Ellie Mae's Christmas List

Ellie Mae's needs might be much simpler than her sisfur's, but she finds out that making a Christmas list isn't as easy as asking for a bunch of free stuff (as Latte puts it). 

EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat] 
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"] 
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat] 
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie 

{Momma walks into the room}
MK: Ummm ... Ellie?
EM: Hi!
MK: Why do you have a stack of paper and a pen?
EM: I'm going to make a list for Santa!
MK: Erm ... you DO know that you can't write ... or spell?
L: And Santa's not real.
EM: That sounds like fake news!

L: Santa is not real. Ask Momma!
EM: You also said Daddy doesn't exist, and then he grabbed me!
MK: Wait, Ellie, how can you believe Daddy doesn't exist when he LIVES here and you see him repeatedly during the day?
EM: Latte convinced me that catnip gave me visions.
L: Hallucinations. Visions are something else.
EM: I thought hallucinations were what you have when you sit in the middle of the hall and won't move because you're catitating.
MK: Ellie, you can't be high on catnip ALL DAY EVERY DAY for 7 years!
EM: In retrospect, it wasn't my best moment.
MK: Why don't you tell me what you want, and I'll write your list for you?
EM: Erm ... if I don't write the list, do I still get to sit on Santa's lap?
MK: You just want to sit on Santa's lap?
EM: Who needs presents when you have a lap? And sometimes you're busy, so I have to go without a lap.
L: Santa is creepy.
EM: Santa IS NOT creepy!

L: He's watching you all the time to see if you're being good?
EM: I'm always good! I don't have anything to hide!
L: He wants you to sit in his lap?
EM: There's nothing creepy about sitting in someone's lap!
EM: Well, except for Daddy's lap. Daddy's lap is scary.
L: Santa creeps into our house at night without permission?
EM: Okay. That's a bit creepy. But only on Christmas. I'm only really interested in the lap part.
L: Geez! If you're okay with creepy, forget laps! Ask for a ton of free stuff!
EM: Well, there's only one thing I want ... a lap.

MK: Oh, Ellie, my sweet girl.
EM: And .... {Ellie whispers to Momma}
MK: I don't think Santa would let Woodrow tag along in the sleigh to come visit. And you can't stop screaming in the car. If you rode in Santa's sleigh to visit Woodrow, you'd wake up all the houses Santa stops at.
EM: Oh. Maybe if he let me sit in his lap the whole way?
L: Speaking of Woodrow, what are you going to get him for Christmas?
EM: I'm supposed to give him a present?
L: Is he your boyfriend?
EM: I wonder what he likes ...hmmm ... {Ellie whispers to Momma}
L: I can help with those!
EM: NO! I said "pretty" pictures, not "f*$% me" pictures!
EM: Sorry, Momma. Will you help me get some pretty pictures of myself for Woodrow?

MK: I'll do my best.
L: I have an idea to make your pictures better!
EM: What?
L: Put me in them!
EM: Phht. I don't want Woodrow to barf.
L: So what are you going to ask for from Santa?
EM: A lap! OBVI!
L: {sigh} Besides a lap ...
EM: A home for all cats.
L: As long as they don't all live here, right?
EM: Good point.
L: What else?
EM: I don't know!

L: We need a slave. Who feeds us. Scoops our poop. Provides laps whenever we want them. Plays with us whenever we want.
EM: That sounds kind of familiar ...
L: Yeah. But the "whenever we want" part is lacking.
EM: It's not Momma's fault. Good help is hard to find, and we can't write, so we can't put out a help-wanted ad.
L: She needs the proper priorities.
L: No. ME!
EM: I lived here first!

