The secret

If your cat could take pictures, what do you think he would take pictures of? Would the pictures be of things he loves, his masterpieces, his human's most embarrassing moments, or of himself?

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

MK: I only need one more picture for this post. OH! I know which folder to look in!
MK: WHAT?!?!?!?! Where did these pictures in this folder come from?

BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Do what?
BC: Err ... don't try to trick me into admitting something else I did because I think that's the one you know about.
BC: Hard to tell. But even if I could, it'd be a secret.
MK: Bear!
BC: Did you find the pile of barf under the couch?
MK: WHAT?!?! How did you manage to barf UNDER the couch!?
BC: Ask Smellie.
EM: Well, see, my sparkle ball went under the couch and then I saw food on the floor so I tried to eat it, but I just pushed most of it under the couch.
BC: She's like a ... well, you know! Her wet food always manages to be pushed off the plate.
MK: Okay. So there's one secret ... how many more are there?
BC: Err ... did you find the bug and bug leg graveyard?
MK: WHAT??!?!
EM: Why do you keep saying that, Momma?
BC: Let's see ... one ... two ... eight ... fourteen ...

MK: Oh. Phew.
BC: I wasn't done counting.
EM: Don't forget about the {hushed mumbling as Ellie whispers in Bear's ear}.
BC: Hahahaha! Yeah! That one was classic!
MK: WHAT?!?! Ellie, if you don't tell me what you know, that makes you an accomplice.
EM: Okay. Bear and I will finally be friends if I'm his accomplice!
MK: That means you get in trouble too!
EM: Well, to be honest, Bear's been grounded since I moved here and he still does what he wants.
MK: BEAR?!?! Are you happy with yourself now that you've corrupted your sister?
BC: I just pointed out ...
MK: And you could figure out how to use the camera?
BC: Phht. How hard can it be? YOU can use it!
MK: So you DID take these pictures? Because the folder is named "Bear pic."
BC: I was framed!
MK: By who?
BC: EVERYONE! It's an EVERYONE conspiracy! Because I won't give my brain for science!
EM: Why would science want YOUR brain?
BC: You're just jealous they don't want yours. Oh, wait. You don't have one.
EM: I'm not the cat stupid enough to get tricked into telling Momma what he did.
BC: HA! She didn't trick me! I caught her!
EM: So how did she know about the barf under the couch? And the bug graveyard?
BC: $%(*&. This SUCKS big tulip testicles! Mommas are tricky!
MK: Did you forget to take the lens cover off?

BC: NO! Doesn't that sound like something Smellie would do?
MK: Well, considering this picture of Ellie's behind and the other picture of her behind with an elephant face drawn in ...

EM: WHAT?!?!? How rude!
BC: She's a Smellie-phant! Hahahahaha.
EM: So THAT'S what you were doing on Momma's computer last night!

MK: WHAT?!?! Bear, you're not supposed to touch my computer!
BC: There's one less secret ...
MK: Ellie, why didn't you tell me? Did Bear threaten you?
EM: No. I had finally fallen asleep after a long time of Bear chasing me for pictures.
MK: Bear, Ellie couldn't have taken a picture of her own butt!

EM: What's wrong with you?!? I thought you were just being annoying! You took pictures of my butt!?! Though, I must admit ... it is very pretty. See that?!? My floofy behind is the best behind ever!
BC: Why did you think I had a camera?
MK: ELLIE?!?! You SAW Bear using my camera?
EM: Ummm ...
BC: She can't help it, she's not very smart.
EM: HEY! I'm not the one that got tricked into admitting ...
BC: And how does Momma know you saw me using her camera?
EM: *@&! And I thought I was smarter than the average bear.
BC: Phht. Nothing about me is average. I'm spectacular.
MK: Hmmm ... a selfie gone wrong or did you not know which way to point the camera?

BC: Oh, shut up!
The Boy: {walking in the front door} Hey! What are you all up to?
EM: Bear used Momma's camera to take a bunch of dumb pictures!
BC: They're not DUMB! Well, at least the ones that aren't you aren't dumb.
MK: Oh! Look! He caught you picking your nose!
The Boy: I don't pick my nose!
MK: Ummm ...

BC: You're lucky I didn't get a picture of you walking around here without pants! Talk about revenge! That would teach you not to walk around without pants!
The Boy: Look at this one! He got a picture of you walking into a wall!
MK: WHAT?!?!? BEAR! I KNEW I heard giggling!

The Boy: OH! Look at this one! Hahahahahaha. He got a picture of you sleeping with your mouth open and your tongue out! Hahahahaha.

