That's not how Momma does it!

Momma's out of town visiting her family. The cats are less than amused with The Boy's service (or lack thereof). Who messes up a Squeeze-up?

EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat] 
L: Latte [tortie/tabby girl kitten] 
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat] 
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie 

The Boy: Here's your fresh water!
EM: No thanks.
The Boy: What?
L: Hmph.
The Boy: What's wrong?
EM: That's not how Momma does it!
L: YEAH! You put too much water in the bowl!
The Boy: Just try it!
L: The water tastes funny.
The Boy: It's from the same place your Momma gets the water!
L: It tastes funny.

The Boy: Let me refill your fountain.
L: Okay. But use the water Momma uses!
EM: Meh.
{The Boy refills the water fountain and puts it back down for the cats}
L: That's not how Momma does it!
The Boy: WHAT?
EM: Yeah! There's not enough water in the fountain!
The Boy: You said I put too much water in the other bowl!
EM: And too little water in our fountain!
L: This water in our fountain tastes funny. I told you to use the same water Momma does!
The Boy: It came from the same faucet as the water your Momma gives you! It's not like I filled it up in the toilet!
EM: {GASP} We're not DOGS. We're ladies.
EM: Well, I'm a lady.
L: This water tastes different.

The Boy: You SAW ME use the same sink Momma uses!
L: I don't know. Maybe Momma does something special with it!
The Boy: She didn't tell me if she does!
EM: When does Momma get back?
The Boy: Three days.
EM: Can you look up online how long a cat can go without water?
The Boy: This is ridiculous! I did exactly what your Momma does!
L:  Maybe you should call Momma and ask her how she fills our water bowls.
The Boy: I don't need her to tell me how to rinse out and refill water bowls!
EM: Apparently, you do!

The Boy: So neither of you is going to drink this water?
L: Maybe you should call Momma.
The Boy: I know! I'll fill your food bowl! All I have to do is to dump kibble out of the bag into the bowl! I can't mess that up!
EM: Erm ...
{The Boy fills the kibble bowl}
The Boy: TADA! See?! Just like your ...
EM: That's not how Momma does it!

The Boy: WHAT?
L: Yeah, you didn't do it right.
The Boy: How?
EM: When Momma fills the bowl, she gives me a few pieces on the side.
The Boy: So eat them out of the bowl.
EM: Eww. No.
The Boy: It's the same food!
EM: Yeah. But in the bowl.
The Boy: You eat food out of the bowl!
EM: I know, but when she gives it to me on the side, it tastes better.
The Boy: WHAT?????????? How???????
EM: If you don't know, I can't explain it to you.
The Boy: because it makes no sense!
EM: Momma understands!
L: Are we almost out of food?

EM: That's not even funny as a joke, Latte.
The Boy: WHAT? NO!
L: Then why didn't you fill the bowl?
The Boy: I DID!
EM: That's not how Momma does it.
L: Eww. This kibble tastes funny.

EM: Yeah. It does smell funny.
EM: Can you Google how long a cat can go without food?
The Boy: WHAT? No! That's ridiculous!
EM: Latte, I figure you can go twice as long as me without food.
L: Ha. Ha. Based on your lack of brain activity, I'd say YOU could go twice as long without food.
EM: So you'll give us the food Momma gives us?
L: No, it's not.
EM: Yeah. The bag looks the same, but it's .... different.

The Boy: I KNOW! I'll give you guys wet food! Your Momma labeled them for me so I know who gets what.
{Pause as The Boy spoons out wet food on the plates}
The Boy: Hmmm. Momma said this one is for Ellie, but ... maybe she made a mistake.
{The Boy sets down Latte's food in front of Ellie and Ellie's food in front of Latte}
L: Eww.
EM: Nope.
The Boy: Why aren't you guys eating?
L: You gave us the wrong food!
The Boy: Okay, that's easy enough to fix.
{The Boy switches the plates}
The Boy: There!
{Neither cat eats}
The Boy: This is ridiculous.
{The Boy texts Momma asking for her advice}
The Boy: Okay. Momma said to switch your plates again.
EM: She did?

The Boy: Yeah. She said that when you won't eat your own food, you'll eat the other cat's food. I told her I had already switched the plates, but she said to do it again.
The Boy: Wait. Why do you care so much about what Momma says?
{Both cats scarf down their wet food}
The Boy: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I gave the plates to you this way at first, and neither of you would eat it! Now you're eating just because Momma said ...
EM: This isn't how Momma does it.
The Boy: WHAT?
EM: There's not enough gravy on this food!
L: Mine has too much water!
The Boy: That's because you're eating off each others' plates! Switch plates!
EM: That's not how Momma does it! She just knows which plate to give us.
The Boy: I'm not your Momma!
L: No kidding!
The Boy: HEY! I'm not that bad!
L: {mumbling to herself} Well, you're not that good either.

EM: How long did you say Momma would be gone?
The Boy: Three days.
The Boy: What? What's wrong?
EM: I won't have a lap for THREE DAYS!?!
The Boy: You can sit in my lap.
EM: Ermm ... no thanks.
The Boy: My lap is just as good as your Momma's! What would you do if she didn't come home?
L: DADDY! That's not even funny to JOKE ABOUT!

