Friday, July 6, 2018

Share Bear Day

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: Ellie Mae

{Momma and The Boy come home from dinner out ... and Momma changes back into her comfy pants, throwing her jeans on the floor}
MK: Watch these.
{Bear sits next to Momma's pants on the floor ... The Boy comes along}
BC: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
The Boy: Excuse me?
BC: Did you fart? You're never excused.

The Boy: No. What shouldn't I even think about?
BC: I see you eyeing Momma's pants. She told me to watch them.
MK: {from the other room} I didn't mean literally!
BC: You're not allowed in Momma's pants. Only Momma's allowed in Momma's pants.
The Boy: You're guarding your Momma's pants? I thought you wore the pants?
{Bear glares at The Boy}
The Boy: Okay, okay ... moving along!
BC: WAIT!
{Pause as Bear narrows his eyes}
BC: You're wearing her underwear!
The Boy: WHAT THE HELL ...
BC: Because of me and my guard of her pants, you couldn't get in her pants so you put on her underpants.
The Boy: NO! I have no desire to wear your Momma's pants - over, under, or otherwise. 
{Pause}
The Boy: Could this conversation get any stran ...
BC: Is that a challenge? 

The Boy: WHAT?!?! NO!
{Pause}
The Boy: Uh oh.
BC: They cup your butt just so! But they look like they're riding up your butt.
The Boy: {sign} Never mind. It just got stranger.
MK: Bear!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: Uh oh. My full name in all caps is never good.

MK: What's that on the wall behind you?
BC: Err ... I don't see anything on the wall behind me.
{Momma points at the sign}
MK: THERE!
BC: Oh. THAT part of the wall behind me.

MK: You tacked signs up all over the house! 
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Which of them didn't you do?
BC: ALL OF THEM! I was framed!
MK: I told you no more signs!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: {sigh} Good grief. These posters are everywhere.


BC: You're welcome!!! The decor was getting a bit old, Momma. And you resisted my other attempts at livening up the digs.
MK: BEAR! Clawing the couches and breaking the blinds are not the same thing as decorating.
BC: I'm an artiste. And my art is fine. No need to plead that you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're not THAT stupid.
MK: I've had just about enough of your signs!
The Boy: {whispering to Ellie} Hehehehehe. Even she's not immune to His Royal Grumpiness.
MK: And what's this about ...
BC: Hear ye! Hear ye! From hence forth, July 6th shall be known as Share Bear Day.
MK: Umm ... WHAT?!?
BC: Share Bear Day.
MK: You don't share.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. But I'm talking about sharing myself with the world. I think they're ready to handle my awesome.
EM: I don't think so. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Because that's not what Momma calls it.
BC: No ... no ... you're right. The world could never be ready for my awesome.
The Boy: Sharing yourself as in what you did last night ... you know, walking all over my back while I sleep?
BC: TRY to sleep. Phht. I had to practice! And besides, I get in trouble when I walk all over your chest.
The Boy: Because you feel like a heart attack!
BC: Keep mocking my weight and I'll GIVE you a heart attack!
MK: So what's this day about?
The Boy: You're going to regret ...
BC: Most of the world has NO IDEA of my brilliance. They need assistance to see the light ... and I'm bright. A star. A princess. Awesome.
MK: Oh, brother.
BC: I'm one of those too! Not very happy about it ... but at least Smellie gets a taste of my awesome.
EM: Again, not sure "awesome" is the word I'd use.
BC: You're just jealous that you don't have awesome to share. Fifty shades of tabby, baby. Not one shade of annoying.
EM: Is this because Momma posted on Facebook about it being my Gotcha Day?
BC: Wait ... WHAT?!?! She never talks about MY Gotcha Day! How rude! Her favoritism spills out all over the place! This is discrimination! I want my lawyer! I want the President! I want the PRESIDENT'S lawyer! I want the mother-meowing ethics committee!!! 

