Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Bear's barf-a-palooza

No one's weekend turned out as planned in the Momma Kat household. Instead of attending her niece's birthday party, Momma cleaned up a barf-a-palooza courtesy of Bear and helped clean up the mold/water mess. The fart-off between Bear and The Boy was canceled ... and Ellie struggled to make sense of her brother.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: Where's Momma? Where's Momma? I just woke up from my long nap! I need ear rubs and Momma time and treats!
EM: Did you say ... TREATS?!?!
BC: Is it daytime? Nighttime? Bear time? Hahahaha. It's always Bear time.
EM: {to herself} After Bear's long nap is the worst part of the day! He never shuts ...
BC: {looking around} Did Momma leave without saying good-bye?!? HOW RUDE! I'm going to leave her more than a few reminders of my dissatisfaction.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ... though she might not notice the difference because I always do that when she's here. 
EM: I learned a bunch of new words last night after your barf-a-palooza. And some REALLY creative words after your barf-pocalypse.
BC: Hahaha. Momma stepped right in both!
EM: Hard for her to miss the trail of barf down the hall and spread all over in the bedroom! And that's the NEW carpet! 
BC: Phht. New carpet. Tabula rasa: carpet-style. I regret that I had but one full belly ... err ... hmm. I regret that I had but three full bellies to barf.
EM: Yeah. In like five minutes.
BC: I work fast. I'm very efficient.
EM: And effective.
BC: Word.
EM: What?

BC: Word.
EM: What word?
BC: WORD!
EM: WHAT?!. WORD!?!?!?!.
BC: SHUT UP!
EM: That's two words!
BC: Look at you, Miss Fancy McBrainy Pants.
EM: I don't have pants.
BC: That's okay. You also don't have a brain. Or any fancy.
EM: HEY!
BC: With Momma gone ... hmmm ... what am I going to do? So much mayhem, so little time. Maybe I'll start by beating up Smellie.
EM: Umm ... Bear?
BC: DID I ASK YOU? NO! So zip it!
EM: But ...
BC: With Momma gone, peace and quiet rules. That means no talking.
EM: Well, but ...
BC: I think I'm going to tip the water bowl over. Maybe toss a little kibble. Then for the main course ...
EM: {seeing Momma} SHH!
BC: Don't SHHHH me! I'm feeling good! I'm ready to take over the world!

{Pause}
BC: {LOUD squeal} Huh?
MK: {holding Bear} Hi, Bear.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What are you doing here?
{Pause}
BC: Are you really not here? Are you a ghost? An alien?
{Clawing}
MK: OWWW! Knock that off!
BC: Is this some new kind of voodoo, like when you see what I do when I'm in a completely different room than you? FREAKY!
MK: I'm really here.
BC: How do I know for sure?
MK: Want me to clip your claws?
BC: No. Clipping claws isn't a joke - ever.
{Pause}
BC: Don't you have someone else to harass?!?! I thought I was going to go for a few days and not have to deal with you or your torture. I NEED A VACATION! PUT. ME ...
MK: Down?
BC: That's better.
MK: Going back to snuggling with Ellie?
BC: We're not snuggling!
EM: We're aren't?

BC: We here together for our protection.
EM: We were? What do we need pro ...
BC: Before Momma rudely snatched me.
EM: Just a minute ago, you were mad she left without saying goodbye!
BC: I ... it's ... MY PREROGATIVE! 
EM: You're just mad because you wanted to let it all hang out.
The Boy: {walking into the room} BURRRRRRRP!!
EM: Like that!
{Pause}
EM: EWWWWWW! I don't know who just farted, but that's nasty! 
BC: It wasn't me.
The Boy: It wasn't me!
MK: How mature.
The Boy: Wait ... aren't you supposed to be gone?
MK: I'm staying home this weekend because the people are coming over this weekend to take care of the water damage and mold. Since you're working, I want to be here with the cats.
BC: NUTS!

