Tuesday, May 1, 2018

There's a sign for that

EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: MOMMA! MOMMA! HELP! Bear stuck a sign on me and I can't get it off!
MK: {running into the room Ellie's in} Not AGAIN! I'm getting really tired of this.

{Pause}
MK: "Wide load?!"
EM: I don't care about any kinds of loads ... get this sign OFF me!
MK: BEAR!!!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Why do you say that every time I call your name?
BC: Because I don't want to get in trouble.
MK: Too late.
BC: RATS. You only said I couldn't use your sticky notes to make signs!
MK: How many times have I told you NOT to stick something on your sister?
BC: And how many times have I done it anyway?!?
MK: That's NOT an answer!
BC: Then you should ask a better question! Besides, Smellie kind of had the sign coming. Pretty funny if you ask ....
MK: NOT amused.
BC: If you'll excuse me, I'm busy.
MK: Doing what?
BC: Give me a minute ...
{Pause}
BC: TADA!

MK: Bear!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: STOP. SAYING. THAT!!! I just SAW you do it.
BC: You're going to have to define the "it."
MK: I JUST SAW YOU SLAP THAT SIGN ON OUR SLEEPYPOD!!
BC: MY Sleepypod. I wouldn't come any closer. I mean ... that sign says, "Stop. Or I'll bite your foot off." 
MK: And you didn't put it there?
BC: Well, when you put it THAT way ... yeah, I guess I did it.
MK: Please tell me there aren't any other signs ...
BC: The stop sign one is related to the one on the couch.
EM: This one?

BC: Yep. There's no "bleed limit." Say hello to my little friends.
MK: Put those away! Now this is getting crazy.
EM: As if it wasn't before?
BC: You should check out the cat tree corner. There's a special surprise there for you.
EM: You better not have barfed on ...
{Pause}
EM: A sign that says, "Do not enter cat tree corner." Awww ... MAN! Now where am I going to hide when Momma gets the instruments of torture out?

MK: Ignore ...
BC: She can't IGNORE the sign! If the sign says it, you must follow the rules! Otherwise you'll be arrested.
EM: But ... I don't want to be arrested! I hate the carrier!
MK: Don't worry about it, Ellie. Bear won't put you in the carrier.
BC: That's aiding and abetting a criminal. You'll get in trouble too.
EM: Says the cat sporting prison stripes. Momma lied ... they DO make your butt look big!
MK: Bear, we don't need road signs in our house.
BC: Phht. Things were crazy enough before - but now we have two Dweebles in addition to us living here. Things get pretty congested so I figured the signs would improve traffic patterns around here.
MK: Can't you be a NORMAL cat?
BC: Phht. Can't you be a normal person?
MK: Good point.
BC: Thank you.
MK: Now take the signs down. You can't put random signs up.
BC: They're not RANDOM! There's a good reason behind every one.
EM: Maybe if I jump up on the couch to get to the cat tree ... that sign is just over that one path ...
{Bear slaps up another three signs}

MK: That's just asinine!
EM: You mean ASSisBear! But if the sign says do not enter ... doesn't that mean Bear can't enter either?
MK: Don't argue with him about this. The signs mean nothing. And arguing only feeds into his ...
BC: Hmmm ... she's got a point ... but don't let it go to your head, Smellie. I have twenty-two points and I know how to use them.
{Pause as Bear works}
BC: TADA! New and improved!

