Sir Jury at the hop-it-all

In our last post, Bear and Ellie: Home alone, the cats found themselves home alone for days (not really ... more like hours) - and unsure of when they'd see their people ever again! Momma finally came home - but The Boy is missing and the cats are too busy fighting to find out why. Momma's frustrated and seriously considering she'd rather have HER gallbladder removed than listen to Bear and Ellie fight about everything. Add in Sir Jury, a bladder with lots of gall, an unfortunate butt shot that lands Bear on the floor and competition over who can count the highest - and we bet you'd rather be anywhere but here too!

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

{Complete silence ... except for hungry nomming}
BC: Nomnomnomnomnomnom ...
EM: Nomnomnomnomnomnom ...
MK: The quietest part of my day!
EM: {talking with her mouth full of food} Youfth meanth becauth Theth Boyfth notfth herefth?
BC: {talking with his mouth full of food} STOPFTH TALFKINGTH WIFTH YOURTH MOUFTH FULLTH!
EM: AFTERTH! YOUFTH!
BC: Don'fth maketh mefth cometh overfth therefth!
MK: {sigh} Spoke too soon.
EM: HEY! That's my food!
BC: Phht. 
EM: This is my plate! Eat from your plate!
BC: HWK! HWK!
EM: Oh, NO! MOMMA! Bear's going to barf on my ...
BC: HWWWWWAWCK!
EM: Eww. 
{Pause}
EM: MOMMA! Bear BARFED on MY wet food treat on MY plate!
{Pause}
EM: Or it WAS my plate.
BC: Like you haven't eaten my barf before.
EM: TAKE THAT BACK!
BC: I can't! It's on your plate!
EM: What?
BC: You told me to take my barf back. But it's on your plate and you said I can't eat from your plate.
EM: NO! Take back that I eat your barf!
BC: It's true!

EM: I know! But no one else needs to know about it! Do you want me going around the neighborhood telling everyone that your full name is Pooh Bear? Or that you're a Momma's boy?
BC: No one will believe you!
EM: Why?
BC: Because you're a GIRL!
EM: Torties are girls! Are you saying no one believes them?
BC: HEY, NOW! Don't go there! Torties are ladies! With certain ... piquant proclivities. And a knack for knocking being a centerfold out of the park ... no, out of the universe.
EM: I pee!
BC: WHAT?
EM: You said torties have pee quaint proclivities!
BC: YES!
EM: Aren't my pees quaint?
{Silence}
BC: I hear you giggling in the kitchen, Momma!
MK: You two deserve each other!
EM: HEY!
BC: How rude!
MK: See? You two agree on something!
EM: What? What do we agree on?
BC: I feel dirty.
EM: Oh. You're right. You ARE dirty.
BC: NO! We don't agree on me being dirty! I'm not dirty!
EM: But you said ...
BC: I said I FEEL dirty because we agree on being offended by Momma saying we deserve each other.
EM: But you ARE dirty ...
BC: Yeah, well, when you roll around in poop ...
EM: You rolled in poop?
BC: NO! It's figurative! I live with you! You are like poop!
EM: WHAT?
BC: The insult works so much better when I don't have to explain it. Imagine that. A cat too dumb to be insulted because it doesn't get the insult.
EM: I don't get the insult!
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: But if I don't get it, then you can't really make fun of another cat who doesn't get it ... maybe the insult just doesn't make sense!
{Silence}
BC: I hear you giggling in the kitchen, Momma!
EM: I'm pretty sure that's more of a full belly laugh.
BC: Do you EVER shut up?
EM: No.
{Pause}
EM: Except when I'm eating ... but since you barfed on my food plate ...
MK: Aren't you two missing something?
EM: OH! OH! Let me guess! Let me guess!
BC: Well, it's not a brain ... because while my sister doesn't have one, I do.
EM: A dog!
BC: What?
EM: Momma said we're missing something! Is it a dog? Because I want a best friend and I think a dog would be a good friend.
BC: I don't even know you.
MK: No. Something bigger.
EM: A tank! You got us a tank?
BC: You mean, she got ME a tank. You? Phht. 
EM: I can use the tank too!
BC: No, you can't.
EM: But Momma said it's for us! She said WE'RE missing it.
BC: Her small butt!
EM: Momma had a small butt?
BC: YEAH! Of course, she wasn't as comfy to lay on then ...
MK: The Boy?
BC: How should I know if The Boy ever had a small butt? I don't even want to think about that! There's a reason we have a mandatory pants rule.
MK: {sigh} It has nothing to do with butts! Just The Boy!
BC: Well, given that he IS a butt ...
EM: What about him? Is he hiding from us? DON'T WORRY, DADDY! I'll find you!
BC: How about you go hide too and I'll count to a thousand and then come find you.
EM: OH! FUN!
{Pause}
EM: Wait a minute ... you did that two weeks ago and never found me!
BC: I didn't get to a thousand.
EM: You had SIX HOURS!
BC: Of peace and quiet ...
EM: You can't count to one thousand in six hours?
BC: Says the cat that can't count past six.
EM: I CAN COUNT PAST SIX ... when I want to! 
BC: Go for it. Count to one thousand.
EM: One ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... nine ... err ... fifteen ... twenty ... twenty-seven ... one hundred and forty-three ... err ...
BC: See?! You don't know how long it takes to count to one thousand!
EM: That's not my fault! Momma never gives us one thousand treats for me to practice! But I can't imagine it takes more than six hours to count to one thousand.
BC: It does when I take a five hour and fifty-seven-minute nap in between!
EM: SEE?!?!
BC: You underestimate how much noise you make the rest of the time! When you're hidden and quiet, I fall asleep in thirty seconds. It's the only good nap I've had since you moved in!
MK: The Boy?
BC: Him too! But he goes to work so I have built-in relief from him.
MK: Aren't either of you wondering where The Boy is?
EM: Who?
BC: No.