BC: Hey. It's not my fault you all give me such great material! And that picture of you sleeping is fair revenge for the time you took a ton of pictures of me sleeping with my tongue out!

MK: Wait a ... what's in this picture?
BC: Nothing.
MK: That's your paw! You got your paw in front of the lens!
BC: Maybe it was a threat.
MK: Hahahaha. Mr. Big-Time photographer forgot to take the lens cover off, didn't know which way to point the camera, and even better ... got his paw in front of the lens taking a picture.
The Boy: WHOA!!! Look at this one of Momma's butt!

BC: I call that one, "The last thing a fool sees."
The Boy: Hahahahahahahahaha.
MK: Stop encouraging him!
BC: Phht. You should know by now that I don't require any encouragement!
MK: BEAR! You took a picture of your barf?

BC: No. That image just popped in the camera on its own.
MK: I might regret asking this ... but why did you take a picture of your barf?
BC: Because it's a work of art and I am an artiste! I call this one ... "The Vomit Comet."
MK: Wait a minute ... I never saw this pile! 
BC: Smellie might have something to do with that.
MK: EWWWW! You are SO grounded.
BC: I SO don't care! 
EM: Hahahaha. That was a good one!
EM: Stop being mean to him!
MK: Have you forgotten all the lies he's told you? His barfing on your scratchers? Licking you so that you'll move and he can steal your spot?
EM: He says he did all that because he loves me! I've never had a brother before! And he LOVES me.
MK: So let me get this straight ... he lies to you and yet you believe him when he says he loves you?
BC: Are you saying Smellie's not lovable?
BC: With the money I get for uploading these pictures to the internet ...
MK: Don't you DARE!
EM: But how else am I going to get my tasty whole tuna farm?
MK: Ah. So THAT'S why you're being so nice to him. Your corruption is complete.
EM: I'm corrupted? Isn't that bad?
BC: Phht. She's just EDUCATED.
EM: Well, that doesn't sound so bad ... 
MK: Why'd you take a picture of your food bowl?

MK: Umm ... of what?
BC: It's empty! Those ninnies at 911 didn't think an empty food bowl is an emergency! It's almost like they didn't BELIEVE me! Now I have proof!
MK: The bowl is full!
BC: How dare you say that!
MK: Ellie, is this food bowl full?
EM: I think it's a matter of perspective! You know, is the bowl half empty or half full?
MK: But this isn't a philosophical discussion!
EM: It looks full to me ...
BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: Err ... for the bowl being empty.
MK: That doesn't even make sense!
BC: Phht. She's a female. She's not supposed to make sense.

MK: I swear, it's like she's Bear's mini-me!
BC: Yeah. When the mini-me is actually the size of a house!
EM: You said you weren't going to make fun of my size anymore!
BC: But I WASN'T making fun of your size! I was just telling the truth!
EM: I don't like you very much anymore!
BC: Good! Because I don't like you at all!
MK: Bodies?!? One of his secrets includes BODIES?
EM: Insect bodies, yes.
MK: Oh. Phew.
The Boy: HEY! Wait! There are two more folders ... one marked "Dumb@$$" and the other marked, "Handsome." Oh! Look at this!
MK: WHAT?!?! BEAR! Where did you get these?
BC: I took them!
MK: Oh?
MK: You took pictures of me after I'll fallen backward in my desk chair? I could've been hurt!
BC: Were you?
MK: No.
MK: And what's this?
BC: Remember when you fell off that chair changing the light bulb? OH! Here's a good one ...
BC: How many Mommas does it take to change a light bulb?
EM: How many?
EM: I'm just curious!
BC: I don't know! She keeps falling off the chair!
The Boy: WHAT?!?! You didn't tell me about that! You could've been hurt!
BC: BUSTED! Now what do you have to say, Miss Smarty-Pants!?
MK: {trying to change the subject} What's in the handsome folder?
BC: What do YOU think?
{Momma flips through the pictures}

EM: You took a picture of your tail? What's the big deal about it? It's thin and NOT bushy unlike mine!
BC: Stay tuned for part two!
MK: Not from this camera.
BC: Daddy? I love you, Daddy!
{Silence as The Boy looks around}
BC: You! The Boy!
The Boy: Err ...
BC: Thank you for giving me the idea to take pictures and sell them on the internet.
MK: WHAT?!?!?!
The Boy: Err ... oops?
BC: Can I borrow your phone?
The Boy: Asking your DADDY ... sure!
MK: Should've seen that coming.
BC: Oops. I pointed it the wrong way.

