Staying safe at home

With most places closed locally to prevent the spread of COVID-19, our home seems much smaller than usual. Catch up on all the latest news from the Momma Kat household!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

~~~ The haircut ~~~
MK: {from the bathroom} @*&! the @(#*!ing  *@^&#er *$^@!
EM: What's going on? Why's Momma been shouting bad words for the last half hour?
BC: SHHHH!!!!!!
MK: {from the bathroom} &^%^ this (^@*ing $#@^!!!!
EM: But ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm writing down all these bad words for future use!

EM: "But" isn't a bad word!
BC: Not YOUR words! The ones Momma's using!!!
MK: {from the bathroom} Oh, that's just *()&#ing PERFECT!
{Pause}
MK: {from the bathroom} Now I have *&@&ing bangs! I haven't had bangs since ... *@&$#ing HIGH SCHOOL!
BC: OH! That's a good bad word!
EM: How can a bad word be good?
BC: SHHHHHHHH!
EM: What's high school? A school in the sky?
BC: SHUT! UP!
EM: Did Momma shoot herself? Is that what she means by giving herself bangs?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: I'm going to go check on her.
MK: {from the bathroom} *@&# THIS!
{A scissors comes flying out of the bathroom, hitting the hall wall with a loud THUNK!!!}
EM: Erm ... maybe not!
MK: {from the bathroom} THAT'S IT! I don't care anymore!!! Where are the scissors?
EM: Out in the ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
{Momma walks out of the bathroom and sees the cats staring at her}
MK: WHAT?!?!?
EM: {GASP!!!!} What happened to your ...
MK: MY WHAT?!?!?!
BC: Nothing! Smellie was asking ME what happened to my ... erm ... claws?
The Boy: WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!?!?!
BC: Uh oh.
MK: EXCUSE ME?!?!?!
BC: SMELLIE! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
EM: WHERE DID ALL MOMMA'S FUR GO?!?!
MK: WHAT?!?!?!
BC: Suit yourself! I'm getting out of here! {running down the hall} BYE!
The Boy: I guess it doesn't look THAT bad.
EM: It's like seeing a horrific car accident! No matter how much you know you should look away, you just can't ...

MK: VERY funny! I put off getting a haircut for months and now I just couldn't stand one more minute of over a year's worth of hair! And there was no way to get it cut but to do it myself because all salons are closed!!!
The Boy: It looks ... {cough cough} ... good?
MK: I cut off nine inches of hair! I watched a couple videos - but nothing went as planned! I only meant to do six inches!
The Boy: Maybe stay home from grocery shopping for a few weeks?
MK: I thought you said it didn't look that bad!
The Boy: It doesn't ... erm ... really.
MK: I need to even it out a little.
The Boy: Maybe just stop cutting?
BC: {from under the bed} If you're smart, you'll stop talking!!!
The Boy: Don't worry, Kat. It's okay.
MK: Okay?!? OKAY?!?! NOTHING'S EVER GOING TO BE OKAY AGAIN! My hair looks like it went through a shredder!
The Boy: It's not that bad ...
MK: NOT THAT BAD?!?!
BC: {from under the bed} Don't say I didn't warn you!!!!
MK: NOT?!?!?! THAT?!?!? BAD?!?!?!
EM: Well, the good news is that it won't take NEARLY as long for you to groom yourself now ...
MK: WHAT?!?!?!?!
BC: {from under the bed} You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of Momma. Don't be a DUMB@$$ and SHUT UP!
MK: MY HAIR IS RUINED!
The Boy: It will grow back!
EM: Don't worry, Momma. We still love you.
{Momma stomps into another room and closes the door}
EM: WHAT? Was it something I said?
The Boy: Beats me. Women.
EM: Excuse me?
The Boy: Err ...
BC: {from under the bed} And you're STILL talking!!!


~~~ Bear's public, part 1 ~~~
MK: Look at that handsome boy!!!
BC: {thinking to himself} Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away.
EM: I know I ... wait. I'm not a boy!

MK: BEAR, look at the camera!
BC: I must give my public what they want.
EM: What about me?

BC: What about you? You can be a member of my fan club. Officers must be torties though.
EM: You can't even BE a member of my fan club!
BC: I can't be a member of a fan club that doesn't exist!
EM: You don't know everything!

BC: You don't know anything.
EM: I do too! I know you're a jerk! And I know your stripe-y pants make your butt look bigger than it really is! HA!
BC: And you just proved my point.
EM: I did not!

