Tuesday, May 14, 2019

The most wonderful time of the year

The Boy is forced to go outside to take care of his business and the cats are right there in the window watching! Tasty whole chickens slip through Bear's claws more than once ... and Bear celebrates the most wonderful time of the year. We're taking off Friday as Momma will be at the Cat Writer's Association Conference. We'll get around to as many of you as possible before then. We'll be back to normal next week. 

The Boy: Momma's fiance 
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat

The Boy: {through the closed door to the bathroom} I really gotta pee! Kat, are you in the bathroom?
MK: Yes. 
The Boy: Are you using the facilities?
EM: Momma's in the bathroom? BEAR! Momma's in the bathroom!
BC: Smellie, I give you ONE job!
EM: Well, I told you like you told me to.
BC: Only after I heard for myself!

EM: I fell asleep!
BC: You weren't eating?
EM: Err ... NO? Not while I was sleeping!
MK: No. I'm peeing all over the walls like a ticked off cat.
The Boy: Very funny.
BC: COOL! We miss all the good stuff!
The Boy: That explains why the cats ran to right outside the door. I really have to go!
BC: She's keeping us from the show!
EM: Yeah! She closed us out!
The Boy: Sometimes Mommas like privacy.
EM: Phht. Mommas don't need PRIVACY, they need cats to look after them!
BC: The nerve!
EM: Besides, why would she want privacy when she has us? Without us watching, she might fall in or get lost!
BC: Then again, falling in might make a good show.
The Boy: You two don't like us watching you in the litter box!
BC: Phht. You two aren't as fabulous as me and .... RATS! ... me.
EM: HEY!
MK: I'll be done in a minute!
BC: Wait a ... THERE ARE TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS IN THERE!
EM: And tunas!
BC: There aren't any tunas!
EM: Then there aren't tasty whole chickens!
BC: We bet Momma wouldn't be mad if you opened the door for us ... and we wouldn't tell her you did it.
EM: Yeah, right! Don't believe him! He always tells me he won't tell on me and then he does!
The Boy: I COULD open the door.
MK: I heard that!
BC: How dare you suggest we bust in on Momma's privacy!

The Boy: WHAT?!?! You just said ...
{Pause}
The Boy: I can't wait! I'm going outside!
BC: What is this? Deprive cats of entertainment day? First Momma closes us out of the bathroom, then The Boy uses the garden as a litter box ...
EM: The Boy uses the garden as a litter box? EWW!
{THUNK}
BC: LET.
{THUNK}
BC: ME.
{THUNK!!!!}
BC: IN!
{THUNK!!!!}
BC: I KNOW you have tasty whole chickens in there!
EM: And tuna!
BC: Wait a ...
{Bear jumps in his window where he sees The Boy doing his business}
BC: Front row! Sweet! Can you move a little to the left? NO! MY left!
EM: Let me see! Let me see!
BC: HEY! I was here first!
EM: Come on, Bear! Let me see!
BC: Did you know male humans stand while peeing like we do?
EM: Duh.
{Pause}
EM: Wait ... WHAT? LET ME SEE THAT!
The Boy: {seeing the cats in the window} AHH!
BC: Yeah, well, you're pretty scary yourself! Look at the size of that ...

EM: Jealous?
BC: Of the HUGE bug on The Boy's shirt?
EM: Oh, NO!
The Boy: {seeing the bug} AHHHHH! {Dancing around} AH! AH! 
BC: Pull your pants up! 

EM: I'm not wearing pants!
BC: I'm not talking to you!
EM: Hmph. I'm not talking to you either!
MK: What are you two watching?
BC: The Boy!
MK: Give him some ...
{Pause}
MK: Why's he dancing around like that? I thought he went outside to go! And he's dancing like he has to go.
{Pause}
MK: Oh, crap! Is that a huge bug on his shirt?
BC: Ask and ye shall receive ...
MK: He's NOT bringing that bug in for you!
BC: But ... but ... I'm feeling ... shark-y and if you don't let me at that bug, I'll just have to take it out on your short-sleeved arms!
MK: As much as I hate the cold, wearing sweatshirts prevents a certain ill-tempered cat from causing me much pain.
BC: HA! It's that time of year!
{Pause}
BC: OH! BYE!
EM: Where's he going?
MK: No idea. Wait a ....
{Pause}
MK: @&*^%!
EM: What? What's going on?

