Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Christmas comes early, part 1

Today's post is the first part of a two part series about the awesome presents we got from some wonderful friends. Thank you, Dezi's World; your presents brought much happiness and provided plenty of material for Momma to put on the blog! Part 2 will be posted later this week.

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: I'm starvatating, Momma!
EM: Me too! Me too! I'm starvatating!
BC: Shut up.
EM: I'll shut up when you shut up.
BC: She's a copy cat! Make her shut up.
EM: Because you can't make me shut up yourself?
BC: You've reached Bear Cat ... I'm ignoring you ... don't leave a message because I'll ignore that too. BEEEP!
EM: How convenient.
BC: Come on, Momma! Get with it! I'm wasting away right before your very eyes!
MK: Alright. Alright. Let me open the pantry and see what we've got that you'll eat.
BC: I'm staging a sit-in until I get the food.
The Boy: Oh, so TEMPTING!!! He doesn't realize that just a tiny bump of the door would close him in there? BADA-BOOM! Problems solved.
BC: I DARE YOU. You want to kick a hornet's nest? MAKE MY DAY.
MK: That's enough.
BC and The Boy: {at the same time} HE started it!
MK: {sigh}. Real mature guys. What's next? Another farting contest?
BC: I'd win again, too! Best out of three.
The Boy: You would not. And you didn't before.
MK: Don't encourage him!
BC: That's not how I remember it. My butt is a bad-ass bazooka.
The Boy: He's just really really ... err ... 
EM: A jerkwad?
BC: HEY!
EM: Dumb-ass?
The Boy: He's just "Bear." That's the only way to describe his ...
EM: Cantankerousness?
BC: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP! No one asked you!
EM: Grumpiness?
BC: AWESOME! That's how one describes me.
EM: Awesome JERK!
BC: I suggest you shut it before my Momma does it for you!
EM: Too scared to shut me up yourself?
MK: Both of you! KNOCK IT OFF! Or I'll eat your wet food treat myself.
BC: REALLY?
MK: Never mind.
{Pause}
MK: Let's see ... Bear doesn't like this flavor ... and he doesn't like that food ... and I've fed both cats all this other stuff recently ... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Maybe I'll feed Ellie one of these packets and give Bear half a can of the tuna and chicken ... Last time I gave the packet to Bear, he refused to eat the contents. Yeah. I'll feed Ellie that and Bear something else.
BC: Is it food time yet?
MK: I have to open the container ...
BC: Is it my food time now?

MK: BEAR! I'm plating Ellie's first.
EM: WOO-HOO! I'm Momma's favorite!
BC: Phht. You wish. Yours was just on ...
{Pause}
BC: {SNIFF SNIFF} {SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF} Ooh! That smells like ... OH! OH! ME! It's my food time!
MK: Bear! Last time I gave you this food, you refused to eat even a lick.
BC: But it smells so good! Like tuna and fish and fish and tuna ... and what cat worth his stripes wouldn't eat that?!?! Gimme gimme gimme!!!
EM: Not all cats have stripes.
BC: Oh, yeah. I forgot. All one color ... BORING!
MK: That would just figure. JUST when I think I have them figured out ... he has to ... I try to cater to them both and it always blows up in my ...
EM: HEY! You said that was mine!
MK: Apparently, Bear's planning to eat it this time.
BC: {BURP!}
EM: Gross!
BC: Get any closer and I'll fart!
EM: Boys are so ...
{A fart is heard}
EM: EWWWWWW! And I'm about to eat!
BC: I didn't do it!
EM: That's what you ALWAYS say!
BC: Yeah. But this time I really DIDN'T do it!
The Boy: Whoops. Sorry.
BC: If there was a fart-off I'd win. Sure ... his farts are loud, but mine could've extincted the dinosaurs. Bazooka butt, baby!
EM: And yet, the hot air doesn't appear to come out the back end. No wait ... I stand corrected.
BC: HEY!
The Boy: I'm going to bed.
BC: BAH-BYE! Well, until our game of "give The Boy a heart attack."
The Boy: It's not "GIVE" it's "Make The Boy THINK he's having a heart attack."
BC: If you keep mocking my weight ... I'd sleep with one eye open.
MK: Here you go, Bear.
BC: Oooh. TUNA. Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom. Hmm ... NUMMY cubed!

