Tuesday, August 28, 2018

A charitable mood?

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: {GASP}!!! What are you doing with all that cat stuff? Are you setting up a smorgasbord for Smellie and me?
MK: Time to donate all the excess supplies, samples, and food you kitties don't like. Might as well help other cats and dogs instead of just throwing it away.
EM: But what about US?!
MK: You two aren't starving. You both weigh over thirteen pounds.
EM: Yes, we are! I haven't eaten for a whole ... 347 seconds! I KNOW! I COUNTED!
BC: Like you can count that high.
MK: These donations will go to people in need who have pets - a pet food pantry.
BC: Pantry? Did you say ... PANTRY?!?!? A whole PANTRY of CAT FOOD?!? Our pantry isn't nearly as exciting. 
MK: No. It's not the kind of pantry you walk in.
BC: You just said it's a pantry! You know I love to sit in pantries.
MK: Bear ... If I were in trouble, you and Ellie would keep me sane. If I could help others keep their lifelines, then it's worth it.
EM: But what about us?
MK: Do you two remember what it was like on the street?! Hungry, scared ...
BC: Phht! That was LAST WEEK!
MK: I suppose I should be happy my kitties have no conception of trouble - that you two can be carefree and pimp your rides and build your castles without a care in the world.
EM: When's dinner?
MK: ALMOST not a care in the world.
BC: SO!?!? You didn't answer her question!
MK: As soon as I'm done going through everything in the pantry and the bags of swag in the other room.
BC: Pantry? Did you say ...
EM: Oh, for the love! Just go in there already. I promise not to close you in there.
BC: Don't mind if I do.

MK: You two are ridiculous. As blogging cats, we get more stuff than we could ever use. And Bear's getting ridiculously picky and and neither of you will eat pate. 
BC: But TOYS?!
MK: Bear - you and Ellie have over fifty micey scattered all over the place. We can share the rest of these with needy cats.
BC: HMPH! Like one can ever have enough toys! 
EM: And you and Daddy don't always dig our toys out from under the furniture.
MK: Oh, come on. You STILL have at least twenty micey to play with - not to mention all the other toys. You kitties are spoiled and we can share our abundance with kitties in need.
EM: But, I'M in need!
MK: Ellie, you both have everything you could ever want.
BC: I don't! Tasty whole chickens? Tanks? A tiara? A bazooka?! Not quite. But those aren't for girls so Smellie couldn't have them anywhere.
MK: Well, no. We haven't gotten any offers to review those things.
BC: Phht. I liked it better when I had less stuff but I had you to myself.

MK: I know, Bear. It's not the same - but I think we're better for it. 
BC: BETTER. HMPH.
MK: I love you, Bear. Even more than before we added to our family.
BC: Hmph. I love you too, Momma. MOST of the time.
MK: And I think you like having your sister around.
BC: She does provide a lot of entertainment ... her jumping fails are epic! I could charge admission and buy my own stuff.
EM: Screw you!
BC: You WISH. I'm saving myself for my torties and my ginger lady cat.
EM: Is it food time yet?
MK: No ...
EM: NOW?!
MK: NO! I'll tell you when it's food time.
EM: Sheesh! You don't have to get so grumpy on me!
BC: I told you she needs counseling!
MK: No, I need cats that don't enjoy being pains in my butt.
{Later the same night ... the people are in bed sound asleep}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! It's an emergency! My ears need rubs RIGHT NOW or they'll fall off!

EM: {from her bed in the other room} Too bad it's not his mouth that might fall off ...
MK: I'm sleeping.
BC: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time ... my EARS need RUBS.
MK: Bug The Boy.
BC: But ...
MK: Last night, you jumped on his lap and fell asleep.
BC: You weren't there!
MK: I was right next to him! You walked over me to get to his lap!
BC: That was you?!? I just thought there was a lump in the couch.
MK: You sure know how to make a Momma feel good.
BC: Well, then, if you want to know the truth ... I thought size-wise, you were a ginormous lump.
MK: BEAR!
BC: WHAT?! You said what I said made you feel good!
MK: I was being sarcastic.
BC: WOMEN! They say one thing and mean another ...
MK: Remember yesterday?
BC: The couch?
MK: Wait ... couch? What did you do to the ...
BC: Err ... nothing. Ellie did it anyway.
MK: {sigh} Yesterday when you saw Ellie on my lap and you told me that you thought we were over the weight limit for the desk chair.
BC: I was trying to help so you didn't end up a heap of fur on the floor! Sheesh. How was I supposed to know you'd be sensitive?
MK: Bug The Boy.
BC: He said to bug you.
MK: WHAT?!?!? You went to him for ear rubs before me?!?
BC: Sheesh! Chill out!
MK: I was SECOND?!?! 
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY ... you're more like fifth or sixth when you include torties, tasty whole chickens, tanks, bazookas, et al.

