Friday, February 16, 2018

Worship Bear Day

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
The Boy: Momma's fiance
MK: Momma Kat

BC: 🎶 Happy Birthday to me 🎶 ... 🎶 Happy Birthday to me 🎶🎶 Happy Birthday bad-@$$ shark, 🎶 🎶 Happy Birthday to me! 🎶🎶

EM: Oh, shut up.
BC: MAKE me!
EM: I'd love to beat you up again.
BC: THAT NEVER HAPPENED!
EM: You cried to Momma to rescue you.
BC: I did not!
EM: Admit it! You're just a Momma's boy!
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... maybe a little?! I love my Momma and I'm NOT ashamed!
EM: And you call me a suck up!
BC: You run from one lap to the other ALL. DAY. LONG. And you never bite them except for those mushy love bites!
EM: Just because we have fangs doesn't mean we should use them to terrorize humans.
BC: What ELSE would we use them for? Biting little sisters?

EM: Very funny. But I'm not scared of you!
BC: HEY! It's my birthday! You have to be nice to me.
EM: Fine. {In a monotone} Your stripes don't make your butt look ...
{Ellie cracks up}
EM: Can't even say that with a straight face!
BC: How rude!
EM: You said it was your birthday last week when you wanted first nip at the fresh bowl of kibble!
BC: Don't forget the week before too when I wanted your wet food treat!
EM: OH! And last month when you insisted I give up the kick-stick because it was your birthday.
BC: It's not MY fault you're too stupid to know better!
EM: I'm not too stupid! I just pick my battles. Birthdays are only once a year.
BC: Not when you're Bear Cat or any of his related egos. I mean, stupid humans?! They're lucky we let them celebrate their births once a year. But MOI?!? Male Princess Buttercup "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Black Bear Cat of the Forest?!?! 
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}

BC: Bear "I'm the shark" Cat?!?! Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH. N-AH N-AH N-AH. 
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}

BC: Captain Stripe-y Pants NOT at your service! 🎶 M'ow mo'w MO'W! 🎶  
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}

BC: Bear, the tasty whole chicken farmer ... 
{Pause for the images in Bear's head}

EM: Bear, you don't have any chickens ... much less a farm.
BC: Just rub it in, why don't you?! I KNOW that!
EM: You're an aspiring chicken farmer.
BC: I'm not dying! I dare you to try.
EM: What?
BC: You said I was an expiring chicken farmer. You were THREATENING me!
EM: I wasn't threaten ...
BC: MOMMA! Ellie's threatening to kill me!
EM: Yesterday, it was the hand vacuum that you claimed antagonized you. The day before ... a roll of paper towels!
BC: You never see the danger until it's too late!
The Boy: Some of us are trying to work around here! I'LL kill you if you don't zip it!
BC: I'm telling my Momma on all you!
EM: Momma's boy!
BC: Barn Turtle.
EM: Excuse me?
BC: A turtle carries his home on his back ... you're so fat, it's not home-sized but more barn-sized.
EM: At least I'm not a chicken!
BC: Oh, but you ARE foul, Smellie Mae!
EM: Take it back or else!
BC: MOMMA! HELP!
{Silence}
EM: Momma's in the shower. She's not going to protect you.
BC: Is THAT what that sound is?!? I thought a squirrel was farting as he died a brutal and very painful death.
EM: Daddy says her singing isn't THAT bad.
BC: You know what they say.
EM: What? Bear's a pain in the butt?
BC: NO! Well, I mean, they DO say that ...
EM: That you're adorable ... when you're asleep.
BC: {looking around} Wait a ... who says that?!

EM: No one.
BC: Ah. The Boy. Get it?! He's no one ...
{Pause}
BC: But ANY way ... they say love is blind ... in this case, I think it's probably deaf too. He's lucky he doesn't have sensitive ears.
EM: NO PART of you is sensitive!
BC: HEY! I'm 110% masculine ... overflowing with virility ... 
EM: And yet, you claim to be a princess.
BC: MALE princess. You can be 100% male and still be a princess.
EM: NO. That makes you a prince!
BC: I'm just complex. Multi-dimensional. I'm a pretty princess, but I'm also more than most ladies can handle.
EM: I handle you just fine.
BC: Because you're not a lady.
EM: HEY!
BC: Anyway, I'm so special, my birth is celebrated EVERY day!
EM: "Special" is one word for it.
BC: Handsome ... virile ... distinguished ... resourceful ... tenacious ...
EM: Ornery, intractable, demanding, cantankerous, obtuse ...
BC: I'm not going to quibble over semantics. TOE-MAY-TOE ... TOE-MAH-TOE.
EM: You're full of ... stuff that ripens in the litter box! You make me want to bury you in a sand box.
BC: Last week, Momma told you to be nice to me because it was my birthday!
EM: No. I got grounded because I put a "wide load" sign - with flags - on your butt. You ran around here like a chicken with its head cut off - bouncing off walls and furniture - screaming that you were dying.

