Friday, August 9, 2019

The price of tea in China

Bear's up to something, and as usual, The Boy and Momma regret finding out what. Bear's desperate for money and he gets in BIG trouble from Momma AND Ellie when they find out why he needs it so badly!

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

BC: Uh-huh. Uh-huh ...
{Pause}
BC: Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh ...
{Pause}
BC: Oh, YEAH! That's a good one! That's the crown jewels right there!
{Pause}
BC: Hmph. Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest has the crown jewels. Hahahaha. I crack myself up.
{Pause}
BC: BOO-YAH! You know it!
The Boy: What's Mr. Tough Sissy Pants doing?
MK: I have a feeling we'll find out soon enough and then we'll wish we hadn't.
BC: No discounts for you! Hahahaha. The service SUCKS! Now, how much for ...
The Boy: That's a pattern with him ... still, I AM curious.
MK: Curiosity killed the cat.
The Boy: Haha.
MK: Though to be honest, I'm surprised Bear's still here. He was Mr. Stupid Adventurous until a few years ago. Nothing used to be safe.
The Boy: That's because Momma always saved the curious cat from his own devices.
MK: True.
The Boy: I AM curious.
MK: Don't ask! Maybe he'll fall asleep before he finishes and then forget about it.
The Boy: Being that awesome must be tiring.
MK: That's ONE word for it. Earlier today, he told me I had to pay him one dollar for each piece of toilet paper I use. He takes cards - but there's a ten-dollar minimum.
The Boy: Yesterday, he laid in the middle of the floor and told me I had to pay him fifty dollars to walk past him.
MK: You didn't!
The Boy: No. That's why I have a large scratch from my knee to my ankle. That boy needs anger management.
BC: {looking up from his work} I wouldn't be angry if you weren't stupid!

MK: He IS cute.
BC: That's right!
The Boy: {AHEM!}
MK: Well, not right now ...
BC: HEY!
The Boy: Cute is one word for it.
MK: At least when he's sleeping ...
BC: I heard that! Let's see ... go back and change that to that ...
MK: At least he hasn't charged us for opening the refrigerator recently.
The Boy: Oh, yes. One of my favorites. Ten dollars to get a bottle of water out of the refrigerator!
MK: WHAT?!?! I had to pay twenty dollars AND I had to pay for the soda on top of that.
The Boy: He might be a better business cat than we thought.
MK: True. Like isn't life without my soda.
The Boy: Earlier, he tried to charge me ten dollars to sit on our couch.
MK: Wait ... WHAT?!
The Boy: Yep. He wanted me to pay him so I could sit on the couch. He offered me a discount on using the ottoman.
MK: He charged me twenty-five dollars to sit on the couch! And an extra five for putting my feet up on the ottoman!
The Boy: A fool and her money are soon parted.
MK: Ha. Ha. I'm close to going broke.
The Boy: Good thing he takes credit.
MK: Maybe. But I already hit my credit limit on one card! He charged me a two-hundred-and-fifty dollar fee for it because my card was declined.
The Boy: I told you humoring him was a mistake.
MK: That's not even the worst of it! Last night, he charged Ellie to use "his" litter box. And he charged her again to be in the same room as him. Something about an annoyance or stupidity tax.
The Boy: Too bad for Bear, but Ellie doesn't have any money.
MK: She managed to scrounge a couple coins out of the couch before she couldn't hold it anymore.
The Boy: Maybe we need to get her a piggy bank!
MK: NO! Don't even get started with that! Last time I tried to give her one she got all indignant because the pigs wouldn't come out and play with her. 
The Boy: Did you try to explain ... {seeing Momma's face}... bless her heart. She's not quite operating on full power.
BC: Says the guy who pays ten bucks to open the refrigerator.