EM: YAY! We can braid each others' fur ... err ... and hair. We can sing songs and tell secrets and wear pajamas ...
The Boy: Oh.
MK: Oh? What does that mean?
BC: We'll have to reschedule our fart off.
EM: DARN! I hate to miss that.
The Boy: I don't know what you're talking about.
EM: Remember? Bear clawed you and one thing led to another and you insulted his manhood, so he challenged you to a fart off?
The Boy: That never happened!
BC: Phht. You're just scared.
The Boy: Now, listen here, Pint-Sized ...
BC: The only thing pint-sized around here is your brain!
{Pause}
BC: Wait. If Momma's not going ... I'm stuck with you? 
MK: Sounds like I saved you a bunch of trouble.
BC: SMELLIE?!?! YOU COULDN'T TELL ME MOMMA WAS STILL HERE?
EM: Well, I tried, but ...
BC: YOU'RE FIRED! 
EM: Awww. Does that mean I have to leave?
BC: YES!
MK: NO!
BC: I swear! When I want you to talk, you don't say anything and when I don't want you to talk, you won't shut up!!!
EM: Ummm ... what?!
BC: You said you were going! You got out your luggage! And you are still here! I need compensation! And damages! And extra treats!

MK: This weekend just turned into a huge boondoggle. Since the people we rent from wanted to be here this weekend to fix the water and mold issue, I felt better being here to watch you and Ellie. So I had to cancel my trip to my niece's birthday party. 
BC: Whatever.
MK: And a couple weeks ago, I was set to go to Meow-Meetup in Chicago this weekend - but then my brother told me when Sarah's birthday party was and I had to cancel. It's not very common that I have things I want to do that overlap. And then this disaster!
BC: You really need to get a life.
MK: Believe me ... I could use a little LESS life around here. 
BC: Huh?! Are you talking about me? And my barf-a-palooza? 
MK: No. The barf-a-palooza wasn't a big deal ... it was the barf-pocalypse that was the last straw. By life, I meant a flooded walk-in closet and second bedroom, mold all over the place, having to throw away things that are ruined and there's no point to keep, ruined furniture, giving up several weekends and uprooting my entire life to deal with it all because walls need to be torn open and the carpet replaced ...
BC: Wait. So those people are going to be back?
EM: I was the one traumatized! Momma reached under the bed and pulled my tail thinking it was something that needed to be moved.
MK: By ACCIDENT!
BC: Well, she wasn't half wrong ...
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: GET AWAY FROM ME!! Don't tell me to shut up! YOU shut up!
The Boy: You both can shut up!
EM: That's not very nice.

MK: I'm so glad I wasn't gone and missed this!
The Boy: I have to go to work.
MK: They'll be here when you get home.
The Boy: Obviously! They're our cats!
BC: EXCUSE me?! YOUR cats? I think not.
The Boy: Momma's cats.
BC: NO ONE OWNS ME.
EM: YEAH! 
The Boy: Funny. I've watched your Momma brush your teeth, clip your claws, and give you medicine and it doesn't look like you had much of a choice.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
MK: Umm ... I meant that the workers will be here when you get home.
The Boy: Oops. Okay.
BC: Erm ... don't forget your pants ...
The Boy: WHA?!
BC: Haha. Made you look.
The Boy: Very funny. I'll see you all later.
{The Boy walks out the front door}
EM: So are the workers going to move all our stuff again? Because we lost all our hiding places!
BC: YEAH! And I had to squash into the cat tree corner with Smellie!
MK: No. We already took care of the master bedroom. They're taking care of the second bedroom this time.
EM: All those strange people and smells and noises ...
BC: Phht. I wasn't scared.
EM: You were hiding in the same place as I was.
BC: LIES! I wasn't HIDING ... I was ... err ... umm ... 
MK: Like I said, they're dealing with the second bedroom this time. That's why I stayed home: to make sure you two are safe and okay.
BC: AHA! That's where all my paper and my shark bed went!