The Boy: I wasn't joking!
EM: {gasp} You're going to kill Momma!
The Boy: No, I meant that I wasn't kidding about my lap being just as good as your Momma's!
EM: I'm keeping my eye on you.
{Ellie jumps on The Boy's lap and moves around, trying to get comfortable}
L: Ellie, you're brave!
The Boy: WHAT? Why? I don't bite!
EM: Hmm. This isn't quite right.
The Boy: It's just like your Momma's lap!
L: But you don't have boobs!
The Boy: Momma's lap doesn't have boobs!
EM: Duh, Daddy. I start in her lap and then put my front paws on her shoulder and put my back paws on her boobs to hold me up.
The Boy: I'm sure we can work something out.
EM: Yeah, but that's not how Momma does it.
EM: No thanks.
The Boy: Geez. You two are difficult.
EM: Momma says we're quirky.
L: Hahahaha. She gets us.

EM: I really miss Momma.
L: Me too!
The Boy: I need to make my own dinner. Hmm ... let's read the instructions.
{The Boy puts his meal in the microwave ... then takes a bite}
The Boy: Hmmm. They're right. That's not how Kat does it.
L: SEE?!?!?!?
The Boy: {sigh} I miss your Momma too.
EM: How soon will she be home?
The Boy: Three days.
EM: STILL? You said three days, like three days ago!
The Boy: It was an hour ago.
EM: It feels like much longer!
L: Yeah.
EM: This is going to be a long three days.

The Boy: {sigh} You aren't kidding. I might not survive.
L: At least your food tastes right! Ellie and I have to go without for three days!
The Boy: At least your regular litter box scooper is here.
{The cats look at each other}
The Boy: WHAT?!? I'm good at scooping the litter box! It's just shoveling poop!
{The cats look at each other}
The Boy: Don't tell me your Momma does it better!
EM: Erm ... okay.
The Boy: Okay?
L: YEAH! You said don't tell you Momma does it better. She didn't. We kept that to ourselves.
The Boy: This is ridiculous!
EM: I know! Momma should never leave us. Maybe you should text her and ask her to come home?

The Boy: I can handle taking care of you two for three days! 
{The cats look at each other}
EM: How long can a cat live without water or food?
The Boy: You guys like Squeeze-ups, right?
L: YES! 
{The Boy squeezes the Squeeze-ups on the cats' plates, then puts the plates on the floor}
EM: {sniffing} Ick.
The Boy: WHAT? I did exactly what Momma does!
L: How do your ruin a Squeeze-up?
EM: Daddy's talented.

The Boy: Now, wait a minute ...
L: We should call him not-the-Momma!
EM: That's exactly what Bear called him!
The Boy: Neither of you are going to eat?
EM: Maybe when I get really hungry.
L: Yeah.
EM: Or he could try to give us another flavor ...
The Boy: Wait a minute ...
EM: And you thought I didn't learn anything from Bear.

Meanwhile ... across the state ...

© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact 

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If you missed Bear naming The Boy "Not-the-Momma" ...


  1. Great reading your post & by the way Ellie Mae Cats can go 3-4 days & live without water, I looked it up online.

  2. I enjoyed all of this! Still smiling!! You two are such DIVAS!!!!

  3. Hilarious!!! and it brought back to mind a conversation my 6 year old daughter and her Dad had once when I was out of town. When I got home she said: 'Mommy guess what, Daddy can pour milk"
    Hugs Cecilia

    1. Hahaha. That would've shocked me about my own father at one time!

  4. Too funny but true ~ great post and sweet kitty photos and captions ~ Xo

    Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

  5. And that's exactly why moms are the best! Hope you guys survive until she comes homes.

  6. AMARULA: Faucet!?? How dare they force you to drink befouled faucet water Latte! You should demand water flown in from the Swiss alps at the very least! It's amazing to me all the other hardships you've had to endure this week! Be strong and bite a few toes!

  7. That had to have been a VERY long three days, for all of you.

  8. Your poor dad!!! I have a feeling he might've been tempted to leave home!

  9. You poor kitties- it is going to be a long 3 days without the mama. And I am sure she will need to be reprimanded for leaving.

    1. We forgave her when she got sick. She was really miserable! Much like us, for those three days. ~Latte

  10. What you need is a butler and serving staff. Maybe a cook too. And if you are having them, well, naturally a housekeeper and tweeny, too. Ok, so maybe you’ll need a bigger place. Or, failing that, temp memory wipe and reboot dad with mums program. 🙂

    1. Can we upgrade the Mom program? Because we could always use more Squeeze-ups ... ~Ellie Mae

  11. You girls are right. When I was in hospital for a week Ivor rang me and said Eric was eating his food, but Flynn was turning his nose up at everything. I asked Ivor if he was mashing Flynn's food properly. Nope, but there was no problem after that.

  12. Well, it seems you all survived those three days, which makes us happy. :)

  13. Oh my whiskers, we had to stop reading to recover from the horror. Why do the humans leave and then trust to the care of incompetents.?? The blunder with the squeeze up was the last straw. Oliver is encouraging you both to contact him and his team of crack purralegals. Just call 1-800-HLP-meout and he will see that you are fairly compensated.
    Purrs & Head Bonks,

    1. I don't know. My conversation with Bear's lawyer was less than satisfactory ... ~Latte

  14. Mommas just have a special touch, and Dads can never copy that, no matter how hard they try (and we have to say that the Boy really did try hard!!). :)

  15. I'm so glad the cats survived while the momma was out of town, even if just barely! I bet it's a while before she leaves again.

  16. Poor long suffering dad * shakes head * Puts up with a lot!!

    Marjorie and Toulouse

  17. hope everee onez doin grate and sew far yur yeerz been awesum. stay IN trubullz 🐟❤️‼️


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