Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Smellie: {noun} poop, {adj} stupid.

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: Grrr ... Uhhhh ... ohhh ... {GRUNT}. Sweet tulip testicles!
MK: Keep it down! We don't need the sound effects. And they don't help you poop.
BC: Phht. Everyone knows the world is a stage. And I am ready for my close-up!
MK: Pretty sure that doesn't extend to the litter box.
BC: Says you. If I just {GRUNT} ... maybe over here ... {Bear farts}.
MK: Really?!? I mean ... REALLY!?!?! How about you just leave the drama outside of the litter box?
BC: Phht. As if. I can't think outside the box. 
MK: Can you at least be quieter?
BC: BOO-YAH! TOUCHDOWN! The eagle has landed! DONE!
{Pause}
BC: You might want to attend to the litter box.  I just had the mother of all Smellies!
MK: I already smell your smelly ... but thanks. You could try covering it in the meantime - because I'm in the middle of something.
BC: I did the Smellie right in there!
MK: Yes, the smell indicates you had a stinky poop.
BC: NO. I did a SMELLIE ... S. M. E. L. L. I. E.
MK: So help me ... if I find your sister in pieces in the litter box ...
BC: Pieces?!? Hahahahahaha. Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?
MK: Let me rephrase that ... if I even see ONE piece of your sister ...
BC: I POOPED! Smellie's poopy! So I used her as a synonym for poop.
MK: PHEW!
EM: HEY!

BC: Hay is for Smellie Neighs. Hahahaha. 
EM: Shut it ... or else.
MK: I'm not laughing.
BC: Back to the business as paw ... It's not nearly as funny when I have to explain it to you. I . DID. A. SMELLIE. Means I pooped!
EM: That's not very nice.
BC: I'm a CAT!
EM: Right. You're not nice. I'm a NICE cat.
BC: So you keep saying! NICE to beat up! Hahahahaha.
EM: Say that to my face, jerkwad!
BC: Uh oh.
EM: Yeah. You're a big britches behind my back ... but you don't have the nuts to say stuff to my face.
BC: HEY! I don't have nuts because Momma had them removed! Besides, saying something to your face would BE nuts. Hmmmmm ... that gives me IDEAS. I need that ... and this ... and hahahahaha. This is going to be EPIC! I'll be known around the world as the cat that started ...
EM: And we thought the hot air came out the other end.
BC: SHHHHHH! I'm busy! I have to CONCENTRATE.
MK: Oh, the irony. You make all kinds of inappropriate sounds and now YOU'RE the one asking for quiet.
BC: You've reached Bear Cat. I'm busy doing {mumble} {mumble} {mumble}. I don't really care what you have to say so don't bother with a message.

{Silence}
EM: {AHEM!}
BC: RATS! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
EM: Whatcha' doing?
BC: Mind your own bees-wax!

EM: Momma's permanent marker and sticky notes? I'm telling Momma! You're up to no good.
{Pause}
EM: Ummm ... Momma?! Bear's got the permanent marker and the sticky notes!
BC: Tattle-tail.

EM: I'd rather have a tattle-tail than that short and thin thing YOU call a tail.
BC: Hmph. It's not the size that matters ... but how you use it.
EM: When I flip my tail around, things get broken. 
BC: What about Momma's face?! You're always whipping that thing around when you're on The Boy's shoulder and Momma's face bears the brunt of it. Her face isn't any more broken than it is usually. 
MK: What's going on?
EM: PERMANENT MARKER and STICKY-NOTES! Remember what happened LAST time he used both?!
MK: How can I forget?!?! I ended up with "Bite me" written on my forehead and a ton of sticky notes stuck to my back!
[Momma thinks back to the last week ... the last time Bear got his paws on the permanent marker ...]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EM: What does your forehead say, Momma?
MK: I don't get it! My forehead doesn't say anything!
EM: Then what's in red?
MK: {at the bathroom mirror} What in the ... not AGAIN!
{Pause}
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: I didn't do it!

MK: This is PERMANENT MARKER! It won't come off!
BC: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Momma thinks back to the last week ... the last time Bear got his paws on the sticky notes ...]

The Boy: What's on your back?
MK: What do you mean?
The Boy: You have a bunch of sticky notes stuck to you back!
MK: What do they ... oh, never mind. I'll check myself.
{Momma looks in the mirror}
MK: OH! For the LOVE!!! BEAR CAT KAT!!!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: REALLY?!?
{Pause}
BC: Err ... today.
MK: You mean I've been walking around with this since yesterday?
BC: I thought the snickers would've made it obvious!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Back to present day]
MK: BEAR! Hand over the markers and sticky-notes.
BC: I'm ignoring you ... but if I weren't ignoring you, I's say ... over my dead body.
EM: I'd be happy to arrange that.

BC: Phht. I'm not scared!
{Pause}
BC: Hey! See that over there?
EM: {turning her head} What? I don't see any ...
{SLAP!!!}
EM: Huh? WHAT IS THIS ...
{Pause}
EM: {panicked} Get it off me!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!  GET. THIS. OFF. ME. OR. YOU'RE. GOING. TO. REGRET. IT!!!

BC: HAHAHAHA. I'm enjoying the show too much ...
EM: You'd better sleep with one eye open if you know what's good for you!
{Pause}
EM: Wait! {GASP} MY FAVORITE MOUSIE!!! What's th ... MOUSIE MOUSIE!!! What did my horrible brother do to you?

{Pause}
EM: Hang on, Mousie! I'm going to save you!
BC: You know that mousie's not really alive, right?

EM: NO THANKS TO YOU!!!! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, MOUSIE! He's just jealous!