{Pause}
EM: Take that back!
BC: Or what?
EM: Erm ... I'll ... umm ... huff and puff ... and ... umm ... blow your torties away!
BC: Even you don't have that much hot air. Besides, torties have more than air in their heads. Unlike you.
EM: That's IT!



~~~ Bear's public, part 2 [The Scuffle] ~~~
See the photographic evidence ...







~~~ Sharing a sleeping spot ~~~
When you realize you and your least favorite only sibling have chosen the same sleeping spot.

BC: {thinking to himself} Eh. So tired ... not really worth the effort of moving Her Royal Boulder.
EM: {thinking to herself} Bear's going to attack me, right?

BC: First, we're not snuggling. Second, we'll never speak of this again.
EM: Definitely not. Never even happened. But if Momma catches us ...

MK: OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!! SQUEAL!!!
BC: RATS!
EM: Crap.



~~~ Sharing a shark ~~~
BC: {thinking to himself} She's not here. This is my shark.
EM: {thinking to herself} He's not here. This is my shark.

MK: AWWWWWW!!!!!
BC: YOU!!
EM: What?!!?

BC: You have to move.
EM: Why do I have to move?
BC: {AHEM!!!}
EM: Right. Good idea.
BC: You're still here.
EM: Where? Oh. Not over there.



~~~ The Show ~~~
{Momma's taking care of business in the bathroom}
EM: Hi, Momma.
MK: Hi, Ellie Bellie.
EM: What are you doing?
MK: People stuff.
EM: Like what?
MK: Are you bored?
EM: YES! Bear was being mean to me! Daddy says he's working! My sparkle balls aren't talking to me.
MK: That sounds serious.
BC: {from the other room} TAKE A CLUE!!!
EM: A clue about what?
BC: {from the other room} NO ONE WANTS TO ...
MK: Don't listen to him, Ellie.
EM: I don't! Well, not REALLY.
BC: {from the other room} HEY!
EM: Are you done yet?
MK: No.
EM: When are you going to be done?
MK: In a few minutes.
EM: Okay.
{Pause}
EM: Are you done now?
MK: You'll be the first person ... err ... cat to know.
EM: You promise?
MK: Yes.
EM: Okay.
{Pause}
EM: Did you forget to tell me you're done?

MK: NO!
EM: I'm bored.
{Pause}
EM: Do you want to help me not be bored?
MK: Of course!
EM: Then you're done?!
MK: {sigh} No. But I can multi-task.
{Momma rips off a strip of toilet paper and waves it around in front of Ellie}
EM: OH! OH! Something to kill! Don't worry, Momma! I'm going to kill it so it won't disturb you while you're doing ... erm ... whatever you're doing.
MK: Thank you! I appreciate that!
EM: You're welcome! I know when one's doing something, it's annoying to be disturbed.
BC: {from the other room} HA!
EM: It's coming this way! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HA! Got it!
MK: You did!
EM: Wow! I'm ferocious!
BC: {from the other room} For a girl.
EM: Did you see that, Momma? I took a swipe with my mighty paw and ripped off the head of that savage beast!
BC: {from the other room} Toilet paper? Savage beast?
EM: Now what do I do?
{Pause}
EM: Can I eat it?
{Pause}
EM: I can't open my mouth big enough to get the whole piece in my mouth!
BC: {from the other room} Shocking. I always thought you had the biggest mouth of any cat I know.
EM: Maybe if I move this way ...
{Pause}
EM: Or that ...
{Pause}
EM: NUTS!