MK: BEAR! Don't eat so fast or ...
BC: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom. Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom. Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom. DONE! It's a personal best .. woo ...
{Pause}
BC: HWK! HWAAAAK! HWK!
EM: GROSS! Momma! Bear just threw up all over the place where I eat!
MK: Yes. I heard.
EM: Hmmm ... it does smell pretty tasty ... maybe just a taste ...
MK: ELLIE! Don't eat Bear's barf! I'll just put your plate over here. Not a big deal.
EM: OOh! TUNA! I LOVE tuna! I love tuna more than anything in the whole wide world ... tuna is the best thing ... Nomnomnomnomnom.
BC: Oy. I need a nap.
[The rest of the story will be told mostly via pictures ... just capturing the highlights. The cats and Momma spent a couple hours exploring and playing with their new things]
MK: Time for work, kittens!
BC: {whispering to Ellie} Did she just use the "w" word?!?! Who does she think we are? DOGS?
EM: {whispering to Bear} That's what I heard too! Surely she doesn't think that we'll actually ...
BC: Maybe she said "lurk?" I mean ... you're pretty good at lurking when Momma's in the bathroom.
EM: Phht. I bet she said "jerk." That's your domain!
BC: What happened to, "if I can't say anything nice, I'll keep my yap shut?"
EM: Hmm. You're right. You're always a jerk so it wouldn't make sense that Momma ...
MK: Kittens reporting for work! Kittens reporting for work!
BC: RATS! That was DEFINITELY the "w" word! I'm getting out of ...
MK: You two want to open the presents we got from Dezi's World?
EM: {perking up} Did you say ... present?

BC: No. There was DEFINITELY an "s" on the end of that! What'd I get? What'd I get? I bet it's a tasty whole chicken!
EM: Momma said "we." That means you have to share! I bet it's a tuna!
BC: Phht. Given discriminating taste, who would choose surf over turf?

EM: What?! It doesn't smell like food. What does it do?
BC: That's the packing material, dumb-poop!
EM: What is it? 

BC: Just hang on to your ... your ... frilly underpants!?!
{Pause}
BC: That sounded kind of stupid ... or didn't make sense.
EM: Don't worry. We're used to it.
BC: You're right. We have The Boy.
EM: He's not the one I was referring to! You ...
{Momma opens the package and sets the contents on the floor}
BC: {sniffing the contents} I smell girl kitty! Oh, the things I would do to a girl kitty ... the smell ... 100% pussy ...
MK: BEAR!

BC: What?!?! 100% lady pussy cat! What did you think I was saying?
EM: I'm a girl kitty. What would you do to me?

BC: You're not a girl! You're a sister! That's different!
EM: Here's the card!

{Pause}
EM: {laying on the card} Oohh. Nice. I love this card!
BC: You haven't even seen what's in it!
EM: In it?! What's in it?! Open the card, Momma! Open the card!

BC: You have to get off it first!
EM: Awwww. Bye bye, card. I love you more than anything in the whole world.

{Bear rolls his eyes}
BC: Oooooh. What's this?!?

MK: Look at the card we got!
BC: Phht. Card. Yeah whatever. Cards ain't gonna fill my belly! My precious ...

{Pause}
BC: I need to stretch my ... Ahhhh ... that feels ... GOOOOOOOOOOD.
{Pause}
BC: Ooooh! And THIS!

{Pause}
BC: OH! Hey there, sparklies! Bear loves sparklies! What are pretty things like you doing in a place like this?  I think I dreamed about you last night! Did you dream about me? Hmmmmmmm?!
{Pause}
BC: What does THIS do?
{Pause as Ellie sniffs at Bear's "precious"}
EM: I haven't quite figured ... smells like ... hmm ... INTERESTING.

BC: HEY! Get away from MY ... MY ... err ... whatever this is! And keep your sniffer to yourself unless you want to dig it out of your own ...
MK: BEAR!

{Ellie moves back a few feet to survey the going-ons.}
BC: That's what I THOUGHT! No one messes with Bear Cat Kat! Try to encroach on my ... err ... err ... Momma? What is this?

MK: It's a hammock!
BC: For ... cats?

MK: Yes!
BC: A hammock ... for me?!?!

MK: Yes! 
BC: WOO-HOO! I love you, hammock! I've loved you from afar for too long. 

MK: I'm so glad you ...
BC: This is the best day, EVER! My own hammock!
MK: But you have to share with your sister.
BC: SHARE?! What the ... touchy feely BULL-CRAP!
EM: Oooh! Nip! My precious nip! We wants it ... we NEEDS it ...
MK: Technically, it's silver-vine and not ...

How does Ellie react to being told her precious nip is actually silvervine? Does Momma finally manage to assemble the cat hammock? And do the cats ever learn to share?

