Friday, October 4, 2019

Momma and The Boy watch TV

Momma and The Boy have a new favorite television commercial, confusing both cats. Sex tapes? An emu? A BILF? What kind of stuff goes on around here and who's the boss of all this nonsense? As you probably can guess: 1) the boss of nonsense is not Momma or The Boy, 2) we don't get paid enough for this kind of crap, and 3) some things you just can't unsee!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

MK: OH! LARRY!
BC: NOT AGAIN! Can't you two keep it to yourselves? There are some things a cat just can't unsee. This is a first though. Trying to do it while you are in different rooms?
EM: What are they doing?
BC: The horizontal ...
MK: BEAR!
EM: I DON'T GET IT! What's Daddy doing?
The Boy: What?!? I'm in the bathroom!
MK: Hurry up! Hurry up! Come! Come!
BC: I hope it's as good for him as it is for you because this is a record time for ...
The Boy: {running into the room} What's wrong? What's ... oop!
{THUNK!}
BC: Next time pull up your pants.
MK: THE EMU! THE EMU! LARRY, THE EMU!
{The Boy looks confused}
MK: ON TV!!!!
The Boy: You scared the crap out of me!
BC: Considering where you were, that might be appropriate. But don't feel bad. Momma scares the crap out of me all the time. Like how she looks right when she gets up?
The Boy: When her hair is all a mess and standing up straight?
BC: Hahahahahaha.
MK: Are you two done?
BC: No.
The Boy: Yes.
MK: Can we get back to the emu?
{Momma and The Boy laugh as they watch television}

BC: What's so funny? 
{Momma and The Boy continue to laugh}
BC: Are you watching Smellie's sex tape?

MK: No ...
{Pause}
MK: Wait. What?
BC: You all were laughing ... I thought you were watching Smellie's sex tape!
{Absolute silence}
EM: {GASP!} Who told you about that?
MK: Umm ... WHAT!?!?!
BC: A little birdie told me.
EM: Which one? The one that the bees follow around?
BC: Err ... how should I know?
EM: You know, that band! The Birds and The Bees.
The Boy: That's not ...
EM: It was in my youth. Young love.
MK: NONONONONONONONO NONONO!!!
BC: Apparently, that's NOT what Smellie said.
EM: I don't get it! What's the big deal?
BC: Nothing. Every self-respecting living thing has at least one sex tape.
MK: WHAT?!?! I don't have a sex tape!
BC: You prove my point. And the world is better for it.
{Pause}
BC: I just can't imagine another cat got that close to Smellie.
EM: Another cat?
The Boy: My little girl!
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY, your BIG girl. She's the size of a ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: Smellie, at least tell me, were you on the bottom? Because I feel bad ...
MK: THAT'S IT! IT! IT! NO MORE TALKING ABOUT ELLIE'S SEX TAPE.
EM: WHAT?!?! I have a sex tape?!? Why didn't someone tell me? I'm a good girl!

BC: That's what you said!
EM: No, I didn't! It's not a SEX, S-E-X, tape! I thought Bear said my SAX, S-A-X, tape.
{Pause}
EM: Err ... what IS a sex tape?
BC: Well ...
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do anything!
MK: Well, that's awkward. Bear, where's YOUR sex tape?
BC: {mumble mumble mumble}.
MK: What?
BC: I'll show you mine if you show me yours. OH! That's right. You don't have one!
MK: NO! NONONONONONONONONO and more NONONONONONONO.
BC: The irony. Saying no to a sex tape. You should try saying no to making like bunnies with ...
MK: You don't have a sex tape and you know it!
BC: Phht. Your loss.
MK: Are we really having this conversation?
The Boy: There are some things you can't unsee.
EM: The band, THE BIRDS AND THE BEES! I played with them for a season on sax!

BC: You played with them?
EM: Yes!
BC: All of them at once?
EM: YES! That's how a band works!
BC: Were they any good?
EM: We knew how to rock the house.
BC: Hahahahahahahahahaha. They rocked more than that!
EM: Well, OBVIOUSLY. They rocked an arena once ... all kinds of stages ...
BC: Hahahahahahahahaha.
MK: That's it, Bear!
BC: But this is fun!
MK: You know you two aren't talking about the same thing. You're trying to make her the butt of your joke.
BC: She IS the butt... of ALL jokes. My sister the ...
MK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BC: {freezing as he sees the TV screen} HUH?
{Pause}
BC: Why's that tasty whole chicken wearing a wig and earrings? She doesn't fool me! 

The Boy: No one can get one over on you, Bear.
BC: I bet she's got high heels! Watch out! You think a chicken's beak is bad? Try ticking off a chicken in heels.
MK: Did he just say what I think he did?
BC: I'm going to teach this one a lesson. I'm going to wipe that smile off her face!
MK: It's an emu! And she's not smiling!
BC: I don't care what kind of music she likes!
The Boy: What?
BC: Whether she listens to hardcore punk rock or not is irrelevant.
MK: That's EMO! This is an EMU.
BC: The E is mooing? I don't care what she says! A tasty whole chicken is a tasty whole chicken!
MK: EMU! 
BC: Don't be ridiculous. I know a tasty whole chicken when I see one! All the mooing in the world isn't going to help her.
MK: EMU! It's a kind of bird!
BC: A tasty one?
The Boy: You have to give him that one.
BC: Phht. No one GIVES me anything! I take what I want! And I'm going to break that box to get my bird!
The Boy: I'll give you the bird, alright!
BC: That's all I'm asking.
The Boy: Look at how the guy nods to the bird! He's the bird!
MK: What?
The Boy: The male emu is THE BIRD. You know! Like, "he's the man!" Only he's THE BIRD! He's THE BIRD!
MK: Ugh.
The Boy: And the lady bird? She's a BILF!
MK: LARRY!
EM: What's a BILF?

