Friday, November 9, 2018

The return of the Ellie-Vader

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: Stupid couch ate my sparkle ball! It's not that easy to get rid of ... {in a deeper voice} ELLIE-VADER!
BC: {in the other room} Like there's anything scary about an elevator. I hope Momma gets home soon. There are only so many days I can take a bunch of Dweebles and their inane dweeble-ness.
{Pause}
BC: {in the other room} Or is that dweebility? Hahahahahaha. Whatever one calls it ...
EM: AHA! I've got you now ... oh, NUTS!
BC: {in the other room} How nice it would be to not have to listen to Smellie's hunting saga every day ... I feel stupider than I was when Momma left ... at least when Momma's home, Smellie spends part of the day snuggling with ...
{Pause}
BC: PERFECT! It shouldn't be THAT hard. I tune Momma out all the time!
EM: I CAN'T GET MY SPARKLE BALL!!! THIS IS A DISASTER! Am I going to be sparkle-ball-less for the rest of my life?! I can't stand it! I can't live without my ... MOUSIE! Are you ready to crumble?
BC: {from the other room} I don't have the wherewithal to explain everything to her. Some cats are just born stupid ... and are hopeless to ever not be stupid. RUMBLE, stupid! RUMBLE! And you don't sound tough at all!
EM: Whatever. I'm schooling this mousie!
BC: {from the other room} Like you schooled your sparkle ball?
EM: Unfortunate accident. Danger comes with the job.
BC: The only danger around here is your stupidity.
EM: Silly mousie. You can't get away from the Ellie-Vader. I'm coming after you, you brazen hussy-mousie!

{Pause}
EM: I'm not your father, mousie ... but I can still spank you.
BC: {from the other room} I hate when she gets like this. There's no living with her. Hmmm ... come to think of it, there's no living with her at any other time either!

EM: BOO-YAY! I got you now, mousie!
BC: {from the other room} I give up. Besides, I actually like BOO-YAY better. BOO-YAY Momma!
{The front door opens}
BC: WHOA!
EM: YAY! Momma's ho ...
{Pause as Ellie sees what Momma sets down}

EM: HUH? What's THAT?
BC: {from the other room} What's what?
EM: ANOTHER CAT!
MK: BEAR?!?! Where are you? Don't you want to come and say hello to your Momma?
BC: {in the other room} PHHT. OBVIOUSLY NOT. Let her sweat a little ... let her think I left HER! HMPH! Suits her right. Another cat. As if Smellie doesn't count as three.
MK: {walking into the room Bear's in} Bear? BEAR?!?
{Momma gasps}
MK: You unstuffed the comforter again!
BC: Maybe she's not really here and if I close my eyes she'll go away ...

{Pause}
MK: BEAR! I know you're not asleep and are just ignoring me!
BC: RATS! Where are the abducting aliens when one needs them.
{Pause}
BC: You're home early ... err ... I didn't do it. I was just laying here and FLOOF!, the fluff burst out of the comforter! I almost died!
EM: Really?! Because I could've sworn your paw was in the hole.
BC: Err ... I was staunching the flow of fluff?
EM: No, you weren't! I ...
BC: You're REALLY NOT helping! 
MK: BEAR! You are in so much trouble!
BC: You left me here ... with THEM! You owe ME an apology! And quite possibly hazard pay. Oh! And a tasty whole chicken and a bazooka!
MK: This isn't Christmas, Bear.
BC: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN AND A BAZOOKA FOR CHRISTMAS?!?
MK: That got out of hand quickly.
BC: YOU BROUGHT HOME ANOTHER CAT!
MK: You destroyed my comforter!
BC: It's not DESTROYED when you can just stuff all the fluff back in the comforter.
MK: Why don't you come and see what I brought home?
BC: Unless it's a bazooka, a tasty whole chicken, or a tank ... NO THANKS.
EM: Bear, you better come look at this!
BC: {walking down the hall} I have to do everything around ... {GASP} ...
{Pause}
BC: What the ... YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT'S A REAL CAT!
{Pause}
BC: Put 'em up! Put 'em up so I can mop the floor with you.
{Silence}
BC: Don't you arch your back at me! And wipe that stupid smile off your face! I'll teach you proper respect.
EM: They say that those who can't do, teach. 
BC: I'll teach you a thing or two.
EM: Like you know about respect.
BC: I know what it's not!
EM: This cat. If you really thought it was real you wouldn't be antagonizing it, you'd be under the bed like when I came to live here.
BC: I DID NOT hide under the bed.
EM: Sir Hisses-a-lot.
{Pause}
BC: {back to focusing on the invader} What?! Cat got your tongue? Hahahahaha. Get it? You're a cat ... you're not saying anything ...
{Pause}
BC: She doesn't talk much. THE. PERFECT. SIBLING. Or maybe she's even dumber than Smellie ... wanna fight?
{Momma's drops her bag and startles Bear}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!
EM: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again! 

BC: It's going to kill me! It's going to kill me!
EM: We wouldn't be so lucky.
BC: Oh, shut up!
EM: WHAT IS THAT?! It looks like a cat but doesn't smell like one.

BC: Smellie ... always with her nose in other cats' business.
EM: I didn't ask you!
BC: Oddly enough ... more of a cat than my sister. This one's got a backbone and is pretty hard-headed.

EM: Ha ... ha ... ha. Very funny.

BC: Another black cat.
EM: I'm being replaced?
BC: If that's the case ... thank the kitty gods because this one is quiet and not annoying.
MK: It's not alive.
BC: You prove my point.
EM: But ... but ...

