Friday, July 12, 2019

Yellie strikes again

The Boy's at work and Momma's busy sorting through the water damaged items. Yellie expresses her feelings about Momma's care. Unfortunately, Momma can't understand her and Bear's not exactly a reliable translator. What's a Momma to do?

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

EM: Mew me-eow meow m'ow mrow mow!!!
MK: Stop yelling at me, Yellie!
EM: M'row ew mew mow mrow mew mew m'ow!
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: I know! I just wanted you to tell me what Ellie's complaining about.
BC: I ...
MK: No, wait. You didn't do what?
BC: Can I plead the Fifth?
MK: You want a fifth? Only if you want one-fifth of your wet food treat.
EM: Me-eow meow m'row ew mew mow.
BC: Oh, shut up! Isn't it bad enough that I have to LIVE with you ... but to have to LISTEN to you too?

MK: What did she say?
BC: She wanted you to know she made a mess in your closet.
EM: M'ROW MEW M'OW!
BC: There's no reason to use those kinds of words.
MK: What words? What's going on?
EM: MAH ME'W!
BC: Err ... I have to be somewhere. You might want to be careful ... Smellie's about to explode. BYE!
MK: Ellie, if you talk slower, I'll be able to understand you!
{Pause as Ellie stares at Momma}
MK: You've been following me around for the last half hour, yelling very loudly at me! What?
EM: MAAAAAAAAAAAH mew!
MK: I know you didn't make the mess in the closet. I'll deal with Bear later.
BC: {from the other room} RATS!
EM: Grrrr! Mew me'rg mew mah-mew!

MK: This is ridiculous! BEAR!
BC: {from the other room} I DIDN'T DO IT!!!
MK: I already know you made a mess in the closet. But I need you out here.
BC: {from the other room} Ummm ... only if you guarantee my safety.
MK: What?
BC: {from the other room} Smellie came up with a ... creative way to kill me.and umm ... make me pay for being a jerk.
EM: MEW! MAH!
MK: I thought Smel ... err ... Ellie was a sissy.
BC: {from the other room} I'm not stupid! When a chick gets that look in her eyes ... even being a man is wrong.
MK: Okay. Fine. I'll guarantee your safety.
EM: Mew mah-mew!!!
BC: And the safety of all my toys?
MK: WHAT?! Now she's threatening your toys? What did you do to her?
BC: What do you mean, what did I do to her!? I didn't do anything!
MK: In Bear-ese, that's close to an admission of guilt.
BC: WHAT?!?
{Pause}
BC: {walking into the room} Hmmm ... yeah. You're right.
MK: What's Ellie yelling about?
BC: How should I know!? I don't listen to her!
MK: Then how did you know she talked about the mess in the closet and the threats?
BC: Can I take five Fifths?
MK: BEAR!
BC: I don't feel very safe.
EM: MEW! Mer mew mah-mew!

BC: She says you have an attitude problem and need therapy.
EM: M'ROW MEW M'OW!
MK: WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?
BC: You're not going to like it.
MK: Like WHAT?!?
BC: Smellie's soiling the litter box ... so to speak.
MK: WHAT?
BC: She's telling you off!
MK: For what?
BC: How should I know? She's a girl and they never make sense.
EM: MEW! MAH!
BC: WHAT?!?! There's a WHOLE BOOK on women being from Venus!
EM: Me-eow meow m'ow mrow! M'row ew mew mow mrow mew m'ow mew!

BC: WHOA! She's really mad!
MK: WHY?!?! What did I do to her?
EM: Mew mee'row meh!
BC: I don't know! I don't use that kind of language.
MK: She's cursing at me?
BC: No. I don't speak that dialect.
MK: Oh, for the love of ... !!! I wish my closet wasn't a mess with all the water damage. There's little that I want more at this point than to lock myself in the closet and pretend my cats are easy.
EM: Mew mah-mew!!!
BC: Hahahahaha.
MK: What?
BC: She said we're cats!
MK: I thought you couldn't understand that dialect?
BC: Err ... BYE!
MK: BEAR! Bear! Get back here!!!
EM: M'row ew mew mow mrow mew m'ow mew! Me-eow meow m'ow mrow!
MK: {sigh} She can't yell at me forever.
{Ten minutes pass with Yellie ... err ... Ellie giving Momma a piece of her mind}
MK: That's it!
EM: Me'ow ...
MK: All of our agents are busy at this time. Your call is very important to us. We appreciate your business. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.
EM: Muh?

{Pause as Ellie listens to Momma humming a melody to substitute for hold music}
EM: Me'w meeeow?! MOW! MOW!
BC: {from the other room} She actually thinks you're busy with other callers. Hahahahaha. Classic! You're in the same room!
EM: Mew me'row me! HOLD!
BC: She doesn't like your hold music.
MK: Oh, so NOW you know what she's saying ...
BC: Well, it's kind of hard to follow ... she is a girl after all.
EM: Moewe mah meoow!
BC: She can't decide whether to hang up ... or I mean ... hmmm ... you can't hang up if you're really not on hold, right?
EM: MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BC: She's on to you.
MK: What's wrong with her?
BC: Well, for one, she's annoying. She's a sissy. And she's fatter than ...
MK: BEAR! NO! What's wrong with her in terms of why she's upset?
BC: Oh. She says she can't find her lap anywhere. She says that you're too busy sorting through the water-logged boxes to give her proper attention.
EM: 'Ew mow mrow mew m'ow.
BC: She says she wants to help.
MK: I don't know how ...
{Pause}
MK: OH! Until I get a chance to go through these comic-a-day-calendars, she can guard them to make sure that they don't walk off.
BC: I don't think she's stupid enough to ...
EM: Me' 'ow mew m'ow.