MK: Your brother's going to try to escape outside when The Boy comes back in!
EM: Why would he do that? Outside sucks and we have a pretty sweet deal ... Momma? Momma?
BC: Move, or I'll run right over you.
The Boy: {coming in the front door} WHAT?!
BC: Good enough!
MK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Boy: *&@! I didn't realize Bear was eyeing the door! Honey! Hon ...
{Collision}
The Boy: Ow.
MK: No kidding.
The Boy: Bear got outside. 
MK: Yeah. I know.
The Boy: Why does he like it out there?
MK: It's all about proving he can.
The Boy: I could prove I can go to a strip-club, but I'm not stupid enough to open that can of worms.
EM: What's a strip-club? Where's Bear?
The Boy: He got out!
EM: QUICK! Lock the door!
MK: {going outside} BEAR! Get your butt inside!
EM: What about the rest of him?
The Boy: He's not just one big butt?
EM: Well, when you put it that way ...
MK: &^*@! Come out from behind the rosebush!
BC: MAKE ME!
MK: You've made your point.
BC: Technically, I have twenty-two points.
MK: All of which I'm on a first name basis with. You win.
BC: OBVIOUSLY.

MK: GET. INSIDE.
BC: I'm actually pretty comfy right here!
MK: Fine. We'll do this the hard way.
BC: HEY! I want to be back here! You can't move me! Ill go back inside when I'm good and ready!
MK: OWW!
BC: And there's more where that came from!
MK: That's the last straw! GET. INSIDE. NOW!
BC: You can't get me!
MK: We'll see about th ...
BC: 'ROW! Hiiiisssssss!
MK: *&$ the *#$&!!! OWWW!
BC: I love short-sleeve weather! Warm enough to run outside without freezing a tail off - and human limbs unprotected by sleeves or pants for a cat's furry fury.
MK: Fine. Have it your way. I'm going back inside.
BC: OH! Grass time! I love grass! Nom nom nom nom nom nom ...
{Momma goes inside and closes the door}
BC: HA! Take that! 
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm. The grass always tastes better when Momma's here to watch me eat it.
{A sound startles Bear}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Momma? Smellie? Anyone? It's lonely out here! HELLO?!?
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... HEEEEEEELLLL no! Let me in! I know you have tasty whole chickens in there!!!
{Pause}
BC: Hello?! HELLO?!?! Momma! HELP! I don't want to be outside anymore!
{Pause}
BC: Momma? MOMMA!!!!!!
EM: Are you just going to leave him out there?

MK: Nah. I'm just making him wait a little bit since he made me wait until he decided he wanted to come in.
{THUNK}
BC: LET.
{THUNK}
BC: ME.
{THUNK!!!!}
BC: IN!
{THUNK!!!!}
BC: I KNOW you have tasty whole chickens inside! You're playing with MY chickens! I know it! Don't deny it! Let me in or ...
{Pause}
BC: {whispering} There's a leaf out here looking at me funny! If you don't let me in ...
MK: {opening the door} Bear?
BC: Never mind. I'm staying out here.
MK: Uh huh.
{Bear meanders around the yard, then nonchalantly walks in to the house}
BC: I was done out there.
MK: Of course you were!
BC: Are you being sarcastic?
MK: NO! Of COURSE not!
EM: {mumbling under her breath} And he says I'M stupid!
BC: Okay. I LOVE this time of the year. LOVE!
MK: I sense what's coming ...
BC: This time of the year is so wonderful, I must break out in song!

MK: Too late.
BC: {to the tune of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"}
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
With humans wearing short sleeves,
And limbs ripe for biting as all humans fear.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
{Pause}
BC: It's the hap-happiest season of all.
With the sun streaming through my windows warming my fur, 
Finally free from winter's pall.
It's the hap-happiest season of all.
{Pause}
BC: There'll be chances to escape,
and make the humans gape,
When we roll, roll in yucky stuff.
{Pause}
BC: There'll be big bugs for stalking
And grass, yummy grass galore,
Not a thought of winter's chill.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... WHERE IS EVERYONE? WHY DON'T I HAVE AN ADORING AUDIENCE!?! You'll all pay for this! I WILL find you and I WILL make you sorry! So help me, if you're hiding with my tasty whole chickens, I'm going to lose my ...
{Pause}
{Light snoring comes from the cat bed near the door}
EM: Is it safe?
MK: Should be.
The Boy: Wonders will never cease. How did you know he'd run out of gas?
EM: Momma's psychic! 
MK: No. Experience.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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34 comments:

  1. I'm glad The Boy had a good out n' about!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bear, you'd best stay inside, where the tasty whole chickens will be served...some day...

