Friday, January 18, 2019

The big bad wolf, alien buffalos, and lots more nonsense

If you missed Bear telling Ellie about the big bad wolf, you may read about it in Bite club.

EM: Ellie Mae Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: {walking into the room} Come on, Bear! Play with me!
BC: {on Momma's bed} I'm taking a nap.
EM: You wouldn't be talking to me if you were asleep.
BC: You've reached Bear Cat, I DON'T CARE! GO. AWAY.
{Silence}
EM: HA! If it was really a machine, there would be a beep!
BC: RATS! .... BEEEEP!
EM: I'm not falling for that again! 
BC: Because the twenty times you fell for it wasn't enough? Most living beings learn from their mistakes. Well, those with brains anyway. Then again, you seem to have exchanged your brain for fat ... the longer you're here, the bigger and stupider you get.
EM: You're awake .... it's not an answering machine!
BC: Go. Away. Brainy McBrain-A-lot!
EM: Aww ... come on, Bear. PLEASE?
BC: NO!

EM: What fun is having a sibling if they don't play with you?
BC: Phht. What fun is having a sibling. Period.
EM: It seems to work for you. You tell on me for what you do ... you lie to me ...
BC: Are you still mad about the dolphin thing? I swear, I didn't know that you'd actually jump in the toilet and try to swim.
EM: And telling me Momma sleeps upside down in the closet ... and that she and The Boy just want to suck our blood. OH! And who can forget the big bad wolf that's waiting to eat me on the front porch.
BC: HEY! He's real! Just wait until he rings the doorbell.
{The doorbell rings}
EM: Oh, NO! I was sure it was another ... but he's here! FOR ME! Bear was right!
BC: What? I didn't hear that.
EM: He's here!
BC: No. The last part.
EM: He's here for me!
BC: No. The part about me!
EM: YOU WERE ... RIGHT! 
BC: Duh.
EM: I thought you were lying to me! Nothing you tell me is ever true!
BC: See?!
MK: I'm coming! Wait just a ...
EM: NO! MOMMA! Don't open that door!!!
MK: Hi! Oh, thank you.
EM: BYE!
{Ellie runs under the bed}
EM: I'm not coming out ever again!

BC: Because he couldn't find you with your hind end sticking out from under the bed.
EM: I don't fit under the bed anymore.
BC: I wonder why that is.
{Ellie reshuffles}
EM: Is that better?
BC: Hahahahahahahahaha. No.
MK: It was just the mailman.
EM: Did the mailman have big, scary teeth and look hungry?
MK: BEAR!
BC: What? I didn't do anything!
MK: You see how creeped out your sister is?
BC: I know, right? She finally figured out how strange The Boy is.
EM: Daddy?!
MK: No, I meant she's creeped out about the big bad wolf.
BC: Hahaha. I didn't even have to do ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! You're mad because I told her about the wolf.
MK: Who doesn't exist.
BC: Who's to say if he exists or not? Maybe he's invisible.
EM: OH NO! He'll get me for sure.
MK: For not wanting to play with your sister, you certainly are still playing with her - just in a different way.
BC: That's what siblings are for!
EM: I'm not coming out EVER again!
BC: Promise? Because if peace and quiet is as simple as going to another room ...
MK: It's okay, Ellie. You can come out. There's no big bad wolf.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Are you trying to ruin all my hard work? She's safe where she is.
EM: No big bad wolf ... does that mean there's a little bad wolf? Or a big good wolf? Or something else that will eat me?
MK: SEE, Bear?!?! This is all your ...
{WHAP!}
BC: OW! Smellie smacked me! Momma? Did you see that!? Smellie whapped me! WOMEN! They get all temperamental at the very least provocation! One minute she wants to play with me ... and the next ....

{SMACK!!!}
BC: QUIT THAT!
EM: That's what you get for trying to scare me!
BC: Phht. You don't even have to try to scare me. You just look in my direction and I'm scared.
{Silence}
EM: Wanna play with me?
BC: You're mad at me.
EM: Yeah. But I still wanna play.
BC: So you're mad ... but not mad enough ...
MK: NO! DO NOT admit that you're not mad enough! He'll take that as a challenge!
EM: Err ... 
BC: What would make you mad enough to not want to play with me?
MK: Don't do it ... you'll just encourage him to be meaner to you so you won't want to play with him and you'll leave him alone.
EM: Err ... there's nothing you can do to make me mad enough to not want to play with you.
BC: RATS!
MK: You two can handle this. I'm going back to work.
BC: Smellie, you go too.
EM: But I want to play! And no one will play with me!!! I got a new sparkle ball and I can't wait to ...
BC: {sigh} FINE. 
EM: But ...
{Pause}
EM: Wait a ... WHAT?!
BC: You go out to the family room and wait for me.
EM: To play?

