Friday, May 4, 2018

The case of the pink, frilly underpants

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: AHA! I found it!!! I FOUND IT! HELLLO, lover!
{Pause}
EM: Now I just have to figure out how to get it out of there! Don't worry, nippy-cat! I'll rescue you! Just hold on a little longer while I move a few things ...
{Ellie roots the plastic bag of catnip out of the conference swag bag, sniffs maniacally and then starts chewing through the bag holding the catnip}
EM: Oh, yes! YESYESYESYESYES!!! Can't get enough ... not enough ... NEVER enough!
{Ellie rips the bag of catnip open}
BC: {from the other room} KEEP. IT. DOWN!!!
EM: Woo-hooooooo! Numnumnumnumnum ... purple ... knee ... zebra! You're looking goooooood. You're making me look good! Good looking! Good licking. FEET!
BC: {walking into the room} What the heck is going on out here? You woke me up from my nap! 
EM: I see Paris, I see San Francisco ...
{Pause}
EM: {giggling}.
BC: That's not how it goes. 
EM: WOO-HOO! It doesn't know whether it's coming or goes. 
{Ellie laughs harder}
EM: Get it? How it goes ... whether it's coming or ... Hahahahahahaha. Good one, Ellie Belly!
BC: When you're like this, it's like having a conversation with a hyena! A stupid, very DENSE hyena.

{Pause}
EM: I see Hector, I see San Francisco ...
{Pause}
EM: Hahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: You're looking for, "I see Paris, I see France."
EM: YES! Silly me. Hector was Paris' brother.
BC: WHO? Paris is a place! Ummm ... in some country ... or something.
EM: I see Paris, I see France, I see Bear's underpants!
{Ellie dissolves in giggles}
BC: I should've known you'd ...
EM: And they're pink and frilly!
BC: HEY! I'm a male princess!
{Ellie snickers}
BC: Wait a ... I'm not wearing underpants!
EM: Calling all torties ... calling all torties ... BEAR. IS. NOT. WEARING. UNDERPANTS!!! OOH! The floor is sniffing me! The floor is sniffing me! Are you happy to see me?! Put that away!
{Pause}
EM: Nope. Just gas.
{Ellie giggles}
EM: Captain No-underpants, can I have this dance? The lights are so light and the music so music-y.
BC: How much longer do I have to put up with this?!? She's ALMOST as obnoxious as I can be to Momma.
EM: Ankles city penguin fish! BOO-YAH! Take THAT! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: I don't get ...
EM: Get it?! City ... fish ... hahahahahahahahahaha.
BC: MOMMA! MoMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! Ellie's been in the catnip again!

EM: I've been in the catnip ... and it's ALLLLLLL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
{Momma walks in}
MK: She's still at it?
BC: I haven't gotten a nap in days.
MK: It's been an hour, Bear.
BC: SAME THING to a cat! This can't go on! I'm sorry for being obnoxious to you, Momma. I'm sorry for playing dumb and talking about your doughnut butt ... just MAKE. HER. STOP. I see the error of my ways ...
EM: FISH! Hahahahahahaha.
MK: What now?
BC: She told this joke and laughed like it was hilarious even though it made no sense.
MK: What's the joke?
BC: Ankles city penguin fish.
MK: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. City ... FISH!! 
BC: That's what she said! What about fish in the city?
MK: Her joke is awesome!
BC: What is wrong with everyone?!? It's nonsense!
EM: We have to listen to your nonsense every day! OH! Rainbow!
{Pause}
EM: Leprechaun ... UNICORN! Your horn is so HORNY! You're just happy to see me! OOH! RAINBOW! 
MK: I'm just giving you a hard time, Bear. I don't get it either.
BC: STOP BEING MEAN TO ME! Can't you see I'm stressed out? Isn't it bad enough that Ellie announced I wear pink and frilly underwear? 
MK: You don't wear underwear.
BC: I KNOW THAT!!!! She tried to tell me they're pink and frilly!

MK: And you're mad because they wouldn't be? I mean, IF you wore underpants. Or is it that you want pink and frilly underpants and you're upset that you don't have any?
{Silence}
BC: Oh, shut up. My underpants are my business. Leave them out of this.
MK: You could just ignore her instead of getting your pink frilly underpants in a bunch.
BC: Sometimes I REALLY hate you.
MK: Sometimes I REALLY don't care.
BC: HEY! That's my line! Is this opposite day or something? My behavior is reflected in both of you. If I didn't know better, I'd say I'm up to my old tricks in new bodies. Is this a nightmare?!?! 
EM: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLO, Doctor! What's a doctor like you doing in a barn like this?
BC: That's the trash can.
EM: How rude! You don't see me making fun of your torties.
BC: That's because there's nothing bad you can say about torties.
EM: Phht. Let me tell YOU ...
MK: Okay, okay! That's enough!
BC: Catnip makes you mean.
EM: At least I have an excuse. You're ALWAYS mean!
MK: NO MORE CATNIP!
EM: Aww ... man! But I LOVE catnip. And cheese.
BC: Catnip doesn't like you.
EM: POTATOES! FOOT! TUNA! Hahahahahahahahaha.
BC: How much longer do we have to put up with this?

