Normal? It's overrated!

Normal is overrated. Or so I tell myself when my cats demonstrate that no social interaction is easy. OH! And sleep and privacy? ALSO overrated!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

{Momma's asleep in bed ... or WAS asleep in bed}
BC: Momma!
{Bear taps Momma's nose with his paw}
BC: Momma!
{Bear taps Momma's nose with his paw}
BC: Momma!
{Bear taps Momma's eyelid with his paw}
BC: MOMMA!
{Bear taps Momma's eyelid with his paw}
MK: Whaaaaaaat?! I'm trying to sleep.
BC: But you're not asleep now.
MK: Not after you woke me up by pawing at my face.
BC: I had to get your attention somehow. You were snoring away and making it impossible for me to sleep.
MK: BEAR!
BC: I'm glad you're up! You can pet me.
MK: Bear, I'm not UP! I'm lying in bed and trying to sleep.
BC: Right. But you're NOT asleep, thus you can pet me.
MK: I thought my snoring was bothering you.
BC: That was just my excuse. But now that you're up ...
MK: I'M NOT UP!!!!
BC: Since you're awake ...

MK: I WANT TO SLEEP!
BC: I want a tasty whole chicken, a tank, a tiara, and a bazooka ... but wishes don't grow in fields.
MK: On trees?
BC: Them too.
MK: Oh, for ...
BC: {AHEM!!}
MK: WHAT?!?
BC: {AAAHEM!!}
MK: Forget it.
BC: You're not petting me.
MK: I'm also not sleeping.
BC: PERFECT! Don't you like how things always work out? You can pet me!
MK: Ugh.
BC: See, you might think that was a suggestion ... but ...
MK: It's a demand?
BC: Phht. You underestimate me. I don't DEMAND. I DESERVE.
MK: I'll pet you later.
BC: No. You'll pet me now.
MK: So you won't wake me up later?
BC: It depends if I want to be petted or not.
MK: Can't I just sleep for an hour uninterrupted?
BC: Why would you want that when I'm here!?
MK: When do I sleep?
BC: I, I, I, I ... EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU!
MK: As if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
BC: Phht. I've been called worse. If I'm going to call someone names, you better believe the name isn't going to be, "black." Like Smellie Belly! Or doughnut butt!
MK: HA!
BC: Just curious ... am I the pot or the kettle?

MK: Guess.
BC: All your stupid human expressions!
MK: How is it possible that you sleep eighteen hours a day and still manage to ensure that I can't sleep for more than an hour at a time?
BC: What can I say? I have mad skills.
MK: That's not what I would call them.
BC: Since you're up, you should pet me.
MK: I'M. NOT. UP!!!
BC: Could've fooled me.
MK: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!
BC: Hey, wait! What?! DON'T TOUCH ME!
MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! 
BC: I don't feel like being petted anymore.
MK: I couldn't tell.
BC: That's why I had to attack you.
MK: You enjoy this.
BC: Is it that obvious?
MK: That's IT!
BC: What? Where are you going? We're cuddling!
MK: Cuddling only works when a cat isn't all prickly!
BC: I resent that! I'm ALWAYS all prickly.
The Boy: Can't you two keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep.
BC: Great! You're awake! You can pet me too!
The Boy: Don't be ridiculous. I don't fall for that anymore.
MK: I'm UP now! And I'm bleeding all over the place.
BC: I'm bored.

{Pause}
BC: Time for a nap ... good thing Momma's spot is nice and warm!
{A couple hours pass}
EM: OH! Momma's in the bathroom! A captive audience!
{Pause}
EM: Hi, Momma!
MK: Hi, Ellie.
EM: I'm going to dance for you, Momma! SEE?!?
{Pause}
EM: Isn't my tail pretty?
MK: Yes.
EM: I'm dancing really hard for you, Momma! Put some ones in my pants.
MK: EXCUSE ME?
EM: MONEY! Bear says dancers get tips ...
MK: You listen to Bear?
BC: {from the other room} HEY! What are you implying?
EM: What are you doing?
MK: Nothing.
EM: It doesn't LOOK or SOUND like nothing!
BC: {from the other room} She's using her litter box!
EM: But there's no litter! I just checked!
MK: ELLIE! Do you really have to check what's in the ...
EM: Why don't you use OUR litter box? We can share!
BC: {from the other room} WHAT?!?! Are you CRAZY?! Can you imagine? Momma and The Boy are so full of ...
MK: BEAR!
EM: Full of what? Good things? Laps? Cuddles?

