Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The silver-vine incident

The cats are acting up. Why? And what does this mean for Momma and The Boy?

EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat 
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

{SMACK!}
EM: Take THAT!
MK: Huh?
BC: Prepare to ...
{SMACK!}
MK: OWW!
EM: Good shot, fool. You hit Momma!

BC: You moved! I'll get you this ... 
{SMACK!}
BC: Boo-yah. Got you that time!
MK: Maybe you two can take this elsewhere?
BC: She started it!
EM: Nah uh. HE started it. I was in the bed and he got mad that I was in the same bed as you so he started whacky-pawing me over your body.
BC: Yeah. She's MY Momma! You have The Boy. Not that he's anything to write home about. But it's my job to keep the riff-raff out of Momma's bedroom and protect her.
EM: She doesn't want you to protect her from me! She LOVES me! She pets me when I jump on the bed!
BC: Show off.
{Silence}
BC: I COULD have made a slam on The Boy ... and keeping riff-raff out of Momma's boudoir ...
EM: HEY! I'll tell you my Daddy is the best thing ever!
BC: You really need to adjust your standards.
EM: No. No. You're right. My Momma is the bestest thing over. My Daddy is just sufficient.
{SMACK!}
BC: She's MY Momma!
{SMACK!}
EM: She's my Momma too!
BC: My Momma will beat up your Momma!
EM: Our Mommas are the same FOOL!
{SMACK!}
BC: Take that back! Don't insult my Momma by calling her your Momma!
{SMACK!!}
EM: NO!
{SMACK!}
BC: Shut up!
{SMACK!!}
EM: NO. YOU shut up!
MK: {AHEM!!} Do you two mind?
BC: YEAH! Get out of the way!

MK: Excuse me?
BC: Smellie and I are having a smackdown and you're lying between us! Phht. Humans. Always in the way. If you'd be so smart as to move, I'll have Smellie-burgers for lunch!
EM: Leave her alone! She's the line in the sand. If she moves, we won't have a line! And you'll cheat!
MK: I was sound asleep! And I was here first!
BC: But you're not asleep anymore. You can move.
MK: You've GOT to be ... THIS IS MY BED.
EM: Don't move, Momma. I'm going to take care of this.
MK: Thank you. Err ... 
{SMACK!}
EM: You're it!
{SMACK!!}
BC: Nope. You're it.
EM: HEY! No tag backs!
BC: You're it!
EM: I am not! You cheated! NO TAG BACKS! SEE?!? This ALWAYS happens! You cheat and ...
BC: MOMMA! Tell Smellie that there ARE tag backs!
MK: I DON'T CARE! I just want to sleep!
BC: Well, EXCUSE US for waking you. You have no problem waking us.
MK: To take pictures.
BC: Oh! Great idea! I want to take your picture, Momma! You've got a bee's nest hairdo going on! It's cool! You could hide a bazooka in that thing! If you start licking your butt and I get a picture, we'll be even.
EM: Or a tasty whole chicken.
BC: Why would she lick a tasty whole chicken?
EM: NO! She could have a tasty whole chicken in her bee nest hairdo.

BC: A bazooka and a tasty whole chicken? That sounds like one of my famous messes. Momma do you have a bazooka in there?
EM: Stupid question. If she had a bazooka, she would've shot you already for being obnoxious.
BC: Who asked you?
EM: Oh, shut up and be it.
BC: But I'm NOT it. You're it.
EM: Momma! Tell Bear THERE AREN'T ANY TAG BACKS!
MK: I'm about sixty seconds away for chasing you both off the bed and closing the bedroom door. Maybe even permanently.
EM: That sounds fun! Chase me, Momma! Chase me!
BC: Never underestimate the stupidity of one's sister.
EM: I'm not stupid. YOU'RE stupid! You think there are tag backs!
BC: And you called time out too!
EM: I needed a snack!
BC: Every five minutes?
EM: Well, you never know when our bowl of food might disappear so it's kind of like kibble-cost averaging.
BC: You're the only reason the kibble disappears!
EM: Well ... hmm ... so you're saying that I eat all the food. I saw you eating last night!
BC: I didn't mean that you eat everything LITERALLY.
EM: I'm confused. 
BC: Why am I not surprised?
EM: Do I eat everything or not?
BC: Not everything is black or white.
EM: I KNOW that. I'm black! But you have black and white - but you have other colors too. And you've got prison stripes.
BC: Yes. Yes. And they make my butt look big.
EM: Well, I didn't want to say anything.
BC: REALLY? Because you usually can't keep your big mouth shut!
EM: I'm the one that's a finalist in the cute pet photo contest.
BC: Only because you're a suck up. Besides, since when is a hippo a pet?
EM: HA! I hate water. I can't be a hippo.
BC: The Boy voted for me!
EM: WHAT?!?! My Daddy voted for YOU?! I thought he loved me!