MK: Daddy?
BC: Who?
EM: No. You're here.
BC: This is a stupid game.
MK: I'm leaving.
BC: What?
EM: NO!
MK: The Boy is having surgery and I have to be back at the hospital.
EM: He's having Sir Jury? At the Hop-it-all?
MK: The HOSPITAL! Like the vet's office? Only for super sick people?
BC: Hey! Don't say I didn't warn you four years ago when you met him. I think I told you, "He's a super sick person!" Ha. Now I bet you feel stupid for not listening to me!
EM: Daddy's super sick at the vet's office? OH, NO!
BC: Does The Boy know the vet isn't a real doctor?
EM: Does Daddy have Chromavirus?
BC: CRONE-A-VIRUS!
EM: Where's all his toilet paper?
MK: Ugh. No. He's not sick with a virus - much less a fake one.
BC: HEY! Crone-a-virus is no joke! Next thing you know, our house will be full of toilet paper.
MK: THE BOY DOES NOT HAVE "CRONE-A-VIRUS" and I take "Crone-a-virus" very seriously ... for something you made up.
BC: AHA! You don't believe it's a real virus!
MK: I don't believe "Crone-a-virus" is a real virus ... but Coronavirus? Yes. 
BC: Po-tay-toe po-tah-toe.
MK: But none of that has anything to do with The Boy.
BC: Did you shove him off the bed with your huge butt like you did me? Is that why he's at the vet's office?
EM: Oh, my gosh! Did you fit him in one of our carriers?!?
MK: Bear, that was an accident! I didn't know you were there!
BC: I'm no match for your butt.
MK: I rolled over and pulled my legs up ...
BC: Shoving your butt out like a "v" and pushing me off the bed!
MK: As fun as this is ... I have to get back to the hospital. The Boy is having surgery to remove his gallbladder.
BC: HA! I knew it! His bladder has WAY too much gall! He thinks he can steal my Momma and then shove a sister in my face and pet me on demand!
EM: Umm ... what? What's a bladder? And how does it get gall?
MK: Never in my life would I have EVER thought I'd RATHER spend a day at the hospital instead of home listening to you two fight!
BC: Make sure to tell the vet to remove ALL the gall in his bladder or I'll have to go back and do the surgery myself!
EM: You KNOW Sir Jury? Does he work at the vet's office?
MK: I'D HAVE MORE LUCK TALKING TO A WALL!!!
EM: What's her problem?
BC: Women!
EM: HEY! I'm a woman!
BC: No, you're not.
EM: Take that back!
BC: Make me!
MK: Somehow, I think having a gallbladder removed is less painful than living with THIS!
EM: This, what?
BC: You.
EM: That is not what she meant! She meant you!
BC: You!
EM: YOU!
{The front door closes}
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: I SUPER HATE YOU!
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: Only after you shut up!
BC: Hey! Where did Momma go?
EM: I don't know!
BC: Oh, good job. You made her leave.
EM: I didn't make her leave! You did!
BC: HEY! At least she scooped our litter box.
EM: And you're going to funk it up again?
BC: The only cat funking up our litter box is you.
EM: That's a lie!
BC: You lie!
EM: No, I don't!
BC: Yes, you do!
{On and on ... }

