Friday, September 7, 2018

The shark hits the wall

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
The Boy: Momma's fiance
MK: Momma Kat

BC: HEY! What the ... STOP! @#$%! this stupid @#$%!
{THUNK!}
BC: %$&^ the #$@% @#%! 
{Pause}
BC: That hurt. Stupid wall! Stupid bed! No one gets the best of Bear Cat and lives to tell
about it!

EM: You'd think that by now, you'd stop trying to fight the wall.
BC: HEY! If a wall disrespects me, it's fair game. 
EM: The wall doesn't move or do anything.
BC: I can just tell.
EM: But you never win!
BC: There's a first time for everything!
EM: What did the wall do this time?
BC: I wasn't fighting the wall.
EM: Then what was all that commotion?
BC: I was in my shark bed cleaning myself and it rolled over on its side and when I tried to get myself upright, it just rolled down the hall until it hit the wall. I think the bed is defective.
EM: I wonder if there's a reason this kind of stuff only happens to you.

BC: I'm being persecuted! 
EM: Holy purple chickens! There's a CRACK in the wall!
BC: THAT'S RIGHT! And if it tries to come at me again ... I'll give it another crack!
EM: Umm ... the wall didn't move. Remember? You were rolling ...
BC: Don't you have anything better to do?
EM: You mean like tell Momma that you put the crack in the wall?
BC: Eh. I'll blame it on The Boy.
EM: I don't think Momma falls for that anymore.
BC: Watch. Learn.
EM: It's too bad I couldn't watch and learn how to roll a cat bed down the hall.
BC: THE WALL came out of nowhere! 
EM: I'm just saying the wall didn't get in your way - you rolled your shark bed into it.
BC: Don't get caught up in the details. If I say the wall is at fault, then it's at fault! 
EM: This is ridiculous.
BC: No. What's ridiculous is that my claw got stuck in the bed as I was trying to right myself ... so I rolled down the hall. I recognize sabotage when I see it!
EM: Sabotage in terms of your own stupidity? Or are you under the influence? Because Momma said we got some new catnip kick-sticks to try.
BC: Before Momma left, she clipped our claws! Since she doesn't file them, they end up being really sharp until we wear them down. She did this on purpose!
EM: Don't be ridiculous. 
BC: Are you trying to tell me she didn't have anything to do with this?
EM: No. If she did it on purpose, she would've made sure to be here to watch it.

BC: Oh, who understands those stupid humans! They're almost as annoying as walls. They both stand in our way. Well, Bear Cat doesn't put up with that.
EM: You could thank the wall for stopping your roll. You'd still be rolling along if the wall hadn't stopped you.
BC: Did I ask you? NO!
EM: {AHEM!}
BC: What are you ...
EM: {to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"}
Roll, roll, roll your bed,

Gently down the hall.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is such a ball.

{Silence}
BC: You think this is funny?!? YOU. THINK. THIS. IS. FUNNY? Did I laugh at you earlier today when you bungled a jump?
EM: Umm ... actually, you did. And then you ran to and told Momma that I was so fat I was no longer aerodynamic. You said I looked like a leaping brick.
BC: Details ... details .. you're like the humans and get caught up in too many details!
EM: Details matter when they affect the outcome!
BC: Miss Know-it-all.
EM: Momma will be home soon.
BC: Yeah, right. Like you know ...
{The front door opens}
BC: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA. You women have FREAKY powers ...
The Boy: I'm so glad to be ...
BC: @#%! THE BOY?! What's HE doing here?
EM: Chase me, Daddy! CHASE me!