MK: And how many of those things give you ear rubs?
BC: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
MK: I don't believe this! You WAKE. ME. UP. ONLY. TO. INSULT. ME.
BC: Don't be ridiculous. I woke you up to insult you AND get an ear job. 
MK: EXCUSE ME?!?
BC: Ear rubs ... ear job ... same thing.
MK: I don't even want to think about it. I just want to go back to sleep instead of listening to you insult me.
BC: I thought you'd be used to it by now.
MK: You have a point.
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY ... I have twenty-two points ... but I understand you can't count that high so ...
MK: Stop insulting me!
BC: Stop being stupid!
{Crickets}
{More crickets}
BC: Can I have some ear rubs? It's an emergency! 
MK: If you don't succeed at first ... try, try again.
BC: Phht. You humans and your TRYING. Us cats know how to DO, not just TRY. Besides, my modus operandi is more, "whack them over the head until they bend to my will."
MK: That's actually pretty accurate.
BC: Well, OBVIOUSLY. I think I'd know my own MO.
MK: Though I think it's more ANNOY them instead of whacking them over the head.
BC: Whatever works. That's just because you do a good enough job of falling off things and hitting your own head.
MK: Thanks.
BC: That wasn't really a compliment anyway ...
MK: I. WAS. BEING. SARCASTIC.
BC: You better keep it down or you'll wake The Boy up.

The Boy: Too late. You two couldn't do this during the day time?
BC: It's not nearly as fun. And besides, I sleep during the day.
MK: What a novel concept!
BC: I didn't get that from a book!
MK: What?! I never said you ...
BC: A NOVEL concept ... which comes from a NOVEL!
MK: Oh, for the LOVE. Will you just let me go back to sleep?
The Boy: {AHEM}.
MK: Will you just let US go back to sleep?
BC: No.
The Boy: He's your cat.
BC: You know, if we're being honest ... TECHNICALLY, it was Momma that woke you up, not me. WOMEN. So LOUD ... so OBNOXIOUS ... and they NEVER SHUT UP!
The Boy: Hahaha. He's got a p ... {seeing Momma's face}.
{Pause}
The Boy: Err ... never mind. Maybe you shouldn't have given away all that cat stuff.
MK: THEY DON'T USE THE THINGS I GOT RID OF! It was YOUR idea to donate stuff we won't use.
EM: {from the other room} That's cold, Daddy.
BC: And to THINK I sat on your lap and let you pet me. Oh, sure. Donate OUR stuff! We'll be homeless and destitute and ...
EM: HUNGRY!
BC: Oh, shut up, Yellie. You're a good twenty pounds away from hungry.
MK: Maybe you didn't catch this the first time ... but what I gave away is stuff you two refused to eat, play with, or use.
BC: Well, by giving it away, you ensured we wanted all of it.
MK: Now that I believe.
BC: By the way, I barfed in your bed.
MK: WHAT?!
The Boy: AGAIN?!
MK: Don't even start. He never barfs on YOUR side of the bed!
The Boy: Well, I didn't give away his food and toys!
MK: Maybe you didn't hear me the last ten times ... but the stuff I donated was stuff our cats decided they were too good for!
BC: We're too good for you, but you don't see us trying to sell you in the paper.

EM: We'd have to pay someone else to take her!
The Boy: There is nothing wrong with your Momma!
BC: Well, there's nothing RIGHT with her either. Did she tell you about falling off the chair a few weeks ago?
The Boy: Wait a ...
BC: And how she tripped over her own feet last week?
EM: We should charge admission!
BC: Hmmm ... then we can buy our own stuff we won't use. And she won't be able to give it away since it's OURS.
EM: Umm ... if we buy stuff we won't use, then we won't want it anyway. It's only in it being given away that we want it.
MK: Can we do this later? I have a headache.
BC: Sure. No problem.
{Momma starts to go back to sleep}
BC: How about now? Because my ears are still lonely.
MK: WHA?! It's only been five minutes!
BC: You said later! You didn't say HOW much later.
EM: Even I know five minutes is too long for cats to wait.
MK: Oh, no. DO NOT even get me started. Bear, when you want to go outside, I hold the door open for you and you sit there staring at me! But if I close the door, then you bang on it with your paws until I open it again and you sit and stare again.
BC: Phht. We're cats. We want what we can't have. Like sane humans.
EM: I don't know. I love my Momma. She's the bestest thing EVER!
The Boy: HEY!
EM: Well, you're okay. For a Daddy and all.
BC: You're not a cat. You're just a loud ball of fur.
EM: Take that back!
BC: What are you going to do? Use your claws and fangs on me?

