boy is in MY spot on the bed.
MK: I have enough love for all of you!
BC: HMPH. Only because The Boy and Smellie don't deserve much. 
MK: BEAR! We're a family.
BC: {mockingly} FAM-i-ly. We're FAM-i-ly. Familism. The group over the individual. BARF. I was here first!

MK: Bear ...
BC: Not to mention, if love was given per pondus, they'd steal all of it!
EM: I'm not fat! You're fat! You weigh more than I do!
BC: Phht. It's just fluff.
EM: That's ONE way of describing it.
BC: What do YOU know? You're stupid.
EM: I'm not stupid! You're stupid!
BC: {to Momma} I can't believe you expect me to {GASP} SHARE with HER! Bear doesn't share. My way or the highway. If you want to snuggle up to this trollop ... go ahead! But don't say I didn't say so about what I just said!
EM: Huh?!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! It's not MY fault that you're not smart enough to understand.
{Bear jumps off the bed, leaving Ellie and Momma on the bed ... he walks into the family room to find The Boy sifting around in the litter box}
BC: {GASP!!!!!!!!!} I KNEW it!

The Boy: What?
BC: I caught you red-pawed! You're pawing around in my litter box! You're getting ready to dump a load. In MY litter box. Notice that I notice. I know what it looks like when someone is pawing around in the litter box to dig a hole to poop.
The Boy: I'm scooping ...
BC: And so help me ... if I find a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side, there's going to be hell to pay ... and I'll know who did it! NO! This is too much. I've HAD it! I'm not sharing my Momma OR my litter box! I'm drawing a line in the litter box and you'd better stay away from it. I was just fine before you showed up and tried to steal my Momma. Then the neighborhood really went downhill with the addition of Smellie. And now you're using my litter box?! I don't THINK so!

The Boy: Almost done ...
BC: What's wrong with you?!? That's a litter box, NOT a sand box! Even Smellie wouldn't need that much time pawing around. The litter box is not a toy! I've had enough of you and Smellie! I'm NOT sharing my Momma! You've been warned!!! And let me just remind you ...
{Bear keeps going for a little while ...}

Last Thursday (Thanksgiving) ...
MK: {setting down the stuffing} There. What can I get you to drink?!
BC: {looking up from the plate of turkey he's sharing with Ellie} A stiff drink!
MK: Not you! The Boy!
BC: Hmmm ... is there a brain-building smoothie? Anti-Dweeble wine?!?
MK: I think we've had enough anti-Dweeble whine around here.
BC: You've been holding out on me!!! Oh, SURE! Keep all the anti-Dweeble wine for yourself! I bet you think being inebriated excuses the majority of your behavior. "Look! I'm dancing!" HMPH. "Dancing." "I'm singing!" HMPH. "Singing." NOPE! 
MK: Bear, I haven't been inebriated!
BC: Good! Like I said ... it doesn't excuse your behavior. Though it IS slightly concerning that you "sing" and "dance" like that while completely sober. Not to mention all the giggling.
MK: {to The Boy} Ready?!?
BC: YES! More turkey, please!
MK: Bear ...
{Bear jumps in The Boy's chair}
BC: Let's eat!
The Boy: Bear! That's my chair. 