The Boy: I haven't even put down ...
BC: He came back! Momma, did you have something to do with this? Why is HE here?
The Boy: This is my home! I was just on a trip.
BC: And you came back? Like a boomerang or a bad penny? Maybe a homing pigeon.
EM: Chase me, Daddy! CHASE me!
The Boy: Daddy's tired, Baby Girl. It's almost midnight! If you come here, I'll pet ...
EM: NOOOOOOO! YOU HAVE TO CHASE ME AND CATCH ME! That's how this works! I missed you and I was lapless and ... and ... Bear was mean to me ... and Momma let him ... and you were gone forever!
BC: Just tell her you'll chase her and let her run around like a fruitcake. It will take her a good half hour to figure out that you're not chasing her. She'll give us plenty material for the blog and by the time she realizes you're not chasing her, she'll be so tired she collapses in your lap.
EM: HEY! That only happened ... err ... never mind.
BC: This is the worst day EVER!
EM: You said that yesterday when Momma caught you trying to steal her ice cream.
{Pause}
The Boy: And the day I left since I wouldn't take Ellie.
MK: And the day before that ...
BC: ENOUGH! You should be ashamed of ganging up on a sweet and innocent kitty cat.
EM: EXACTLY! Everyone should stop ganging up on me and conspiring to keep me lapless!
BC: You you YOU! What about ME?
EM: What about you?
BC: That's what I'm asking!
EM: Well, you tend to get into fights with inanimate objects ... you try to keep me off Momma's bed ... but you're fun to play with so ...
BC: That's not what I meant and you know it!
The Boy: It's been a long day. I'm going to bed.
EM: BUT YOU DIDN'T CHASE ME YET!
The Boy: Baby Girl, I'm tired. Buddy ...
BC: Nope. Don't even think about it. You're still here. We'll leave it at that.
The Boy: Tough crowd tonight.
EM: That's what you get when you leave your Baby Girl!
BC: That's what you get when you leave SMELLIE AND you come back again!
The Boy: I'm too tired to argue.
BC: Good. Because we'd win anyway.
The Boy: Come here, Baby Girl! Let Daddy give you ...
EM: {running like mad} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Chase me, Daddy!
The Boy: Oh, this is ... OWW!
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: And to think I missed this!
BC: Welcome home! Well ... hmm ... not YOUR home. More like MY home. And if we're being technical, you're really not welcome, I just put up with you.
The Boy: Great. I'm glad we got that straightened out.
{The Boy and Momma say their good-nights}
BC: This is a horrible day! My shark rolled down the hall way ... The Boy's back ... I need to drown my sorrows in ... tuna? Nah. Tasty whole chickens? I don't have any of those. Tanks? Ditto on that one. Bazookas? RATS! I'm starting to think that you don't trust me with food or heavy artillery!
EM: {SNUFF} {SNORGLE} Oh, you've got to be ... {RIP} {SNIFF} {SNIFF} Phht!

MK: ELLIE! Stop chewing the bag! These are the kick-sticks we're supposed to review.
EM: I'm drowning my sorrows. Nip. The great equalizer.
BC: If you don't watch it, you're going to end up entangled in the light fixture again.
EM: I tell you a deep dark secret and you share it with everyone!

BC: That girl can sure do some damage.
EM: Like the crack in the wall?
MK: CRACK?! What crack?
BC: I didn't do it ... err ...
EM: Earlier ...
BC: Not today anyway.
EM: Your bowling ball of a bed made that crack!
BC: No. I fought the wall a week ago.
MK: Wait ... wait ... crack? Wall? A week ago?!
BC: Don't mind her, Smellie ... she's a little slow on the uptake.
MK: Give me that package until someone tells me what's going on!
BC: You're depriving us of catnip!
EM: I'll show you the crack.
{Ellie and Momma walk down the hall}
MK: BEAR CAT KAT! How many times have I told you to leave the wall alone!
BC: How should I know? I never listen to you!
{Pause} 
MK: And what is your shark bed doing at the end of the hall?
EM: {whispering} You should know better than to ask those kinds of questions.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ... all to myself ... this package ... that smell ... hello, beautiful! Will you have my babies?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disclosure: We received a set of Kitty Kick Stix for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - Kitty Kick Stix is not responsible for the contents of this post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Pause}
BC: This is the GOOD stuff! Come to papa!
EM: HEY! Wait for me! I saw the package first!

BC: She's always got to put her nose all up in my grill. {AHEM!} I was taking care of this package.

EM: Don't worry, Bear. I'll get them out of the package.
BC: Just don't slobber all over them!