BC: Never mind. She says she'll guard them with her life. For whatever THAT'S worth ...
MK: Ellie, this is REALLY important! These calendars are known for being surly, evasive, and hard to wrangle.  DO NOT underestimate them.
BC: She's not going to believe ...
EM: Mew me'ow me mah.

BC: Oh, now that's ridiculous! She says she's up to the task.
EM: Me m'ow mew me?

BC: She wants to know if she gets extra treats for guarding them.
MK: Sure.
BC: WHAT?!?! You give her some bull$#!+ job and she gets treats for it?!?
EM: Mew mah-mew!!!
BC: OH, SHUT UP! You are not more reliable or a better cat. And you DEFINITELY aren't cuter. If something happens to the calendars ... now that would be funny.
EM: 🎶 🎶 Me meow m'row mah mew. 🎶 🎶
BC: I really hate you when you get like this! You get all smug like the cat that got the cream.
EM: Mo'w mee m'row m'row mew ma!
BC: Then take a nap! Just quit your b!tching!
EM: MEOW MAAH ME!
BC: Momma won't know the difference.
EM: Mew.
BC: Finally ... peace and quiet.
{Both cats sleep for the next thirty minutes}
EM: Uh ... my'ow mew mo.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
EM: MYEW MER ME MAH MOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BC: How should I know where the calendars are. YOU were guarding them!
EM: Muh, moh!
BC: Momma's sorting through those to be trashed. I don't think she'll care if they run off.
EM: Mew mee'owl m'ow mew mah.
BC: Can't you look quieter?
MK: {walking into the room} Oh. You two are up!
EM: MYEW MER ME MAH MOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MK: Bear?
BC: She said she lost your calendars. She wants to know if you still love her.
MK: Of course!
BC: Do you have to tell her that you came out twenty minutes ago and took the calendars?
MK: Yes!
BC: Awww.
MK: Ellie, don't worry about the calendars. They are safe.
EM: Mah mew me'ow mo'w!

BC: She's really mad at you.
MK: For what?!?!
BC: Who knows?!? WOMEN! So irrational. So ... so ... annoying.
MK: I'm a woman!
BC: EXACTLY! You get special accommodations since you're a Momma.
EM: Meow m'row me-oh mah.
BC: She says she doesn't want your stupid lap anyway.
MK: I can't win!
EM: Me'ew mow mewl m'ow.
BC: She changed her mind. She's having a lap deficiency breakdown.
MK: That sounds serious.
BC: You can't let her ... you know. Explode or something?
MK: NO! Come here, Ellie! Let's cuddle!
EM: Mu mah mu mah me mah!!!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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23 comments:

  1. You know, Ellie being lap-less for more than twenty minutes is nothing short of a DEFCON 2 emergency situation. I mean it could even erupt into her brofur having to share a toy or be......egad.....playful for a minute. That event could cause a rip in the space/time continuum or something.
    I think I see steam coming from Bear's ears. Honey! Your cat is broken again!

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  2. Ellie, you sure are chatty!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. Wow, Ellie sure is letting Bear have an earful! But he probably deserves it. :-)

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  4. This is what Angel does every morning BEFORE the alarm goes off!

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  5. Replies
    1. Chatty is fine if I like the cat being chatty! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear, did you earn that Ellie abuse or is it just a bonus?

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  7. Replies
    1. Umm ... fun stuff like this doesn't happen in your house?! :)

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  8. And I always thought that Flynn had a lot to say!!!

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  9. At our house we have to listen to Peaches walk around with her "dolly" clenched between her teeth, crying like she's calling for an army of kittens to join her. Then Opie picks up his favorite bouncy ball, and he does the same thing. THEN! Dori picks up her Mylar ball dolly, and she walks around yowling. Thank Cod I'm old and half-deaf. Herman!!!

    Dori: Hey! I sound weally cute when I sing to my dolly. Yoo shouldn't not listen to me. Purrs to Ellie!

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  10. Good job guarding those calendars Ellie :)

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    Replies
    1. Are you making fun of me? ~Ellie Mae
      ps - Just checking. Everything Bear says ... he's always making fun of me somehow!

      Delete
  11. Bear, are you sure your translations of what Ellie is saying are accurate? We think you just wanted some lap time all along!

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  12. Hmmm, I must have the wrong translation as could have sworn that you were ordering chinese take away for three with extra sides of nip salad leaves and a bottle of 9-UP.
    On the other paw, maybe I just need a lap to sit on?
    Purrs
    ERin

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  13. Wow, Bear, it must be hard to get any sleep around there!! :)
    (Just kidding, Ellie, we love you!!!)

    ReplyDelete