Ellie searches for her brofur

For a couple of weeks after Bear passed, Ellie Mae seemed truly confused and out-of-sorts that her brofur wasn't around for company and to tell her what to do. During that time, she laid in the bed that was only his, enjoyed his catnip banana and seemed to dare him to come out and stop her from doing what he made her stop doing before. All of a sudden, she seemed to get that he wasn't coming back and stopped those behaviors aimed at getting him to come out from wherever he was hiding.

Most heartbreaking? When Ellie can't find her people, she howls. No matter if Bear and I were snuggling - Bear would always go to her and stay with her - and she would stop howling. Perhaps she was howling for her brofur all along - because our presence wasn't enough to stop her howling once Bear was gone. Say what you will, but I firmly believe Ellie misses her brofur and feels his loss more acutely than I expected. One of the true blessings is that, in Bear's absence, Ellie and I have turned to each other and gotten closer.

BC: Bear Cat Kat [handsome tabby cat]
EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy cat] 
MK: Momma Kat [Bear and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat] 
The Boy: Momma's fiance 

EM: BEAR?!?! Where ARE you?!?
EM: BEAR!!!! I'm in your favorite bed! I'm smelling it up! You better come stop me!
MK: {laying in bed with The Boy} I just took my earplugs out. How long has she been doing this?
The Boy: A couple of hours. I think she was sleeping and then woke up.
EM: I licked your catnip banana! OH! Now I'm drooling on it!
The Boy: Do something!
MK: {getting up} Ellie, Bear won't show up.
EM: Why not?! He said he'd never leave me! EVERY MORNING when I howled for him, he'd come and promise he won't leave me. He wouldn't leave me without telling me! When's he coming back?

MK: Erm ... I don't know.
EM: What do you mean you don't know?
MK: Well, sometimes humans and cats don't feel so well and ...
EM: They have to go to the vet.
MK: Yes,  but sometimes the vet can't fix what makes them sick.
EM: So they go to ANOTHER vet.
MK: {sigh} Yes, but that vet sometimes can't do any better.
EM: So you sue both vets and expose that they're not really vets!
MK: I can't say your brofur didn't rub off on you.
EM: What about the rest of him?
MK: What?
EM: You said he rubbed off on me! That means he has to come back for what he rubbed off on me.
MK: Ellie, why don't you come lay with me and Daddy?
EM: Is Bear there?
MK: No.
EM: THEN WHERE'S BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT BEAR!!! BEAR!!! BEAR?!?!? BEAR!!!!!!!!!!
MK: Ellie, Bear's ... erm ... dead.
MK: Ellie ...
EM: How many times did I ask Bear if he was dead and he said yes?!? I'm smart enough to know he's not dead now!

MK: Okay, but he's not telling you he's dead. I am.
EM: That's a really mother-meowed up joke, Momma!
MK: Come and snuggle with me and Daddy.
EM: Is Bear there?
EM: Then where's Bear?
MK: {sigh}.
MK: I understand.
EM: I'm going to stay here - in Bear's favorite bed - until Bear comes back! I know he'll show up eventually to take his bed back from me!
MK: Ellie ...
EM: Trying to tell me Bear's dead! Yeah, right! Like I haven't heard that one before!
MK: {getting back in bed} That didn't go well.
The Boy: Is she going to stop ....
EM: BEAR?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm rolling all over in your bed!!!! HELLO?!? If you don't come out, I'm going to have to drop a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side of the litter box! I'll eat all your wet food!
MK: That explains why she hasn't been eating any wet food since Bear left.
The Boy: Bear was alpha cat. She ate after him.
MK: And now that Bear's not here, she's really confused about what to do since Bear always told her or forced her to do what he wanted her to do.
EM: BEAR!!! I'm rolling around in your bed!!! I'm getting my smelly fur all over your bed! Soon, it's not going to smell like you anymore!!!

The Boy: There's got to be something we can do.
MK: I already tried talking to her.
The Boy: She can't do this forever, right?
MK: She's been laying in all Bear's spots for the last week - all the places he wouldn't let her lay. It's like she figures he'll show up eventually. She won't eat any of the wet food. She must really miss Bear.
The Boy: I don't know why! He wasn't nice to her.
MK: That's not true. In the mornings when you were gone and I was in bed cuddling with Bear, she'd start howling and he'd jump down and go out to her every time. It kind of ticked me off that he didn't stay with me. He didn't come back either! It's like he promised her he wouldn't leave her out there by herself.
The Boy: But if she came back to lay in bed with you, Bear would chase her off the bed.
MK: This isn't nearly as bad as last night when Ellie went from room to room calling for Bear and looking in all the closets and under the furniture for him.
The Boy: She looked in my shoe!
MK: The pantry, the ottoman, the bathroom, behind the shower curtain ... she didn't leave one place unturned.