BC: You mean a BILE.
MK: Wait ... WHAT?
BC: She's a bird I'd like to eat!!
EM: That wig would give you indigestion. Besides, it's not nice to eat ...
MK: We are NOT going ...
The Boy: This is for the birds!
MK: I agree!
{Pause}
MK: WAIT! 
{Pause as Momma reconsiders} 
MK: UGH! NO MORE BIRDS!
BC: But The Boy said ...
MK: I supersede everything The Boy says.
BC: Are you going to take that ...
EM: {whispering} DADDY!
BC: I know! I know! Sheesh! HWK! HWK! Daddy. You women think you know everything!
MK: You want to tell him or should I?
EM: We DO know everything.
BC: I WANT MY BIRD!

The Boy: Yeah. He wants his bird!
MK: Don't encourage him.
EM: If Bear gets a bird, I want a bird too! And I want that lady bird in the commercial! She looks like a lot of fun and we could braid each others' hair!
The Boy: Don't encourage HER.
EM: Daddy?
The Boy: Uh ... err ...
BC: The bird! I want that bird! Give me the bird!
MK: Larry ...
The Boy; I CAN'T WIN!
EM: There's your bird, Bear.
BC: Where?
EM: The turkey standing next to you!
BC: Wha ...
{Pause}
BC: {seeing The Boy} AHH!
The Boy: Really funny.

PLEASE NOTE THAT WE HAVE NO AFFILIATION OR CONNECTION TO LIBERTY MUTUAL; WE JUST GET A KICK OUT OF THE LIMU EMU COMMERCIALS. WE ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENTS OF THIS POST AND IT IS A WORK OF FICTION [MOSTLY].


© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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38 comments:

  1. This cracked me up! I was glad to finally learn more about BILFs and BILEs.

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  2. So that's the tail of the tape eh?

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  3. MOL!!!

    The Florida Furkids

    ps- Mom loves those commercials

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  4. I love Limu the Liberty Mutual Emu too. He looks quite dashing in yellow too
    Hugs
    Cecilia

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    Replies
    1. Exactly! My favorite part is that they have some of his feathers in the arms of the shirt - so it looks like he's wearing it like a human would.

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  5. You get a whole tasty emu, Bear, and you will definitely have bitten off more than you can chew!

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    Replies
    1. Phht. I can chew whatever I bite off! And besides, that's what I have my Momma for ... to save me from miscues! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Oh my...when this post started I wondered what I was in for! MOL Now I need to pay closer attention to that commercial. I have a tendency to tune most of them out!

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    Replies
    1. Welcome to our lives! Momma and The Boy always wonder what they're in for each morning when they wake up ;)

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  7. You can't win for losing with these guys, can ya?

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  8. Maybe y'all could get hired for Liberty Mutual's next commercial. We're pretty sure it would be unforgettable, which is what they want, right? :)

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  9. MOL! We like Limu Emu and Doug, too. You cracked us up about BILFs and BILEs! :D

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    Replies
    1. Our lives will never be the same ... I can tell you that!

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  10. MOL, what happens at your house is quite interesting! We haven't seen these commercials, but now I wish we had!

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  11. Poor Ellie, you would never have a sex tape. That is a funny commercial. I like the Chantix one with the turkey too.

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    Replies
    1. There are some ... interesting ones out there these days, aren't there?

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  12. guyz....we cracked up at de beginning oh this post....two funny....we due knot haz tee vee hooked up
    N afturr seein what followed in yur post... we can say thanx bee ta cod in all de seaz on de earth...itz bad enuff lookin out de window...N see in BURD.... { tho honest lee we never looked out de window N saw an emu ~~~~~ }

    ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. I can only imagine if one was basking in the sun from the window and was rudely jarred by an emu walking past. Even worse, this ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=13&v=QcOTtwXjXaU

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  13. BILF? BILE? Our meowmy nearly spit her coffee all over her laptop. We have no idea what those words mean. Must be some kind of human code. Code for norty stuff.

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    Replies
    1. NUTS! We have to come up with a more inconspicuous code!

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  14. This one completely lost Mrs H and I, which is maybe a good thing in the circumstances. We do however have talking meerkats on TV, not sure that is an upwards step from an emu? Very interesting Russian meerkats, which Mrs H assures me are NO relation to me or you, Bear, or your staff. Make great insurance adds though ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Can it be any drier than insurance? No wonder they come up with all these gimmicks!

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  15. I haven't seen that commercial before and wowy that EMU is almost as big as Big Bird from Sesame Street. Say, maybe they are related? The EMU thinks its all sneaky by putting on a disguise, but it can't fool us can it, Bear?! Winks.

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    Replies
    1. Phht. Like I wouldn't know a tasty whole chicken from an ostrich! ~Bear Cat

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  16. We must be totally dense. All these insurance companies makin' commercials with animals and we don't get it. We don't think any of them are funny and some are outright offensive on more than one level. That bein' said, give us the bird too. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  17. Here I am, at last!. I read this on my phone while on my trip and with all the rest after I got back, I got to read it again and better. I get a kick out of those commercials with LIMU Emu too. said indecipherably low ("and Doug") so we know THE star.

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    1. Have you seen the one where the Emu sees his reflection in the glass? I was rolling all over the floor laughing at that one. Probably because I know a cat or two that have done the same thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=13&v=QcOTtwXjXaU

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