{Pause}
EM: Don't worry! I'm going to get you in my mouth one way or another!
BC: {from the other room} That would be Smellie's motto.
EM: I know this is edible!
BC: {from the other room} Never mind. THAT'S Smellie's motto!
{Five minutes pass as Ellie struggles to get the single sheet of toilet paper in her mouth}
EM: I HATE THIS STUPID THING! I quit!
MK: It's okay, Ellie. It probably doesn't taste that good.
EM: Why do you say that? Did you take a bite of my prize?
MK: NO! I'm just guessing.
EM: HMPH! This creature isn't even worthy of wiping my butt with!
BC: If only she knew what humans use it for!
MK: SHHHHHH!


~~~ Momma and Bear ~~~
{Momma lays down in bed and Bear jumps up to lie next to her}
MK: I love you, Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants.
BC: Can you pet my belly?!
MK: Of course.
BC: {purring loudly} I love you, too, Momma.
MK: You know, all my life, I always felt like I was second to someone - I was no one's first choice EVER. I took care of my Mom, but when it suited her, she'd lie to my Father to get me in trouble. I took care of my brother, but he wanted parents so badly, he'd always try them first ... my best friends always had other better best friends ... and I was just so desperate for someone to choose me first. Just once! And then you walked into my life.
BC: Well, technically, YOU walked into MY life. And you brought treats. And gave good belly rubs.
MK: And never once have you ever made me feel anything but first in your life.
BC: Well, to be fair ... you're kind of the ONLY person ... kidding!
MK: I don't know how I got so lucky!
BC: Did you miss the "you brought treats" and "gave good belly rubs" part?
MK: That's it?
BC: [sigh] No. Not really. You're a good Momma and you love me more than most people are capable of.

MK: Do you remember when I went to treatment ten months after adopting you? I refused to give you up to go to treatment - even though I knew boarding you would cost more money than I could afford - and everyone in my life told me I was crazy for even considering it. I visited every kennel and boarding facility in a thirty-mile radius to find the perfect place for you to spend that time I had to be away. The place I settled on let you spend most of the days in the playroom so you weren't trapped in the small cube day after day. The day I picked you up, I was terrified you wouldn't remember me or care that I was there - after spending so much money to keep you. The staff member let me in the playroom where you spent most of your time on the cat tree - and where you were that day - and I sat on the couch. Before I even got out the entire choked-up word, "Bear," you were in my arms. Upon hearing my voice, you FLEW into my arms. 
BC: I was so happy you were there! I got my Momma back! 
MK: Absolutely NOTHING had changed. I sobbed uncontrollably at the incredible, UNBELIEVABLE gift I'd been given. 
BC: Don't remind me. EMBARRASSING! The whole boarding staff watched our reunion through the playroom window - and THEY were crying too!
MK: You're a ladies man - and you charmed the staff easily.  They became heavily invested in your happiness - and sent me pictures of you on the playroom cat tree. The person who let me into the room saw your reaction to my voice and ran and got the other employees to see the reunion. They told me that they'd never seen a reunion like our's - and that they'd never seen such an obvious connection between a person and her cat. 

BC: Well, to be honest, you're MY person. I'm not your cat.
MK: I can't describe all the feelings I felt that day. Day to day, I often find myself taking the extraordinary nature of our connection for granted - and then I remember that moment and I'm flooded with feelings of love and gratitude. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that this is really MY life - after all the pain and ugliness that came before. After so many nights of crying myself to sleep - after so many years of so desperately wanting to be good enough and loved - at the beginning of my anorexia, I made a conscious decision to never let myself want something that badly again - unless I was absolutely sure I could get it. Never again would I allow myself to want something, only to feel that despair of never measuring up no matter how hard I tried - no matter how much I did everything asked of me and sacrificed even more. I would NEVER be vulnerable again. And now, I have this life with you, Ellie, and The Boy - this incredible, wonderful, AMAZING life - that's more than I could've ever dreamed of in my darkest hours. 

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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37 comments

  1. There have been tons of joke images on FB, about folks cutting their own hair!
    Step away from those scissors; no good will come from it!

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    1. No kidding. The picture of Momma and Bear is an old one ... Momma has dictated that there will be NO pictures of her ... experiment!

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  2. So happy to see this post. Mom has been worried about all of you, but she is such a slacker, she never got the e-mail written to you that she planned. Momma Katherine, she really hopes you didn’t try to cut your own hair...ouch. Maybe she can find a nice hat...preferably one with cat ears! And, Bear, how are you? Are you being better about your insulin injections? Mom is disappointed the CWA has been cancelled. Maybe next year! This is a really difficult time for everyone, and we are all happy to see that your mom’s funny bone has remained intact. Please, everyone, take good care of each other. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer and hugs from our mom.

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    1. Unfortunately, Momma really DID cut her own hair. It's not horrible ... but it will require some professional help when things are back to normal. I like to keep my Momma on her toes with the insulin injections. I'm good for 4 or 5 days and then I savagely attack her a couple times in a row ... then I'm good again. I am still drawing MUCH more blood from her than she gets from me, which seems about fair! It's funny, Momma is such an introvert conferences and stuff like that are really hard for her - but she looks forward to them too - and she was disappointed that CWA was cancelled. ~Bear Cat
      ps - You can't be as much of a slacker as my Momma. She is literally a year behind on reviews - and always has great plans to reach out - and never does.

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  3. Bless your heart!! Love and acceptance comes in all forms....furry ones are good for our soul.