The Boy: I was led to believe I had no choice!
MK: Maybe she's not on full power, but the next time she needed the litter box Bear accused her of being cheap and said you get what you pay for. Then she told him she'd poop in his shark bed.
The Boy: Hmmm ... we could try that.
MK: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the cat will always win anyway. We might out-smart him on something, but he'll come back with a vengeance and make life miserable.
The Boy: Maybe if you didn't ENABLE him ...
MK: Last week, he put that picture on the internet because I wouldn't pay him two-hundred-and-fifty dollars to keep it to himself.
The Boy: I guess a tasty whole chicken farm doesn't buy itself.
MK: That's just the thing! In my internet browser history, I found a visit to a site called Hussy Pussies. I wonder if he's spending money there.
The Boy: I don't want to know. It sounds like a name a cat would come up with. 
MK: There's a reason I didn't even go there. I don't want to know either.
The Boy: Next thing you know, he's going to charge us to live here.
MK: Ummm ...
The Boy: You did NOT pay him to live here, did you?
MK: NO?
The Boy: We already pay rent!
MK: He called it protection money.
The Boy: Protection from what?
MK: I might've misunderstood ... but I'm pretty sure I paid him to protect us from his claws and fangs.
The Boy: For how long that lasted ...
BC: If you just did everything I asked, there wouldn't be a problem!
MK: If I did everything you ask, I wouldn't have any money for treats.
BC: Phht. You don't need money for treats. That's what the treat fairy is for. Or did you tick her off again?
The Boy: What's he talking ...
MK: To be fair ...
BC: THAT'S a first!

MK: ... he gives me one dollar every time I give him his wet food treat on time.
The Boy: The treat fairy?
BC: NO! The treat fairy is a lady.
The Boy: Well, excuse me!
BC: There's no excuse for you.
The Boy: Oh, for crying ... Maybe he SAYS he'll pay you. But how many dollars have you gotten that way?
MK: Err ... I lost track?
The Boy: So in other words ... you've gotten none. Plus, he charges you five dollars for being late with his wet food treat. And the time he expects his food is completely random and changes every day!
BC: Just because you don't understand the logic doesn't mean there's not any.
EM: {walking into the room} Hi ...
BC: That will be five dollars. You have to pay a cover charge.
EM: WHAT?!?! YOU'RE the one that doesn't cover your business in the litter box! YOU should pay a cover charge!
BC: That's not what a cover ... oh, never mind. It's too annoying to try to fleece my sister.
EM: But you've never even tried! You said you refused to braid my fur!
BC: WHAT?
EM: Isn't that what you mean by fleece?
BC: That's it. I'm charging a dumb tax.
EM: If it's a dumb tax, why charge it?

BC: Because you're dumb!
EM: No. You said the TAX was dumb! If a tax is DUMB, don't charge it!
{Momma and The Boy try not to laugh}
EM: It's a no-brainer!
BC: Says the no-brainer!
{Pause}
BC: While you're all here, I'm presenting a bill for my services.
MK: You sleep sixteen to eighteen hours per day!
BC: It's not the time that matters, but what you do with it.
The Boy: Like annoy the rest of us?
BC: There's no such thing as a free lunch.
The Boy: Says the cat who doesn't pay for anything.
BC: Says The Boy who ...
MK: BEAR! That's enough. Let's weigh your "services" vs. mine.
BC: Whatever. Talk about a bunch of trumped-up charges ...
MK: I pay when you go to the vet.
BC: But I don't want to go to the vet! That's your own problem!
EM: Wait ... you PAY the vet to be mean to us?

MK: That's not quite how it ...
BC: Hmph.
MK: If you only ever did what you wanted to, this house would be much different.
BC: You are not the boss of me! I already do what I want.
The Boy: He's right.
MK: Let me see your list of "services."
BC: That'll be a hundred dollars.
MK: I'm not going to pay a hundred dollars for a bill I have to pay.
BC: Suit yourself. Collections are a *itch.
MK: Okay. Can you at least give me a total?
BC: Five bucks.
MK: No.
BC: How am I supposed to get Hussy Pussies off the ground if I don't have money?
{Silence}
MK: Excuse me? Aren't you grounded from the internet?
BC: Err ...
MK: Is that kitty porn? If so, you are in even bigger trouble!
BC: Well, right now, only Smellie's on there.
EM: WHAT?!?! On where?
MK: BEAR!
The Boy: That's my boy!
MK: HEY!
EM: You better take me off your page or I'll shove the computer so far up your ...
BC: Err ... sorry?
The Boy: WHAT?! Did Bear just apologize?
EM: That's what I thought!
The Boy: Toilet paper, one dollar a sheet. To open the refrigerator, ten dollars. Bear apologizing? PRICELESS!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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39 comments:

  1. I don't think the cover charge for the litter box is a fair idea, do you Bear!

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  2. I think you will need to take out a bank loan to pay all of Bear's charges!