EM: Why would she celebrate YOUR Gotcha Day?!? I mean, she got a whiff of and was indentured to your ...
BC: AWESOME!
EM: That's one word for it.
BC: Phht. Everyone should admire me.
EM: No, thanks.
BC: Huh. I mean, anyone with discriminating taste and an ounce of sense should admire me.
EM: Wait. Just one day a year? Because I might be able to handle that.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! EVERY day should be Share Bear Day.
The Boy: Isn't it? I mean, we deal with your surly ... obnoxious ... cantankerous ... self every day.
BC: Yes, but do you really ADMIRE me every day?
The Boy: So this isn't about adding to people's lives by sharing your awesome ... but instead so others will admire you.
BC: Is it that obvious? 
The Boy: But to answer your question ... I don't know that I'd call it ADMIRATION ... but I certainly have feelings about your surly ... obnoxious ... cantankerous ... self.
BC: Phht. Like I care about your feelings!
The Boy: You just said ...
BC: NO! I want people who matter to admire me.
The Boy: So Ellie and I are off the hook?
{Ellie snickers}
BC: DO you always ask so many questions? Or are you trying to hijack this day for yourself and make it all about you?
The Boy: All about me? That would be a breath of fresh air. Instead of the stagnant nonsense of your "awesomeness."
BC: So you admit it! I even made another sign to elucidate the shades of tabby around here!
MK: So you admit it!
BC: Err ...
EM: Phht. Your stripes make your butt look huge.
BC: They DO NOT.
EM: Yeah. You're right. 
BC: That's what I ...
EM: {scratch, scratch, scratch} Your butt really is that big!
BC: Don't THREATEN me with our new scratcher!
MK: WHAT?!? Ellie's using the new scratcher! LOOOOOOOK! Ellie's using the scratcher we got from Erin The Cat Princess! Isn't she cute?!?
BC: HEY! We were talking about ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEME! A cat uses a scratcher and all good sense goes to hell! Cute this and cute that ... We were talking about ME! You don't see a "Share Smellie Day!!!"
EM: {laying back down} YOU made that nonsense up! No one else cares about your "awesomeness."
{Pause}
EM: Now if you don't mind, I'm BUSY getting the humans to melt in my paws like putty! A little scratch here ... a little over there ... a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG stretch ...
BC: Of all the underhanded ...
{Pause}
BC: Under-pawed tricks!
{Pause}
EM: Oh. And I see you hiding back there in the paper.
BC: WHAT?!?!? Momma's voodoo who-do is rubbing off on you! How can you know I'm here without turning around? FREAKY. I can't even get away with the slightest infraction in a room across the house from where Momma is. It's like she sees everything ...
EM: Your voice is behind me.
BC: Oh. I knew that.
{Ellie scratches a few more times for effect}
MK: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BC: BARF!
EM: You're just jealous that you're not as cute as I am!
MK: Look! She's SOOO cute!!!
BC: I can't BELIEVE this! What's wrong with you people?!?
{Pause}
BC: I feel used ... dirty ... when I feel like this, I need to "redecorate."
MK: Bear, how about we celebrate Share Bear Day?
The Boy: This house won't be big enough for his ego if you encourage him.
BC: PHHT. Mommas are for encouraging!
The Boy: And enabling. You're going to regret this!
MK: Start with treats?
BC: Hmph.
{Pause}
BC: The tuna ones?
MK: Of course.
BC: One or two or for real?
MK: For real.
BC: {walking into the pantry where the treats are kept} Don't think a few tuna treats lets you off the hook!
MK: For what?
BC: EVERYTHING!
MK: Is this part of the celebration of, "Share Bear Day?"
BC: OBVIOUSLY. If I weren't ornery and cantakerous, you wouldn't know who I am!
MK: Of course I would! You'll always be Momma's handsome stripe-y pants!
BC: I DO have handsome stripe-y pants!
MK: You know, every day on our blog is Share Bear Day. I started the blog to share all the joy, happiness, and love you give me on a daily basis.
BC: Hmph. You share the Dweebles too!
MK: Because you add to their lives as well.
EM: {whispering to The Boy} Yeah. He adds nonsense and claws ... not in that order.
The Boy: Hehehehehe.
BC: Well, that's a bunch of ... huh. You're right. They need me to make their lives complete.
EM: {whispering to The Boy} What's he talking about?
The Boy: I have NO idea! Though I prefer the nonsense to the claws.
BC: I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you, too, Bug.
BC: Cuddles?!
MK: Like you have to ask.
BC: Can you do that thing I like that you do when you're rubbing my ear?
MK: Of course.

BC: This ... PURR ... is ... PURR ... even ... PURR ... better ... PURR ... than ... PURR ... I ... PURRRR ... thought ... PURR ... it ... PURR ... would ... PURR ... be! This ... PURR ... is the ... PURR ... BEST ... PURR ... day ... PURR ... EVER!
The Boy: {whispering to Ellie} BARF! We're not nearly that goober-y, are we?
EM: Of course not!
The Boy: HMPH. Share Bear Day indeed!
EM: You're the best thing EVER!
The Boy: So are you, baby girl.
EM: Well, the best thing ever - at least until Momma's lap isn't occupied.
The Boy: Great.

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56 comments:

  1. Happy Share Bear Day ... or was it Bear Share day? Anyways, You both look very special to us, and I cant wait to see you on the scratcher, too, Bear. That S scratcher is one of our all time FAV places to be, to soak up the ambiance of the day and be served treats etc... Maybe your momma and the boy could share it too, or have a bigger one made?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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  2. Share Bear AND SHARE THE SCRATCHER day - that has a ring to it ;-)

    You DO make me laugh Bear * stiffles a giggle *

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  3. BC, we really think it's unwise for anyone to challenge you on... Anything, really. And Ellie, how did we miss your Gotcha Day ??? Happy day, late! We're so glad you came into your family's lives, and into the Kitteh Blogosphere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Exactly! Challenge me and lose! Err ... though there are a couple important provisos to that ... ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear, I'm not sure the world is ready for your awesome--it's kind of overwhelming. You and your handsome stripey pants! :)

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    Replies
    1. That's what Ellie and The Boy say about my awesome too! And they don't even admit my stripe-y pants are handsome! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Happy Share Bear Day and Happy Gotcha Day Ellie!

