Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Bite club

There's an emergency in the Momma Kat household. What's wrong? How does Bear react? And what happens to Ellie?

EM: Ellie Mae Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

{Momma and The Boy are sound asleep in bed ... The Boy sleeps soundly and Momma is wearing ear plugs since she sleeps much lighter}
EM: Meo'w mew m'ow meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow!
{Pause}
EM: MEW m'w mip mew mew meow!
{Pause}
EM: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOW!
{Silence}
EM: MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeOOOOOOOOWWWW! M'ow mew meow!!
BC: {seemingly from up high - but really in bed next to Momma} What's all the racket?
EM: Meow mew mip mew!
BC: Even I can't understand you when you talk that fast! Did you find a tasty whole chicken? A tank? {gasp} A bazooka? WHAT?!?!? TELL ME! I can't stand the suspense!
EM: WHERE IS EVERYONE? I'm ALONE!
BC: Oh. So there's no tasty whole chickens?
EM: No!
BC: No tanks?
EM: Someone stole our tanks?
BC: I knew I was going to regret asking. GO BACK TO SLEEP!
EM: If someone stole our tanks, we should call the police!
BC: Just shut up, already!
EM: I can't find Momma or The Boy anywhere and you are gone too!
BC: Sheesh. 
EM: MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMA!
BC: {sigh}.
EM: DADDY! Come out from where you're hiding! Heeeeeeeellllllo?

BC: Will you just zip it? I need my beauty sleep!
EM: I need my Momma and my Daddy!
BC: How many times have I told you ...
EM: I already checked the closet - they aren't hanging upside down in there.
BC: That's not what I was referring ....
EM: And I didn't believe you before, but maybe they DO turn into furniture. I mean, have you ever looked at the couch? It kind of even looks like Momma.
{Pause}
EM: Though she sits on the couch ... so she can't really be both, right?
BC: Your brilliance stuns me.
EM: Thank you! You usually call me stupid! But I've been trying really hard ...
BC: It hurts. It hurts!
EM: WHERE IS EVERYONE? I need a lap! This is a lap emergency! If I don't get a lap in the next few minutes, I'll shrivel up and die!
BC: Promise?
EM: Why aren't they answering me?!? 
BC: Probably because they can't hear you!
EM: But I'm yelling as loud as I can!
BC: Note to self ... steal Momma's ear plugs. They clearly work well.
EM: I need love! I need ... need ... MY PEOPLE! They're MISSING!!!
BC: The only thing missing is your brain.
EM: But you just said I'm brilliant!
BC: Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ...
EM: Why are you COUNTING where there's an EMERGENCY!?
BC: I was holding in what I want to say and if I still want to say it by the time I get to one ...
EM: Aww ... that's so thought ...
BC: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
{Pause}
BC: Oops.
EM: But you said ...
BC: I also said Momma sleeps upside down in the closet. Haven't you learned not to listen to me?
EM: I KNOW! I remember! I staked out the closet for a MONTH trying to find her hanging upside down in the closet!
BC: {sigh}. A month of peace. It was the best of times ... thanks to the age of foolishness.
EM: MAYBE YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME ... BUT I'M ... ALONE!!!

BC: In this cold, hard world ... everyone is alone. Well, except for Momma. She has me.
EM: I'm ALONE and all you can talk about is best times and foolishness!
BC: I thought it was relevant! You said you were alone ...
EM: So you DO listen to me.
{Silence}
BC: RATS!
EM: Should we call the police? I mean, were Momma and Daddy stolen or are they missing? They might be in trouble! They might need our help!
BC: They might also be waiting to suck our blood!
EM: Ummm ... WHAT?!?!
BC: Blood.
EM: Well, Momma says YOU'RE the biter around here. I can't say I've ever seen her and Daddy ... this is a horrible disaster of a discovery!
BC: And Momma says I'M dramatic.