EM: Err ... no. I'm a NICE cat.
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: Wait a ...
BC: Where did they go? They were here a second ago!
EM: You were too busy arguing with me.
BC: Why's it always my fault?
EM: Because you're not a NICE cat.
BC: Oh, knock off this nice cat crap! If you're nice, you aren't a cat.
EM: Like you're the expert at being a cat. You're just a grumpy old man.
BC: Who needs ear rubs! Where did they go?! The service in this establishment is WAY BELOW my expectations. I mean, there goes the entire neighborhood! No tip for them!
EM: Umm ... you never leave Momma a tip.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! Momma has no problem grabbing me when SHE wants something ... but I want a couple ear rubs and she gets all bent out of shape.
EM: Well, in her defense ... they WERE sleeping.
BC: Whose side are you on?!?
EM: And not only did you barf in the bed, but you woke Momma up.
BC: You wake Momma up all the time! We should call you Yellie Belly.
EM: I try to tell her stuff before I forget it.
BC: You walk around here and do your strangled meow that sounds more like a bleat. You just like the attention. When Momma and The Boy try to pet you, you play hard to get.
EM: If they love me, they'll chase me around.
BC: WOMEN. Not making sense since the Garden of Eden.
EM: You would've bitten the apple just to show the higher ups that you do what you want.
BC: You have me there. Though I would've shown that stupid snake a thing or two.

EM: You'd show the snake how to run like one's tail is on fire?! Or how to be scared of everything that moves?
BC: Snakes don't scare me ...
EM: Whatever. If you came face to face with a snake, you'd be under the bed so fast ...
BC: Don't be ridiculous. A snake?! Under the bed?! It could get me there! Nope. I'd go for the high ground.
EM: You've thought this through.
BC: I prepare for all contingencies. Alien abduction. You being eaten by a buffalo. Zombies with tanks ...
EM: You really should lay off the catnip.
BC: You're the one with the problem! I can quit any time!
EM: I really am curious where the humans went.
BC: Maybe they were abducted by aliens! Nah. Probably locked themselves in the closet again.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: THEY HAVE TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS IN THERE!
EM: Oh, not this again.
BC: WHERE ARE MY CHICKENS?!? 
EM: Since they left, I'm pretty sure they want to be away from you.
BC: Why would they want that?! I'm FABULOUS! And I'm a handsome ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} EXACTLY! They're keeping my tasty whole chickens for themselves! MOMMA! MOMMA! MOMMA?!?! Where are you?
EM: And you call ME Yellie. Good grief. I actually feel sorry for them.
BC: MOMMA?!? Momma?!?  WHERE ARE MY TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS! I know you're with them!
{On and on ...}

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49 comments:

  1. Yeah, hoomins are big on this sharing thing they do... and it probably won't be the last time either!

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    1. And they talk about sharing but they don't give away their OWN stuff! HMPH! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Sharing is caring and I know you really do care Bear, you're a Care Bear!

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    1. I call him “buddybear.” Um....Bear? Oh, I didn’t see you there....yes, I know you have told me you are not my buddy.....what?.....HEY! Put those claws away! Ow! Ok, Ok, you’re not the buddybear!

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    2. I AM a Care Bear ... especially when it comes to tasty whole chickens and torties ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. A local animal rescue has a food bank/pantry, which is fantastic! I've donated $, since there is nothing left over from feeding our five...!

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    1. I love that it's a PET FOOD pantry. I wish I could find out more about the organization - I just drop off the stuff at the drop-off locations.

