Friday, September 14, 2018

The thorn

Bear's not having a good day and we bet you can figure out who the thorn in his side is.

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: What if she asks about what we're ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: Are we going to get in trouble?
BC: Not if you keep your trap shut. Just RELAX.
EM: Do I have time to get a snack?
BC: NO! Can't you stop eating for more than a few minutes? Just relax. Chill. Now ...
{Pause as light snoring is heard}
BC: ELLIE?!? ELLIE?!?
{Pause}
BC: I don't believe this! I tell her to relax and she falls asleep!
EM: HUH?!
BC: You fell asleep!
EM: What'd I miss?
BC: If I were you, I wouldn't ever ask that question. Now, do what I ...
EM: I don't know about ...
BC: Get behind me! Do what I do!
EM: Considering how much trouble you get into ... doing what you do might ... WAIT! Wait for me! I'm right behind you!

{The cats casually walk past the bathroom where Momma's sitting}
MK: Wait wait wait wait WAIT! What are you two up to?
EM: {continuing to walk when Bear stops} Bear said ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: But ...
BC: When I stop, you're supposed to stop!
EM: How was I supposed to know?!
BC: Do I have to tell you EVERYTHING?!
MK: Any time I see one of you on the tail of the other just walking along, I know something's afoot.
EM: You mean "apaw?" Because we don't technically have feet.
MK: If you two were playing, you'd run and sound like a galloping herd of elephants.
EM: I don't think elephants gallop ...
MK: Whenever you make Ellie your minion, we're all in trouble.
BC: Phht. Nothing about her is mini. That makes her a maxion and not a minion. That girl's a tank!

{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... she's a tank ...
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
MK: Bear, don't even ...
BC: Can I ride you?
MK: There it is.
EM: Excuse me?
BC: You're like a tank ... I can save myself money and ride you. Of course, there's the whole gun-less problem ...
EM: That sounds like fun!
MK: NO. It. Doesn't. 
BC: I could even pimp out my ride! Err ... sister.
MK: No riding your sister!
BC: Phht. What's the point of having a sister if you can't pimp her out and ride her? Giddy-up, tank-sized horsey!
MK: Ellie, don't let him get on your back.
EM: He's already mastered that when he attacks me. He can be a mean cat.
BC: Oh, just shut up and do your thing.
EM: What thing?
BC: THE thing.
EM: Err ...
BC: CATS! NOT mats! CATS! NOT mats! 

EM: Psst! I can't remember my line!
BC: SEE?!?! This is why we don't usually work together. You mess up everything.
MK: And what are you doing again?
BC: NOTHING! 
MK: Cats and mats, what?
EM: Bear says we're cats, not doormats. You can't walk all over us and take away our rights and not give us anything!
MK: I hate to break it to you, but listening to Bear usually gets you in trouble.
EM: We demand a contact!
BC: Oh, for the ... contRact! CATS! Not mats! CATS! Not mats!
EM: We're CATS! Not mats! CATS! Not mats!
BC: Be wise! Organize! Be wise! Organize! What do we want?
EM: Err ...
BC: Hmph. We've identified the weakest link.
{Pause}
BC: Not to mention the fattest.
{Pause}
BC: What do we want?
EM: FOOD!
BC: Now wait a minute ... that's not what you were supposed to say!
EM: I'm hungry!
BC: Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?
EM: You can explain why you're such a jerk? I thought you couldn't help it.
BC: Only you could insult me without meaning to.
EM: Who said I didn't mean to?
BC: I see your point. NOW! Follow the script! What do we want?
EM: CATNIP!
BC: Are you really that stupid? Or are you trying to wreck my plan?!
EM: I told you I forgot my lines! It's not my fault you don't listen to ...
BC: Why don't you read your own sign?! So much for trusty ...
EM: For sale by owner ...
BC: That's the wrong side! Read the OTHER side! The one facing AWAY from you.
EM: But I can't see the side that's facing away from me!
BC: She's too stupid to li ...
EM: WE SITS UNTIL WE GET BENEFITS!