MK: "Authorized personnel only ..."
BC: And SMELLIE is NOT authorized!
EM: But I LIKE that corner!
MK: Just ignore him, Ellie.
EM: But I don't want to go to jail.
MK: He can't make you.
BC: The sign says ...
EM: It DOES say "authorized personnel only" ...
MK: I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SIGNS SAY! Bear put the signs up there!
BC: Someone's in a bad mood today! Besides, this isn't the only sign like that.
MK: Where's the other one?
BC: Down Princess Buttercup Street.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I named a street after myself. Just like me, the main thoroughfare.
EM: "Dumba$$ Street," doesn't have the right ring to it. Maybe "Pain-in-the-@$$ Lane?"
BC: Hardy har har. You're just jealous you didn't think of it first. 
MK: So help me {Momma sees the other, "Do not enter," sign} ... BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Okay, okay. 
MK: "Authorized personnel only" ... that's our bedroom! 
BC: Not anymore. That's MY bedroom now.
MK: All our stuff is in there!
EM: Momma? I thought you said arguing with him will just encourage him?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: ENCOURAGE ME! ENCOURAGE ME!
MK: Take the sign down.
BC: NO! I had to commandeer the room to help administer the tasty whole chicken crossing.
EM: WHOOOOA! A tasty whole chicken crossing!
BC: Here's one for you ... why did the chicken cross the hall?
EM: I don't know.
BC: To get to my food bowl!
EM: Isn't that OUR food ...
BC: That's not what the sign says.
EM: Another one?!? "Yield to bears."

BC: Yep. That means that when I want to eat, you have to get out of my way.
EM: Aww ...
MK: Ignore him, Ellie. That bowl is just as much yours as it is ...
BC: But I take precedence.
MK: More like you're a petulant pestilence.
BC: Toe-may-toe ... toe-MAH-toe.
MK: What the ... "Chickens, tunas, cows, turkeys, crabs, emus, etc ... One way to Bear's food bowl."
EM: You forgot shrimp!
BC: Hmph. Shrimp can go to your food bowl.
EM: But ... but ... you didn't leave me any food bowls.
BC: You'll thank me later. You're a bit ... bus-sized. Thus the, "wide load."
MK: Bear ... none of these creatures are going to see this sign.
BC: You don't think it's in the right place?! Or do you think I need a series of signs that go from the front door to my bowl?
MK: Oh, for ... you STILL think your food walks to your bowl to die?
BC: How ELSE would it get there?! There's a food fairy - but she's got a bad attitude.
EM: Whoa. COOL! I've never seen any of these animals in our house. They must be tricky.
BC: I suggest you sit at the tasty whole chicken crossing. That's your best chance.
EM: OKAY!
MK: NO! Bear's just telling you to do that so you don't annoy him out in the family room.
EM: That's actually pretty sm ...
MK: "No emu turn." As much as I want to know why that's an issue ...

BC: Emus are stupid enough that they'd walk in circles if you didn't spell it out for them. This way, they know to keep going straight to my food bowl.
MK: They're too stupid ... but they can read?
{Silence}
MK: I haven't seen any emus around here. Have you?
BC: I like to be prepared.
EM: Then why didn't you include elephants?
BC: Phht. EVERYONE knows elephants are only in zoos.
MK: {sigh} I don't even know why I try.
BC: I can make a sign for that.
MK: Don't you dare.
BC: Well, now you know I HAVE to do it!
{Pause as Bear works}
BC: TADA!

MK: "No clue turn." Oh, my head ...
BC: You know, for those times you walk down the hall and get to the end and wonder what you walked back there for? This way, other people and cats can be prepared for any last minute turns.
MK: You act like that happens all the time!
{Silence}
MK: Touche. But the last time wasn't my fault. You were under my feet.
BC: You don't see me fart and then say, "you were under my butt!"
{Pause as Momma considers this}
MK: Stop making sense!
BC: If you stop NOT making sense! My signs are brilliant!
EM: {from the other room} Where am I supposed to sleep? There's all these, "no parking," signs by the cat beds.

MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it.
{Pause as Bear walks into the room}
BC: Oh, that. Yeah. I did that.
EM: These, "No parking any time without permit," signs are by all the cat beds. Where am I supposed to sleep? 
BC: Outside?
MK: BEAR! Sleep wherever you want, Ellie.
EM: But ... but ... there's no bleed limit, remember?
{The front door opens}
The Boy: What the ...
{Pause}
The Boy: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: STOP saying ...
The Boy: Look at this, Kat! What do you let him do all day?!?! "Caution. The shark lives here," and, "Caution. Crazed Dweebles on the loose."