BC: Yes.
EM: REALLY?!?! That's great! I can't wait! Before you know it, we'll be braiding each others' fur and have private jokes and I'll finally have a best friend.
BC: {AHEM}.
EM: What?
BC: You're supposed to go out to the family room and wait for me.
EM: Wait a ... last time you told me that you never came! You just wanted to get rid of me and thought I wouldn't notice!
BC: That wasn't my fault ... I got ... err ... abducted by an alien buffalo.
EM: An alien-buffalo?!?! How did you get away?
BC: Phht. My can of alien-buffalo-whoop-ass.
EM: Wow. I had no idea I meant so much to you that you'd fell an alien buffalo just to get back to me!
BC: Are we playing or not?
EM: Oh, yeah! Don't make me wait too long! Oh, this is the best day of my life! Bear and I will finally be friends! Bye!
{Ellie walks into the family room}
EM: La de da ... do de do ...
MK: What's up?
EM: Bear's going to play with me!
MK: Ummm ... when?
EM: He told me to come out here and wait for him!
MK: But he never specified WHEN he might come out?
{Loud snoring comes from the bedroom}
EM: What was that?
MK: Err ...
EM: THE ALIEN BUFFALO IS BACK!

MK: Excuse me?
EM: SHHHH!! He might hear us!
MK: Who?
EM: The alien buffalo that cat-napped Bear last time we were supposed to play! He gave it what for just to come back and play with me.
MK: And ...
EM: Wait a ... we never ended up playing!
MK: And ...
EM: I better hide so the alien buffalo doesn't try to eat me!
MK: I thought you knew better than to believe Bear.
EM: But why would he lie about ...
{Pause}
EM: WAIT! A! MINUTE!
MK: Uh huh? Bear and lying?
EM: BEAR BARFED ON MY SCRATCHER!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? THIS IS MY SCRATCHER! YOU DON'T SEE ME BARFING ON THE COUCH WHERE HE LIKES TO SCRATCH! MY SCRATCHER IS THE BESTEST THING EVER AND HE'S TRYING TO RUIN IT!!!

MK: We were ALMOST there to figure out ...
EM: Well, I mean, second to you, Momma. This really chaps my shorts! I let him be mean to me and make fun of me ... but this just CROSSES THE LINE!
MK: Don't worry, Ellie. I know what you meant.
EM: He's such a .... a .... stupid head! No! Jerk face! Son of a ...
BC: You rang?
EM: You barfed on my scratcher!
BC: Eh. It was in the way.
EM: Wait a minute ... you CAME!
BC: You just get smarter and smarter. Before you know it, you'll have the intellect of a brick!
MK: Now, Ellie ...
EM: And I thought he told me to come out here so I'd leave him alone! He CAME! He wants to play with me! How can I be mad at him when he clearly wants to play with me so much!
BC: #$%^! the *&^@^ *^@!
MK: I think he bet that you were too mad at him to play. And he was worried he'd be in trouble with me again, so he came out and pretended to want to play when he knew you'd be too mad at him ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
EM: You're the best big brother ever!
MK: WHAT?!?
BC: Ummm .... you're too stupid to be sarcastic ...
MK: {walking out of the room} I quit!
EM: What's wrong with her?
BC: Phht. WOMEN. Who knows what they're thinking!
EM: Wanna play?
BC: {sigh}. I need to use the litter box.
EM: OKAY! I'll be waiting right here on my scratcher!
BC: {mumbling} Great.
EM: This is my scratcher. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My scratcher is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my scratcher is useless. Without my scratcher, I am useless.

BC: {mumbling} You're telling me.
{Bear walks from the litter box to the couch ... SCRATCH! SCRATCH! SCRATCH! SCRATCH!!!}

EM: I must scratch my scratcher true. I must scratch more than my brother who is scratching the couch.
{Silence}
BC: Suck up!