BC: HEY! You interrupted me!
EM: I remembered my lines! 
BC: How ... convenient. I'm doing all the work here! You're supposed to HELP but you're ruining everything! We demand contracts! We demand rights! Not just food ... but benefits! We sits until we get benefits. We sits until we get benefits. We sits until we get benefits.
MK: Bear ...
BC: We have the right to life, liberty, and sassy-ness!
MK: Happiness?
BC: NO! I'm NOT happy! That's just the point!
MK: Umm ... I'm pretty sure you've got that wrong.
BC: I make wrong right.
MK: You want equal rights with humans?
EM: YES!
BC: No!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: We want SUPERIOR rights.
MK: You know what comes with equal or superior rights?
BC: Being human?
MK: No. Equal responsibility. You two can get a job ... and help clean ... 
EM: That sounds fair.
BC: No, it doesn't! 
MK: If you want equal rights, you have equal responsibilities. 
BC: What kind of nonsense is that!?! Oh, sure. Keep us kitties down! We're being threatened! We're being intimidated! Union! Union! UNION! We need help.
EM: Well, at least you admit it. Nothing to be ashamed of.
BC: What?
EM: That you need help!
BC: That's not what I meant! We need help protesting!
{Pause}
BC: Hmm ... our toys! They have to do what we say, right? They won't expect to be paid. Line them up! Line them up!
EM: Got them.
BC: Now go get the signs!
{Pause}
BC: NO! Don't go that way! You'll cross the picket line and we'll be screwed!
MK: That's not what ...
BC: I know how to protest, Momma!
EM: But the signs are on the other side of the picket line!
BC: Then GO AROUND. Crossing the picket line will ruin everything! Did you ever hear the joke about why the protester crossed the picket line?
EM: Err ... No. I don't think so.
BC: EXACTLY! And get her out of here so I can address the protesters.
EM: But ...
BC: Stop asking questions and do what I say! WOMEN! 
{Pause as Bear waits for Momma to leave the room}
BC: We're depending on every one of you! Don't stop until we get what we want. Rights for cats.

BC: Smellie, hand out the signs!
EM: You said to escort Momma out of the room! I didn't get the signs because I was busy with that.
BC: Take my temperature if I care. Now, HAND OUT THE SIGNS!
EM: But ...
BC: Hold them proud, guys!
{Pause as Ellie hands out the signs}
BC: WHAT?!? All these are blank! Smellie! You were in charge of the signs!

EM: I know ... but I wanted to use the litter box before we started ... and get a snack ... and a quick catnap.
BC: WHAT?!? Why am I not surprised? PROPER priorities!
EM: Shouldn't toys have equal rights too?! It only seems fair ...
BC: I'm the leader here - not you.
EM: I'm tired of you bossing me around.
BC: Then make your own protest against me.
EM: No Fair, Bear!!! No fair!
BC: HEY! That's MY protester! Get in line, Fat Albert!
EM: That's not her name! Her name is Crazy Pinkie!
BC: I'm directing all this! 
EM: How can you expect the toys to protest with you if you can't even get their names right?
BC: I'm the boss. I'm running this action.
EM: Not very well.
BC: I guess I have to do everything myself! Give me those blank signs and a few minutes. Guard the protesters. We don't want anyone to escape.
EM: We're not holding them against their wills are we?
BC: Of course not. I just HIGHLY ENCOURAGED them to participate. Turns out they don't like my shark either.
EM: Talk about furry terrorism.
BC: When you win, they never call you a terrorist. Now SHHHH! So I can finish this business!
{Pause as Bear prepares the signs and Ellie socializes with the protesters}
BC: HEY! No fraternizing with the employees. This whole thing has been a disaster ... because a certain sister can't get her poop together.
EM: That's not true! You saw how well my poop was together earlier today! Remember? Because I pooped against the side of the litter box?
BC: That's not what I ... OH, HELL! I quit!
EM: But you're the leader!
BC: I'm so glad you finally realized that. But I still quit.
EM: What about the protesters?
BC: I QUIT! I need a nap. I don't care what happens to the protesters!
EM: Do you all hear that?! He DOESN'T CARE about all of you!
BC: Oh, shut up! They're TOYS! They're not REAL!
EM: How rude! You marginalized the same people who were going to protest for you.
BC: I find it odd that you've finally figured this protest thing out ... against me.
EM: Toys have rights too!
BC: Do you mind?
EM: Or were you just protesting to protest?
BC: How else does it work?
MK: That's what I thought.
BC: I hate all of you!