    Many hugs from afar Cecilia

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    1. Yes, it does. Us cat people are blessed beyond measure.

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  4. Our Mom cut her own hair too, the Dad doesn't have the problem of needing a haircut. MommaKat, we've met you, you're really special, and we love you to pieces and you deserve a great big bowl of happy!

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    1. Momma even considered shaving her head! Thank goodness she listened to reason (even if it cost her a bit of blood)! ~Bear Cat
      ps - You are right about my Momma and I tell her that every night when she gives me belly rubs!

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  5. Brilliant post! It started with comedy and ended full of love and understanding.

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    1. That second sentence sounds like the perfect motto for our blog!

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  6. Awww, this is such a difficult time for everyone. Good thing about hair, given time most wrongs can be corrected! Bear, Mudpie would like to sign up to be an officer of your fan club!

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  7. It IS a brilliant post. One I read three times to make sure I did not miss a sentence. I was so glad to see notification come into my inbox that you were here. You made my day! Everything I have ever written to you stands as true today as it did when I wrote it.

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    1. Thank you. You always know how to make us feel good about what we share - good, bad, and indifferent. Such true friends are super rare and we are grateful for your friendship!

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  8. Wow, Momma Kat. Big props to you for cutting your own hair. Oh, and by the way, we loved how this post ended. We think you are awesome and courageous and a wonderful person. Just so you know!

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    1. I appreciate that, thanks :) I wouldn't be here with a certain Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants!

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  9. Nice to see you're all OK ! Momo tried to help Claire with the hair cutter, and her bangs didn't survive, MOL ! Take care of each other. Purrs

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    1. Thank goodness us cats don't require "trims!" ~Bear Cat

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  10. Bear, if indoubt, get the staff to chop their hair off and be as cool as Sigourney Weaver. Advice I really dont think you'll hear that often. But maybe give it a go, after all it is shedding time ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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    1. Be as cool as Sigourney Weaver ... for some reason, I was thinking Sinead O'Connor :)

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  11. That whole haircutting episode...yup...been there, done that, wearing the hat to prove it. At least it'll give my stylist a good chuckle when I finally get to see her...or was my stylist a he? I forgot, it's been so long.

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    1. P.S. Nice new look on the blog. Well done! 😻

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    2. Thank you :) I don't have a set stylist ... which is especially convenient in this circumstance ...

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  12. Our mom refuses to cut her hair. Her highlights are growing out and she's itching to dye it. But then she remembers the time her hair was ORANGE when she got it done professionally.

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    1. OH! My Momma once dyed her hair and it came out bright orange too!!!! She's got a lot of red in her hair so if she tries to lighten it at all ... the red undertones come out. For that one time, she used a dye with a little red in it and it came out orange! Luckily, she had some brown laying around to temper it a bit. She gave up dying - she's too lazy to cover her roots when they grow out - but no dyes with red for her, ever! ~Bear Cat

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  13. AMARULA: Don't let that human near you with those scissors Bear! She may decide to give you a haircut too! This pandemic is making the humans act even crazier than normal!

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  14. You made my mum cry with your story. She's always felt second best too in life but with me she knows she's my first best. Our bond is strong.
    My mum hates going to the hairdressers so she's been cutting her own hair for years now. Even her own bangs! Bangs are called fringe here in the UK :)

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    1. We know just what you mean about the bond. We feel a special connection to you and Athena because of it - you understand. And I think you and I are very very similar as well. I would never think you cut your own hair!

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  15. This is why I am choosing to look like Cousin Itt on the Adam's Family instead of cutting my own hair :)

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    1. As much as I want to regret it, I'm just glad most of the hair weighing me down is gone!

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  16. With all the craziness that goes on in your household, in the end, it's your special love that always wins our hearts over. Funny and then beautiful - you truly do have it all! ♥♥♥

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    1. Thank you. That means more than you know. I've been especially hard on myself recently - even considered quitting blogging.

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  17. Aww, that reunion story is the BEST!!! (And I've also thought about cutting my own hair...haha.)

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    1. I don't recommend it. Though I'd probably do it all over again. Especially since tomorrow the STATE stay-at-home order ends, but the County one will probably last another couple weeks and I hadn't had a hair cut in over a year!

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  18. I'm only giving it until the end of this month and then I'll be taking the scissors to my hair too. And I don't really care how it might look afterwards. I just need to get it OFF!

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    1. That's EXACTLY what our Momma said! And she doesn't really regret doing it either!

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