EM: Momma?!?!?!
MK: Oh, hi, Ellie! Come lay with me and Daddy!
EM: But Bear won't like ... wait. That's a GREAT idea!
MK: Uh oh.
EM: {jumping up on the bed} BEAR!!!!!!!!!!! I'm snuggling with your Momma! I'm purring and letting her pet my belly!!!!!

EM: BEAR! I pooped a stinky poop on the non-stinky poop side of the litter box! I licked and drooled on your catnip banana! I farted on your bed and rolled all over your bed so it smells like me!
The Boy: Ellie, Bear might not be coming back.
EM: Why?
The Boy: Things happen.
EM: Like what?
The Boy: Bear was a dick to you.
EM: But he was MY dick. He was my HUGE dick.
{Momma giggles}
EM: Like what "things happen?"
The Boy: Bear got sick.
EM: I know.
The Boy: You do?
EM: Duh! That's why he licked my butt! And why he cleaned my ears. 
The Boy: No, he wasn't sick figuratively ...
EM: He fought the couch, ran into the wall ... he was a bit cuckoo. And don't even get me started on Bear's eau de toilette.
The Boy: Hmm ... that's true. But that's not the kind of sick I'm talking about.
EM: Oh, you mean the kind of sick Momma is.
MK: WHAT?!?!?
EM: Daddy told me that you're really sick because you like to grab his butt.
The Boy: That was supposed to be our secret, Ellie!
EM: Momma told me secrets are bad. Especially the ones Bear keeps! Oh! And Daddy said you prefer to spend your time with the geese and ducks and not us.

MK: OH?!?!?
The Boy: Erm ... 
The Boy: I FEEL you staring at me with a VERY dirty look, Kat.
EM: I think you're in trouble, Daddy.
MK: I prefer the ducks and geese to you?
The Boy: Ellie! Let's go out and see if Bear's back!
MK: Don't encourage her to save yourself! You know as well as I do that when I say I'm going to see the geese and ducks I'm in this room crying! I don't PREFER the geese and ducks.
EM: Why are you crying, Momma? Because Daddy said you prefer the geese and ducks? Or because he kept a secret from you? No. Wait. is Bear hiding from you too? Is that why you're sad? I'll give him a piece of my mind when he shows up! No one makes my Momma sad!
{Momma sniffs a couple of times}
EM: That's it?!? THAT'S IT! I'm going to KILL Bear! I put up with his crap because you love him - but this time he's gone too far.
{Momma starts sobbing}
EM: It's okay, Momma. I love you. I can fix anything that's wrong!
EM: Erm ... I think.
MK: Can I introduce you {SOB} to someone {SOB}? Here - let's go in the other room.
EM: Erm ... DO I HAVE A NEW BROFUR? Or even better - a sisfur! We can braid each others' fur and tell secrets and have private jokes ... and it would just serve Bear right for hiding!
MK: No. Here.
EM: A box?

MK: {sniffle} You wondered where Bear is.
EM: Where?

MK: In the box!
{Pause as Ellie sniffs around the box}
EM: I'm not stupid! Bear couldn't fit in the box if he didn't eat wet food for ten years!

EM: BEAR! Come out, you big stinky turd bucket! This isn't funny anymore!

{Momma cries}
EM: Bear, I mean it! Get your #*)@*% fat striped-@$$ out here before I lose my $#!+! Momma's crying!
MK: Ellie, Bear's not coming back.
EM: Did he find tasty whole chickens and get killed by the CIA?
MK: No.
EM: Erm ... hmm. Then where's my brofur?
MK: Ellie, he got really sick.
EM: Oh, so he's at the vet!
MK: No. His remains are in this box.
EM: Remains? Remains of what? His claw clippings, whiskers and fur that we all pretend we don't know you save?
MK: Ellie, Daddy and I were there when Bear passed.
EM: Passed? What did he pass? Gas?!
MK: No. Bear was suffering and the best we could do ...
EM: Well, yeah. Let me tell you ... when Bear passes gas, we ALL suffer!
MK: Ellie, Bear's dead and he's not coming home.
EM: So who's in this box? I'm not sure I'll fit ...