MK: Can we do this later? Like in a few hours? I want to sleep.
BC: It's all about you. You you you you you.
MK: No, I JUST WANT TO GET A FEW HOURS OF SLEEP! Be as obnoxious as you want in two hours!
BC: REALLY?!
MK: NO!
EM: Did Daddy really vote for Bear?
MK: He voted twice for Bear and once for you since we could vote every day.
BC: Wait wait wait ... the contest lasted two weeks and he only voted three times for us?! What other cats did he vote for?
EM: I'm going to give my Daddy a piece of my mind!
BC: Be careful. You don't want to have nothing left. It's not like you have an abundance of mind pieces.
EM: Who did YOU vote for, Momma?
MK: Oh! Look at that! Daddy's home!
EM: OOH! Daddy! Daddy! I love you, Daddy!
The Boy: Hi, Baby Girl. Come here!
EM: HMPH! But I'm really mad at you too.
The Boy: What!?!?
EM: You voted for BEAR and not me!
The Boy: Come here and let me ...
EM: NOPE!
The Boy: I can't even chase you?
EM: NO! I'm really really MAD at you!
The Boy: Did Bear tell you I voted for him? Because he lied!
EM: NOPE! MOMMA told me.
MK: Wait wait wait ... Bear told you ... I confirmed the betrayal.
The Boy: You could've told me that she already knew when I said he lied!
MK: Oh, for the ...
BC: The cat's out of the bag!
{Pause}
BC: Smellie, go back in the bag so we don't have to see you! I'll cut eye holes in the bag so you can see.
The Boy: Hey! Wait a minute ... What are you doing up? I thought you'd still be sleeping.
MK: That's a really good question. Ask the cats.
EM: Bear's it.
BC: No way! You're it!
EM: No tag backs!
BC: Stop looking at me!
EM: Stop touching me!
BC: When you stop looking at me!
EM: MOMMA! Tell Bear to keep his paws to himself!

BC: You vastly over-estimate her power. I don't listen to anything else she says.
EM: Momma! Tell Bear he's a bad boy!
BC: Tell SMELLIE that I make bad look GOOOOOOOOOD.
EM: Tell Bear that the best cat became a finalist.
BC: Tell Smellie that people must've felt sorry for her that she got the sympathy vote ... "She's so fat and ugly ... bless her heart!" Phht. Winners don't BECOME finalists ... they ARE finalists all the time.
EM: My picture was cute. Yours was ordinary. SEE?!


BC: Hmph. Not much of a sidekick.
EM: I'm the boss!
BC: Yeah. Whatever.
EM: I'm not anyone's sidekick! But ESPECIALLY not YOURS! 
BC: So are you saying that you being named a finalist and not me is Momma's fault because of the pictures she chose?
EM: Err ... I guess.
BC: MOMMA! You PURPOSELY set me up to fail by entering an inferior picture of me. I'm sexy! I'm adorable! What's not to love?
EM: Err ... if I were you, I wouldn't ask ... but since you did ...
MK: ELLIE!
EM: WHAT?!?!
MK: That wasn't a real question.
EM: How should I know that? I can't read his mind! His mind makes no sense to me!
BC: Yeah, well at least I have one!
EM: Take that back!
{SMACK!}
EM: Take that back before I teach you a lesson you won't forget.
{SMACK!}
BC: So help me, if you don't stop smacking me ...
MK: EXCUSE ME!
BC: You're not excused. Now don't interrupt this. It doesn't concern you.
MK: Is this because of the silver-vine? You both are mean drunks. I put some silver-vine on your new scratcher and all of a sudden you two can't keep your paws to your ...

{SMACK!}
MK: STOP THAT! You two were at it ALL NIGHT. 
The Boy: Now you know why I got up. No use to try to sleep. Though they come to sleep with their Momma in the bed after I get up.
BC: YEAH! Take a CLUE!
EM: Leave my Daddy alone!
MK: {to herself} Not so much sleeping ...
{SMACK!}
BC: That's IT! I've had it with ...
MK: If you don't stop it right now I'm going to get out of bed, pick up all the silver-vine and I'll throw it in the trash!
BC: FINALLY! Then you won't be in the way!
EM: She's not in the way! YOU'RE in the way.
BC: I am not! I'm not the size of an airplane hanger.
EM: That's not very nice! Momma's not the size of an airplane hanger ... err ... if you exclude her butt.

MK: HEY!
BC: I was talking about you, Smellie.
EM: Oops.
{Pause}
EM: YEAH! Momma? Move over! If I'm so much bigger than him, then I should get more of the bed!
BC: I don't think so.
{SMACK!}
BC: KNOCK THAT OFF!
MK: That's it.
{Momma gets out of bed and confiscates the silver-vine}
BC: What's HER problem?
EM: I have no idea! She's grumpy!
BC: Momma needs counseling.
EM: She gets grumpy when she's tired.
BC: She slept for two hours! How she can be tired?
EM: Don't ask me.
{The bedroom door slams shut}
The Boy: HEY! Let me out of here!
{SMACK!}
The Boy: OWW! What was that f ...
{SMACK!}
The Boy: Will you two quit it?! KAT! KAT! LET ME OUT!
BC: Wait a second ... we're all in here and she's out there?!? SHE DID HAVE A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN IN HER HAIR NEST! LET ME OUT! I KNOW YOU HAVE A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN OUT THERE!
The Boy: HELP!
BC: I WANT MY CHICKEN!

