Friday, August 23, 2019

The teeth problem

Everyone's in a mood ... and no one's getting along. Well, besides Bear and Momma - and The Boy is fit to be tied! Does Momma encourage Bear's bad behavior? And what about Bear's new hat?

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

The Boy: {walking in the front door} I'm home!
BC: Good for you. Bad for us.
The Boy: Kat?!
BC: She needs therapy for her attitude. And a life.
The Boy: What'd she do this time?
BC: What didn't she do?
The Boy: Kat?!?
BC: You've been warned.
MK: {from the other room} In here!
The Boy: Why are you and Ellie hiding out back here?
EM: The shark is back.
The Boy: The ... Bear?!
EM: He's mean!
The Boy: I suppose that's why he claims you have an attitude problem.
EM: We have a TEETH problem. 
The Boy: I don't know what the big deal is! When he lashes out, just jerk away and don't leave your hand there to bite.
MK: Why didn't I think of that?
EM: But you did!
The Boy: Your Momma is sarcastic.
EM: Is it painful? Is she going to die?
The Boy: Kat, I don't understand why you don't just tell him to stop and put your foot down.
EM: Because he'd bite it off! Pay attention!

The Boy: Foot down, figuratively.
EM: But fingers are on the hand, not the foot. You mean toeratively.
{Silence}
The Boy: WHAT?!?!
MK: Ellie, figuratively means not literal. Like a metaphor.
EM: Err ... does this metaphor have big teeth?
The Boy: I'm going to relax on the couch. He's a cat! He can't get the best of me!
MK: Good luck.
{Five minutes pass}
BC: Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH. N-AH N-AH N-AH ...
{The Boy ignores Bear}
BC: Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH. N-AH N-AH N-AH ...
The Boy: I'm not scared of you. With your tail straight up like that, you do look like a shark circling ...
{Pause}
The Boy: SON OF A... THAT HURT!
MK: {running into the room} That's a lot of blood!
The Boy: OWWWWWW! Your jerk of a cat ...
MK: Too bad you didn't jerk away and left your hand there for him to bite.
The Boy: I DIDN'T! I ... Oh. I get your point.
BC: I have several more points for you.
The Boy: Keep your points away from me!
MK: This reminds me of the time Bear scratched the couch right next to The Boy, and he was so proud of himself that Bear stopped scratching when he told him to.
The Boy: How was I supposed to ...
MK: But he just waited for The Boy to leave and made up for lost time.
BC: Momma?

MK: What?
BC: Let's have a conference in the other room.
MK: You bite me and I'll toss you ...
{Bear and Momma disappear down the hall ... five minutes pass}
EM: Do you think they'll ever invite us to whatever they're doing?
The Boy: Do you hear anything?
EM: NO!
The Boy: You don't think Momma ... dealt with him, do you?
EM: You don't think Bear ... dealt with Momma?
The Boy: He's in a mood today and your Momma just lets it happen.
EM: I can't wait any longer.
{Ellie walks down the hall with The Boy on her tail}
EM: {GASP!} THEY'RE CUDDLING!
The Boy: Let me ... WHAT?!?! You're CUDDLING with him after all he did? What's wrong with you? It's like you're REWARDING him for his behavior!

EM: Actually, it looks pretty comfy.
The Boy: Not you too!
EM: I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Ellie.
BC: Smellie.
EM: Bear.
{Pause}
EM: I think I'm getting the hang of this snuggle thing.
BC: Don't look at me! I have to pretend you're not here and the only way I can do that is to not look at you! Besides, don't get too comfortable ... Momma and I require special cuddles.
The Boy: THAT'S IT! You all have lost your minds! I'm out of here!
{Fast forward a few hours ...}
The Boy: Where's my cre ... BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
The Boy: You didn't take my credit card?
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY, it was SMELLIE who took your card. I just charged it. Err ... accidentally.
The Boy: Is that my card right there?
BC: Err ... no?
The Boy: So if I look at the name on that card, it's not Lawrence Sunderland?
BC: {looking at the card} Whoops. Wrong card. Now I can say the name on the card is not Lawrence Sunderland.
The Boy: Clarence Sunderson? Who's that? And why do you have his credit card?
BC: Err ...
The Boy: Wait a ... you have a STACK of credit cards! Let me see those ...