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  6. In the end, love is all that matters, you four...and it appears that it was given all 'round!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We might have a blip here and there ... but for the most part, it is.

      Delete
  7. Bear you were the first kitty and will always have a very special place in your Momma's heart
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. It would be better if I were the ONLY kitty in my Momma's heart. More tuna treats for me too! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Sharing love and each other is a good thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We might have a blip here and there ... but for the most part, it is.

      Delete
  9. Aww... why does everyone pick on you, Bear?

    We think you're sweet :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. No kidding! Why DOES everyone pick on sweet, wittle me? ~Bear Cat

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    2. Sweet? Little? No one would ever describe Bear using either of those terms, much less use them in the same sentence! Wait.....I see bear coming toward me down the hall.....what’s that humming noise I hear? It sounds like it’s from an old movie.....Hey! BEAR! STOP! I was kidding! Ow!

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  10. Ellie, you do look very cute lying on your new scratcher. Bear, I love that expression on your face as you get in the paper looking ready to pounce. It's very nice of you to share your awesomeness. You could also share your tuna treats...

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    Replies
    1. Uh ... not sharing the treats. Not every cat is as sweet as you, Annie! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Bear and Ellie, we know you love each other. Just like me and Lexy. But don't tell anyone that. Please and thanks.

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    Replies
    1. No problem. We didn't hear anything ... besides, we don't want our secret ruined! ~Bear Cat

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  12. It is very thoughtful of you to share your awesomeness with the world. Are you sure we are ready for it though?

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  13. AMARULA: I think the world will never be ready to handle your awesome. Your brightness will blind them bear!! But I do agree and henceforth proclaim that July 6 Share Bear Day!!
    The Human: Happy Gotcha day to your sister Bear!

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    Replies
    1. Ugh. HER. She doesn't exist on July 6. Just saying ;) ~Bear Cat

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  14. We're up for celebrating Share Bear Day!!! Your new scratcher looks pawsome too :)

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. The time Ellie spends in the scratcher is time I don't have to worry about her being in my other beds! WIN/WIN for everyone! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Bear, you get what you want every time. The blog is, after all, called Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat. You get star billing and the rest are just supporting actors. :)

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    Replies
    1. OBVIOUSLY! Sometimes I think my Momma forgets that though! ~Bear Cat

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  16. I wanted to come back and let you know how much your comment today meant to me. ❤️

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  17. Bear, we should have "share bear" day EVERY SINGLE DAY!! Not just one day! And...about Ellie and the cat show...Cody is a super social cat so if there was one closer I wouldn't hesitate to bring him. But...my Angel Bobo would have HATED it. It might be too overwhelming for Ellie with all of those people.

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  18. Replies
    1. Thank you! You might consider starting your own day, CK! I mean, the world needs stunning! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Bear you are my idol...you say many things and for some reason no one listens but I do. You're wonderful.

    Shoko

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Shoks. You're a good friend and we love you :)

      Delete
  20. Treats work. Every. single. time. Happy Share Bear Day.

    ReplyDelete
  21. We love how pro-active you are, Bear. You set yourself a task and accomplish it! For example those posters are truly awesome! You continue to make the rules and everyone should listen. Afterall, it is YOUR house; the other three are merely guests!

    Happy Gotcha Day Ellie! We remember when you were gotcha'ed ; you look so healthy, happy and loved now :)

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    Replies
    1. I am one content kitty. Momma doesn't know about my past - but she knows I'm happy and healthy now. ~Ellie Mae
      Can you tell my Momma all that?!? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  22. It is very thoughtful of you to share your awesomeness with the world. Are you sure we are ready for it though?

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  23. Oh no! I am late so I missed Share Bear Day :(

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  24. Did we miss a Gotchaday? Hmmmmpht We're so tired of mommy business. It gets in the way of all our furiend stuffs. We're so happy to be your furiends Bear and Ellie too. What a great thing to have a whole day to share yourself with all of us, Bear. We luv ya'. Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  25. Ha ha ha, and here I thought I was the only one who would make a post about someone getting into someone's pants.

    I think your Momma has the patience of a saint. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha.
      Saint?! I have to put up with HER AND SMELLIE! Just saying ;) ~Bear Cat

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  26. Oh no, we missed Ellie's Gotcha Day! Happy Gotcha Day, sweetie! And Share Bear Day, I like it. But I'm not sure if the world is ready for all your awesome. Because there's a lot of it!

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  27. How did I miss Ellie's Gotcha Day?! EEK! And I'm late for Share Bear Day! EEK! Bear and Ellie, I hope you don't disown me as your furr-iend, 'cause I really do luv you so-o. Can you furr-give a floofy chat noir? Actually, it's Mom's fault! I appologize on behalf of her Methusela-like ways! Happy belated Gotcha Day & Share Bear Day! Kisses.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, V. You are a great friend ... and your Mom too!

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