{SMACK!}
{SMACK!}
BC: Ow!
The Boy: OW! What was that for?
EM: Not voting for me!
BC: I'm not allowed on the computer anymore, remember?
EM: I wasn't talking about you! You're right. It's Daddy that I'm mad at.
{SMACK!}
BC: Then QUIT smacking me!
{SMACK!}
The Boy: And quit smacking me too!
{SMACK!}
The Boy: STOP THAT!
EM: I'm mad at you.
The Boy: KAT! So help me, if you don't let me out of this room, I'll break this door down!
BC: Not if I do it first!
The Boy: I mean it!
BC: Do it, do it! Then I'll get my tasty whole chicken!
{SMACK!}
BC: OPEN THIS DOOR OR THE HIPPO GETS IT!
The Boy: HEY! Knock that ...
EM: Why didn't you vote for me, Daddy?!
{Momma puts in her noise-canceling ear plugs and sleeps peacefully ... on the couch}

To see all the finalists in the "Cute Pet" contest: Meet our cutest pet contest finalists.

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29 comments:

  1. Oh Ellie, how could your Daddy NOT vote for you?? The betrayal!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW! And he calls me his cat! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
    2. Hey now.....I was going to give them both an equal number of votes, and I ran out of time.

      Delete
  2. Don't worry EM, humans often vote more than once!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't know any dead people that we can get to vote though ;)

      Delete
  3. Ellie, Bear and Momma Kat
    Thank you so very much for the lovely and heartwarming comment about Madi. We feel so much love and
    gratitude from all our beautiful friends we have made. Madi was my inspiration and really the brains behind the entire operation...I just supplied the thumbs. Our motto was live life with gusto and never ever say WHAT IF....I will continue blogging with Angel Madi as my sidekick. I working on getting things in order. Never fear we will 'BE BACK'!
    Hugs Cecilia proud to be Mom of Madi

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wowy, that is so-o exciting, Ellie! I will cross my paws that you will win that photo contest and represent all us chat noirs in the world! Purrs and kisses! -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

    ReplyDelete
  5. All I can figure out, is that Bear is always hating on Ellie!

    ReplyDelete
  6. guyz.....bak in de day me N sauce liked a nice whap fest on R bed while de food
    servizz gurl assoomed sleepz two.... :)onze, sum one punched FSG in de eye knot sayin
    tuna who.....OOOPZ !!!!!!! hay; we canna see de contestz winnerz sum kinda blok
    willna let uz { prob ablee thiz pea sea ~~~~~~~ ☺☺☺♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT?! It comes up for us! Weird!
      Momma's always get caught in the cross-fire ;)

      Delete
  7. I can't see the finalists. It says it is unavailable due to legal reasons because of the EU and GDPR. Grrr!
    I think you two are pushing your luck with your whap fest. If you're not careful that silver vine could be getting lost.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It already is! Silver vine makes Momma meaner than both of us combined!

      Delete
  8. Whoa...that must've been some powerful silvervine! We're so excited for you, Ellie!

    ReplyDelete
  9. So, ya'll were in a contest in your newspaper? That's purretty cool. We think you're both cute and gawjus and deserve to be winners. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're pretty lucky to have so many supportive friends that see what Momma sees.

      Delete
  10. Sooo, the boy cant get out the room on his own, interesting. Bear, maybe you could strike a deal, help the dude out in return for tasty chickens and a pair of noise cancelling ear plugs!
    Toodle pips
    ERin
    PS Those plugs, are they 110, or 240 volts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know humans. If it weren't for us, they couldn't survive! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. Woot woot, Ellie! You're both winners in my book. But EM, that photo is definitely as cute as can be!

    ReplyDelete
  12. My cats love silvervine. Joanie does get a little aggressive when she has it. I would like to see Bear's Momma fight Ellie's Momma- that would be very interesting. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, she does all the time. Momma's own worst enemy is herself!

      Delete
  13. Yay, Ellie Mae!! Woot woot!!! And we have to ask, where did your Momma get that silvervine???? It must be pretty potent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We got it from Dezi, Raena and Audra. We've never had it before!

      Delete
  14. Ellie, I love that picture of you where you're talking about your momma's bee's nest hair, and Bear, when I saw the title and your top picture with those big eyes, I had a feeling there was going to be some craziness (crazier than usual I mean).

    Both of your contest pictures are great! Ellie, we sure hope you win!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They've turned into pros when posing for the camera (when they participate of course - that's not a given!).

      Delete