{Pause}
The Boy: {reading} Julie Houston. Debra Liff. George ... how the heck do you pronounce that last name?
BC: Err ... I don't know.
The Boy: How did you get these cards? These are people I've never heard of!
BC: Err ... oops?
EM: {walking into the room} BEAR!
BC: What?
EM: You left the credit cards out! Daddy will see them.
BC: Too late.
The Boy: Wait ... you're in on this?
EM: Will you be mad if I say yes?
The Boy: Yes.
EM: Then no. I have NO idea about the stack of credit cards.
The Boy: But you knew they were credit cards.
EM: Oops?
The Boy: Oops isn't a question!
EM: Oops?
MK: {walking into the room} Aww! Bear! I love your new hat!
BC: Whatev.
The Boy: He's kissing up so he doesn't get in trouble! Take that hat off!!
MK: But he's adorable!
The Boy: So who's Clarence Sunderson?
MK: {turning white} Ummm ... huh? How did you hear his name?
The Boy: Bear has his credit card.
MK: I have no idea ...
BC: Isn't Clarence the guy you dated before The Boy?
The Boy: WHAT?!?! What about Julie? Debra?
MK: Julie Houston and Debra Liff? Those ladies are vet techs at the veterinarian's office.
EM: I like Julie. She's the nice one. And she always tells me how pretty my tail is.

BC: She's the stupid one.
EM: She's not stupid! She likes my tail!
The Boy: He has their cards too!
MK: BEAR!
BC: WHAT?! I FOUND them!
MK: Yeah. In those ladies' purses!
BC: That's still finding them! Maybe they fell in there by accident. I was just helping.
MK: Bear!
BC: Well, see, they told Smellie she's a pretty girl and so they deserved to learn a lesson.
MK: What lesson? Not to trust a cat around one's purse?
EM: I want a purse!
BC: Well, see, you wouldn't let me have your card, so I took matters into my own paws ...
The Boy: And stole other peoples'?
BC: I prefer to think of those people as low hanging fruit. Momma knows all my tricks. I have to take advantage of the idiots I come across.
The Boy: Clarence was an idiot?
BC: You said it. Not me.
The Boy: No, I didn't! It was a question!
BC: Well, he dated Momma, so ... he must be missing a few ...
The Boy: Hahahaha.
{Pause}
The Boy: Wait a min ... are you calling me ...
BC: Though he was my favorite boy because he used to bring treats when he came over.
EM: {walking into the room} TREATS?! What kind?

BC: Tuna. 
EM: OH! Momma! Can we have this guy over?! PLEASE?! Pretty please with a cherry on top?
BC: Of course, he also had that ... gas problem.
EM: But he brought treats! Daddy never gives me treats!
The Boy: I've given you treats while your Momma's out of town!
BC: Yeah. But that was to shut her up.
EM: Shut me up?
The Boy: You kept following me around and yelling at me!
EM: I wanted my Momma!
The Boy: Momma this ... Momma that ... what about me? Don't you think I have feelings?
BC: No.
{Pause}
BC: There was also a guy that brought me sparkle balls.
EM: REALLY?!? Can we invite him over?
BC: Yeah. Remember the sparkle balls we had when you moved in?
EM: Yeah.
BC: They were from him.
EM: They didn't have many sparkles left.
BC: Yeah. Well, the relationship lost its sparkle too.
EM: Momma! Let's have HIM over! I need new sparkle balls!