BC: It doesn't have your name on it. Who ELSE would my Momma be eating with?!? YOU!?! Do you even know HOW to use utensils? Or how to sit up straight?
MK: Get down! There's plenty of turkey on the plate for you and Ellie. You two always eat first, don't you?!?
BC: Hmph. I wouldn't want YOUR cooking anyway! Your turkey probably tastes like chicken!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm .... when I put it THAT way ...
EM: It's definitely scrummy! You already ate a bunch, so it can't be that bad. 
BC: Brown-noser!
EM: My nose isn't BROWN like a common tabby!
BC: Common tabby?!? COMMON TABBY?!?!? I've EARNED my stripes!
EM: Like a convict earns his stripes ...
The Boy: Good one, Ellie!
BC: Oh, SURE! Everyone gang up on me! I hope it makes you all feel better to be mean to a sweet, innocent kitty cat!
The Boy: We're not being mean to Ellie.
BC: I HATE YOU! Take your stupid chair for your stupid butt!
{Bear jumps down}
MK: {getting up} Oops. I forgot the rolls.
{The Boy sits down ... Momma comes back with the rolls and sits down ...}
BC: Do de do ... do re me fa so la ti DO!
{Bear jumps in the litter box}
BC: You're ONE ... TWO! ... THREE COLORS of tortie ... and I {GRUNT} LOOOOOOOOOVE you!
The Boy: Am I the only one disturbed?
BC: YES!
The Boy: No. I meant you sing a love song while you're POOPING?!?
BC: Right. You expect me to believe you've never sung a love song to Momma while pooping?
{Pause}
BC: Never mind.
The Boy: HOLY ... that's RANK! You really out-did yourself this time.
{The Boy gets up to scoop the litter box}
BC: Only the best for you for Thanksgiving. Do de do ...
{Bear jumps on The Boy's chair again}
BC: {looking at Momma} We're ready to start. Would you pass me the gravy?
MK: Bear, did you poop just so The Boy would get up and scoop the litter box?
BC: No. I pooped so he'd get up and I'd get my chair back. Now ... PASS ME THE GRAVY!
MK: Bear ...
BC: FINE! You don't want to be civilized and pass me the gravy politely?!?
{Bear jumps on the table}
BC: I'll just help myself, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MK: GET DOWN, BEAR!
BC: Make me! Go ahead! Just TRY it! Or take a picture first. You know you want to ...
The Boy: {walking back to the table} I suggest you move.
BC: You weren't invited! She's MY Momma! She and I share meals together.
The Boy: There's still turkey left on the plate over there.
BC: GOOD! Then YOU eat it!
EM: Oooooh .... {groaning} ... too ... much ... turkey ...
{Ellie rolls around on the floor}
EM: Now I get what this Thanksgiving thing is about! Thanking goodness that one's tummy doesn't explode!
BC: Don't be stupid! Thanksgiving is about thanking the turkeys for giving their lives up so that we get tasty noms.
The Boy: BEAR! MOVE!
BC: Fine! Don't get your boy panties all in a bunch!
{Bear jumps down}
The Boy: I'm embarrassed to admit he outsmarted me.
BC: {from the floor} Like THAT'S all that hard! Bear ... 9,834,239. Humans ... 0. Did I mention that I'm NOT sorry?!?!
MK: Eh. I got over being outsmarted shortly after I adopted him.
BC: HEY! I'm RIGHT HERE! Don't talk about me like I'm not ...
{Ellie starts snoring ... so Momma, Bear, and The Boy look in her direction}
BC: SHE ATE ALL MY TURKEY!!! 
MK: Holy turkey turds ... she ate ALL of that turkey! There were at least five ounces there!
BC: We were supposed to share!!!
MK: Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to outsmart us ... you wouldn't have been outsmarted by your sister.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!

Later on Thanksgiving ...
MK: I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed.
The Boy: I'll be in in a few minutes.
{Ten minutes pass and The Boy walks into the bedroom to discover Momma asleep and Bear in The Boy's spot on the bed}
The Boy: Bear. Move.
BC: The Boy. Bite me.
The Boy: Come on, Bear! That's MY spot on the bed!
BC: There's another bed in the second bedroom. Perfectly nice.
The Boy: I want to sleep next to your Momma!
BC: I was here first.
The Boy: Can you just move over a little?
BC: YOU move over a little. A little to the left ... a little to the left ... until you're out the front door! And don't let the door hit you on the right butt cheek!
The Boy: That's kind of mean!
BC: Some stupid Dumbnut stealing somecat's Momma was mean!
The Boy: I only have one dumb nut now?!?
BC: Is that a question or a statement? DO you only have one nut now?
The Boy: Bear, we had a long day. Move over so I can get in bed.
BC: HMPH. I'm just taking my rightful place next to my Momma ... WHERE I BELONG. Where I was for TEN YEARS before you stuck your nose in my business! I've had it with this sharing nonsense! "Share with The Boy!" "Share with Smellie!" I don't THINK so! I'm taking my Momma back and if you don't like it, you can ...
{Pause}
BC: Is she SNORING?! How's anyone supposed to sleep next to THAT?!?
{The Boy sees Momma looking at him with one eye just a bit open ... and the beginning of a smile on her face}
The Boy: Has she farted yet?
BC: WHAT?!?!? I'm not sticking around for that!!! I've spent enough sleepless nights thanks to her snoring ... and farting?!? Don't even get me started! I'm getting out of here while I still can!
{Bear jumps down and runs out of the room ... and The Boy gets in bed}
MK: {whispering} Bear ... 9,834,239. Humans ... 1.
The Boy: Hehehehehehehe.

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46 comments:

  1. hehehe things will settle Bear Cat you'll see and you will all be one happy family,xx Speedy

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    1. Hmph. Surely you meant HOPPY, right? My Momma just groaned at my joke ... you're a bunny ... hoppy vs. happy. It sounded better in my head! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Not to worry Bear, you are always Momma's special boy!