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48 comments:

  1. A good contract is a sign of the times Bear!

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  2. Hm... We think protest coordinator might not be the best career for you, Bear. Ellie, you take all the snack and nap breaks that you want.

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  3. 'Maxion' that's purr-ty funny (sorry Ellie, but it really is funny)! Oh Bear, you're like a walking breathing continuous comedy sketch. Say, I think you should sell t-shirts with you, Crazy Pinkie and Ellie printed on them holding protest signs. I sure would by one using Mom's plastic card or checkbook. Tee hee hee. Winks.

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    Replies
    1. Hmm ... enough to purchase a tasty whole chicken farm? ~Bear Cat

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  4. A tasty whole chicken in every pot, ROTFL!

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  5. You know what Bear? I think Ellie is cleverer than you give her credit for. She always seems to get you going round in circles.

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    Replies
    1. I don't suffer fools lightly. You might be right ... she might not be a fool at all. ~Bear Cat

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  6. Replies
    1. Would I get a tank? Would Mudpie like to be first lady? ~Bear Cat

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  7. Leadership is not easy, is it, Bear? Sometimes the masses just don't do what you want or need them to!

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  8. AMARULA: Look Bear, you know I support you 100 percent in demanding more rights!! But I could tell from the get-go that enlisting your sister's help was doomed - you said it yourself-You're supposed to HELP but you're ruining everything" I say the same about Zulu and Frodo!!

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    Replies
    1. Can you imagine if they were on their own?!? #NOSurvival #TooStupid2Live ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear, Ellie may not be the best helper, at least when it comes to protesting. However, she was cracking us up with her food and nap breaks!

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  10. Poor Bear, can't even organize a good protest. It's so hard to find good help, I guess. And Ellie, definitely don't let Bear ride you like a tank!

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  11. Bear, we think the only reason you are protesting is to hear your own voice and so you can boss Ellie around. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    Replies
    1. You noticed that too? SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ~Bear Cat

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  12. Maybe I could pimp out my new failed to leave foster brother. He's as big as a tank so there's that. Brilliant idea Bear! XOXO, Rosie

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  13. Bear, you need to stop picking on Ellie's weight, she is beautiful. And being that the humans scoop your poop, doesn't that mean you are superior? :)

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  14. Hmm, this whole contract idea isnt a good thing, as lets face it is as the name suggests, and things will get smaller, like food and Ellie mays and your own waistlines. Without a contract you can do what you want and no issues, but with you will be tied to doing what the contract says. Any extracoricular activities may incur charges from MK! No late night cuddles or treats, limited service between certain hours and public holiday! Best be like me and Mrs H, and just share her sherry fund ;)
    ERin

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  15. You two are hysterical. Good thing you don't have a contract. You might be getting more than you want. Bear you had better be careful.

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    Replies
    1. Err ... you have a good point. I don't want to be required to do stuff. Maybe a one-way contract? ~Bear Cat

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  16. Um...may I join you all? I have some good picketers you can hire..err...use.

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely! The more the merrier ... well, not in Smellie's case, but you know. ~Bear Cat

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  17. Omg, that's a riot. Shades of Shoko striking for better photo ops.
    Jean

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  18. Bear, watch yourself. We think Ellie is smarter than you think!

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  19. They sure know how to tag-team a fur mom, don't they?

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  20. Not sure ifin ya' want equal rights Bear. We wanna be treated like princesses, no queens, no, impressess actually. Ya' know, we wanna do nuffin' and reap all the rewards. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. You're right. We deserve SUPERIOR rights and we should be treats as princesses! ~Bear Cat

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  21. It looks like your protest didn't go as planned ! Purrs

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  22. You two are so funny together!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. We LOVE to hear that! It keeps us going when Momma's struggling with doubt.

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