Update: The Boy's been home for over two weeks - and while he still has some pain from his encounter with Sir Jury, he's doing well and back at work! The cats are still fighting. Obviously.

© 2020 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2020. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

Featured posts:
  • If you missed our last post where the cats discuss being left home alone and "Crone-a-virus,"  ... Bear and Ellie: Home alone.
  • If you missed the post where we discussed Ellie's trouble with counting past the number six ... Meeting Mona.

50 comments

  1. Made me laugh in these stressful times. Thank you! I hope The Boy with gall in his bladder is well. Hope you are too. Stay safe and stay strong. Tell Bear and Emma Mae that they should really stop squabbling - but they are very funny when they do!
    My other blog: Not So Sweet Toffee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad we could help! We'll know when we're in trouble when Momma and The Boy start sounding like the cats!

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  2. Ellie Mae, Bear (who appreciates Feline Fine...ah.....) be nice to your mom and for pete sake, take it easy on the boy! Ain't NO body can argue like you two can. Mom said it reminded her of times gone by here at my house back before I was born. Only thing about that house full of boys was-- they all turned into cat men Now that would be worth putting up with. They had a girl cat called Robin who became THE Supreme Ruler of the household...no questions asked and who worked her magic to turn them permanently into cat men. You two fill the same role. You're Supreme and Rulers at your home.

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    1. Can you tell Momma had a brother growing up?!? Cat men are the best! And they know how to treat a woman cat right.

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  3. We're glad The Boy's Sir Jury went well and we hope you two can stop arguing for a while.

    The Florida Furkids

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  4. I am glad The Boy's surgery went well.
    I am on the urgent list for gallbladder removal but don't know when that will be in these worrying times. I had an MRI scan 2 weeks ago to see if it is still as inflamed as it was when I had my last CT scan. I have a phone consultation with the gastroenterologist in 2 weeks but I am hoping it has settled down for now.
    I was getting an attack every 2 weeks but haven't had one for 5 weeks, so fingers crossed!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, wow! The Boy just made the cut off here. He had his surgery on a Saturday - and Monday they stopped doing "elective" surgeries. I can't see how an inflamed gallbladder can be considered elective - The Boy was in so much pain, he needed morphine just to get by until the actual surgery. I can tell you that the surgeon was completely honest with us - he didn't think that The Boy's gallbladder was that bad given the CT and ultrasound - but when they got in there, he was shocked The Boy had been able to do anything for the past couple weeks. We hope you can hang in there relatively pain free. The hospital is the last place anyone would want to be right now!

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  5. I'm glad to hear The Boy is doing better and quit gallfing!

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  6. Angel used to have spectacular barfs, poor thing. And sometimes either she or Chuck would...um, er...clean up before the humans could.
    Gross, kitties...
    Glad Dad is feeling better; there is nothing fun about having surgery.

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    Replies
    1. Ellie cleans up a lot more than I thought. Bear never has. I don't get that girl at all ... if she thinks she can eat it ... she will! And she'll play with the rest!

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  7. Angel Madi is rolling her eyes as I type this...I suspect. To be a Diva and Queen of Manor Madi she had quite a ritual when she had a hairball...she felt it necessary to walk A R O U N D to spread the ball.
    I am glad the Sir Jury went ok. I hear they do it with less invasion now
    Hugs Cecilia

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    Replies
    1. Yes. The Boy has three tiny incisions and one bigger one for the trocar. Still looks mighty painful though! Bear usually graces us with a traveling barf too. If there's one spot, I know there's a second around here somewhere! Not quite an Easter egg hunt ...