EM: Did they get us to suck our blood?
BC: You really are stupid! I'm dry. That's why they got you.
EM: WHHOOAA! DRY? That's a lot of blood! Is that legal?
BC: You never noticed Momma behind you kind of lurking?
EM: I thought she was just checking if I was breathing!
BC: She and The Boy belong to 'Bloods Be Us' or BBU.
EM: What are you ...
BC: We hold meetings once a month.
EM: Meeting about what?
BC: I can't tell you because you're not a member.
EM: PLEASE?!?! I'll be your best friend!
BC: That's what I'm worried about!
{Pause}
BC: Fine. If you promise to leave me alone, I'll tell you.
EM: OKAY!
BC: But you can't tell ANYONE!
EM: Don't tell anyone ... CHECK!
BC: We discuss best biting practices.
EM: Cool. Can you teach me?
BC: You have to be a member.
EM: What do I have to do to be a member?
BC: Be quiet for thirty days.
EM: What does that have to do with biting?
BC: If you don't know, I can't explain it to you.
EM: But you're in the club too?
BC: Phht. It's not a CLUB. It's a GROUP.
EM: {looking around} Where are you?
BC:  The bed! Now LEAVE ME ALONE so I can curl up to Momma and ...

EM: Why? It's not night ...
{Pause}
EM: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh. 
{Pause}
EM: Yeah. It is. That explains a lot.
BC: It happens every night.
EM: I sometimes forget. When I can't find my people I panic and don't really think ...
BC: No kidding.
EM: Oh, shut up! I bet when Momma adopted you you didn't know where she went all the time either!
BC: Ummm ... I just jumped up on the bed! Of course, I don't have the aerodynamics of a brick and I don't have your little stumpy legs ... so maybe jumping's a challenge for you.
EM: That's not nice!
BC: I'm not the one that says, "Waddle waddle waddle," when you walk down the hall.
EM: WHAT?!? WHO?!? WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE? I'm always the last to know.
BC: And Momma's pregnant.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: With TWINS!
EM: But ... but ... I already have to share my stuff with you!
BC: Not quite. I share MY stuff with YOU.
EM: Will she still be our Momma? Or will she just be their Momma?
BC: We're adopting you out ...
EM: WHAT? WHY?!?!
BC: ... To a circus.
EM: Wait a minute! Let me think about this.
BC: Don't hurt yourself.
EM: I'm always the last to know!
BC: Your brain just works a little slower than the rest of ours. 
EM: HEY!
BC: Yeah. You're right. It works A LOT slower. Any smarter and you'd be a brick.
EM: Oh, shut up, jerk face!

BC: Come say that to my face.
EM: I don't want to wake Momma up.
BC: Phht. She's wearing her ear plugs. The house could blow away and she wouldn't realize it until the next morning.
EM: Ummm ... the house could blow away?
BC: Yeah! Remember the three little pigs?
EM: WHO?!?
BC: Of course, you're more like one huge pig and not three little ones ... but the big bad wolf ...
EM: Big bad wolf?
BC: He huffs and he puffs and he blows the house down.
EM: That can't be good!
BC: He preys on houses overnight.
EM: So you mean he could be OUTSIDE ... {GASP} .... just WAITING?
BC: YEAH!
EM: Do you think we should tell Momma?
BC: Good idea. You tell her! She doesn't believe what I say anymore when I wake her up. But remember, she's wearing her ear ...
MK: HUH?
BC: Good one!
EM: Thanks.
BC: While you're up - you might as well do something useful and feed us.