The Boy: GIVE ME THAT! All that Daddy stuff and you didn't mean a word!
BC: And Momma said you're stupid!
The Boy: HEY!
MK: WHAT?!?! I NEVER said that!
BC: Oh, yeah. I said that. Don't hate me for my artistic talents!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact 

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  1. Oh Bear, I can’t stay long...I have a bad case if the giggles!

    1. I wish that was my Momma's reaction! Let's just say she's ... grumpy. ~Bear Cat

  2. Cats should not be allowed to use cameras. :)

    1. It's only fair to turn the tables on the pawparazzi ;) ~Bear Cat

  3. Some greta art there, Bear. You have a real talent at capturing the everyday art of life—from a feline perspective. Mrs H suggests that you get reinforcing scaffolding and cross bracing for that chair, and maybe one of those suspending pair of pants that young humans wear to help them stay upright. Coupled with a series of ceiling tracks you could get your staff wizzing around the flat without knocking into or falling over anything! OR you could just wrap them up in a big duvet. . . . ;)

    1. You overestimate my humans. Believe me ... they will ALWAYS find a way to be clumsy and un-graceful! ~Bear Cat

  4. Wouldn't you have fun if you had a camera like Eric and Flynn used to wear!

  5. the picking your nose one and Mama sleeping with her tongue out are hilarious! I hate to think of what photos Cody would take (especially since he and I share a bathroom lol)

    1. Think of THAT next time you wake Cody up to take a picture of him! ~Bear Cat

  6. Oh, poor Mamma Kat! *giggle* Bear, you need to keep your own external hard drive with the photos and hide it under the litter box. That's what we do! MOL

    1. Under the litter box? Heck. I'd deposit them IN the litter box!

  7. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh My CATS!!! The paparazzi at your house has excellent timing at the most inopportune times.
    You made me giggle
    Hugs CEcilia

    1. It's a hard job ... but someone must expose the humans! ~Bear Cat

  8. Bear, this time you outdid yourself. You had me getting great ideas all the way through with a superb pictorial guide. And you got mom hee- hawing like the a$$ she can be. Glad no one heard her. BUT: I know where she leaves the phone. I could make enough to keep me in kibble and wet food and treats for a decade with the stuffs I could take pictures of around here! Just before she goes to bed and just as she emerges from same are sights to induce shudders in strong cats and humans. Goodness help if I catch her emerging from the shower. Hm. I'd have to be careful though. If I want my smoochies, brushies, scritchies and combing and treats and the best side of the bed and my own chair. Hmmm. Thinking.

    1. There's not enough mind bleach in the universe to deal with my Momma without clothes! I swear my Momma looks a lot like Bigfoot when she gets out of bed in the morning ... including a defiant growl! ~Bear Cat

  9. guyz....iz it oh kay ta say we laffed at mom N dadz fotoz.. coz we wood knot want
    em with holdin food N stuff frum either oh ewe... bee coz yur palz bee LRCBO at them ....

    N ya noe; de foto ya taked oh de total dark nezz; act shoo a lee rox ☺☺☺☺☺☺♥♥

    1. I call that one, "After Momma sits on you." I tell you, when she swings that thing around ... ~Bear Cat

  10. Sheesh! I'm glad that my cats only like to take selfies.

  11. Well, you may need to work on your photography skills, Bear, but your catparrazi skills are spot on!!

  12. You'll have to ask my cat Jake where he hides his photos. I'm pretty sure that he has embarrassing photos of me posted on the internet.

    1. Asking for a friend ... where does he sell them? ~Bear Cat (again, for a friend)

  13. You did a pawsome job with your camera, Bear ! (*giggles*). We still wonder why we are not allowed to have our own camera. Purrs

  14. I'd love to get one of those cameras that hang on a cat's collar, Bear! Then we'd really know what you all were up to!

  15. A cat with a camera seems like a very dangerous thing and this post is Exhibit A.

    1. It seems to me that a cat WITHOUT a camera is even more dangerous ;) ~Bear Cat

  16. Danger! Danger! Cats with cameras present! Really, you should have issued a warning, especially about the barf. No need to give anyone here (TESSA!) ANY IDEAS!!!

    Totally knew about the bug leg graveyard. Doesn't everyone have one of these?

  17. AMARULA: Bear i totally wish i had your ability with the camera! Oh boy the embarrassing secrets I could reveal!!

    1. I'm here to listen any time!!! Especially if it's juicy! ~Bear Cat


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