BC: BE CAREFUL! You always manage to ruin everything!
EM: Do you want me to bust in here or not?
BC: Yeah. Because if I said "no" you'd stop.
EM: You've got a point.
BC: Actually, I've got twenty-two points. Mess up my toys and you'll meet my little friends.
MK: Why don't you just give me the package and I'll open it for you.
EM: You won't steal on our toys, right?
BC: And you won't slobber all over them?
MK: Yes! Err ... No! Hmmm. Yes. Here.
BC: Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
MK: Bear! They're wrapped! The kick sticks are inside the wrapping.


BC: I KNEW THAT!
EM: [RIP] [RIP] [RIP] [RIP] [RIP].

MK: Oh, for the LOVE! Ellie! That's the paper wrapping! NOT the kick sticks.
EM: I don't know. This is pretty fun ... and it smells like catnip ...
BC: Cool. They're all mine.
MK: Let's read about Kitty Kick Stix ... 100% handmade, packed with 100% USA grown organic catnip, multiple fabric choices and lengths available ... OOH! And for every purchase made, Kitty Kick Stix donates a percentage back to cats in need! They even make "Clawtastically-strong Stix" with stronger fabric; not only that, but they'll replace it if it rips!
BC: I think I'm in love.

{Pause}
BC: Yep. It's DEFINITELY love. Where have you been my whole life?

{Pause}
BC: Where are you going? I know they say that if you love something enough, let it go ... but I'm not going to let you roll out of my life!

EM: This is the BEST TOY EVER! AND IT SMELLS LIKE CATNIP.

MK: Ellie, that's the packaging, not the toy.
EM: But it smells so good!
MK: Why don't you try one of the kick-sticks?
BC: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

{Ellie moves a step closer}
BC: MROW!!! I said don't even think about it!
EM: But ... but ... Momma said ...

BC: Also makes a great pillow! Don't mind if I get a bit of a cat-nap.

EM: Momma, Bear says this one's mine. But it's shorter than the one he has! It's not fair!

{Pause as Ellie thinks}
EM: Not that there's anything wrong with this one ... it is pretty nice ... and blue IS my color!
EM: Umm hmm ... umm hmm ... AHHH! The sweet smell of catnip. VERY kickable. Much like a certain brother of mine ... only he doesn't smell nearly as ...
{Pause}
EM: Come on, Bear! Let me try the other kick-stick!
BC: DON'T. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT. IT.


EM: Catnip puts you in a BAD MOOD!

BC: Phht. More like HAVING A SISTER puts me in a bad mood.

EM: JERK!

BC: That's RIGHT! I'm having a moment with my beau!
{Pause}
BC: I'm so relaxed. I could fall asleep right ...
EM: TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN!
BC: HUH? Where?
EM: It just went down the hall!
BC: {running down the hall} Oh! OH! It might be surrendering itself in my food bowl! FINALLY!
EM: {taking possession of both kick-sticks} Hehehehehe.
{Pause}
EM: It's really not fair. With boys, it's like taking candy from a baby. Still ...
BC: {walking back into the room} I didn't see any ... {GASP}! YOU STOLE MY PRECIOUS! We wants it! We NEEDS it!
EM: Don't even think about it. They're mine now.
BC: That was a rotten trick! You have to share! Momma said!
EM: You mean like how you shared with me earlier?
BC: I DIDN'T sh ... oh. RATS!
{Pause}
BC: {walking away} There's not enough catnip in the world to cope with a stupid sister. But these kick-sticks are definitely the good stuff!



To see what fabrics and stick lengths are available - and to order your own Kitty Kick Stix (or 10 ... because really, can you ever have enough?): Kitty Kick Stix.

42 comments:

  1. Those kitty Kick Stix sure look like fun and it seems you are both enjoying them. Such fun. Have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any day is a good day ... with catnip and a side of tuna ;)

      Delete
  2. Bear, walls are fur sure tricky, aren't they? We firmly support your efforts to keep them in their place.