MK: But the bed is warm ... and comfy ...
{Pause}
MK: {sigh} And you won't let me sleep until I feed you. Fine.
{Momma trudges through the dark}
MK: Owwww! Son of a ...
EM: Is one of the babies kicking?
MK: What babies?
EM: Bear said you're pregnant with twins.
MK: Bear Cat Kat!
EM: He also told me about your biting club.
BC: {from the other room} For the last time, it's not a club! The first rule of Bite Club is you do not talk about Bite Club.
EM: I thought you said it wasn't a club!
MK: Maybe you shouldn't believe anything Bear says ... certainly don't listen to him ... he has a way of confusing things ...
EM: Hmph. So it IS a club?
MK: THERE IS NO CLUB!
EM: I mean GROUP.
MK: There's no biting organization around here at all! No club, no group ... NOTHING!
EM: The big bad wolf should eat him!
MK: Big bad wolf? 
EM: The one waiting outside to eat me!
MK: I suppose he told you about that too. It's too early for this nonsense. Since we're all up, we might as well do our Chewy review.

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Disclosure: We received Friskies Lil' Soups with Tuna in a Velvety Chicken Broth Lickable Cat Treats, [1.2-oz cup, case of 8] - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Friskies nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post. #ChewyInfluencer

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MK: We're trying Friskies Lil' Soups with Tuna in a Velvety Chicken Broth Lickable Cat Treats, [1.2-oz cup, case of 8].
EM: {thinking to herself} Momma said tuna! I LOVE tuna! On second thought ... I love food of any kind. YUM.

{Pause}
EM: Tuna is the bestest thing EVER! It puts me in a good mood ... maybe Bear will finally be my friend.
BC: Don't even think about it or get any ideas! She said tuna ... not catnip. And there's not enough of either in the world for me to be your friend.

MK: Lil' Soups include delicious chunks of real tuna - in a lickable tasty broth. It's intended as an addition to an adult cat's complete and balanced diet - not a meal itself. 

{Pause}
MK: Hmmm ... they sure don't give you very much. Then again, if these are meant as treats versus the meals themselves, it makes sense to have so little in a container. This isn't enough to split between the two of you ... and we have so much food Bear won't eat ... why don't I just give this to Bear and give Ellie something he won't eat.

EM: But ...
MK: Yours will have tuna too.
EM: Promise?
MK: Absolutely. Just a different brand.
EM: Okay.
{Pause}
EM: Wait a ... they brand tunas?
BC: See what I have to put up with all night long when you've got your ear plugs shoved inside your ears? It's like a chorus of idiocy. NO! A choir of moronity! An arpeggio of dumb!
MK: Here, Bear. Try this. You've had it before - and you ate all of it last time - when I tested to see if you'd eat it before I ordered a case.
EM: Whoa. That's really weird. You can eat food before you order it? What will they think of next?
MK: No, I meant I bought one cup at the store before I placed our order to be sure Bear would eat it before committing to an entire case. He's very ...
EM: Picky?
{Pause}
EM: Jerky?
{Pause}
EM: A pain?
BC: Hmmm ... that was really tasty! My compliments to the food service girl for not screwing up this month's order. My job here is done.

MK: Thank you. This time, I got one container from the store to be sure you'd eat it before ordering. I can't believe you almost ate it all right away! Usually you graze ...
EM: Like a cow?
BC: You'd know about ...
MK: BEAR! Just let it go.
BC: What fun is that? What's life without proving one's dominance physically and intellectually?
MK: Bear ...
BC: {walking back toward his food plate} Just kidding. Might as well eat the rest. I don't want Smellie to get any ideas.

MK: Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?
The Boy: Why's everyone up and moving around?
MK: Don't ask.
The Boy: From my experiences here, I believe you. I used to keep asking ... but I know better now. Let me guess ... the name of the culprit starts with b?
EM: {gasp} THE BIG BAD WOLF?!?!
The Boy: What in the ...
MK: Don't ask.
BC: Have you ever noticed that "don't ask" sounds like dumb ...
MK: ENOUGH!

Interested in trying Friskies Lil' Soups with Tuna in a Velvety Chicken Broth Lickable Cat Treats, [1.2-oz cup, case of 8]? Go visit Chewy and order a case for your favorite feline!

Wonder what we've thought about the other products we've reviewed as part of the Influencer program? To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer.


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42 comments:

  1. Ellis, you are right to be concerned about your peeps! You never know where they are when you can't see them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't trust Bear ... he might disappear them! ~Ellie Mae

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  2. I agree, missing peeps can be scary, but food isn't scary Beary!