L: If you'd been enough, Momma wouldn't have needed to adopt me!
EM: {GASP} Oh, yeah, well, she didn't think she super-sized her order when she brought you home! It's like she ordered a small fry and got a whole cow with that small fry.
MK: To be fair, Latte, we got you because Ellie seemed lonely.
EM: I wasn't! I was sad because my brofur wasn't here.
MK: I know that NOW! He's not replaceable.
EM: Yeah! Latte, you're just The Replacement! And not a very good one!
MK: Oh, geez. Ellie, be nice.
L: Yeah. Santa won't let you sit on his lap if you're mean.
EM: Telling the truth isn't mean ... really.

MK: Well, it's certainly not nice.
L: And you running around saying Daddy should be fired isn't nice.
EM: If he stopped trying to touch me ... I can't sit on Momma's lap without him trying to touch me! It ruins everything!
MK: And if Daddy wasn't here, you wouldn't get treats.
EM: Oh. Can Santa bring me treats?
L: Phht. Daddy gives you treats, and you bite the hands that feed you! Why would Santa give you treats?
L: I meant figuratively bite!
EM: I don't know what that means!
MK: It means you beg Daddy for treats and run away when he tries to pet you.
EM: Oh. Maybe I should ask for a Daddy without hands.
L: Then how will he give you treats?
EM: Nuts. Writing a Christmas list is tricky.

© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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To read our past Christmas-related posts (including a list or two and some Bear-modified tunes):


  1. AMARULA: I finally have to agree with EM! Bear is not replaceable! And writing a Christmas list is tricky!

  2. Ellie Mae and Latte you two ladies are funny. I really like the photo of you couch surfing.
    Hugs Cecilia

    1. That's my favorite spot to nap! Sometimes Ellie steals it though! ~Latte

  3. Oh Ellie Mae ~You are right ~ Keep it simple ~ the Lap is what you want most it seems ~ Xo

    Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

  4. Sounds like what you all need is portable, possibly inflatable but puncture-proof, laps. Could be dressable and might come in a variety of smells or aromas depending on who they are to mimic.
    Product opening there for a savvy cat with someone's credit card to set things up. I bet you can get such things on Ebay, or from China!

    1. We have a fancy lap bed that looks exactly like a lap! It's great for emergencies! Even better, Latte doesn't use it! ~Ellie Mae

  5. Ahaha, funny girls! I hope Ellie May gets her Christmas πŸŽ„ list written and Santa brings everything she, and Latte too, might want!

    1. If he could bring me a spare lap, I'd never ask for any presents ever again! ~Ellie Mae

  6. da tabbies o trout towneDecember 12, 2023 at 12:22 PM

    hay ewe galz…ther iz two a santy clawz, just like therz an easturr rabbit…yur
    pawrentz steered ewe wrong…next thing they will be sayin iz therz noe such
    thing az ground hogz day 😼😼🐟‼️πŸ’™πŸ˜Ί

  7. I agree, that list thing is difficult. I've been on the naughty list before though!

    1. You'll have to tell me what that's like! Or I could ask Latte ... ~Ellie Mae

  8. I hope you manage to get that list written one way or another, and Santa brings everything you want.

  9. Replies
    1. I'd say at least I'm cute ... but I know you have a thing for torties ... ~Ellie Mae

  10. Christmas lists can be tricky, Ellie Mae. Be careful what you ask for!

    1. That makes sense. I wouldn't want Santa to bring me the lap of ANOTHER Daddy. One is more than enough! ~Ellie Mae

  11. Making lists is hard, Ellie Mae. We bet Woodrow will be a happy cat, though.

  12. Writing a letter to Santa makes you realize you have to be very careful for what you ask.

  13. Merry Christmas, Ellie Mae! I'll be looking to the skies on Christmas night to see if you're in Santa's sleigh!!! ~Woodrow

    1. Woodrow, you (and the rest of your state) will HEAR Ellie if she rides in Santa's sleigh ... we promise!

  14. Mum has a nice warm lap but I won't share her with anyone!

  15. Just writing again to say Merry Christmas to all!

  16. Meowy Catmas guys, and we hope mew have an epically epic festive season! πŸŽ„πŸ˜»πŸΎπŸΎπŸ˜»πŸŽ„


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