Tuesday, February 6, 2018

I'd rather be a pretty girl!

The Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

{Ellie walks into the room}
The Boy: It's Daddy's baby girl! You're such a pretty girl!
EM: Meow meow.
The Boy: Are you dancing just for me?
EM: M'ow.
The Boy: Come here, baby girl! Jump on Daddy's lap so I can pet you!
EM: Meow meow!
{Ellie jumps in The Boy's lap}
The Boy: You're such a pretty girl! Are you Daddy's girl?!
EM: {purring wildly} I love you, Daddy!
The Boy: Are you Daddy's pretty baby girl? Who loves his baby girl?!? Ellie's such a good girl! Yes, her is!
EM: I love you, Daddy! You're the BEST thing ever!
The Boy: I heard you say that to your Momma earlier today!
EM: Well ... whatever lap I'm in is the best one ever!
The Boy: You spend the day hopping from her lap to my lap ... back and forth ... whoever will pet you.
BC: {from the other room} There's a name for that!

The Boy: Don't listen to him ... he's just ...
EM: OLD?
The Boy: No. Well, yes, but that's not what I ...
EM: FAT!!?!
BC: {from the other room} HEY! I heard that!
The Boy: Grumpy. I was going to say grumpy! 
BC: MOMMA! Are you going to let them talk about me that way?!?! HOW RUDE!
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! I'M a pretty girl! I'M a baby girl! SHEESH! I'm a male PRINCESS for catnip's sake! But he never says ...
{Pause}
BC: Err ... you know what I meant!
MK: Bear, you claim to not even enjoy snuggling with him!
BC: I don't! I hate every second!
MK: Uh huh. Then how do you end up on his lap?
BC: I'm drugged!
MK: Oh, for crying ...
The Boy: You're Daddy's baby girl! You're not grumpy at all! You're such a good girl! Such a PRETTY girl! I love you so much!

BC: Listening to that makes me want to throw up. Or use the litter box. But to use the litter box, I'd have to go out there. I might be captured ... {GASP} or even worse, dweeble-ized!
{Pause}
BC: Dweeble-fied? {AHEM} ...
MK: SHHH!
BC: {to the tune of "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins}
Senseless dimwits waiting,
To rub off all over you.
They want you to lose wits,
Be just as helpless dumb as them.
{Pause}
BC: The hall to the Dweeble zone.
Walk into the Dweeble zone.
{Pause}
BC: Too dumb to know different,
Useless is all they can be.
The danger is real, in your face,
Engage them at your own peril.
{Pause}
BC: The hall to the Dweeble zone.
It'll take you,
Right into the Dweeble zone.
MK: BEAR! They're not that bad!
BC: Hmph. Well, they're certainly not that good either!
MK: They just love each other!
BC: BARF! Is all the touchy-feely stuff necessary?!?! Why should we have to listen to their Dweebling?!?!
MK: You and I love each other, right?
BC: We CERTAINLY don't Dweeble! We're not like that at all!
{Pause}
BC: Are we?!
MK: No.
BC: Hmph. That's right!!! We're never like that! That's just ... obscene! Annoying! YUCK!
MK: Well, it's kind of sweet ...
BC: We don't do that kind of cutesy stuff! "Goo goo goo goo goo. Goo goo goo goo goo."
{Pause as Bear thinks}
BC: HMPH! Two four six eight ... what don't we appreciate? PDA!!!!
MK: Public displays of affection?
BC: Public Dweeble Activities!
MK: That's even worse than the so-called DMZ!
BC: HEY! Dweeble Mitigation Zones are necessary!
MK: Bear, have you lost the purrin' feeling?
BC: That WHAT?!?!?!

MK: {to the tune of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by The Righteous Brothers}
You never close your eyes anymore when I rub your ears.
And there's no tenderness like before when your name you hear.
You're trying hard not to show it,
But baby, baby I know it.

{Pause}
MK: You've lost that purrin' feelin'
Whoa, that purrin' feelin'
You've lost that purrin' feelin'
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wo-oh-oh!

{Pause}
MK: Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you,
Though you've always complained and criticized the things I do.

It makes me just feel like crying,
'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying!

