Tuesday, September 24, 2019

The mosquito wars

There's a mosquito in the house ... and Momma's going buggy! Momma's mosquito hunting is like a train-wreck, but the cats just can't turn away from the entertainment.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

EM: {grooming her gorgeous tail} La de da ... 
{Pause}
EM: HUH? AHHH!
BC: Keep it down over there!
EM: There's a ...
{Pause}
EM: AHHHH! It's following me!
BC: I don't see anything!
EM: A bug!
BC: Hardy har har. That's rich coming from you.
EM: WHAT?! I'm rich?
BC: You're the most annoying bug around here.
EM: No! This one is buzzing!
BC: I hear buzzing, but it's coming from you.
EM: But ...
BC: AHH! That's a giant mosquito!
EM: What do we do?
BC: DON'T tell Momma. Our wet food treat time is an hour away and if she chases after this mosquito like the crazy-pants she is, she'll end up in the hospital and our treat will be late.
EM: A mosquito can put someone in the hospital?
{Pause as Ellie thinks}
EM: {GASP!} Will it eat me?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Momma would end up in the hospital after falling off chairs and running into walls and all the nonsense that happens when she sees a mosquito.

EM: AHHH! It won't leave me alone!
BC: Sissy. It's just a bug!
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It's after me! It's after me! I'm going to die!
EM: Oh no!
{Pause}
EM: Hmm ... no more being called Smellie, no more competition for hiding spots, no more chasing me off the bed ...
BC: DO SOMETHING!
{Pause}
EM: But it's just a bug!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Hahahaha.
BC: STOP ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ... LAUGHING .... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ... AND DO SOMETHING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: This is my favorite show!
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
MK: Bear? You ran into my leg.
BC: Hi, Momma. Technically, your leg ran into me.

MK: My leg wasn't moving and you were tearing across the room.
EM: That's true!
BC: Oh, shut up!
MK: What's going on?
EM: There's this humongous ...
BC: NOTHING!
MK: A humongous nothing?
EM: Err ...
BC: YES!
MK: Ellie, what is going on?
EM: Umm ... see ... if I tell you the truth, Bear will get mad at me ... 
MK: Isn't Bear always mad at you?
EM: Momma has a point.
BC: But I have twenty-two points!
MK: Put your claws and fangs away, Bear.
BC: WET FOOD!
EM: Err ... I'll tell you after our wet food treat.
MK: What the ...
{Pause}
MK: {ducking} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A MOSQUITO!!!
BC: RATS! Now we'll never get our wet food treat.

EM: We could help her.
BC: You mean ... work? You know my feelings on work.
EM: {in her best Bear voice} Work is for sissies. The bosses know how to make everyone work for them!
BC: Now you get it.
MK: {running around} I'm going to get you, you little *#%@! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Mom ....
MK: Not now, El ...
{THUNK!}
BC: Momma's known to be hard-headed and she's got an over-abundance of padding ... but that wall had to hurt!
EM: You probably shouldn't be laying in the middle of the floor.
BC: I'm going to hide in the closet.
EM: You're scared of the bug?
BC: Of course n ... 
{Pause}
BC: Err ... yeah. But don't tell anyone. That's no mosquito! It's like a hybrid of godzilla and a mutant mosq ...
MK: Prepare to be ...
EM: UH OH!
MK: OOF!
BC: OWWWWWW!
MK: Sorry, Bear.
BC: I'm laying here!

MK: I was chasing that mosquito!
BC: SEE!! It's been a minute and she's already run into a wall and almost cat-caked me! And that mosquito is still buzzing around mocking us.
EM: I TOLD you to move!
{THUNK!}
MK: OW!
BC: Make that two walls. Maybe I should tell her she doesn't have to body slam the mosquito into the wall she can just use her hand?
{Pause}
BC: Nah.
MK: I just DARE you to try to bite me! I'll squash you like a ... a ...
BC: Bug?
EM: I thought you were hiding in the closet.
BC: And miss this? This is world-class entertainment.
MK: I'm gonna F*** you up, F***ER!
{Pause}
MK: HUH?
{Pause}
MK: Oh, crap!
{CRASH!!!}
BC: Holy cat crap! Momma just took out the kitchen table! Momma! Momma! You're supposed to go OVER large objects, not through them.
EM: I love Momma and I don't want her to get hurt ... but this is DEFINITELY better than when she contorts herself around the perches of the cat tree UPSIDE DOWN to get us out of the corner.
BC: Yeah, but it's hilarious to see her feet in the air with her legs flailing trying to get UNSTUCK.
EM: If I weren't hiding in the corner at that time, I'd take a picture.
BC: I think The Boy might've gotten a picture once - but don't tell Momma! She'd flip out!