    Ellie, we're so glad your daddy is home for you now. We has a sad when you has a sad.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, you gotta watch out for those attacking walls, Bear! They just come out of nowhere! Kitty Kick Stix are the best! Sophie loved the packaging, too. Hehe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellie surely would've become trapped if I hadn't been there to keep her safe. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Kicky Stix may want to double up on their packaging!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, the kitty kick stix looks really fun. Too bad they were such a pain to get out of the package. We are going to have to pick some of these up. Thanks for sharing your review on it. Have a wonderful upcoming weekend.
    World of Animals

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Catnip ... a little tuna ... sounds like a party!

      Delete
  6. Those stick things sure are lots of fun! Hey Bear, are you practicing to be a Wall Street shark?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I SHOULD! Though Da Loan over in Trout Towne's kinda given them a bad name! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Those look like such fun toys...I wish Sam would play with toys more. We used to have a cat that was a sweet boy all the time, until you gave him catnip! We didn't think Ellie would end up with the upper paw there though. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kitty wasn't big on playing either. She would rather watch the birds out the window. I remember her first catnip toy ... I thought she was going to explode.

      Delete
  8. We love our Kitty Kick Stix. Hopefully, Bear will be so occupied with his that he'll leave you alone, Ellie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Phht. I can annoy my sister and love my catnip at the same time! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  9. Those look super fun and wow, you two almost worked as a team on opening the package!

    And P.S.: Walls can be such bullies. That crack totally came out of nowhere Bear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No kidding! You look at them funny and the walls crack! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. AMARULA: Oh Bear! I am so disappointed! I thought something called kitty kick stix was some device that would make it easier for you to kick that sister of yours!!
    HUMAN- I am still laughing at the image of Bear rolling down the hall in his bed!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm using them to PRACTICE tearing her a new one ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Duly noted that certain torties have been forgotten about, and not even a mention of sharing with your dearest! Mrs Hudson thought the crack in the wall was some kind of super nip you'd stashed away. Guessing the drug squad wont be calling round any time soon and confiscating your stash, huh?
    Toodle pips
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! They're LISTENING! Err ... reading?! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. Bear I think the last picture speaks volumes...sometimes it is just best to walk away from a woman with a stick.
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ellie, that is too funny that you ended up with both of them! These pictures are so cute of you two enjoying the nip. Bear, Pierrot loves to lie the way you did when you made the stick your pillow. You cracked us up picturing you rolling down the hallway in your shark bed (hope you’re not mad).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Momma's still laughing about it! Turns out I haven't trained her as well as I thought I had! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. Those Kitty Kick Stix look like lots of fun ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
  15. Watch out for those walls, Bear Cat! They're ruthless and sneaky!

    Ellie Mae, good job claiming both Kitty Kick Stix ... we're super impressed at how you managed that. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Momma's still laughing about it! Turns out I haven't trained her as well as I thought I had! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. A homing pigeon . . . MOL! That made our Mom almost snort coffee out her nose. Mmmmm, Kitty Stix, oh, how we LOVE you!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ellie Mae rules! Those Sticks were a big hit. Oops, maybe we shouldn't say hit. You didn't read that Bear Cat. We don't want to give him ideas!
    xxoo
    Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... a hit ... and my Momma says I don't share! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. We read this a few days ago and forgot to comment!! MOL Ellie Mae, you keep those kickers for yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Glad ya'll enjoyed the kickers. We luv us some nip fur sure. But mommy's kind'a stingy with it. We don't get it nearly as offen as we think we should. Enjoy and have fun. And 'member to share. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't get it very often either. We have tons of toys with Nip in them - but the fresher stuff is kind of hard to come by around here :)

      Delete
  20. Wowy, you got two Kitty Kick Stix! I have one somewhere in the house. Mom stashes some of my toys. I think she's a hoarder or getting a buzz off of my nip! Does your momma do that with your nip toys? [walking away down the hall] 'Here Kitty Stix... here sticky sticky... hmm... now where did Mom stash you....? Your relatives are at Bear Cat and Ellie Mae's house.' Tee hee hee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When our toys disappear you can bet Smellie's behind it. A cat can never have too many toys ... but we struggle to keep track! ~Bear Cat

      Delete