BC: Phht. She doesn't LET me do anything. Besides, you should THANK me. Crazed Dweebles make a mess when they splat.
The Boy: Why are these signs hanging by the front ...
MK: Don't ask. There's no point. Though one of the other signs says, "Stop. Or I'll bite your foot off," which is consistent with the, "Caution. The shark lives here," sign.
The Boy: You're applying logic to this mess? Bear! How would YOU like a sign?
BC: OH! Momma! Do me! Do me!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Make a sign for me.
MK: Tempting ...
BC: Which will you choose? Handsome? Virile? Sexy? Shark-y? Witty? A good kisser?
MK: Wait wait wait ... how would I know you're a good kisser? EWW!!
BC: I just slipped that one in there to impress the ladies. 
MK: Ready?
EM: OH! OH! I get to go next! It'll be my turn to make a sign for Bear!
MK: {putting the sign on Bear} Here's your sign.

BC: Yep. Take it like a ...
EM: {giggling}.
BC: NUTS! Haha. VERY funny. 
EM: I get to go next! I get to go next! 
The Boy: Why's there a, "wide load," sign on Ellie's bed?

EM: WHAT!?!?! WHERE?!? {GASP} That's it! It's MY turn to make Bear a sign.
MK: NO. MORE. SIGNS.
BC: This game isn't fun anymore. Besides, I'm WAY LATE for my 5:04 pm nap. It's almost time for my 5:23 pm nap!
MK: It's all fun and games until you get a sign.
EM: There's a sign for that!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, Smellie!

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50 comments:

  1. Ashton got stuck on the "Tasty Whole Chicken Crossing" sign. Did it work, Bear? Inquiring tabby cats want to know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, NOT YET. Turns out that "build it and they will come thing" is a bit off. ~Bear Cat

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  2. We love all of those signs of the times Bear!

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    Replies
    1. There are a couple signs Momma wouldn't let me share ;) ~Bear Cat

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  3. MOL! "Grounded"! That's a perfect sign for you, Bear. Paisley would enjoy a "Tasty Whole Chicken Crossing" sign too. Thanks for the laugh! :)

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    Replies
    1. Oh! I should make branded signs for the TWC crossing! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Dude, that is a LOT of signs. Must have taken forever! EM, don't worry, your mom won't let you get arrested.

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    Replies
    1. You wouldn't believe it ... but I gave up TWO naps to make those signs! Yep. Now I'm sleep-deprived! ~Bear Cat

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  5. dood...ya gotta add mit; mom getted ya with de hole grounded
    signage.....N just for referenz...ya mite wanna be kinda care full
    with that yield ta bearz one....round heer...if ya yield ta bearz
    ....they be runnin off with yur salmon !!!! ~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. I hate it when Momma gets all spunky on me and she makes a fool of me. More teeth for her. ~Bear Cat

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  6. MOL ! Aren't you afraid of getting lost with all those signs everywhere ? Purrs

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    1. Momma gets lost around here without the signs (thus the NO CLUE TURN sign)! Just saying ... ~Bear Cat

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  7. Lucy would totally follow the Tasty Whole Chickens sign.

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  8. I wonder what they did before signs? or was that what they had omens for? Still, with all those possible traffic and parking violations, Bear, you should be raking in loads of money! What you going to spend it on, more signs or maybe a visit to the tasty chicken health hydro?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Wait ... I can CHARGE when people don't obey the signs?!? This is getting BETTER and BETTER! ~Bear Cat

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  9. This is such fun! You need a "Stop! In the Name of Love" sign.
    Nice to see you, MommaKat, on the Island-Cats blog.
    xxoo
    Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm thinking of a follow up post with Ellie's signs ... and I think that would be her stop sign too!