MK: Huh? Uh oh!
{THUNK!}
BC: Much like that. But probably less painful for her.
EM: Flip out like she did last night when she found you rolling in the compost pile in the garden?
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: She brought you in held at arm's length. You SMELLED.
MK: COME BACK HERE, YOU BLOOD-SUCKING ...
BC: Phht. I smelled nothing like that compost pile that now smells like me.
EM: Err ...
BC: That sounded better in my head.
MK: Where'd it go? Where'd it go?
EM: Momma walked around for the rest of the night mumbling about how if she wanted a pet that rolls around in stinky stuff, she would've gotten a dog.
MK: AHA! That's it! This is WAR and you're going down!
BC: After my compost pile roly-poly, did you see her face when she found me sleeping on the clean sheets she just put on the bed?
EM: Why didn't she just give you a bath?
BC: Let's just say she learned the hard way ... and by hard way, I mean the fang and claw way.
EM: But you used to play in your water bowl! And you have no problem standing in the pouring rain and demanding Momma come get you.
BC: Phht. The power of choice. It's ALLLL about the power of choice. And baths ... nope.
EM: I think Momma really got mad when she found the pieces of eggshell on Daddy's pillow.
BC: Yeah. I had to roll around to get all the junk off. There was a carrot peel but I guess she didn't see ...
MK: OWWWWWWW! My knee! *&@(# ^#(@!
BC: I got to write those words down.
EM: Momma should know better than to stand on her desk chair to kill a mosquito.

BC: On the plus side, the trip to the hospital might be sooner than later.
EM: Neighbors probably hear this and think Momma's a brutal bug hater. 
BC: Phht. That woman "saves" bugs in here and takes them outside. 
EM: Except for mosquitoes. Daddy always gives her a hard time for rescuing bugs.
BC: Crickets, spiders, lady bugs, lightning bugs ... she ruins all my good times! Phht. Let me rule my domain woman!
EM: MOMMA! Watch out for my scratcher!
MK: OOP!
BC: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEER!
{THUNK!}
MK: OWW!
EM: Oh no! My scratcher!!!!
BC: And she's down! Momma needs to learn the meaning of gravity.
{Pause}
BC: Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ... Momma, the mosquito is on your face.
MK: Oh, no! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL no!
{SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!}
BC: Hahahahaha.
EM: That's not very nice.
BC: Eh. She beats herself up all the time ... but this is FUNNY.
MK: Where'd it go? Where'd it ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHH! It's after me! It's after me! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP!
MK: Huh?
{Momma gets up}
MK: I got it, Bear! I got it! Don't worry!
EM: Just when I thought this couldn't get more insane ... a mosquito chasing after Bear - who's chased by Momma ... WAIT! WAIT! MOMMA!

{THUNK!}
MK: {rolling around on the floor} OWW!!!
BC: MOMMA! MOMMA! Get up! This thing is still chasing me! HELP!
EM: Ugh. That had to hurt.
BC: MOMMA! You can't kill this mosquito from the ground! GET UP! HELP! HELP! HELP!
MK: Owww ...
EM: Momma! Momma! I'll call 911 ... but I don't know the number!
MK: NINE! ONE! ONE!
EM: I know! That's what I said! But what's the number?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWW.
EM: WHAT'S THE NUMBER?!?! WHAT'S THE NUMBER!?!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: OWWWW.
EM: THE NUMBER!!!! I DON'T SEE PR!
BC: CPR, you twit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
The Boy: {walking in the front door} I don't want to know!
BC: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!
The Boy: What the ... honey? Are you okay?
BC: WHO CARES ABOUT HER! I have a godzilla-sized, ticked off because Momma kept chasing him, mosquito chasing me!
The Boy: I was right. I didn't want to know. Is it too late to just back out of here?
EM: Only if you take me with you!

BC: WHAT?!? No one is going to HELP ME!?
{THWAP!}
The Boy: There.
BC: {huffing and puffing} Huh?
The Boy: I got it!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
The Boy: I leave you all for an hour and this is what I come home to? What happened to the kitchen table?
MK: OWWW!
BC: Dude. I was cool. No mosquito scares me. It was all Momma. I was chasing the mosquito that was chasing her!
The Boy: BZZZZ!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: Ha. Ha. Very funny.
EM: Hahahahahahaha.
BC: Can we have our wet food treat now?
MK: OWW.
{Pause}
MK: {still laying on the floor} BEAR! Get off my face!
{Pause}
MK: DID YOU JUST FART?
BC: Fumigating for any mosquitoes. And ensuring you get up to give us our wet food treat.
The Boy: {in the bedroom} WHY'S THERE A CARROT PEEL ON MY PILLOW?!?

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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42 comments:

  1. That sounds similar to the show we've seen here a time or three!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We imagine that with Simon, everything is more interesting!