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  3. guyz....raiz de flag when dad goez two werk; what with mom a way de catz will play N we will glad lee
    help :) hope her haza safe journee anda awesum time....N we bet...just BET; bee for de seesonz over ewe will see; catch & snax on: 17.299 bugz ;) ♥3♥

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  4. I think our cats would agree that this is a wonderful time of year! Lots of bugs coming and going! I'd prefer not to be wearing them, though.

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  5. It's not so good out there when MK stops rising to your bait, is it Bear.

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  6. OMCs..... did you paint a vivid picture that can't be unseen.
    As for the bugs....I am not a fan nor was angel Madi she would corner one them yell MOoooooooooooooooooM to the top of her lungs. Depending on the kind of bug I would then yell Dadddddddddddddddddddddddddd come and get it
    Hugs Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't like letting the cats torture bugs - so I try to get there beforehand and maybe take a bug outside. I used to never kill them ... but now I'm super paranoid about brown recluse spiders and mosquitoes so that's changed a bit. If it might hurt my cat ... good bye!

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  7. Mudpie loves bug season too! Me, not so much. And I can hardly blame your momma for hiding out in the bathroom! MOL

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    Replies
    1. I don't like letting the cats torture bugs - so I try to get there beforehand and maybe take a bug outside. I used to never kill them ... but now I'm super paranoid about brown recluse spiders and mosquitoes so that's changed a bit. If it might hurt my cat ... good bye!

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  8. Outdoor escapes are exhausting! You earned that nap, Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Something happened to my comment again. It must be blogger. And it was fairly lengthy. *sad ears* But Want you to know that *I* caught a centipede today. Maybe a millipede as he was two inches long or a bit more. Maybe my comment is out to dinner and will show up later after dessert and a good belch. XX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy crap! We've had some really long centipedes around here. I hate them and they kind of freak me out. Bear used to un-burden them of their legs - be he pretty much leaves them alone now.

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  10. I'm a huge bugs fan, especially those who come to play tennis with me...MOL :D Pawkisses for an Easy Wednesday BearCat and Ellie Mae🐾😽💞

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  11. Oh no, bugs. Don't tell Mum. One of the reasons she hates summer!

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    Replies
    1. That is true ... the cost of warm is little icky crawly things!

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  12. Hmm, seems like there is a need for an extra litter tray in your pad, Bear. Maybe there is some money to be made by renting out your litter tray. Keep them haggling long enough and I'm sure you could get a great price ;). Of course you would have to lock the door out first and make sure Mk couldn't get out of the bathroom....
    Purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it bad enough that I have to share a litter box with Smellie?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bwahaha...sometimes reverse psychology is the best solution for outside tantrums. Be careful of which you wish for, Bear...you just might get it.😸

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  14. AMARULA: Bear! I can hear you!! LOVE IT-It's the most wonderful time of the year.
    With humans wearing short sleeves,
    And limbs ripe for biting as all humans fear.---
    I am your adoring audience the one you so richly deserve!

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    Replies
    1. Can you be the president of my fan club? I'd totally do the same for you! #unstoppable #TeamAmarula ~Bear Cat

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  15. Bugs are celebrated at our house. We can spot even the teeny tiny invisible kind, but then our attention alerts Mom who puts on her Super Woman cape and rescues them. She puts the bugs outside to go live a happy bug life.

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    Replies
    1. My Momma does that too! She says it's not nice to torture bugs! Phht. It's not nice to ruin my fun! ~Bear Cat

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  16. Bear, I didn't know you were so naughty to sneak out. I haven't been in the bathroom alone at home in years.

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  17. Bugs are fun and all, Bear, but maybe you should just wait until they come into the house. It's a dangerous world out there!

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