Friday, February 22, 2019

Crimes and Misdemeanors, part 7

Two people ... and two cats. Somehow we can't avoid bumping into each other and perpetrating crimes exacerbated by proximity and amount of time spent together. This series is about those crimes and the reactions of the other members of the household.

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
EM: Ellie Mae Kat 

{Momma hears a commotion in the family room}
MK: What's going on?
BC: Nothing to see here. Move along.
EM: Bear's trying to make me move because he wants my spot!
BC: I want to nap there!
EM: But you made me move from another spot an hour ago!

BC: Phht. Beds are at my discretion.
MK: TECHNICALLY, those are The Boy's seat cushions.
BC: Phht. After Smellie and I were ROBBED! And we were left bed-less!
MK: That's not exactly ...
BC: CLOSE ENOUGH!
EM: Yeah. Because ten beds is the same as bedless.
{Pause}
BC: Come to think of it ... SISTERS should be at my discretion too. Heck. That airplane hanger sailed a long time ago.
MK: Bear ...
BC: You've reached Bear Cat ... steal my bed and I'll leave you a message. BEEEEEEEEP! 
EM: Aww ... MAN! Bear's not home! I'm confused ...
BC: Because THAT'S a first!
EM: How is it stealing Bear's bed when I'm in the bed?
BC: I am being deprived use of the bed.
MK: Bear, we have so many beds, couches, and other sleeping spots. If your favorite is taken, they'll be at least one just as good spot elsewhere.
BC: Just as good? Is that all I am to you? What Bear wants, Bear gets.
MK: For weeks I've wondered how you two negotiate the cat beds seemingly so peacefully. I walk out here and you two have switched places and I don't hear a thing.
EM: Nothing peaceful about it! Bear just sits next to me and annoys me until I move.
BC: You're welcome.
MK: I'm well aware of Bear's tactics to end a discussion.
BC: Hahahahahaha. Bless your heart. You think we're having a discussion.
MK: Like this morning when I was buried in the blankets and you sat on my head because I wouldn't pet you and you had no other way to make me.
BC: I don't know why this is so complicated. Do what I want. Peace ensues.
EM: But what if we don't want to do what you're demanding?
BC: Phht. You give me no choice but to exert my dominance.
EM: Is that like peeing on something?

BC: Is that like ... NO big surprise you don't understand the concept of dominance.
MK: Why did I start sleeping with the covers over my head? Because SOME cat kept sticking his wet nose in my ear while I slept!
EM: Oh! That's a good one! I wonder who did that.
BC: Me, you IDIOT!
MK: Oh, wait! Or the time my drinking glass was at your favorite spot on the table and you said, "@*%^ this glass," and knocked it the floor.
BC: Which time?
MK: EXACTLY!
EM: That wasn't very nice!
BC: Phht. There is no NICE in DOMINANCE.
EM: Actually, there's an "N" and an "I" ...
BC: SHUT UP! Figures! My sister isn't dumb when it suits her.
EM: I'm not dumb!
BC: Shouldn't you be moving from MY spot?
EM: It looks like my spot.
{WHACK!}
EM: OWW! You have an attitude problem!
BC: No. I have a SISTER problem. MOVE!
EM: No.
{WHACK!}
EM: STOP IT!!!!!!
BC: Phht. I'm cuter in any bed than you are. They CHOOSE me.
EM: Phht. Hardly.
BC: Not the least of all because your butt is so big. You stretch out my beds.
EM: You're just mean.
BC: The truth hurts.
MK: Maybe we should get pictures of you two in all your favorite spots and let the readers decide who's cuter.
BC: Phht. Me. OBVIOUSLY. Like you have to even ask!
EM: I'm going to BURY you!
BC: Only if you sit on me!
MK: And here we go ... Readers? Who rocks the spot ... and who does not?







