EM: Where?
BC: Momma stole it!
EM: Momma! Why would you steal ...
BC: At least it wasn't the aliens.
EM: Aliens? Umm ... do they eat cats?
BC: Only the ones they can find.
EM: Err ... 
MK: There are no aliens!
EM: I don't want to take any chances. BYE!
BC: Hahahaha.
MK: Bear, that wasn't very nice.
BC: Have you noticed how quiet it is?
MK: You have a point. But one of these days she's going to get smart and stop believing what you say.
BC: You've said that for the two years she's lived here.
MK: Another good point.
BC: SMELLIE! I know you're hiding under the bed!
EM: {from her hiding spot} I AM NOT!
{Pause}
EM: {from her new hiding spot} Anymore.
BC: Hahaha. She is predictable!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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38 comments:

  1. Hmm, builders could mean spiders and all manner of nasty/fun things to chase eat and barf up, Bear. Plus maybe they could take you sister and the boy as part of the refurb deal? Worth an ask? Mind you, if they tear the walls down and find a body! . . . . .
    Purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Err ... what if they found a body? Asking for a friend of course ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Oh Bear and Ellie Mae I hear you on the introooders. I always was very antsy when we had repairmen etc here.
    I don't think Madi would have escaped since she pretty much ignored folks but she was obsessed with the door to the garage in the foyer. She never liked a closed door. They left the door open a lot so I had to stand guard.
    I hope the mold was cleaned up properly
    Hugs Cecilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're working on it. And the twist ... we suspect the water is still leaking. We don't know from where - but what a mess!

      Delete
  3. Somekitty here had a barf-a-palooza two nights ago!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  4. haha...I love their chatter. The farting contest between BC and The Boy cracked me up. I could just picture it...hehe

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be honest, you could probably smell it from here too :)

      Delete
  5. You and I know the truth, Bear. We know aliens are fur real. The signs are all around us, but some fail to notice. I'm still recouping from my last alien abduction. That experience wore the heck out of me. Tee hee hee. Purr purr purr.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's an exhausting job to watch over our humans ... and they don't even appreciate it! Aliens are all fun and games until a Momma get abducted! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Mommy said *I* had a Barf-a-looza too. 4 good ones and one left over small. I wolfed down my breakfast!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't believe a sweet girl like you could ever do such a thing! We bet if you wolfed down your food you had a good reason ... like your Mom is starving you!

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  7. Replies
    1. Not likely. And I'm so behind on blogging, I'm embarrassed to admit how much!

      Delete
  8. Dang, but we totally understand when everything goes crazy all at once!

    ReplyDelete
  9. We think Ellie is smart to get into a good hiding place before strangers arrive! We always get Luke settled away ahead of time! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be smart. But the second the door bell rings, Ellie takes off elsewhere! She doesn't seem to grasp the concept of hiding! ~Bear Cat

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  10. We hate it when workmen come into our house. Mum is often more anxious than me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet my cats sense my anxiety too and I make it worse without meaning to.

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  11. AMARULA: Bear please teach me these amazing abilities you have to barf and fart with such expertise and panache!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any time, my love. Imagine the power of both of us together! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. dood....9} sorree bout de barf fest 3} noe, ewe N yur sisturr reel lee waz knot snugglin S} guess mom hada grate eggz cuze bout knot goin any wear.....knot sure grate iz de werd oh choize tho 7 } bee care full coz sum timez ale ee endz can find....any thing ~ ☺☺♥♥

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  13. oh no poor Momma and poor Bear!! Cody does well with strangers in the home but my Angel Bobo HATED having anyone here! Sending (((hugs))) to Momma and Bear for sure!

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  14. Our profound sympathies for the mama who must clean it up and the kitty who left it for her.

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  15. Well done on the barf fest, but keep well hidden from strangers.

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  16. Oh, geez. We try to avoid barfapaloozas here. We also try to avoid workers, er, um, aliens coming in our house, too. We hope they're finished soon, sweet pals!

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  17. You kitties are lucky to have such a good momma that stays home to watch you. Sorry about the party though. XO

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  18. Sounds like Momma Kat could use a rest! Sorry she had to cancel her plans, too. Perhaps no more barfing, Bear. Barf and carpet just don't mix.

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  19. Smart move, Ellie ! We don't like strangers either ! Purrs

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