Order in the court!

Momma makes a big deal about both cats sharing the same window. Bear plans his revenge but he's foiled at every turn by a certain black cat sister.

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

MK: Oh, hi, Ellie! I didn't realize you were in Bear's window.
EM: Meow mew m'row!
BC: It's a travesty! I have to SHARE with HER.
MK: Wait a minute ... BEAR?!?!?! {Loud squeal} You two are SHARING the window?
BC: Phht. We're on the same window sill four feet apart. We're not sharing any thing. And it's insulting that you think I would lower myself to sharing my window with my sister.
EM: Mew me'ow!

BC: Isn't it bad enough that I have to see you? But hear you too?
The Boy: {running into the bedroom} WHAT?!?! What's wrong? I heard you squeal. Is everything okay?
BC: NO! Nothing will ever be okay again! I have a stupid sister that ruins everything!
The Boy: You mean a sisfur?
BC: I mean a fat and obnoxious girl cat who thinks she lives here.
EM: I DO live here!
BC: I know! That's why nothing will ever be okay again!
EM: I'm not so bad!
BC: Said every dictator and tyrant EVER!
EM: You're the one that acts like a dictator and tyrant! I'm sweet and a good cat!
BC: Yeah. Sweet to beat up. And a cat only in name.
EM: You can't beat me up. You always try and you always fail.
BC: Because a certain Momma protects you.
EM: Phht! I'm her favorite!
BC: Take that back!
EM: Phht!
BC: Momma likes a challenge. And she needs me.
MK: You two are so cute! I'm going to run outside and take pictures of you two in the window together.
BC: I thought we were over this.
BC: WAIT! MOMMA! You're wearing your pajamas!

MK: But if I stop to change ...
BC: RATS! My attempts to stall her are foiled! At least she lost the bunny slippers.
{Momma leaves the room to run outside - grabbing her camera on the way}
BC: Get out of my window, Smellie!
EM: I have every right to be here!
BC: Stop being difficult and just MOVE, Smellie!
EM: You can't make me!
BC: Oh, really?
BC: You're blocking the exit to my window.
EM: It's my window too!
BC: Whatever! Just move before Momma gets a picture of us in the same window!
EM: I don't understand what the big deal ...
BC: I have street cred to think about!

EM: So do I!
BC: Being annoying isn't street cred. If you had street cred, it wouldn't hurt mine to be seen with you.
EM: You don't want to be seen with me?
{The front door opens}
EM: Huh?
BC: MOVE! If Momma gets pictures of this I'll never hear the end of it! My bros will call me a Smellie-lover and - even worse - a SHARER. Yuck!
EM: So? Maybe your bros are just stupid!
BC: So what?
EM: Ask nicely.
BC: For what?
EM: Me to move! You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
EM: It's a saying!
BC: OH! There she is! PLEASE move!

EM: Okay!
BC: {running out the window behind Ellie} Phew. That was close.
MK: {walking back inside} Where did you two go? Hello?!?! Where did everyone go?
The Boy: The cats took off down the hall.
MK: Together?
The Boy: I think so.
MK: I don't hear anything.
The Boy: So?
MK: When these two are quiet .... either one - they are up to something, or two - they're eating. The food bowls are in the other direction so ...
The Boy: How much trouble can two cats get in?
MK: You clearly never met Bear in his prime.
The Boy: It couldn't have been THAT bad.
MK: When he wanted attention things got messy. He got his paw stuck in the toaster ... more than once! He got his back paw stuck in a jar of peanut butter. Then there's the plastic bag handle he got stuck around his body. He cleaned off the shelf behind the toilet into the toilet more times than I can count. Carpet, furniture ... that boy was a force of nature!
EM: Momma!
MK: Hi, Ellie.
EM: Bear says I have to give this to you.

MK: What is it?
EM: We're suing you.
MK: Excuse me?
EM: You've been served.
MK: Unpaid wages?! Cruel and unusual punishment? Neglect? Hostile and annoying work environment? Refusing a contract? Are you two for real?

EM: We mean business, Momma.
MK: Sounds like a kangaroo court.
EM: Bear! You're right! She's not even listening to us! NO! It's for CATS not kangaroos!
MK: What the ...
EM: The Judge Bear Cat Kat presiding.
MK: WHAT?!?! The plaintiff can't be the judge!
BC: I'll be the judge of that. Now, Bailiff Smellie, address me properly.
EM: Judge Moody presiding.
MK: Judge Moody ... Judge Judy ... hahahahaha.
BC: SILENCE! Smellie, what did I say?
EM: Silence!
BC: NO! About how I am to be addressed!
EM: You're being addressed? Where's Momma sending you?
BC: FINE! If one wants something done right, he must do it himself. {AHEM}
BC: The most honorable Bear Cat Kat presiding.

EM: Most honorable? Hahahahahaha.
BC: QUIET in the court!
MK: Okay. This is just plain ridiculous. The cats' court? The plaintiff and the judge are the same cat? WHAT?!?!?! $93,724,681?!?
BC: And sixty-seven cents!
MK: What's that for? I'm kind of suspicious as to how you came up with that number.
BC: I'll be the judge of that.
EM: Don't be mean to him! He didn't actually come up with the number, he just pulled that number out of his @$$! 
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: SILENCE IN THE COURTROOM! YOU! The witness! No talking until I tell you you can talk.
EM: I thought I was the bailiff?
{Bear glares at Ellie}
EM: Sorry, your royal heinie.
{The Boy and Momma chuckle}
EM: But you're sitting on the table! That's not really high.
BC: Let's hear the evidence!
EM: There isn't any.