{Pause}
EM: Speaking of laps ... can I sit on your lap, Momma?
MK: Not right now!
EM: But why not?
MK: I'm busy.
EM: Doing what? You're just sitting there!
MK: Can I have some privacy?
EM: Why?
MK: BECAUSE I CAN'T POOP WITH YOU WATCHING ME!
EM: Oh. I get it. I don't like being watched while I do my business. I'll look at the wall.
MK: Ellie, you don't have to ...
EM: Are you done yet?
MK: No.
EM: Are you sure?
MK: YES!
EM: I'm going to turn around for a moment so I can check.
MK: ELLIE!
EM: Nope. Not done.
{Ellie turns back around}
EM: 🎵🎵 Do de do de 🎵 🎵 do do de 🎵 🎵 de do do do do do  ... 🎵🎵
MK: ELLIE!
EM: {turning around} OH! Are you done?
MK: NO! Stop singing!
EM: {walking away} Oh. This is taking WAY too long. I'm bored!
{Another hour passes}
EM: BEAR!
{Pause}
EM: BEAR!
{Pause}
EM: BEAR!
BC: Did Momma put you up to this?
EM: WHAT? NO!
BC: Go away!
EM: But ...
BC: NO! GO! AWAY!

BC: SMELLIE! LEAVE ME ALONE!
EM: But ...
BC: I DON'T CARE!
EM: I really think you ...
BC: MOMMA!!!!!!!!!! Smellie won't leave me ...
{The sound of the vacuum starts}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Maybe if you'd listened to me ...
{Bear runs back and forth across the room}
EM: Don't you think you'd have better luck hiding?
BC: {stopping to talk to Ellie for a minute} No one likes a know-it-all.
{Bear runs back and forth across the room}
EM: No one likes a cat that never listens.
BC: {as he passes Ellie} I listen. Just not to you.
EM: Look ou ...
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
EM: Bear does everything the hard way.
BC: THE WALL is the hard way.
EM: You could just hide under the bed with me.
BC: What does it tell you that I'd rather run into a wall?
EM: You have serious brain damage.
BC: Oh, shut up!


© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.

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32 comments

  1. I dunno, all that sounds pretty normal to me, but I've not been known for lots of normal!

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  2. Bear, you and The PO'M like to scratch and bite! Is that a tabby mancat thang?

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    Replies
    1. All the better to taste you with ...
      [Momma's note: I wrote this in jest but after thinking about it, they might do this to smell us better - ie Flehmen response]

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  3. Busy busy busy. A momma to be does need her rest, Bear, so maybe you should try the boy next time ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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  4. MOL we think it's purrfectly normal!!
    The Florida Furkids

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  5. I'm a tabby girl but I don't scratch and bite. Must be a boy thing!

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  6. I agree, normal is overrated and no fun. Sleep though, is most important.

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  7. we dunno guyz....knot lettin de mom ore dad purrson sleep.. N uze it in private like can
    haz consequenzez....itz called crankee @$$ purrson sin drome N they mite stop given ya both
    treetz....ya noe ~~~~☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. Treats? What are those? I don't think I've ever had any ... ~Bear Cat

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  8. That was hilarious!! Especially Ellie asking for ones while dancing. Well worth the effort. I got a jolly good laugh cause I could picture here. What a riot.

    Jean

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    Replies
    1. I see all of these posts happening in my head - and they make it all that much funnier!

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  9. There really is no way to win with a cat!

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  10. Bear! For pity sake. Tabbies of Trouttowne said something very impawtent. If humans don't get enough sleep they can and are very cranky! You better watch out because a tasty whole chicken may not make it to your house. Ellie Mae...We have some ones for your pants. Shashay on over...

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    Replies
    1. A tasty whole chicken will NEVER make it to my house! Just being real. ~Bear Cat

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  11. AMARULA: I LOVE your version of normal Bear! And I can't imagine that anyone would rather sleep than give you the attention you deserve! (PS don't be embarrassed, the wall has also thwarted many of my attempts to escape the dreaded vacuum!)

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    Replies
    1. You can come over and give me attention any time! ~Bear Cat

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  12. ROTFL, put some ones in my pants! I have long given up closing the bathroom door. Either Ringo or Lucy will barge in anyway.

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  13. MOL Mudpie is the first cat to accompany me to the bathroom...and she doesn't purposely wake me up, just walks over me to get her point across.

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    Replies
    1. Haha. She's nice about it then. Bear makes sure I feel all of his 22 points!

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  14. Bear, you should know your mom is much more likely to provide lots of petting when she's had a good night's sleep. Just saying. 😺

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  15. Sheesh, what's a cat momma have to do to get a little privacy (and sleep!)?

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  16. You all wouldn't even know what to do with normal! Well, Momma might decide to get some sleep.... :)

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    Replies
    1. HA! I'm pretty sure Momma doesn't function on normal herself ;)

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