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  10. OH my cats you need a Sign Police person at your house.
    We giggled
    Hugs madi and mom

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  11. AMARULA: Bear!! You have the best signs!! Can I borrow your wide load sign- i would love to pin that on Frodo!

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    Replies
    1. What's yours is mine ... well, except for your gorgeous tortieness ... I'm a gentlemancat and I wouldn't presume to have any ownership stake on that. ~Bear Cat

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  12. Mudpie is a bit afraid of your "wide load" sign...she's not as skinny as she used to be!

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  13. We love you guys. A tasty whole chicken crossing?! The kitties here are intrigued! Bear, you sure keep busy between your signs and conversations with Ellie & MK.

    Thank you so much for your sweet note about our move and then checking in. It's a crazy time, and we will be so happy to be all together in a home again and visiting with our friends again too!

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  14. "Sign, sign, everywhere a sign, blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind....." I know that's before your time, Bear, but you should really listen to that song! (Five Man Electrical Band if you need to Google it).
    On another note - cats like Emu? We did not know that. :)

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  15. Um Bear...shouldn't that read "down the MAN thoroughfare?" The princess thing is a bit confusing for a male cat such as yourself which might explain the origins of some of these signs. On the other hand, you're so darn clever! 😊

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  16. Bear, you better watch out. Ellie is gonna pay you back with a sign you won’t like! Or else she’ll steal all your tasty whole chicken.

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  17. OH my Bear, mew had us in hysterics, dude we're just loving your signs and that brings me to this question, are mew hosting SIGN FEST 2018, cause we've got some we could share too! MOL

    Wideload, the pod with eat your foot, No parking, chicken crossing, sharks, grounded, MOL MOL MOL dude mew are the sign king of the US!

    We'll be laughing all day now, thanks buddy we really needed that, we can always count on mew to make our day so much better!

    Big hugs

    Basil & Co xox

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    Replies
    1. We love to hear that! Sign fest?! SIGN us up! Hahahahaha. ~Bear Cat

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  18. Bear, you are quite the prolific and creative sign maker! Do you take commissions? I'm sure you could make enough money to buy a tasty whole chicken farm!

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    Replies
    1. OOOOOH, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! What can I make you? ~Bear Cat

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  19. This reminded Mom of the commercial with the little kid who keeps saying, "I didn't do it!" Bear is about the most like a little kid of any cat we know. He always makes us laugh and groan at the same time. MK sure has her hands full! XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    1. I'm a GROWN BOY! I might act like a child ... ~Bear Cat

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  20. Oh my, Bear. I had hoped he and Ellie would be friends by now. :-) Maybe Momma needs to hide the markers, so he can't make anymore signs.

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    Replies
    1. The markers, the post-its, the paper ... if Bear can get his paws on it, he'll use it!

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  21. *whispers very quietly* Bear, can I borrow the wide load sign? Please don't tell Lexy. *runs off*

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  22. Wow, Bear, that is a good idea to make signs for all those animals so they can walk to your food bowl and plop in it! I wish I had thought of that. You won't have to wait for your momma to feed you on her time anymore! I'm always having to wait to be fed when it is "convenient" for my human. Hugs. -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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  23. Bear, we're thinkin' ya' might have a little too much time on your paws. Have ya' ever thought 'bout playin' a bit more and makin' fewer signs? What happens ifin the wand mousey happens to fly onto the cat tree? How are ya' s'posed to ketch it with all those signs? And what ifin somekitty was to bat the yeowww nip nanner into the tree corner? Just meowin', a little more play and a lot less signage just might make ya' a happier male purrincess. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  24. Bear, what kinda glue are you usin' when stickin' signs on your sister. And does it stick well? I'm just askin' for a friend.

    But if anyone asks, I wasn't askin' at all. MOUSES!

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    Replies
    1. Tape. I use tape. Of course, there's always the danger of having an accident and getting it stuck to yourself ... but that never happens. Err ... hardly ever anyway. ~Bear Cat

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