EM: I thought we were playing!
{Fake snoring is heard coming from the cat tree condo}
EM: Awww ... man! I now have to wait for him to wake up to play with me!

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38 comments:

  1. Awww, you two do make me cry sometimes. I think what you need is a little pal to share. Maybe adopt a kid into the house so you can raise it and nurture it and impart all your worldly wisdom, as parents do.... OK so it may end up conflicted, but nobody is perfect, right? And maybe you two could learn about getting on for the sake of others... On another matter, Ellie, why wear shorts if they chafe? Maybe time for a new year new you diet? Works for me, and I still get to eat mice between meals ;) MOL
    Purrs
    ERin

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  2. You are both cute and funny but it would be great to see you two getting along!

    But we know siblings rarely do (Mum rows with her brother too but I don't have a bro).

    Purrs xx
    Athena

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. Brothers are fine ... it's sisters you have to worry about ... you excepted of course. ~Bear Cat

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  3. You two are hysterical, that is for sure. I bet you two are friends when no one is looking. Have a super duper day.

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  4. Awww Ellie, I wish BC was more willing to play with you.

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  5. You always have us MOL!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  6. Erin might be onto something Bear. Maybe you two could adopt a tasty whole chicken!

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  7. Ellie, you really love your scratcher, don't you. And Bear, you really love (or hate) that couch! But how about you be nice to your sister and no more barfing on her stuff.

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  8. Having a sibling who's a trickster can pose all sorts of problems. Just ask Elsa and Sam. 🤣

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  9. Poor Ellie...Mudpie would love to come and play with you, but she'd have to escape Bear's clutches first (and maybe your momma's!) MOL

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    Replies
    1. Their clutches? Is that something that might eat me? ~Ellie Mae

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  10. Ellie, Pierrot wishes Annie would play with him. He’s been trying for years. You’re such a sweetheart.

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    Replies
    1. We'd have a yin and yang thing going on if Pierrot and I played! ~Ellie Mae

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  11. Poor Ellie, is it really too much for Bear to play with you? He's done some top class artwork on the couch though. Come to think of it, that could be why he doesn't want to play. He's tired himself out with the couch.

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    Replies
    1. Surprisingly, most of his claw-work on the couch happened within a two week period of adopting him back in 2006. Of course, he still scratches it - but the genius of his work became apparent right after we adopted him ;)

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  12. Ellie, you are just too sweet. If Bear won't play with you, maybe you both need another sister? See what he says to that!! MOL
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  13. I got the feeling that you-Bear and Ellie, are just like Me and Ninja...you actually get along really well and Pretend that you don't (who wants their pawrents to know they actually like each other) and what you have done to the sofa...PAWSOME!!!! It looks like something Queen Penelope would have done (she did that to 2 different sofas)
    Purrs
    Marv

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  14. Poor Ellie. I hope Bear plays with you more often. Maybe your folks should get you a sister :)

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  15. Hi Bear Cat and Ellie Mae! We have the feeling you two actually DO get along sometimes. Because you're siblings, after all. At least that's how it works around here. Hee hee!

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    Replies
    1. We get along until we don't ... and then there's major kitty trauma drama!

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  16. Ellie, come on over to my place. Dai$y from TroutTowne and I often take her jet to Paris or Milan, sometimes Spain, for girl days...shopping, glamour all of that great stuffs. Maybe you'd like to come with us? The heck with Bear, Right?

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    Replies
    1. That'd be AWESOME! Watch out! Ellie Mae's on the road! Err ... air? ~Ellie Mae

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  17. Rosie is most impressed with Bear's couch art aka scratching. She fancies herself a scratch artist, too.

    Maybe Bear will play with you after he wakes up from his nap.

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    Replies
    1. Phht. He sleeps ALL DAY! Then again, the quiet is nice ;) ~Ellie Mae

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  18. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaw Ellie, you're special without your scratcher. As fur siblings barfin' on 'em, that happens here too. It's so gross. At least it's the cardboard one's so our mommy's can buy us more. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  19. Ellie, I think deep down Bear really likes having you around. You keep his mind active and his creative juices flowing. Tee hee hee. I didn't know there were alien Buffalo?! EEK! I think I need to borrow some of Bear's can of alien-buffalo-whoop-ass! Winks. -Valentine (& Kerry) of Noir Kitty Mews

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