45 comments:

  1. Oooh, a hammock is just the place to get nipped up or silvered up on! Of course you have to be careful getting in and out after partaking of the weed, or you can sit back and watch others try, Bear, and have fun that way!
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
  2. We wish we had a hammock. But here is the real question... When the peeps aren't looking, do you two share??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, they don’t. We know this because if they did, the squeal of delight from the momma Kat would be heard around the world. Haha

      Delete
    2. ABSOLUTELY NOT! No sharing. Not even when they're not looking. Besides, Ellie wouldn't fit ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Looks like a cool hammock, you guys! Ellie Mae, Paisley tried silver vine for the first time last week, and she loved it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're really lucky ... I've wanted a hammock for years ... and this one is pretty cool! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Oh my, that hammock sure does look terrific!!! Hey Momma Kat, Simon did a post just for you today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr. Simon NEVER disappoints ... thank you for sharing his tail :) I bet his tail wouldn't fit in the hammock with him ;)

      Delete
  5. Ooh, I have been thinking of a hammock for Angel, so I want to see how this works for Bear and Ellie! We all feel better, ie. less grumpy, when our tummies are full!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do it!!! I'm so glad we finally got one ... there's always some-kitty in it!

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. It is! We get new stuff all the time ... but this stuff was super special! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. You are all making out good for a Christmas in July. The hammock looks really nice. I bet you can't wait to take cat naps all day on it now. Ellie is going to have a big surprise when she finds out that there is no cat nip in that bag. This should be interesting. Thanks for the share. Have a great day.
    World of Animals

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are pretty lucky - and not the least of which because we have amazing friends and readers like you!

      Delete
  8. guyz.....it IZ Christmas in joo lie...how kewl R theez giftz !!!! ewe will lOVEZ yur hammick
    N thatz a promize AND sum thin ya can bet a chckn farm on ~~~~~~ trooth :) N joy !!! ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  9. Can't wait to see who ends up in the hammock. Enough silver vine and it might get tricky climbing in and out!
    xxoo
    Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red

    ReplyDelete
  10. WTG show'en just who boss of them is!!! YOU 2
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OBVIOUSLY. Well, I'M the boss ... Smellie just kind of sits there looking dumb. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Bear, are you flirting with other lady cats?!?!?! I inherited a hammock from Angel Truffles but I never really liked it and Mommy put it away. Hope you guys love yours! --Mudpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be better if I could share it with you, Mudpie. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. AMARULA: Bear~! Watch yourself--as wonderfully comfy as hammocks are they can be dangerous! I was lying in one once and that dummy Frodo tried to hug me and we got tangled up together!! worst 5 seconds of my life! (PS you are right about me allowing Tony in the yard in hopes that he would whisk Frodo away--you so get me!!)

    The Human: BEAR!! I love your tummy!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NO! I have one of those stupid siblings too ... I'll be careful! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. MOL That kitchen scene happens all too offen here to awnty Kat. Ya' know, we've gotta keep you mommy's on your toes.

    We're so glad ya'll like your goodies Bear and Ellie. and yes, ya' gotta share. Mommy says sharin' is the bestest and that's the way we get more stuffs. Me's not sure ifin it's true or not cuz me's always had to share with somekitty, but, me does have lots of goodies, so sharin' must work. Ya'll enjoy. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you again. Ellie's been without sparkle balls for too long (she loses them ... somewhere) and you know how badly Bear wanted a hammock. The gifts were thoughtful and your friendship means a lot to us!

      Delete
  14. what pawesome, pawesome prizes!! Enjoy!!! Oh and I LOVED your analogy on my blog today!! Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  15. The lady commiserates with MK on the feeding. You two are so lucky to have a hammock! I, Annie, love mine so much, but the lady can't put it out. It's the only thing Pierrot pees on outside of the litter box. Ellie, Pierrot also likes sparkle balls. We're happy for you that you received such nice, thoughtful gifts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're very fortunate! Don't tell my stupid sister about peeing on hammocks ... she might get ideas and ruin mine! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Looks like quite the lovely addition to the cat castle. Enjoy it. We'll be looking forward to hearing 'the rest of the story.'

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haha, Sophie has been known to try and gobble up when someone else hacks up. Gross! You two would make quite the pair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me and Sophie have a yin and yang kind of thing going on ;) ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  18. You two are so funny! Thanks for making my mum smile :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Making people smile is why we do this. We're so glad to know we succeeded!

      Delete
  19. Oh! Those are some awesome prizes, Bear and Ellie Mae! So, who gets the hammock when MommaKat and the Boy aren't home???

    ReplyDelete
  20. Bear, I can't wait to see what signs you plan to post on and around your hammock. Did it come with its own bazooka? I have some silvervine, too, from Dezi and Raena. Maybe me and Ellie need to throw a silvervine paw-ty! Kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa. I'm going to install a bazooka holder! You know, for a friend. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  21. Oh what a pawty! Silvervine and a hammock...I can't wait for more!!! I got a great sign...
    No GRRLS ALLOWED
    Purrs
    Marv

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehe. My Momma won't let me put that sign up! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  22. That is a cool hammock. And silvervine is the best.

    ReplyDelete