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  3. I think the Boy has it right... Bear apologizing is priceless!

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  4. That's some outrageous charges being made here. 250 dollars fee if the card is decline. Hopefully, you will all be able to work this out. Thanks for the share. Have a great weekend.
    World of Animals

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    Replies
    1. The cat always wins! And I take checks, cash AND credit! ~Bear Cat

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    2. No!!! Never checks. What if they bounce??

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  5. Bear, girlcats need to use the litterbox a bit more than the boy cats. Come on...think "family" and stop charging Ellie anything over a dollar a per visit. Don't forget...MK and The Boy MAY...just MAY charge YOU for using it. If I come on over thru the tunnel to see Ellie Mae tomorrow for some Catnip tea and crunchies, don't charge me if I go to the box We'll go round and round if you do. I'm feminine looking, soft and sweet looking like Ellie, but I am tough. My mommy told me all her secrets she had to learn about subduing the enemy. Ya know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Err ... I respect women?! Especially when they talk about subduing the enemy. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. You have nothing to worry about, Mudpie. You will always be three times a tortie and three times the cat of the other ladies. ~Bear Cat
      ps - Err ... NOT a comment on your weight, but your personality

      Delete
  7. We’re not sure that was a real apology from Bear. ;)

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    Replies
    1. You know me so well! Sometimes when a chick is yelling ... you go along to get along. Err ... I mean, I heard that from a friend. ~Bear Cat

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  8. It's definitely a capitalistic world but...you might be taking it to an extreme buddy.

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  9. Well Bear, I do admire your Wall Street instincts. But really, it's wrong to charge Ellie to use the box. Definitely also has the potential to seriously backfire on you.

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  10. Bear, have you tried pole dancing to make money? Phoebe used to have a tip cup on her pole.

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    Replies
    1. Smellie pole dances and she's just as poor as I am! Some things just can't be unseen ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. We're not sure Bear is sorry for what he did. Maybe just that he got caught, sorta?

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  12. Blimmey, Bear, you missed a great opportunity there to buy your farm. The Boy said you were priceless. You could have mortgaged yourself and got everything you desire and still had change! In fact folk could come from far and wide to pay homage to you or just to say they had seen you. World tours etc. etc. etc.
    Purrs
    ERin
    PS I do expect a commission for this bright idea— they dont come cheap you know ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mortgage MYSELF?! You can do that? What happens if you can't pay up? Err ... maybe I could mortgage Smellie just in case? ~Bear Cat

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  13. Bear, you are an entrepreneur at heart, but maybe you just need to show a little more heart? :)

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  14. Tee hee hee. Momma Kat, I think you have a entreBEARneur living at your house. It won't be long before he'll be listed along with others that have fortune500 businesses. Winks.

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    Replies
    1. And when I get enough dough to kick the people out [and Smellie] ... the world will be MINE! All MINE! Which might get kind of lonely. ~Bear Cat

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  15. gyz....letz see yur mom werm her way outta that one.....pay ta go
    two de vet......

    we will bee waitin...rite heer....fora GOOD answer ~~~~~~~~~~
    ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. She just goes and blah blah blahs and it's all Greek to me. Err ... she doesn't actually know Greek BTW. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Oh my whiskers Bear, you are a furnincial genius! The Tribe has been suffering here because The Female Human keeps meowing about "tightening our belts" and "watching our budget" and I sincerely suspect she is serving us low quality food and treats. The Tribe and I are scheduling a convo to initiate some of your excellent money making ideas. You are our hero! (Oh, and how did you get that page started with Ellie on it? Our two females are pretty cute, maybe they could earn us some extra catnip cash)>
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Tucker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I took a bunch of pictures of her butt and made a booty call video. My Momma was REALLY mad. I don't know if it'd be worth the catnip ... oh, who am I kidding?! ~Bear Cat

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  17. Sssssshhhhh...you're gonna be giving the Knuckleheads ideas.

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  18. Hmmmmmm Just how much are ya' makin' Bear? We need to raise some fast cash too. Maybe we could implement some of our own charges 'round here. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  19. Oh Bear...your sister isn't dumb...she's just literal. 🤣

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