    ReplyDelete
  3. guyz....round trout towne we think vampirez total lee rock...how ever.....
    yur mom N dad mite knot wanna heer ore reed bout hangin up sidez in de closet


    ya noe !!!!! ;) ♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bear's such a goofus! And he never gets in trouble! ~Ellie Mae

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  4. Replies
    1. She's not the sharpest of pencils in the case ;) ~Bear Cat

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    2. This from the cat that once walked into a WALL.

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    3. We agreed never to speak of that again unless you wanted me to tell everyone about when you ... ~Bear Cat

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  5. OH my word someone is a Drama Queen.....Bear darlin' you got your paws full.

    Wonder which is worse Bite Club or Fight Club...?
    Hugs Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's impawtant to know where your mom and dad are always, kitties! Sorry for no recent comments from us; our office computer won't allow me to pull open your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT?!? Is there something in our blog that's a problem?

      Delete
  7. Ellie darling...can you common over thru the tunnel and we'll talk? Know what I mean? *about BC*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as it doesn't include giggling and "he's so cute!" He's got quite the lady following! ~Ellie Mae

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  8. "Is one of the babies kicking?" Teehee. Bear, you really shouldn't tell Ellie such things. Glad the food was a hit, too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Why do I keep forgetting to get Mudpie some of those to try? Thank you for the reminder to add them to my list...she loves her food as soupy as possible!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was shocked Bear's cleaned his plate every time. That hardly ever happens even once with a food!

      Delete
  10. Ellie, you should listen to your Dad..."don't ask" - especially don't ask Bear! He is a typical big brother and that is not a good thing!

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's hard to find anything that beats tuna. And Chewy's. Nobody beats Chewy's. Not even the Bite Club.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Tuna just don't work in this neck of the woods, even the kraken is not keen. Maybe one of these days Chewy will do something I like, like mouse in nip brandy and cheese sauce?
    Purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
  13. AMARULA: I have a feeling Frodo sleeps upside down in the closet too!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmm... Lexy and I wonder if we'd like this. MOMMY!! Put these on your shopping list, please! Thanks for telling us about them.

    ReplyDelete
  15. TUNA! We LOVE tuna! Mom bought tuna steaks for my human brother's birthday and there was some left for Ninja and me...there is NOTHING like fresh cooked tuna! It's even BETTER than fresh cooked Chicken!
    Purrs
    Marv

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've never had it ... fresh! WHAT ARE WE MISSING OUT ON?

      Delete
  16. Had to tell you when I read your comment on our blog I LOL'd!! In High School I had art class for 4 hours a day (I was going to major in Art in college)...and...I used to do ALL of my work in the hallway, SITTING ON THE FLOOR!!!! Oh and do you believe Cody HATES tuna?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ummm ... we'll take all his tuna ... well, if Dakota hasn't already called dibs ;)

      Delete
  17. This is so funny. We wrote 'bout bedtime antics today too. We're glad you liked the noms Bear. Looked like mostly cream to us. MOL Poor Ellie thinkin' she's alone when ya'll be on the bed asleep. Fankfully, mommy carries us to the bed with her. Maybe awnty Kat could start carryin' ya'll to bed too?. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Phht, I wouldn't be caught dead in the same room as HER. ~Bear Cat
      The "HER" he's referring to is me. And let me tell you, I'll grant him his wish. ~Ellie Mae

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  18. Ellie, it was a little bit too much, you were trying a little bit too hard, don't you think ? Purrs

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  19. AMARULA: You speak the truth Bear--What fun is having a sibling. Period.--amen! But the human kept gushing about how cute she thought that photos of EM and her butt was!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe me ... that butt is no laughing matter. I've seen it level blocks with one swing! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  20. Great review. My kitties tried the soup this month too and they loved it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As soon as I posted the review, Bear turned his nose up at them!! UGH!

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