BC: Just when I didn't think this day could get any worse. Now you're "singing?"
MK: Ummm ...
BC: You know what feeling I HAVEN'T lost? {AHEM}

{Pause}
BC: {to the tune of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by The Righteous Brothers}
Haven't lost that sharkin' feelin'
Whoa, that sharkin' feelin'

Haven't lost that sharkin' feelin'
It's time to bite ... bite ... bite ... 
Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH.
MK: {to the tune of "Great Balls Of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis}
You give me love, inspire, and make me laugh,
Sometimes to you I'm only staff.
You broke my will, with lots of thrill,
Goodness gracious great balls of fur.

{Pause}

MK: You bite, destroy, puff up with righteous fury,
I love you dearly, I don't need a jury.
Such a purr-ball, I'm in your thrall.
Goodness gracious great balls of fur.
EM: {whispering} Momma and Bear Cat sing the hits from Top Gun!
The Boy: {snorts} Not very well!
BC: Ummm ... actually, on second thought ... if it's between your singing to me as part of dueling karaoke and his, "You're such a pretty girl! Are you Daddy's girl," I'd rather be a pretty girl!
{Silence}
BC: That really came out wrong!
{An hour passes}
{Bear jumps on the table next to where Momma works - and stares at her}
BC: AHEM!

MK: Oh, hi, Bear!
BC: AHEM!!!!!
MK: Oh, right. {AHEM}
{Pause for dramatic effect}
MK: There's Momma's handsome boy!
BC: It's about time. How many times have we gone over this?!?! Tell me how handsome my stripes are, Momma!
{Ellie and The Boy watch this exchange}
EM: {whispering} Why doesn't she just tell him the truth? He should know that his stripes make his butt look bigger. I mean, I'd want someone to tell ME the truth.
BC: Oh, yeah, Smellie? What's YOUR excuse? Your butt doesn't just LOOK big ... it is!

EM: My black fur is slimming!
BC: You're one hay loft short of a barn! So imagine how big your butt must be if your butt looks the size of a tank barn, even after the "slimming" effect of your black fur.
MK: Are you Momma's handsome pants?!
BC: You're SUPPOSED to say I'm your handsome stripe-y pants! FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!
EM: {whispering} If he tells Momma what to say, it wouldn't seem very genuine. We might sound ridiculous ... but a script?!?
BC: Quiet in the Dweeble gallery! My Momma and I are having a moment!
EM: {whispering} A moment, because that's as long as his sweetness lasts!
MK: Are you Momma's big boy?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: Why aren't you petting me?

MK: Last time I tried to pet you as you sat on the table, I almost lost my hand.
BC: Can you say ... occupational hazard? Besides, sometimes I just want to be petted with your eyes.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Pee-ee-tee-tee ...
MK: No, I got that part ... but how do you pet something with your eyes?
BC: Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?
MK: You are so big and handsome! Momma loves you!
BC: I love you too, Momma! I'm so glad you're not as bad as that stupid Dumbnuts.
EM: HEY! That Dumbnuts is my Daddy!
BC: So you admit he's a Dumbnuts!
EM: Shut up!
BC: YOU shut up, Smellie Neigh!
EM: I'm not a smelly horse! You're a smelly horse! No, wait! You're a smelly horse BUTT!
BC: Did you hear that, Momma?!? Beat her up!

EM: As if you don't do a good enough job of that by yourself!
MK: {trying to distract Bear} You're such a handsome boy, Bear!
BC: STICK A SOCK IN IT, Momma! Can't you see I'm teaching Smellie a lesson?
EM: Oh, yeah, Big Boy. Come teach me a lesson!
BC: MOMMA! Do something!
EM: You can't take care of business yourself? Is this what's known as a "love/hate relationship?" 
BC: That's RIGHT! You all love me and I hate all of you!

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52 comments:

  1. Dang Bear, I have an earworm tune I can't get past!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to our lives! Momma's always singing one of Bear's songs! The Boy is ready to quit!

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  2. Hey, if moms can have mom logic - they say the exact same mushy stuff to each cat and swears it's true because, mom logic - girl logic is the same: every lap is the best ever. When you're in it.

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  3. Ellie Mae and The Boy are so sweet together! As for that sing-off... I will never think of any of those songs the same way again! :)

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    Replies
    1. They are sweet, aren't they? Momma's been ruining songs since 2015 ;)

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  4. dood...if ya ever get ta de dweeble stage; well....ya dinna heer it frum
    uz but... we thinkz itz awesum .....plus itz knot like ya hafta TELL anyone;
    less of course Ellie ratz ya out ~~~ ☺☺☺♥♥♥ wavez two ewe ellie...hope
    everee one haz grate week ~~~~~~ ♥♥

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    Replies
    1. But ... but .. dweebles have dwooties! Err ... cooties by for Dweebles?! ~Bear Cat

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  5. "You're one hay loft short of a barn!" ROFLOL!