MK: Okay. He's not coming home in his former state. He's in our hearts and in this box for us to remember.
EM: But ... but ... he was JUST FINE a week ago!
MK: I know.
EM: He was being mean to me like always!
MK: I can't explain it. No one thought this would happen.
EM: Wait ... is this why Bear had a talk with me about how to take care of you?
MK: He did?
{Momma cries}
EM: I miss Bear too, Momma! I love you.
MK: I love you too, Ellie.
The Boy: Can I get in on the hugs?
EM: Do you MIND??! Momma and I are having a MOMENT.
The Boy: {walking away and mumbling to himself} It's like Bear never left!

© 2021 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2021. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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  1. A loving and dear tribute to your Bear Cat. By you and Ellie Mae. As with my own loved cats when they left me, I will remember your anguish as well, MK. It is one of the most difficult times we pet parents have.

  2. Yep, we all understand sweet Ellie. Dolly is still looking for her pal Zoe and Sascha, they were a trio of friends. Hugs to you and Momma.

  3. The first few weeks are the hardest as both the 2 and 4-legged members of the family learn to adapt to the absence of a integral part of it. Please know we're all thinking of you and sending oodles of poodles of comforting thoughts your way. 💖

    1. Oodles of poodles?!? That could CERTAINLY cheer up the saddest human around!

  4. Ellie I surely know how you feel..even though we understood Angel Madi was gone, at certain times each day for a week or more, we found ourselves preparing to do things for her.
    Sending hugs to you all

    1. My Momma still does that! She goes to grab Bear's insulin from the fridge ... or grab his toothbrush ... and then remembers. Momma hasn't had the heart to throw any of it out. The new/unopened stuff is all packed in one bag for when she's ready to donate it. ~Ellie Mae

  5. Sweet Ellie, we're so sorry that Bear is gone. We miss Allie and Mom still thinks she hears her sometimes.

    The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon

    1. I know. I miss my brofur. He was a big dick - but he was my dick. ~Ellie Mae

  6. Beautiful post. Sending our love and purrs to you all xx

  7. ellie; me, tuna looked for sauce.... and cuzin daiz, looked for boomer, for manee sleepz after
    they leeved ta start ther 10th life....we noe what ewe iz goin thru, we noe ewe mizz bear
    all sew...itz getz better....we promize ♥♥♥♥♥

    tuna and dai$y =^,,^=

    1. I hope so. I always thought I wanted to be an only child - but things really suck without a sibling. ~Ellie Mae

  8. Ellie, I know you miss Bear dreadfully. Your mom does too so now you have the important job of looking after her.
    When Eric died we laid his body out for Flynn to say goodbye. Next day we left Flynn on the bed while we buried Eric. We looked up and he was sat watching us. For weeks even though he had said his goodbyes he laid beside his grave. It was heartbreaking to see.

    1. Awww. We didn't really get a chance for Ellie to see Bear's dead body since we were at the vet. But once she sniffed the ashes, things calmed down a bit. I want so badly to know what she's thinking and what I can do to make her pain less.

  9. Oscar was a bit of a bully...but when he finally succumbed to ckd Sally, who was the one he bullied the most, missed him as much as the rest of us did.

    1. I know! This is so strange to me! It just goes to show that us humans don't understand inter-cat relations nearly as well as we think we do.

  10. Ellie, so many hearts are broken right along with yours, but even though you can't see him, he'll always be there with you in all your hearts. I wish more than anything he was still there with you in the fur though. This is such a purrfect tribute to your precious boy.

    1. Bear was okay - for a boy. I miss him and I'm kind of scared my people might disappear on me too. ~Ellie Mae

  11. When Wally passed, Ernie became quite vocal. I felt he was yelling for Wally to come out from wherever he was. Over time, he became less vocal, I guess realizing Wally wasn’t coming out.

    Bear is still around...maybe not physically...but his spirit is there. I’m sure Ellie can feel him.

    1. Since smelling Bear's ashes - she's calmed down a bit and she's howled less. But she follows me around everywhere. I guess she thinks The Boy and I might suddenly disappear like Bear.