MK: Ellie ...
EM: DADDY, how can you live with yourself?! You leave me sparkle-ball-less and tuna-treat-less and you don't care! I want a good daddy!
The Boy: I scoop your litter box and pet you when you jump on my lap.
EM: Phht. EVERY Daddy does that!
MK: Actually ... NO, they don't.
EM: Oh.
The Boy: I don't have to bring the kitties gifts to impress your Momma. Your Momma and I are in a different relationship. We're not crazy in love anymore - but there's a more practical relationship.
MK: Oh? Practical?
The Boy: Like a comfortable companionship!
MK: COMPANIONSHIP?
BC: Psst ... quit talking or you're going to dig yourself a much deeper hole.
The Boy: It's not a bad thing! My heart just doesn't skip a beat any more when I see you!
BC: He never learns.
EM: Hmph. I'm still mad that I don't get sparkle balls or tuna treats from Daddy.
BC: I have to give the guy credit, he's thoroughly ticked off both females in the household in less than five minutes.
The Boy: I CAN'T WIN!
BC: Have you tried shutting your trap?

The Boy: You all turned on me! I'm going where I'm wanted!
BC: I hear the cockroaches are hiring.
{The Boy storms out of the room}
MK: {running after him} Honey!
EM: Wait. Did he ...
BC: Yep. 
EM: You're a genius! Get Daddy upset so he doesn't remember about the credit cards ...
BC: I'm calling in my bets. Red or black? Odds are evens?
EM: Always bet on black. And I like odds.
BC: Red and evens it is. Be lookout while I make the call.
EM: Okay. What am I looking out for?
BC: Momma and The Boy!
EM: Why?
BC: So I can call in my bets!
EM: Oh. La de da la la la ...
MK: {walking into the room} Bear? Why are you on the phone?
BC: SMELLIE!
EM: WHAT?!
BC: You were lookout!
EM: You said I was on the lookout for Momma AND The Boy. It's just Momma!
MK: And give me those credit cards!
BC: RATS! Another plan foiled by my stupid sisfur.
EM: Stupid sisfur? I've never met her!
BC: *@&% @(*! ^*$@.

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com. 

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41 comments:

  1. Those are some sharp teeth but if you hear the word Dentist...RUN!

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  2. Something interesting is always happening at your place!

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. I love that you two keep things interesting for the humans and each other.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  4. Ellie, Sophie has a purse but no credit cards are in there (at least that I know of). She hopes you get your own purse soon!

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  5. It is always busy around your house. Never a dull moment. You all have a good Friday.

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  6. Gosh, Bear...I rarely get chomped on, but scratched...yeah, that's a whole 'nuther story!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah he does not often bite me, but those claws....I am scarred repeatedly.

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    2. I think he means scared, not scarred. ~Bear Cat

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  7. It seems you have very sharp teeth, Bear. If you ever hear the word extractions, run and hide!

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  8. It seems like all the males got busted in this post! That's a good day in our book. :)
    Jan, Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  9. I was worried that one of you needed a dental. Glad it was just a bite :)

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    Replies
    1. Bear probably is going to need one in the next year. He's ... tough on his teeth ;)

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  10. Never a dull moment in your house. Bear just likes to.... Emphasize his point of view. :)

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  11. Bear, we don't mean to deny you your enjoyment of biting your humans, but did they ever use Jackson Galaxy's Bully Solution on you? We use it on Rabbit when he needs to calm the hell down. It does quite well. Just saying...

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  12. It's always exciting at your house. We're glad we don't have any sharks here, though!

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    Replies
    1. YEAH! Because they'd eat all my tasty whole chickens! ~Bear Cat

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  13. Never a dull moment at your home, Bear ! Purrs

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  14. It's ok to be a mama's boy, Bear. I'm one too. Signed, Ringo

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  15. Oh dear, Sounds like the Daddy is gonna be residing in a dog house.

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  16. Um. Yes. Sharks. Right- a- roonie. Ellie Mae...we need some feminine pursuits as I mentioned before. What say we let bear go berserk and you and I...we will head into civilization and we'll both bring our mom's credit cards. Easy Peasy. Come on over tonight...we'll go UTB and discuss. Bear...no. You're not invited.

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    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?!?! The shark is always invited everywhere! That's one of the benefits of being a shark! ~Bear Cat

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  17. Tell your momma she looks extra sweet snuggling Bear...I must say.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :) Before The Boy lived here, she really struggled to get pictures of moments like this!

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