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  6. Ellie is a sweet and pretty girl, sorry Bear, can't dispute that. You are a handsome male princess and no one can dispute that either :)

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  7. You're both just adorable in our book. We love you guys! (P.s Tell Momma Kat that our mom is looking forward to seeing her this year, too!)

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  8. Q. What is worse than an earworm?
    A. Three earworms!
    Ellie Mae is so sweet with The Boy.
    bear, if you put your mind to it you can be anything you want to be, even a pretty girl Princess. Are you sure that is what you want to be?

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  9. I apologise for calling you Bear with a small B. Stupid shift key only works when it feels like it.

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  10. you need to go on The Voice!!!! And...I am sooo happy! Your blog and a TON of others are FINALLY back in my inbox! (they had stopped for about a month and just came back today! ) YESSSSSSSS!!

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    Replies
    1. We're glad you're getting our e-mails ... there have been periods we didn't get our own e-mails!

      Delete
  11. haha...mol...very good interaction between all four of the family. I am amazed you can stick to the characters so well. Good job. I never fail to get a chuckle from the kitties.

    Jean

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  12. Oh Bear...when did you become such a cat-mudgeon? 🙂

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  13. Our mom sings to us too...usually off key! Ouch!!!

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  14. We think Ellie Mae and The Boy are adorable together! Hey Bear, when are you going to release your own songbook???

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  15. Oh Bear, you don't mean that!
    You know, we enjoy your little songs...we think perhaps you should put them to video??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it true the camera adds 10 pounds?! I'm asking for a friend (of course) :) ~Bear Cat

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  16. I had fun singing along in my head to all the songs. How brilliant to use Top Gun songs! :)

    Ellie Mae sure is a big sweetheart!

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    Replies
    1. Ironically, coincidental. I decided on Danger Zone ... thought about Lovin' Feelin ... and realized they're part of the same movie. Leaving out Great Balls of fur seemed crazy!

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  17. Suck it up Bear, you have another beauty in the house!! Man up and send out the welcome sign.And BTW, my Mom L sang to me, always off key, when I first arrived in my castle. And becuz she did that, I agreed to come outta from under the bed. And look at me now!!

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... Momma's singing makes me want to hide. Even her own mother told her she might not want to sing so loud! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Definitely missing out on a music career. You could form a popular bear combo..... BM and da dweeblies!
    Toodle pips
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. Ummm ... everyone knows Dweebles are TERRIBLE singers! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Ellie is very cute, but you're the one and only one male princess of the house, Bear. Purrs

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  20. Work it, girl!

    Oops, sorry Bear ...you know my loyalty is with you, but well, Ellie does know how to work her pretty black fur - as do I.

    XOXO, Rosie

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  21. Bear, we know you don't hate everyone! You are such a Drama Queen...maybe that could be your recognized and elevated role in the family. You have the songs . . . you would only need the costumes!!;p

    Ellie, we are happy to see that you have become a Daddy's Girl . . . as well as a Mama's Girl! ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  22. Elle Mae you have the boy wrapped around your itty bitty kitty paw
    Hugs madi your bfff

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  23. AMARULA: Notice when EM said - whatever lap I'm in is the best one ever!-- that is just what Frodo believes!! Some cats are such disloyal, fickle, wretched creatures!! But not you right Bear!! I bet you are loyal to the core!!

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    Replies
    1. How in the HECK did we get such dimwits as siblings?!? I mean, not everyone can be an Amarula or a Bear Cat ... but sometimes sharing life with them is just painful! ~Bear Cat

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  24. Don't worry, Bear. You know my sister, Tobias? She's kinda a suck-up, too. PURRS.

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  25. Would a male princess be a prince? But Ellie is a female prince so she could be a princella or a princette.
    Let's just make BC an emperor and get it over with...

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  26. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaw We luv gettin' luvved on by mommy. We only have the one lap fur layin' in, but it's a pawsum lap. Lap luvvin's are the bestest. They're even better than groomin' luvvin'. Have fun. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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