Friday, June 7, 2019

B-Cube and his posse

Bear's let our awards from the Cat Writer's Association Conference (see "Organized chaos or something like that,") go to his head. Bear's always loved to put on a show - but this one is like no other. The cat rapper (also known as a crapper) B-Cube makes an unforgettable appearance and Ellie can't help but get caught up in the excitement. 

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

EM: Ummm ... Momma?
MK: Not now, Ellie. Can't I have some privacy?
EM: But I think you really should see this ...

MK: What?
EM: Err ...
MK: What did Bear do this time?
EM: Ummm ... I don't know that it's Bear so much as B-Cube. I suggest you come sooner than later.
MK: It's always something with ...
{Pause}
MK: *!&$! I didn't see that sign before ...
EM: {rolling her eyes} So you're getting an idea as to the problem.

MK: Your brother isn't so much a problem as a catastrophe.
EM: But isn't it B-Cube?
MK: Who do you think B-Cube is?
EM: Is that a trick question?
MK: B-Cube ... Use Your Confusion ... worldwide tour debut ...  

{Pause}
MK: Is that supposed to be some kind of play on "Use Your Illusion?"
EM: I don't know.
MK: And B-Cube? Aka The Quack Daddy?!? Like the Mac Daddy? You've got to be kidding me.
EM: Actually, that part is kind of cool.
MK: Oh?
EM: Err ... did I say that out loud?
MK: How did he ... I took away all his paper and markers!
EM: I think he used the computer for these.
MK: WHAT?!?
EM: I told him it wasn't a good idea ...
MK: How did he get my password?
EM: Err ... promise you won't get mad?
MK: WHAT?!?!
EM: Umm ... he told me he would order me tuna and sparkle balls.
MK: ELLIE MAE KAT!
EM: You promised you wouldn't get mad!
MK: I told him not to touch my computer! What?!? Now I can't even leave him alone long enough to get a shower?
BC: {from the other room} Testing ... testing ... 1 2 3 ...
MK: {running down the hall} (@*! ^!**#! 
BC: MOMMA! You're not wearing pants! 
MK: Where did all these lights come from?

BC: MOMMA! This is a CONCERT, not a gentleman's club ...
MK: {switching off the lights} A concert it is NOT.
BC: HEY! Don't touch my equipment!
MK: Get rid of all this stuff!
BC: THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

MK: We'll see about ...
BC: HEY! Music fans! Tonight we're kicking it with the concert of the century! Are you ready?
{Silence}
BC: I didn't hear you!!! ARE. YOU. READY?
EM: YES!

{Momma glares at Ellie}
EM: Sorry I got a little caught up ... I mean, you have to admit he has a commanding stage presence ... And there's just something ... I never saw it before ... but he's kind of cute!
MK: So help me ...
BC: SECURITY! SECURITY! This Momma is improperly attired and is causing a disturbance! Kick her out!
EM: YEAH!

MK: ELLIE MAE KAT!
EM: What?!?
MK: Must I remind you both that you can't kick me out of my own house?
BC: Where's security?
EM: Oh, no!
MK: ELLIE!
BC: That black pain in the butt over there!
EM: There's another black cat here?
BC: NO! You! The black cat the size of an airplane hanger!
EM: ME?!?!
BC: YES!
EM: OH! This is the best day of my life! I finally fit in and Bear loves me!

BC: No. B-Cube loves you.
EM: But Bear Cat IS B-Cube.
BC: Do I need to interrupt the concert to take care of the problem myself  ... or will you just get rid of the disturbance? 
EM: Yes, Quack Daddy!
MK: Oh, for the love of ... I quit!
EM: YEAH! Stop interrupting the performance!
BC: It's time to get this show going!
EM: YAY! I've never seen a concert in person ... err ... catson before!
BC: {cat rapping} These are my awards, yo!
Writing honed like a pro;
Humor and tales of woe,
Vital issues too though.
{Pause}
BC: Crapping, making my dough.
Daftness ever my foe.
Won't accept Momma's no.
I do what I want, yo!
{Pause}
BC: I love Momma too though.
When Momma's feeling low,
When she laughs HO HO HO,
To her side I always go.