BC: {AHEM!} You're still in my spot!
EM: I'm not moving.
{WHACK!}
EM: You better stop doing that or I'll open my can of brother whoop-ass on you.
BC: I'd like to see you try. Oh, wait. I have.
EM: You ain't seen nothing yet!
{WHACK!}
EM: THAT'S IT!!!!
MK: HEY! Cats!
EM: This doesn't concern you, Momma.
BC: Well, not until Smellie's in pieces.
EM: Phht. Like ...
MK: I have an idea! Bear, you don't like boxes right?
BC: OBVIOUSLY. I have taste. I expect more from my surroundings.
EM: HEY!
MK: I have a new box for you.
EM: Oh! Let me see it!
MK: Here you go, Ellie.
EM: Ooooh! This is nice! Very roomy. And comfortable.
MK: And the best part? Bear won't try to steal it.
BC: Just as long as you realize I COULD steal it if I wanted it ... which I do not.
EM: Yeah, right!
MK: Knock it off, you two! Ellie, how do you like the box?
EM: These flaps are in the way!

MK: Give me a minute ... try that.
EM: OH! This is MUCH better. My box is the bestest thing ever!

MK: Beautiful.
BC: Talk about a lack of standards.
EM: Now I must pimp out my ride.
BC: Phht. I'll pimp you out any time as long as it means I can buy my tasty whole chicken farm. NO! A tank!
EM: Shut up! Can't you tell I'm busy with my new bed? I have to concentrate!
BC: Phht. A BOX. Cat beds all over the world are rolling over in their graves.
{Silence}
BC: Just leave it.
EM: That really didn't ...
BC: THAT'S RIGHT! Don't come back! And stay out of my beds! I'm just going to curl up, bask in my dominance and sleep.


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34 comments:

  1. Hmm, well I think the furniture came out really well in your who rocked the spot, though I am a bit worried that the furniture was rocking! Have you thought of trimming some inches off the legs (the sofa's not the boy's) to make it stable?
    Purrs
    ERin

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  2. You two really are rock stars in our book!

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  3. Well, I'm a pushover for ANY cat photo, so how to choose a better pose from Bear or Ellie?!? It's impossible! You both ROCK!

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  4. You guys are putting us readers in a hard spot. You two are BOTH cute! In EVERY spot! It's too hard to decide!

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  5. You both look equally good in all those spots in your different ways.

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  6. We can't decide either. It seems there are more than enough cool spots for you both to hang out and share :)

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  7. NO way I can decide. You BOTH..B-O-T-H rock the spots! Each in your unique ways. Bear, try to be nice to EM. EM...try to be be nice back. It may catch on with you both Ellie Mae, want to try on hats? Come on over. We'll have some girlcat talk. No boycats allowed.

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    Replies
    1. YAY! We can braid each others' fur and talk about boy cats and stuff! ~Ellie Mae

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  8. Is Momma going to sneak a comfy bed into Ellie's box for her? Oh no, we are not voting in that contest, no way. You are both adorable, and we're standing by that!
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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  9. Sitting on your mom's head? Really Bear? And all those pics - tie! :)

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    Replies
    1. It's hard and not very comfortable - but it got the job done! ~Bear Cat

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  10. I know being a ladycat, I should be on Ellie's side but Bear rocks those spots—even if he does have a preference for torties.

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    Replies
    1. Only because I figure a stunning lady like you wouldn't be interested in a little tabby like me ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. Herman: I vote for Bear rockin the rocker.
    Dori: I vote for Ellie.

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  12. Uh Awnty Kat, are you tryin' to start a fight? We'd never pick either over the other. We think Bear and Ellie are both gawjus and rock everythin'. Enjoy your new box Ellie. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I just enjoyed that I got so many pictures of them in the same spot. And it seemed so democratic until I saw Bear annoying her.

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  13. Oh, wow. You BOTH rocked those spots, Bear and Ellie. We liked how this all played out in the end. THat's a great box, Ellie. And Bear Cat ... you got your bed back (though will you have to move when the boy comes back?).

    By the way, this cracked us up:

    BC: Phht. There is no NICE in DOMINANCE.
    EM: Actually, there's an "N" and an "I" ...

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  14. Bear, there are so many choices. Couldn't you let Ellie enjoy a spot sometimes?

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  15. It's hard to choose who rocked the spots. You both look so cute in them. Ellie, Lexy says keep the box as your regular spot!

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  16. I voted for each of you each time! Does that count? I couldn't possibly vote for one without the other. Tee hee hee. Kisses.

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