  12. I think too often humans do not realize that their pets suffer when they lose a constant human or animal companion. I believe Giulietta still misses Fiona just as much as we do. Bear was truly special, and no other cat will ever replace him in your heart, but I know Ellie Mae will work hard to take care of you just as Bear did. Sending lots of warm hugs to all of you, Janet and the Kitties Blue Crew

    1. Bear and Ellie weren't snuggly or particularly close - so it seemed that she might not mind so much if he weren't here. I've learned us humans understand even less about inter-cat relations than we think. On the one hand, I'm flattered that she misses him so much - but on the other hand, it hurts so badly to see her hurting.

  13. Poor Ellie, I feel so bad for her. I know you will continue to help one another. XO

    1. I feel so bad for her too. Especially with the howling for Bear. It hurts more than my own pain - and that says a lot.

  14. It's so hard to find that new "normal".

    1. I resent the fact that you thought we were EVER normal! Hahaha. Kidding. I couldn't help it.

  15. Aww, poor Ellie. That is just heartbreaking.

    Ava was really confused and lost when Gracie passed away. She, too, has become a lot more vocal, and as months have passed, she seems to understand that she will be the one to take care of us now.

    Sending you all much love and continued purrs.

    1. My own pain is so much easier to deal with than SEEING the pain in Ellie's behavior. I honestly didn't think she'd be that phased - but it just goes to show that us humans don't understand the dynamics of inter-cat relations nearly as much as we think we do.

  16. Ellie Mae, I got a big lump in my throat!
    Now, however, you can have unlimited snuggles with your pawrents.

    1. I prefer to have a brofur - even if he could be a dick. ~Ellie Mae

  17. This was so bittersweet, and of course I'm crying now! I will never forget how hard our beagle Kobi took it when we lost his sister Maggie. Seeing him so sad just added to our sadness, and I know that's what Momma is feeling now. Keep taking care of each other! ♥♥♥

    1. That is true! Somehow seeing Ellie's pain is almost worse than my own.

  18. This was heartbreaking (as well as amusing in parts!!) Poor Ellie!! I soooooooo understand!! Dakota did the same when Cody passed, it's beyond heartbreaking to watch (and so frustrating)......while Dakota would have been taken by cancer anyway he had been doing well until Cody passed. Once he realized Cody wasn't coming back, he had a rapid decline. Sending (((hugs))) to all of you because I TOTALLY understand.

    1. I never thought anything would be worse than the pain of losing Bear - but seeing Ellie grieve is most certainly worse.

  19. Hi Ellie,
    I understand your grief. Humans don't realize we felines grieve too. It took me a while to get over the loss of my protector and best furiend, Tucker. Mamma is dong the right thing, leaving Bear's toys and bed out so you can still smell him. And, as the smell slowly fades, so will your grief.
    Purrs, Head Bonks and Lve,

    1. I thought I wanted to be an only child - but it's harder than I thought! It's not just unlimited food and any sleeping spot in the house - it's lonely too! ~Ellie Mae

  20. Dear Ellie, When my Momma lost her favorite cat many years ago, her second favorite cat (well, she had only two at the time) went through exactly what you are going through. We still smell our best friend, but he's no where to be found. We are confused, and call and call and call, but he never answers. In time, his smell will be replaced with our smell, and we adapt to our friend not being around anymore. It's true, us kitties do feel depressed, mostly because we don't understand what happened. My heart goes out to you, Ellie. Love, Dori

    1. Dori, will you be my friend?! Maybe a penpal? I feel so lonely since Bear left - sometimes only a cat truly understands. ~Ellie Mae

  21. so heartbreaking but a beautiful tribute to Bear! Zulu had a brother who died and it was the same thing-he would go around the house howling - and make me open any closed doors so he could see if his brother was there- it was heartbreaking. but much like you are doing when you say --One of the true blessings is that, in Bear's absence, Ellie and I have turned to each other and gotten closer.---i always looked at the bright side when i could and it did bring Zulu and I closer. Hope everyday is a little easier

    1. I never thought anything would be worse than the pain of losing Bear - but seeing Ellie grieve is most certainly worse. I didn't know Zulu had a brother. It's strange to think back to when I lost Kitty and I was afraid I'd never bond to Bear as I did Kitty. But I guess shared grief kickstarts the process.

  22. Oh Ellie, I'm so sorry. I know you and your momma are taking care of each other. Sending big hugs!

    1. Erm ... could maybe ... erm ... Woodrow ... erm ... give me a ... erm ... hug? ~Ellie Mae

  23. Grief is a difficult and complicated process for everyone. Hugs to you and Ellie as you adjust to life after.


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