BC: Now you know what happened to Momma's LAST black cat. Hahahahaha.
EM: You're kidding, right? I mean, she wouldn't ... she couldn't ...
BC: The cat got your tongue too! I like this!
EM: But ... but ... I'm so much prettier than this cat! And my tail is so much more luxurious! Nope. I'm not scared of this impostor one bit. It better stay away from my sparkle balls!
BC: You two can start a black cat club and do black cat things.
EM: Black cat things?
BC: And braid each other's fur and sing songs ...
EM: And play with sparkle balls? Because I'm NOT sharing my sparkle balls.
BC: Maybe.
EM: A best friend?!? I've always wanted a best friend. Best friends are the best things ever! We could stay up all night ...
The Boy: You already stay up all night!
EM: Did I ask you? NO! I'm planning my sleep-overs with Rhonda.
The Boy: WHO?
BC: You're going to regret asking.
EM: My new best friend! She's not very cuddly but I don't hold that against her.
{Pause}
EM: {GASP!} She's hiding a sparkle ball! That's IT! No more nice cat!
MK: Come on, Ellie. You can be friends.
EM: Nope. Over my dead body.
BC: OOOOOOOOOOOH! Promise?

EM: HMPH! 
BC: The black invader and the Ellie-Vader find themselves at odds.
MK: Food time?
BC: As long as I don't have to share with HER!
EM: HEY! I'm hungry too!
BC: I wasn't talking about you!
EM: REALLY?!?!
BC: Yes.
{Pause}
BC: No.
{Pause}
BC: Err ...
EM: You LIKE me! All it took was a third cat to chase you into my arms.
{Pause}
EM: Err ... paws.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't give Momma any ideas! Unless you WANT to share our food bowls, litter boxes, and toys with another real cat.
EM: You're RIGHT! Nope. We have the perfect house as it is ...
BC: Well, I wouldn't go THAT far ...
EM: No siblings for us. No siblings to play with.
MK: What are you talking about, Ellie?
EM: How I don't want another cat around here.
MK: Who said anything about another cat?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: Okay. Who wants to go first?
BC: ME! ME! PICK ME!
EM: Umm ... HE ALWAYS GETS TO GO FIRST!
{Momma whips out the claw clippers}
BC: THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK! I'll have you know I won't take this sitting down. Or standing up. Or upside down. Or flying. NOPE!
EM: Never mind. Better him than me.
MK: Come on, Bear ...
BC: PUT ME THE @*&^ DOWN YOU *)@#% OR I'LL &@%$! YOUR *^&# UP!
{Momma continues to clip Bear's claws as he curses her out and she lets a couple choice words flow herself}
MK: Bandages are on. Ellie's turn.
EM: Moooooommma! And to think I was happy you were home!
MK: If you don't fight me, this goes much faster.
EM: I'm really really mad at you! I'm saying some really bad words in my head right now! I'm ... I'm ... just SO MAD at you!
BC: Tell her how you really feel.
EM: Oh, SHUT UP!

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37 comments:

  1. The dark side looks fun to me Ellie Vader, may the furs be with you!

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  2. Nice to have a new friend, right Ellie. But you really are much prettier. You all have a super day.

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  3. Psst: I think that new friend of yours might be a decoy because we have a newcomer around here who looks very similar to her! Perhaps, they are spies?

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    Replies
    1. The only question ... WHO ARE THEY WORKING FOR?!? ~Bear Cat

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  4. Don't worry Ellie, you are much cuddlier than the new black cat.

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  5. I hope you and Rhonda are fast friends! She's a little on the skinny side, so you better share your food with her.

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  6. Ellie, I love your personality. You are just so funny and cute. Hope you're able to have some fun with Rhonda. :)

    Bear, "staunching the flow of fluff" cracked me up. You've got all the excuses!

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  7. Ellie, you have your sparkle ball, Manny has his spring toy! Play, play, play, play...

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  8. We had no idea you drew the line at sharing your sparkly balls. Wow! We aren't sure your new bestie might be willing to braid your furs if you don't share!

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  9. "Now you know what happened to Momma's LAST black cat."...ooh, that's just mean, Bear! We think Rhonda is adorable :)

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    Replies
    1. Don't listen to Smellie! Her name's not Rhonda at all! I know! ~Bear Cat

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  10. That is one totally weird flat cat! It it for Halloween? We don't have it here (none of your fun traditions only the commercial side). I'd love the kitty in my raised bed!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure whether it's meant to be a Halloween lawn ornament type thing - but I'll display it proudly!

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  11. BUT: What about the sparkle ball? Does the new 'resident' pf the very arched back have it or is it under the couch? Has BC got it?

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  12. AMARULA: Oh Bear! You always have the best ideas! I was just hanging out at home wondering how I could torture the human today and unstuffing comforters sounds like a perfect idea! A perfect way to spend a Saturday!

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  13. Bear looks like you had your own personal snow storm...LOL
    Ellie Mae keep a watchful eye on the sparkle ball eating couch
    Hugs Cecilia

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  14. Momma knows how to make it so you don't miss her too much when she's gone! :) But we wonder why the Boy doesn't clip your nails while Momma is gone. Is he scared?? MOL - we wouldn't blame him if he was!!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. The Boy figures it's "not necessary" ... in other words, yes, he's scared :)

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  15. Nice to meet your new friend, Ellie ! Purrs

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  16. I hate to say this to you both, but do you think this could be the start of a trend, I mean a black cat now then a week another, maybe a tabby. All sleek slim and quiet.... An alien take over, like the invasion of the body snatchers!!!
    Best try and get it thrown out ASAP.
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. NO! Now I'm going to have nightmares! Can you imagine that in a Bear equivalent? ~Ellie Mae

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  17. That is a cute cat, but you have nothing to worry about Ellie. XO

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