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  8. Glad the boy got through surgery and is doing well. A hospital is no place to be especially right now. Stay healthy. XO

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    1. We got by barely ... a few days later and he would've been stuck with no visitors! There were a whole slew of restrictions even so.

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  9. We are glad the Boy is home okay, but his bladder sure had the Gall to need surgery now. Timing is evfurrything, fur sure!

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    Replies
    1. We know! How DARE it! Us cats keep all our internal organs under tight control. ~Bear Cat

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  10. Boy oh boy,
    The Tribe does NOT ever want to meet Sir Jury and good grief, if the humans insist on going to the stabby place that means there is less time for the white coated people to pay attention to us! Jasmine had to go to the stabby place not too long ago and it was not fun.

    And the thought of the Boy being stuffed into a carrier made us MOL!!! We're glad he's doing better!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto & The Tribe

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    Replies
    1. Momma might still try to shove him in the carrier ... we'll get plenty of pictures!

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  11. Very happy to hear the Boy is recovering and out of the hospital. That is not a place anyone wants to be thee days. Praying he is totally recovered soon. Hoping you are doing every necessary to stay safe and healthy. How is Bear doing with his injections? Sending him POTP. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear is ... Bear. He's not happy with his insulin injections or anything else for that matter. After a good hour of pouting, he comes around for belly rubs though, so we'll take it!

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  12. Ok, I'm giggling over the image of The Boy being stuffed in a cat carrier! Aside from that, I'm glad he has recovered well.

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    1. Momma might still try to shove him in the carrier ... we'll get plenty of pictures!

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  13. At first I thought you were going to say The Boy was in the hospital with the Corns Nose virus. I"ve heard it's a real doozy of a thing and is making lots of human real sick. The gall of that doctor (ALIEN) to steal The Boy's organ! I guess The Boy will have to learn to whistle or play the drums now. Tee hee hee. Hugs for him.

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  14. We sure are glad the boy got his surgery done, and we hope things calm down there real soon!

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  15. Oh no...as if things aren't stressful enough. Wishing The Boy a speedy recovery and less fighting on the home front. This shelter in place thing is making kids of all kinds challenging.

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    1. Less fighting? You don't know us, do you? The cats seem to dig the extra attention, that's for sure!

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  16. Well, things haven’t changed much at your house...still fighting like cats...and cats! Glad to hear the boy is doing well after his surgery.

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    1. Fighting cats stop for no virus ... or calamity ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. We sure are glad the Boy's appointment with Sir Jury went well, and that he is home. We can't imagine being in the hospital right now. :)

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    1. We got by barely ... a few days later and he would've been stuck with no visitors! There were a whole slew of restrictions even so. I think we beat the beginning of the worst - thank goodness!

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  18. Bravo for Sir Jury completing his work. Just be thank goodness his brother Sir I N Jury wasn't working that day. MOL
    Purrs
    ERin

    PS. I bet Bear is loving having someone to practice his needlepoint skills on, and some readymade sewing to compare against ;)

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  19. AMARULA: Damn straight Bear- Torties are ladies!!! You so get us!!And the human says to tell your mom that we are happy to hear that the boy is doing well!!

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    1. What can I say? I'm a ladies man. ~Bear Cat
      ps - That's not Smellie laughing in the background ... I'm choking her?!

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  20. We're glad the Boy's surgery went well. How stressful at this time! Bear and Ellie, you're always cute.

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  21. The question of the universe: do the cats still argue when Momma isn't there to hear them? Yes, we believe they do. :)
    We're so glad the boy is OK after his surgery, and that he was able to get that done before all hell broke loose!
    Please thank Momma Cat for her very kind comment on our blog about Cricket. It really made my day (even though it made me cry a little too). We miss that silly girl and her ball every day! ♥

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    1. Honestly, I sometimes get the idea that their fighting is for show. After I've been gone for awhile, I get home and they are thicker than thieves! Maybe without me here, they don't have anything to fight over?! It would be interesting to find out for sure though!

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  22. PS...we know it's KAT with a K, just made a typo. :)

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  23. Glad everything went well with The Boy's surgery! I'm sure the cats are happy he's home (deep down anyway).

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