{Pause}
EM: Stupid sticky ... can't quite get it ... don't worry. I won't hurt you!
{Pause as Ellie rips the sticky note off mousie}
EM: THERE! That's better! Poor mousie got the scare of his life!  You're okay mousie ... I've got you! I'll nurse you back to health and keep my stupid brother away from you!

MK: BEAR! Are you giving all the things with Sme ... err ... Ellie's name on them to her? Because that's pretty gener ...
BC: Phht. I own everything ... including her!
EM: You don't own me!

MK: BEAR! Then why the sticky notes with Ellie's name on them?
BC: I put those on the things I think are stupid.
MK: I don't get it.
{SLAP!!!}
BC: You get one too.
MK: So help me ... Why Ellie's name?
BC: Do I have to explain everything to you? Smellie is a synonym for dumb! I put the notes on the things I think are dumb. Like before ... when I pooped and I said I had an Ellie; only that one's a noun. Smellie's also a synonym for dumb!
EM: The irony ... you have to be really stupid to cross me. Again. Momma! Tell Bear to stop using my name!

BC: What are you talking about? I wrote your name all over the place!
EM: What's the catch or the gimmick?
BC: I'm trying to elucidate what's dumb.
EM: What the ... it's got my name on it! WHY?!?!

BC: Why don't you go in there and find out, SMELLIE BELLY?
EM: It's our old carrier!!!

BC: Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, DUMB!
EM: You're writing MY name on all the stuff you think is stupid?
BC: Were you not listening before? Phht. Working for your food is stupid. Thus YOUR name on the puzzle ...
EM: {seeing her name on the box} HEY! This Cat Amazing ... TREAT!!!!!

BC: TREAT?!?! WHERE?!?!
EM: SEE?!? This puzzle toy isn't dumb! BINGO!
BC: HEY! I want a treat too!
EM: Too late. YUM!!!!

BC: MOMMA! I want a treat too! It's SMELLIE that I don't get one!
MK: I might've felt sorry for you if you didn't use your sister's name in place of "dumb."
BC: It's unfair!
EM: Now THAT is worthy of being a synonym for Smellie!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha.

What were the other items Bear marked as Smellie {adj. stupid}?












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40 comments:

  1. I think you got it wrong Bear. You might think that putting those sticky notes on everything and everyone means they are dumb, but to me it looks like you have marked everything as belonging to Ellie.Not sure what she is going to do with the vacuum and toothbrush, but if I were you I wouldn't turn my back on her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women can never be trusted! But yeah ... yeah ... the whole thing backfired!!! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  2. Bear, what you need is sticky notes for good things, not bad. Maybe a points system to rank them, too... like the energy efficiency ratings on electrical appliances.
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have all kinds of colors and sizes ... does that count? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Hey Bear, Ellie Mae isn't stupid at all, she picked you for her Brother!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow.....Ellie owns a LOT of stuff AND she got the treat!!

    The Florida Furkids

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yep, Bear...I'm thinking that your sticky notes backfired on you, BIG TIME!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every thing backfires on me! Unlike with my sister, Smellie ... everything goes her way! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Hmmm, I think someone needs a sticky note intervention. Or perhaps someone should be investing in sticky notes over there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We get them free to try ;) There's no way Momma could support Bear's habit any other way!

      Delete
  7. dood....we dunno wear ya getted de markerz; ore wear ya getted de pozt a notez, but can ya
    tell uz pleez, who teeched ya how ta rite !!! AWESUM.... :) ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bear, Mudpie wants to know if you would put a sticky note on her and what would it say?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Once ... twice ... three times a tortie. And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you!" ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. I am impressed at your knowledge of synonyms and parts of speech Bear. :) XO

    ReplyDelete
  10. AMARULA: Bear, you gotta tell me where you get your supplies of sticky notes! And, more importantly, how did you learn to use a pen?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We get them free to try ;) There's no way Momma could support Bear's sticky note habit any other way! About writing ... Practice. LOTS and LOTS of practice! ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Uh-oh...something tells me your little game might have backfired.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bear, our Mama gets tired just trying to keep up with your logistics! And it does seem as though your sticky notepaper game backfired!! And on an aside, we think Ellie Mae looks extra adorable in that 13th photo!! But we know you didn't want to hear that . . . We hope you are otherwise enjoying summer and that your humans are also well :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EVERYTHING I do backfires! What's the point of having a sister if all my plans backfire? ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. Bear, both you and Ellie are adorable. I love the pictures. It is rather interesting that the end result of all these sticky notes and calling Ellie names is that she got a treat and you didn't. That's a bummer.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love those sticky notes - you are naughty!
    By the way, I've been loving your Facebook posts!

    ReplyDelete
  15. MOL MOL MOL my word somebuddy needs to have their post it and permanent marker privileges taken away.
    You are a funny pair for sure
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're talking about Smellie, right? A woman can't be trusted with that kind of stuff! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Looks like Ellie was the one to score this time, Bear!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well, We might not get all this, but we did get that Ellie got treats and your didn't bear. Maybe you should spend less time with the sticky notes and more time bein' nice. Ya' know sharin' is carin'. And, it usually means gettin' more treats...least 'roud our house it does. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi ans Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be NICE?!?! {GASP} No one will know me anymore! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Snort! Gfffaw!!! Giggle!!!!
    Happy $th of July to you Bear (and Smellie! and The Grrl and the Boy)
    Purrs
    Marv

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We love to make you laugh, Marv! We can hear you from here ;)

      Delete
  19. Bear, you sure are making Ellie Mae the owner of lots of stuff/ Um, what is she learns to use that vacuum? Would she use it on YOU??? Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The vacuum?! She's even scared-er of it than I am! You should see her try to squeeze under the bed when it comes on! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  20. Hi Bear, Ellie Mae isn't stupid at all, she picked you for her Brother!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmph. If she'd been smart, she'd have run the other way! ~Bear Cat

      Delete