MK: Maybe we should hold an intervention for Ellie and her catnip problem.
BC: And then I can have an intervention for my Smellie problem!
MK: That's not the same thing. 
BC: So this intervention means we're getting rid of her, right?
MK: No. We just want to communicate to her how her catnip thing affects us.
BC: She's even more annoying than usual! The least she could do is share with me!
MK: Talk directly to her. Tell her how you feel.
BC: When you're all cat-nippy, you annoy me.
{Pause}
BC: Hmm ... come to think about it, you ALWAYS annoy me. I guess I should say you annoy me MORE when you've been in the catnip.
MK: In an intervention, we should use "I statements." "I feel x when you do y." Tell her the impact of her problem.
BC: I get mad when you talk about my underpants.
EM: But you don't wear underpants'
BC: EXACTLY!
EM: But if you did, they'd be pink and frilly. Hahahahahahahahahaha.
{Momma giggles}
BC: I hate you both. Give up the catnip, Smellie.
EM: If we have an intervention, we should talk about your biting.
BC: That's not the topic! The topic is your behavior when you're nipped out.
EM: Being out of nip SUCKS. Can you imagine a world without nip? What would be the point? I'd have to annoy the humans like you do.
BC: That's not what I ... YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH CATNIP!
EM: Hahahahaha.
BC: The truth hurts!

EM: That's why I always tell you you're adopted! OH! TAIL!
BC: Knock that off!
MK: Maybe if you stopped swishing your tail like a hopped up windshield wiper, she'd have nothing to tempt her.
BC: Maybe if The Boy stopped moving his feet, I'd stop attacking them!
EM: SEE! An intervention about Bear's biting ...

BC: I oughta ...
EM: OWW! We need an intervention for your attitude problem!
BC: Oh, yeah? You need an intervention for your wide load.
EM: I hate you!
BC: That's the thanks I get for taking you under my paw and giving you a home?
EM: Phht. Under your paw?! More like IN YOUR JAW! I'm here DESPITE you. So HA!
BC: I wear the pants around here. 
EM: The pink, frilly UNDERpants?
BC: Shut up, Smellie! I'm the boss. If I didn't want you here, you'd be gone!
EM: You WANT me here?
{Silence}
BC: *@&! *@&!##!
EM: I'm torn between wanting to tell you that you aren't the boss - Momma is - and melting because you want me here.
BC: When I said I want you here ... I meant as a chew toy.
EM: Oh.
BC: HA!
MK: Knock it off you two!
BC: She started it!
{Ellie sticks her tongue out behind Bear's back}

EM: HE started it!
MK: You both end it, right now! We're trying to help Ellie.
BC: Phht. Nothing can help her but a treadmill and a diet.
MK: BEAR!
BC: It's not MY fault she's a porker! If I didn't chase her around so much, she probably wouldn't fit through the door.
EM: You need therapy for your bad attitude!
BC: I'm a CAT! It's not a bad attitude when you're a cat!
EM: I'm a cat, and I'm a NICE girl.
BC: A little light up top ... and a little heavy on the bottom ... if you know what I mean ...
EM: Shut up!
BC: Only after YOU shut up!
MK: BEAR!
BC: Oh, sure. Take HER side. Then again, if you didn't take her side, she might sit on you. Hahahahaha. Then you'd be a flat doughnut butt.
MK: So much for being sorry about the doughnut butt jokes.
EM: Momma should stop brushing your teeth so you lose them all! Hello toothless shark!
BC: Momma will still nab me to clip my claws.
EM: Could you just keep those to yourself like I do?
BC: Goody-goody! She clips your claws too!
EM: She doesn't want me to rip the head off your body. I get tempted ... a lot. 
BC: Like she needs to brush our teeth!
EM: I HATE that!
BC: So do I!
MK: Well, at least you agree on something.
BC: Momma really sucks!
EM: YEAH! She really SUCKS!

MK: Great ... though you must admit that the life of a blogging cat is pretty sweet. Toys, food, wet food treats, bed ... you are all set!
BC: AND we have a built in audience to love us ...
EM: And feel sorry for us because Momma's so mean!
BC: We need to do an intervention for her meanness!
MK: At least this Momma-bashing is for a good cause. 

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42 comments:

  1. You TWO! Heavens I am surprised Mom doesn't have a total headache! The word for your mum is long suffering especially as she puts up with the pair of you making mischief!!!