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  3. dood....fess up....ewe noe; even tho ewe N momma waz like furst, ya still lovez havin yur sisturr
    ellie round N de boy two....bee sidez....when EWE get in trubull, ya gotta haz sum one else to blame

    N ellie....we cannna bee leeve ya eated bass turd burd....let a lone 5o poundz oh it ~ ☺☺ !! ♥♥♥

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    1. The best kind of turkey?! A dead, COOKED turkey! And why not make the best of the situation and chow down?!? Those turkeys aren't very tough after being in the oven for a couple hours! ~Ellie Mae

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  4. Bear, you should be glad you only have to share with one kitty. I have to share with THREE other kitties! Signed, Sadie

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  5. Bear, you still have the best spot with your momma while Ellie sleeps at the bottom corner. I'm sure it's hard to share after having her all to yourself for 10 years. Ellie, you are so cute eating all that turkey and taking a nap. :)

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    1. There's a reason we call her 'Ellie Belly!' ;) ~Bear Cat

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  6. I think Mama and Dad are being driven crazy by you two! Ha! It's all good, though. Love sometimes is silly. xo

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    1. Pretty sure Momma was crazy LONG before she adopted me ;) ~Bear Cat

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  7. When you posted that picture of The Boy scooping during your holiday meal I cracked up. Mudpie isn't too sure about you singing her a love song while in the potty though...

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    1. Momma got a kick out of it too. Just because one must poop doesn't mean that he totally forgets about his lady love! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Yeah, Bear, you definitely have a big family now. I know how you feel... I'm still not quite used to the fact that Mom brought home Leia, and it's been over 13 years. But she's ok SOME of the time. PS: that's a sweet picture of you and your Mom.

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    1. Leia's a hot babe! I'd LOVE to share a bed with her! ~Bear Cat

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  9. AMARULA: OK Bear---tell me the truth -- there were two chances to chomp the boy that were simply irresistible: that finger in your face and that bum wiggling about as he was changing your throne! Tell you gave him a good bite!! You did right??? And you are right about those bells on my collar throwing me off balance!!

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    1. I was too busy taking my rightful spot at the table to bother with biting his behind. Besides, I prefer to attack when it's least expected ... I got a good chomp on him after he got in bed next to me. Hehehehe. ~Bear Cat

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  10. It's about time the humans got one! :)

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  11. Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the litter box this morning. 😇

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  12. Bear, you could-a jumped on the boy's back when he was scooping! I, marvelous did that to Mommy this morning! She just about fell over...I laughed and I will have to share my Mommy with Kozmo, Jo Jo, Cinnamon, Daddy and my human brother for Christmas...I've been going back through your blogs and taking notes...
    Purrs
    Marv

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    1. Marv, you should probably know that I'm grounded well into my ninth life ... so my example might not be the best. But you could've charged admission for the leap on your Mom's back as she scooped the litter ... every cat dreams ... so few achieve ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. The picture tells all, Bear, you'll always be mom's special boy ! Purrs

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  14. Sharing is hard, isn't it Bear.

    P.S.: I think The Boy may have outsmarted you at the end, but don't worry you can win back the upper paw.

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    1. At least I only have to share with another cat! A bunny ... a dog ... a mouse?!? NO, THANK YOU! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Yes, score one for the humans!!! Sounds like Bear has Thanksgiving figured out. One smelly deposit and a chair opens right up! And I agree with Ellie - thank goodness for tummies not exploding!

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  16. The Boy is a keeper. There's photograph proof that he scoops!
    Never a dull moment at your house...
    xxoo
    Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red

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    1. He's not so bad ... once you get used to him ... ~Bear Cat

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  17. Bear, boy kitties ALWAYS have a special place in their Mama's hearts....ALWAYS!!! catchatwithcarenandcody

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  18. Definitely a case for an extra wide bed, without corners! Hmm I do hope EM deflates in time for your Christmas meal, though if she doesn’t, there will be more turkey do the rest of you!
    Toodle pip
    ERIN

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  19. Sp glad you all got some turkey tom lurkey. Isn't it delishus? We just luv a fureshly cooked one. Don't give us any of that fake stuff in a can called turkey cat food. Those peeps wouldn't know a turkey ifin it pecked their butts. Anyways, sharin' ain't so bad Bear. Ya' just have to find your spot and then refuse to move. Dat's what me does. MOL You should see where Raena has to sleep. Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. I love the real stuff! But after the first couple bites of the REAL turkey, Bear walked off. More left-overs for me!!! He likes the stuff in the can {BOYS!!!! GROSS!!!} ~Ellie Mae

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  20. Dropping by to let you know I've awarded this blog the Supawstars Pet Blogger Spotlight Award! :)

    Check out your feature here:

    https://kittyclysm.com/supawstars-award-nov-2017/

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    1. Thank you! We're so grateful for your friendship. We're off to read the feature now!

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  21. I sleep with a snorer and usually have to relocate, I understand your pain Bear :)

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    1. We all snore around here ... except I've never heard Ellie snore :)

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  22. Sharing's not so bad, Bear. There's enough love and turkey for everyone. Hmm. Strike that last part, since Ellie Mae ate all the turkey.

    "The litter box is not a toy." MOL!

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    1. "There's enough love and turkey for everyone." That's actually true. We're all getting tired of turkey around here!!! ~Bear Cat

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