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  4. Hmm, I'm concerned that the humans have vanished. Maybe they were mistaken as part of the food donated and have been passed on to less fortunate cats to torment? On the plus side, Bear, and Ellie, re sending unwanted food, if you seal each gift with a kiss and send a note with it, you could get more torties or whomsoever Ellie likes, to be a part of your extended family, and then they can send you any spare tasty chickens they dont want?!
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    1. They better be here in time for dinner ... or it's going to get ugly! We'll give THEIR stuff away! ~Bear Cat

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  5. BC when you are a Senior cat like me...you share nothing...MOLMOLMOL Well technically there was one time mom bought 24 cans flaked fancy feast. I'm a Pate girl. She gave it to Second Chance Animal Shelter
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    1. We should make an agreement to give you all our pate if you give us all your chunks! ~Bear Cat

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  6. It's good to share, Bear!
    Purrs xx
    Athena

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    1. And they talk about sharing but they don't give away their OWN stuff! HMPH! ~Bear Cat

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  7. guyz....we thinkz ita grate yur sharin yur goodz with otherz...just thought
    ya mite wanna noe yur MOM iz takin credit for thiz good deed N makin it seem
    like ewe both had nothin ta due with it....N we like ta sit at de access door
    to go out, then go out may be.. ore go out half way.. then may bee go out N re fuze
    to come bak in ore re fuze half way ore get under de car !! ~~~~~~ hay, happee
    week a head ♥♥☺☺

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    1. Humans are such hypocrites! And they're worse at making up their minds than we are! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Oh no, where did they disappear to? It is good to share the food you won't eat and the toys you won't play with. Those less fortunate cats will be thanking you.

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    1. They better be here in time for dinner ... or it's going to get ugly!

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  9. Those humans are always saying that caring is sharing, aren't they, Bear and Ellie? But, then why aren't they sharing tasty whole chickens with us kitties?!?!? Purrs, Evan

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    1. And they talk about sharing but they don't give away their OWN stuff! HMPH! ~Bear Cat

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  10. That is so nice of the Mom to donate the food you kitties don't want to come kitties that really need it. That is just the best thing to do.

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  11. Nothing feels better than donating to cats in need! You're making a difference in SO many lives.

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  12. This is why I only pack things up to give away when the pets aren't looking! :)

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  13. Ear job cracked us up. It's so funny what cats decide they like. You too don't like pate and that's all we like. Guess that's why there are so many choices, And you know what...we don't like chicken than much. Hope your momma and The Boy come back. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    1. They better be here in time for dinner ... or it's going to get ugly!

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  14. Jan said she is glad we don't wake her like that any more. Well, usually we don't. We just might resume for the fun of it.

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  15. You thought your mom was a lump on the couch?! Bawhahahhahahaha. I thought that I was the only one that happened to - bahwhahahaha

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  16. AMARULA: Bear I find it impossible to understand why no one has sent you a tiara to review yet!! You would look great in diamonds!

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    1. I agree! And I'd share it with you! OF COURSE! ~Bear Cat

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  17. I thought cats liked to snooze a lot. Perhaps some snoozing is in order, than the Momma can get about the business of helping kitties in need, without you knowing. :-)

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  18. Remember guys...sharing is caring. Kudos to your mum for sharing.

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    1. She only shares OUR stuff! You don't see her donating any of HER stuff! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Wow, you both weigh over 13 pounds? Woodrow weighs 14 and I feel like he's huge! The vet said he has a good body condition but he shouldn't gain any weight. Our lightest is Olive at 8ish pounds. That's very nice of your momma to donate all of YOUR stuff. :-)

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    1. And they talk about sharing but they don't give away their OWN stuff! HMPH! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Well where did they go, Bear? It is the wee hours of the meownin', and ifin they were sleepin', where could they have gone? Ya' know, you better watch out. Mommy's always givin' ur stuffs away. She says we're sharin' with the kitties that be less furtunate. We're less furtunate. Sometimes me thinks she furgets that durin' all our blessin' countin'. Seriously, ifin ya' don't watch out, your mommy will be sharin' the good stuff, ya' know like you're nip nanner and stuffs. Good luck. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  21. Bear, I think you need to go through the inventory of items your momma has planned for donation, just to make sure their are no tasty whole chickens in the lot. That would be a travesty if chickens were slated to go! EEK! My mom donates some of my stuffs a few times a year, too. But not that I think about it -- that just means room for new stuffs! Tee hee hee. Winks!

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    1. You're right, Valentine! I should've been more careful to make sure Momma wasn't getting rid of anything resembling a tasty whole chicken. One can never be too careful! ~Bear Cat

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  22. Whoa! That's exactly how I feel when TW gives away MY cat food. Doesn't matter that I still have tons of food and have snubbed my nose to THAT food, I want it.

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  23. Did I miss something? When did Bear get a crush on a ginger lady? I knew about the torties.

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    1. The ginger lady is our friend from Facebook :) Her name is Mooshka!

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  24. We agree with Valentine : sharing is caring, but up to a point. Purrs

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