BC: That's a LITTLE dramatic, don't you think? I don't know that I was SCREAMING ...
EM: Sure sounded like it to me ...
BC: You get something stuck to your butt and then tell me I'm being crazy!
EM: I never said you were BEING crazy ... you're always a few marbles short of a jar.
BC: You're in an awfully female-doggish mood today.
EM: I'd rather be a female dog than a horse's behind!
BC: Your name is Smellie Neigh. Seems like you would be both.
EM: My name is ELLIE MAE!!! Stop calling me Smellie Neigh or next time, I'll shove the sign and flags up your butt.
BC: I'm going to tell Momma you're being mean to me even though she told you to be nice.
EM: I'm just not supposed to call you fat.
BC: You got that ...
EM: But Momma said nothing about implying it.
BC: HEY!
EM: Besides, fat doesn't really describe you.
BC: That's what I THOUGHT!

EM: Corpulent is more accurate.
BC: You know, you're REALLY not nice.
EM: I learn quick.
BC: You mean you had a brilliant teacher.
EM: Phht. More like an example of what NOT to do.
BC: Don't get any ideas ... it's not your birthday every day.
EM: That's not fair! Your birthday gets to be every day!
BC: Hmph. In the eleven years Momma's had me, we haven't celebrated my birthday even once! I'm just trying to make up for years of non-Bear worship.
EM: You ALWAYS get your way! Every day is Worship Bear Day!
BC: So you noticed?
EM: What?!
BC: It's like my birthday every day anyway!
EM: Shut up!
BC: NO! YOU shut up!
EM: You started it!
BC: I did not!
EM: You're a jerk.
BC: You're NOT a lady!
EM: Take it back!
BC: NOT a lady!
EM: {running to Bear and knocking him over} Apologize.
BC: WHY?!?! You just proved my point!
MK: {walking into the room} What's going on?!?! What's all this racket?!
BC: Ellie's being mean to me!
EM: You started it!
BC: I did not!
EM: Yes, you did! You used the "it's my birthday" card! AGAIN.
MK: Ummm ... actually, I think it probably is around his birthday.
BC: HA! I told you!
MK: Since I found Bear on the street, I don't know when he was born ... when I adopted him, the vet estimated he was eight months old - so his file says his birthday is February 12.
EM: Does that mean I have to be nice to him?!
BC: YES! Tell her she must be nice to me!
MK: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
EM: Flies?! Who said anything about flies?!? And why would I want to catch them anyway?!?! They taste horrible!
BC: Something we agree on. I don't mind pulling them out of the air ... but to eat one? That'd be even worse than Momma's cooking!
EM: SEE?!?! He's mean! Why should I be nice to ...
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... WHAT?!?! PUUURRRRRR. You've never PURRRRRRR ... seen a cat ... PUUURRRRRR ... on a lap before?
EM: How do you go from one extreme to the other ...
BC: In less than ... PUUURRRRRRR ... ten seconds?
EM: YEAH! 
BC: Skill. Practice. PUUURRRRRRR ... And I love my Momma. I mean, I still like to bite her sometimes ... but I usually love her  ... PURRRRRRR ... more than I want to bite her. PUURRRRRRR ... Maybe one day you too ...
{The Boy walks into the room}
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Huh? 
{The Boy sees the look on Bear's face}
The Boy: Uh oh!
{The Boy runs down the hall with Bear on his heels}
EM: When's Daddy's birthday?! Because I really think he could use that "be nice to the birthday boy" thing. Bear clearly enjoys biting him more than he loves him.

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59 comments:

  1. Umm, Happy Birthday? I lost track Bear, how many is this. ;) I hope you get lots of chicken and tortie ladycats for your birthday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm twelve! I get a chicken and a tortie for each year, right? ~Bear Cat

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  2. You know, that tiara really rocks. Wear it with pride, BC.

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  3. Happy Birthday from all of us Bear, have lots of tasty whole chickens to celebrate!

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  4. Bear, the idea of you taking care of a bunch of baby chicks is absolutely terrifying. Happy birthday, Bear and all of your associated egos! Paisley sends kisses :)

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    Replies
    1. Baby chicks everywhere are not safe when Bear Cat is on the prowl. Or something like that! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Happy Birthday/Worship Day Bear! We are not quite certain how MK has put up with you for 11 years. EM, we absolutely love your wide load sign. We know a couple of kitties who could use that around here. You always crack us up. Thanks! XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! We're so glad we bring light to your day :) Hearing that keeps us going!

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  6. Happy Birthday, Bear!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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  7. Another birthday? Okay, Happy Worship Bear Birthday day. Again. We're just glad you didn't pull out the, "I'm not fat. I'm big-boned" counter argument (we have to hear that from our sister Pia All. The. Time.).

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  8. hAPPY hAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAR. You are king for a day and may all your subjects remember to bow in your presence
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Ummm ... just a day?!?! That's all muffed up! ~Bear Cat
      ps - Thank you!