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  2. Bear and Ellie Mae I am with momma on this. I H A T E bugs in the house especially skeeters. The look at me as their Thanksgiving feast. I've been told they are particularly attracted to O+ blood types and that is ME.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  3. Mosquitoes are scary, we've had an eee (Eastern Equine Encephalitis) outbreak here in Massachusetts. Seriously though, mosquitoes don't belong in the house. Even if it did provide some comic relief. 😹

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    Replies
    1. That's scary! Mosquitoes are bad enough on their own - but add some horrible disease and that's just a million times worse.

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  4. bear N ellie; ewe noe....it veree well coulda been a Godzilla { we lovez ewe dood } an enemeez oh hiz....rememburr mothra !! ☺☺♥♥

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  5. Them skeeters are so dangerous, considering they carry the BooBonny plague. That's what our mom sez, so we aren't allowed to chase and nom them things.

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    Replies
    1. BooBonny ... is that related to Ass-bunny? Asking for a friend ...

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  6. Mosquitoes are so annoying ! We hate them ! Purrs

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  7. I hate mosquitoes too. They make a beeline for me.

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  8. UGH! I feel your momma's pain. I had a mosquito in my office (I didn't know until I saw and killed it), but I ended up with 5 bites! I don't recall EVER being bitten by a mosquito in California. But this year, they're horrible and I seem to attract them. I'd pass on Bear's version of fumigation though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear's passed on Bear's version of fumigation ;)
      That's the thing that gets me ... you can have one mosquito, but that sucker can bite you five times in minutes!

      Delete
  9. Mosquitos? I don't think I've seen one.....ever. I have seen many bugs but here they spray for Mosk itoes. They sound scary. I'll shove Shoko out t deal with any I see.

    Tebe

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    Replies
    1. Our county government sprays - but that's nasty in itself. Still, better than being eaten alive when one walks outside.

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  10. Bear...Ellie, MK...I was there! Yes, I was transported straight there because of the vivid depiction of what was happening!!. I even helped kill the skeeter! Yes. I was drawn straight through a worm hole (don't get nervous EM...it's not full of worms (I don't think) to your house and got there in time to assist.

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    Replies
    1. So you know how ridiculous Momma and Bear looked! ~Ellie Mae

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  11. "And she's down!" MOL!!! True story - one day there was a hornet in my office at work and I stood on a table to kill it. What I wasn't considering is that the desk had a portion of the middle that detached and I fell through it. I never went to the doctor but I know I broke a couple ribs. It hurt to breathe for weeks. (I bring some bugs outside too...)

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    Replies
    1. Sounds really really painful! I wonder what my cats think about me when I do stuff like that. Bear hardly even lifts his head anymore.

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  12. You guys crack us up, even IF mosquitoes are not a laughing matter here. Those little bloodsuckers tear me up!

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    Replies
    1. Momma is one of those don't kill living things people ... but mosquitoes are the only exception.

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  13. Oh Bear, Ellie and awnty Kat, we totally know what you're goin' thru. Those things eat mommy alive. When we were on our trip, mommy had welts all over her body. She was one big ole welt. yep, sure nuff. Glad somepawdy furinally killed that bad boy. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Maybe it's my Momma's sensitive skin, but she itches for days! And one mosquito can inflict so much damage it boggles the mind.

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  14. The Hubby gets a bit crazed when he thinks that a mosquito fly inside...he's been reading about the people on the westside of Michigan who have died from some nasty stuff that mosquitoes transmit. What he doesn't know, is that I've gotten plenty of mosquito bites this summer, and I'm okay! It's that whine by one's ear that makes a person crazy!

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    Replies
    1. That's scary! Mosquitoes are bad enough on their own - but add some horrible disease and that's just a million times worse.
      ps - Men can be such babies sometimes!

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  15. Now Bear...I have to admit...I'm with your mama on 'Skeeters.' Rotten little buggers!

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  16. You should see how the mom acts when there’s a bee or wasp in the house. Oh...and a stink bug??? Look out!!!!

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    Replies
    1. My Momma tries to get it out ... and if she can't ... well, that poor bug. Any bug that could hurt her kitties ... she takes NO chances!

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  17. I hate to say it but it would have been far easier to just send The Boy in straight away—a SWAT team to end all SWAT teams ;). Granted it wouldn't have been as much fun, but you'd have got your wet food treat ASAP pronto.
    Purrs
    ERin
    PS a bug zapping light will end up cheaper in the long run if you factor in wall damage, hospital bills and stress

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    Replies
    1. It's The Boy's fault we get all these bugs! You'd think he was the Bug Overlord or something!

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  18. The Boy saves the day!! Great ending....we did not see that one coming! :)

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  19. Ewww bugs. I hate bugs! I'm good with butterflies.... And those cute little gray things that curl themselves into a ball. I knew them as roly polies. And bees are practically rock stars these days ... Dragonflies also welcome. All others should stay away.

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    Replies
    1. As long as they don't hurt me or my cats ... I'm pretty cool with bugs. Of course, I always reserve the right to relocate any visitor ....

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