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  2. Belly laughs! Oh, Ellie, I'll have what you're having. :)

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  3. Wow, Ellie sure is a nip-head! Olive goes crazy for the nip, too. So does Sophie and Woodrow. And Olive agrees with you Bear. Nothing bad you can say about torties!

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  4. I've been know to lay under pants sometimes Bear!

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    Replies
    1. Ugh. In this house, we have a mandatory pants rule so laying under the pants is a bit complicated ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Oh my mouses, Bear, your sister really IS mean when nipped. All that stuff 'bout those underpants? MOUSES!

    Uhhh...

    Ummm...

    The underpants, thing. They're not really real, right? But if they are, surely they're not pink. MOUSES!

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    Replies
    1. See, I have this friend ... that's definitely not me or anything ... ~Bear Cat

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  6. AMARULA: OH Bear! How can you stand it?! I know the best way to cure EM of her catnip habit--bite off her nose!!

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    1. Ooooh! That's appealing! You know, because I've already tried to do that like a billion times! Her nose is just as stubborn as the rest of her! ~Bear Cat

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  7. That nip is some kind of weird stuff. Too funny the whole episode. Never a dull moment around your house. Do have a terrific week end.

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes Momma wishes for a dull moment ... but we bet she'd be bored!

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  8. Wow, that must be some real primo nip! I thought Flynn was a total nip head, but I think Ellie leaves him standing.

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  9. Ellie, we think you may have inhaled just a bit! And just what did you have to say about torties, huh?!?!?!

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    Replies
    1. Err ... I didn't inhale enough to answer that question. I'd be in BIG trouble from Bear AND my Momma! ~Ellie Mae

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  10. That's some potent nip, fur sure. Good thing it wears off fast. BC, this day goes down in history as the day you ADMITTED wanting Ellie around. It also gets marked as the day both of you agreed on something! This spells trouble for your mom.

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    Replies
    1. I want her around as a chew toy. I don't want HER ... just the chew toy. That's believable, right? ~Bear Cat

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  11. "Ankles city penguin fish"!! We want some of what Ellie is smokin! ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

    P.S. Bear, is it possible you actually want a pair of underpants . . . more specifically, a pair of pink, frilly underpants?!! ;p

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    Replies
    1. Momma wants some too! With both of us ... I sort of understand ;) ~Bear Cat

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  12. Ellie definitely enjoys every bit of the catnip or it is super powerful nip. She talks more when's she's stoned too. mol

    Shoko

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    Replies
    1. No KIDDING! And I just DARE you to try to tell her to shut up! ~Bear Cat

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  13. OK, I guess this means one or all of you need to go to rehab, right, for one thing or another? Then you can all intervene with each other and come out happy. Or will it all turn out to be a dream with dancing pink underpants, toothbrushes and nip buds!
    I need to rest up as this is way to much for a Saturday morning!
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Can you get a group discount in rehab!?! We'd be set! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Hmm...is that "stuff" actually legal in your state? Medicinal or recreational "stuff?"

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    Replies
    1. I need it for medical reasons! I have to put up with Bear! ~Ellie Mae

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  15. MOL ! Ellie, it looks like you got some extra potent nip ! You gave us a good laugh ! Purrs

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  16. You sure have met your match Bear Cat. I love seeing photos of you two so close together. Thank you to your Momma for the kind words of condolence she left on my blog for my family's recent loss. XO

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  17. That was obviously some grade A primo nip you got into, Ellie! Everything is moderation, okay? :)

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    Replies
    1. As Bear says ... what's fun about moderation? ~Ellie Mae

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  18. Ellie, you better get your nipping under control! We had a cat once, Don Juan, who got mean on nip, so he got shut off completely!

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    1. Thank goodness I'm a NICE cat! Err ... MOSTLY ;) ~Ellie Mae

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  19. Whoa, the nip! Primo stuff there, it sounds like. Watch that treat snacking when you come down, okay? Don't need to give the Shark Princess something else to pick on, right?

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  20. Oh you two! Although I must say, there is a serious nip problem in our house as well. I can put up with Alberto and Oliver's stupid antics when they're nipped up (the stuff doesn't really affect me at all) but Tucker is an entirely different story. He's a mean drunk, err, nipper and when he gets into the nip we stay away from the Alpha. If you do have an intervention let me know how it goes, purrhaps we should consider one for Tucker.
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Lily

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    Replies
    1. We'll send you the manual on interventions. Then again, if ours is any indication, things might not go as planned!

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  21. The Wonderpurr Gang has never been much into da nip. No idea why. Maybe its cuz our mom wait for someone to give us catnip, and its usually store bought and stale. She needs to step up her game and grow it for us fresh. Bet we would then like the stuff everyone raves about.

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    Replies
    1. Our Momma's the SAME WAY! We've gotten all our catnip toys from BlogPaws Conferences!

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