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  9. AMARULA: Haaaaaaaaaaaappyyyyyyyy Biiiiiiiiirthdaaaaaaay Bear!! What a glorious day! I am putting this day in my calendar and demanding that the human get me some tuna or some such to celebrate such an auspicious day! Every day should indeed be your day!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I should send you a calendar with my picture accompanying each month! Share the tuna?! ~Bear Cat

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  10. Oh Bear...do you bite your hoomins because they taste good? Happy Sorta Birthday, big guy!

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    Replies
    1. Momma tastes OKAY .... but hearing The Boy squeal is the best part of biting him ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. GASP! Bear, I can't believe Ellie made that crack about not biting. It's … it's just wrong. Ceiling Cat gave us sharp teeth and claws and if we don't use 'em, we gonna lose 'em. Happy Birthday, Bear! SMOOCHIE!

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    Replies
    1. I knew that of everyone YOU would understand, CK. Biters keep on biting! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Ooh I say, Bear, you are lucky, I only get two birthdays, the official one and my real one. Of course I also get public holidays too and weekends off, so maybe that isn’t too bad. Now you’d have thought Ellie would know better than to question a princesses weight, especially around birthdays when we are allowed the odd dozen doughnuts and choc bars and cookies! Comfort food and winter warming layer. Mol
    Toodle pips
    Erin

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if the benefits at your new job will be better or worse?! I mean, a HUGE cheddar a month would be pretty cool! ~Bear Cat
      ps - would you have to pay income taxes on cheese?

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    2. Alas I have to take my payment in kind... mouse kind. The new job doesn't really pay much (nothing in reality) so I have to make do most days unless theres a state visit in which case I get an allowance. Hmm so far as I know, cheeses is deductible, well I keep deducting bites of it and my tax burden has gone down... mind you my scales burden has gone up!
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  13. Happy birthday, Bear!!! *cue Mudpie hopping out of the birthday cake*

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  14. MOL! That wide load sign on Bear’s butt is funny! We should try that. Happy Birthday, Bear!

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    Replies
    1. Momma cracks herself up too ... not so much the rest of us. Thank you! ~Bear Cat

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  15. hahaha...we got many chuckles. I can't imagine eating flies with vinegar on them....yuck. Try the honey on them next time. Oh and I say there ole chap you might have a Jekyl/Hyde personality with that change in your personality. Ellie Mae you are velvety smooth looking in that panther coat of yours.

    Shoko

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  16. Happy Birthday, Bear! We think! You might go easy on the playing the birthday card thing, you know what they say about the cat - or Bear - who cried wolf! :)

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  17. All Hail King Bear!!!
    I shall sing you the song in Persian as I am Persian!!!

    بسیاری از خواسته های خوب

    Many Good Wishes

    تولد تولد تولدت مبارک
    تولد تولد تولدت مبارک
    بیا شمع ها را فوت کن
    که صد سال زنده باشی
    Mommy says I should give you the wishes in English...
    Birthday birthday, happy birthday
    come blow out the candles
    so that you will live 100 years
    Purrs
    Marv

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Marv! That is really cool. And you claim you're not interesting! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Happy belated Birthday, Bear ! We hope you had a wonderful day filled with roasted chickens and cuddles. Purrs

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  19. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEW BEAR!!!!

    WOOOO HOOOO PAWTY ON DUDE!!!! And where's the nip bar and any roasted chicken noms left???!!! MOL MOL MOL

    Bestest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Basil and the B-Team! I have a feeling if there was a nip bar and roasted chicken ... Ellie ate/used it all before I even knew it was there! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Happy Happy Belated Birthday Bear!!!!! But...isn't EVERYDAY "Worship Bear Day"? xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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  21. •♪ღ♪ Happy ★ [belated] Birthday, Bear ☆♪ღ♪*• Hope your day was grand! 😸

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  22. Happy birthday, Bear. Hope you have a peaceful day, perhaps a solitary one with no teasing?

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  23. Happy birthday, Bear! We hope you got at least SOME tasty whole chickens. Didja?

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  24. Sorry I am so late. Happy Belated Birthday Bear! Every day should be worship Bear day. And you do not have a big butt, you just have your thick winter coat on right now. XO

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I agree with everything you said ... especially the thick winter coat ;) ~Bear Cat

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  25. I hope EVERYONE was nice to you on your birthday (you know who I'm getting at.....)!

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    Replies
    1. No, they weren't ... but don't worry, they are paying for it! ~Bear Cat

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  26. Pawkisses for a Happy Birthday, dear BearCat and 12 Extra for the Occasion :) <3

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  27. Happy birthday Bear! I hope you got a big parcel of tasty whole chickens!

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  28. I'm pretty sure that Worship Bear Day is every day over there...Sorry about that Ellie!!! And Happy Birthday, Bear!

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  29. (Dezi and Raena look at mommy and stare) Well, Hmmmmpht We can't believe we missed ya'll's birthdays. Things had better settle down here soon or else. Happy birthday Bear and Happy belated birthday Ellie. We know your days were purrfect cuz ya'll are purrfect. Ya' now, we celebrate all month long, so here's to a pawsum month. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :) Ellie's birthday isn't until June though! Just one thing NOT to look forward to! ~Bear Cat

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