EM: I thought I was the witness! And the bailiff.
BC: You are what I tell you you are!
MK: This is forked up. Then again, what would one expect from The Cats' Court?
EM: You know, she's kind of right.
BC: A hostile witness!
EM: How do I know what I am at any given time?
BC: I TELL you! If I tell you you're an annoying sister ... you're an annoying sister! If I tell you to jump off a bridge ... jump off a bridge. Now stop interrupting me!
MK: Talk about judge, jury and executioner.
EM: But we don't want to kill you, Momma! We just want money to buy a tasty whole chicken farm, a tuna farm, two tanks, some bazookas ...
BC: Don't forget the tiara!
EM: But I don't want a tiara!
BC: NO! For me!
EM: But you can't wear a tiara! You're a boy!
BC: Are you saying boys can't be princesses?
BC: Fine. Then you can't be smart because you're not a boy!
EM: I have just as many balls as you do.
BC: Irrelevant!
{Momma and The Boy chuckle}
BC: Oh, yeah. Make fun of the guy who was knocked out only to have his balls rudely removed from his person.
EM: You mean catson? 
BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: Because you're not actually a person.
BC: Oh, shut up! And stop heckling the judge! Off with her head!
EM: Hmph. Well, that's not very nice! Be your own bailiff, witness and jury!
BC: FINE! I will!
EM: I'm going to join the defendant and testify against you!
BC: You can't!
EM: Why not?
EM: That's exactly why I quit being whatever you say I am.
BC: You can't QUIT until I tell you to quit! YOU'RE FIRED!
EM: GOOD! Then I'll testify against you!
BC: I thought you wanted a tasty whole chicken farm, a tuna farm, two tanks, some bazookas ...
EM: You wanted all that stuff! I just wanted a tuna farm so I went along with your obnoxiousness.
BC: Make that claim $93,224,681! How do you like that?
EM: Now you're being reasonable!
BC: No tuna farm.
EM: WHAT?!?! That's not fair!
BC: I'm not fair! I'm right!
EM: Then you're not honorable!
BC: Say that to my face!
BC: You ruined everything!
EM: No. You did that with your nonsense.
BC: Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it nonsense.
EM: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT, except YOU! And you're biased.
BC: Order in the court! Order in the court! One more word and I'll find you in contempt!
EM: Dumb@$!
BC: That's it! Your fine is $502,229,731. 89!
EM: I didn't say a whole word! It was missing a letter!
MK: D@mn. I think she out-catted the cat.
BC: I ... YOU ... THIS ... ARG! I need a nap! Hold my calls.
EM: But no one ever calls you!
BC: Oh, shut up, Traitor McTraitor.
EM: Better than being a royal heinie.
MK: I think this court is over.
BC: NO! I didn't SAY it's over!
EM: You said you need a nap!
BC: Phht. I can hear the case sleeping just as well as I can awake! 
EM: Because you wouldn't listen to anyone else either way!?!
BC: SILENCE! SILENCE IN THE COURT! Oh, @*&^. Forget it. I'm taking a nap.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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  1. Laughing out loud at this post! Loved the Cat's Court petition.I'm not going to show it to my cat Toffee, I don't want her getting ideas, she's grumpy enough as it is!
    That's Purrfect
    Not So Sweet Toffee

  2. MOL! Order in the court Bear? Order a whole tasty chicken and call it even!

  3. Order in the court? I'll have a pastrami on rye, light mustard. Don't try to summons me for jury duty, I have already served this week. Good luck Judge Judy, uhh, I mean Judge Moody.

    1. Not exactly the kind of order I was referring too ... but if you'll share ... ~Bear Cat

  4. I think Bear and Ellie have outdone themselves! I think you, MK, and The Boy handled the case and the summons to Court masterfully! And Bear, no reason you can't be a Princess of you want to. I will send you one of my own tiaras. I see you are quite the Enforcer there at the BearCat Household. You may need to think about expansion of your judicial empire.

    1. I want to be on TV! I think it's only natural for a handsome guy like me! ~Bear Cat

  5. There are some fine feline lawyers out there, Bear and Ellie...if you really want to press your case!

    1. Bear's on his own! His last lawyer fired him! TWICE! ~Ellie Mae

  6. I'm sorry, Momma Kat. I wouldn't want to be judged by the most honorable Bear Cat Kat! Sounds like his court is a bit chaotic.

  7. I see the method in your madness, Bear.You get everyone so confused that in the end they won't know what they are agreeing to.

    1. Ummm, not that I'm calling you mad of course!

    2. He is though! But I think it was he who ended up most confused ;) ~Ellie Mae

  8. Mudpie is very happy she has first dibs on everything in this house!

  9. Awwww... two kittehs in a window. But I gotta say, I don't think I would want BC as a judge at any trial for me. :)

  10. What a great phone number! HAH! I'm glad you kept your street cred, Bear.

  11. Oh no, cat attorneys? What is this world coming to? Aren't regular lawyers enough? Such a clever post-let's hope justice prevails.😊

  12. Ellie might have gotten in the last word this time!! (sorry, Bear) :)

  13. This is just too funny. Thanks for making my mum laugh!

  14. Bwahaha! This is, as Momma Kat says, "forked up." But so, so hysterical! Thanks for making us laugh. :)

  15. I think this needs to go to the supreme court.


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