BC: Hello? HELLO? Can you hear me?
EM: YES!
BC: Then why aren't you clapping?
EM: What about your sister?
BC: That bus-sized brick doesn't deserve an ovation!
EM: After everything I did for you?
BC: What'd you think about my beats?
EM: That's crap all right.
BC: Thank you!
EM: Err ... like actual crap ... you know, the stuff in the litter box.
BC:  I'm not going to take that standing up! MOMMA!!! MOMMA?!?! My Momma's going to open a can of whoop-@$$ on you.
EM: She's my Momma too!
BC: Lies! All lies! We aren't related! You just want a cut of the receipts!
EM: Receipts? I didn't pay anything and I'm the only cat here!
BC: You didn't pay ... yet ...
EM: Uh oh.
{Silence}
BC: Where did Momma go? How rude!
EM: You did kick her out ...
The Boy: {quickly surveying the situation after walking in the front door - before he turns around and shuts the door behind him} Nope.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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43 comments:

  1. You will be all over that E Entertainment show online soon. They have a whole section of videos and a rapping cat is going to be a total star!

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  2. Hmm.... it does seem to me that you can't be B Cube AND Princess of the Forest. Might have to choose....

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    Replies
    1. Are you saying rappers can't be princesses? #discrimination ~Bear Cat

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  3. Don't make me file a noise complaint against you Square Bear. Of course if you invite me to the concert with backstage passes, I wouldn't be able to complain. ;)

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  4. I have been meaning to congratulate you on your numerous well deserved awards!! Huge Congratulations! And...I agree with Bear (from your other post), if it is the Cat Writer's Association, well...the CATS should win and NOT the humans ;)

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  5. Hey Bear, there is zero chance of a bad rap for you pal!

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  6. How do I get tickets for your next gig, Bear, I mean B-Cube?

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    Replies
    1. They'll be held at the box office ... err ... under the front mat. ~Bear Cat

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  7. Your ego was already prepped for stardom, Bear!

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  8. Aww, Bear's rap ended so sweetly! I mean B-Cube's rap.

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    Replies
    1. B-Cube is the bomb! Maybe one day I'll get his autograph! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear has a right to be proud of all of the awards, but we think he may have gone a little overboard! MOL!

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    Replies
    1. A little overboard? Umm ... yeah. That pretty much describes Bear!

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  10. I wanna come to your concert . . . I wanna come to your concert, Bear! It sounds so-o exciting! Will it be a nightly gig? Are you handing out Bear buttons as favors to season ticket holders? Oh, I can't wait!

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    Replies
    1. The tickets will be held at the box office ... err ... under the front mat. ~Bear Cat

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  11. The Boy obviously could not afford the cover charge. :)

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    Replies
    1. Nah, I walked in and said "I. Did. Not. See. This. Nope."

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    2. I can charge him to come inside?! Tasty whole chicken farm here I come! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Replies
    1. Of course! And the president of my fan club! Of course, I'll also be available for "favors" ... ~Bear Cat

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  13. Ellie is too cute becoming a star struck fan. Bear, Pierrot would love your concert!

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    Replies
    1. My Momma says Smellie's just plain cute ... but BARF! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Bwahaha! Gotta admit that "kicking it with the concert of the century" was most entertaining!

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  15. I am not into rap, but if Bear is doing it then I love it :)

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    Replies
    1. My Momma says the same thing! Smellie just rolls her eyes! ~Bear Cat

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  16. B-Cube, we never knew you could spit such dope rhymes!

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    Replies
    1. Err ... huh? I guess I need to catch up with all the crapping lingo ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. AMARULA:Please oh Please can i come to see you in concert Bear??? I would love to be part of your posse! No one wears chains and a baseball cap the way you do!!

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  18. Squeeee! B-Cube! This is Dori! I can I have yoor pawtograph? *rips off collar*

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    Replies
    1. Why yes! And if you take it all off ... I can personally guarantee ...
      BEAR!
      Oops. Gotta go. ~Bear Cat

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  19. Come to NYC! We've got lots of rappers here!

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    Replies
    1. COOL! And my Momma could finally meet Lola! You should hear how she goes on and on about Lola! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Bear, have to tell you I have been asking Mom if she'd allow me out to be one of your Groupies. But I need to ask YOU first. XXXXX

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    Replies
    1. All ladies welcome ... but especially the pretty ones ... like you! ~Bear Cat

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