Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Bear's pay-back

This post is the continuation of the story of Bear's last vet visit. If you missed part 1, you may find it here: Kitty trauma drama. While Bear felt traumatized in part 1, he musters the strength for pay-back this time around. Is anyone spared?

BC: Bear Cat Kat 
MK: Momma Kat 
Vet tech 2: Giggles McGiggly (We meet Giggles in: Giggles McGiggly)

BC: HEY! If you're going to grab me there, you better respect me in the morning!
Vet tech 2: Hahahaha. Let's get you back to your Momma.
BC: Giggles, do I really HAVE to go back to my Momma? 
Vet tech 2: Yes, Bear.
BC: Do you have treats?
Vet tech 2: Here?
BC: NO! At home!
Vet tech 2: Hahahaha. Of course!
BC: Are your cats' food bowls overflowing at all times?
Vet tech 2: Yes.
BC: You're sure, right?
Vet tech 2: Yep. Why?
BC: When I met my Momma, she bamboozled me by making me think she'd give me tons of treats and a full kibble bowl ... and then when I was in her evil clutches, she stopped giving me treats every day and she let my food bowl hover around 98.427% full! I can ALMOST see the bottom of the bowl! I've tried to escape countless times, but she always grabs me! It's HORRIBLE, Giggles! HORRIBLE! 
Vet tech 2: Poor Bear.
BC: When she adopted me, she said I had to be nice to my sister because she was my only sister. She died and now I have ANOTHER sister! And don't even get me started on the litter box! Smellie might seem sweet - and a lot stupid - but her poop smells BAD. She smells bad! That's why I call her Smellie.
Vet tech 2: Haha. I'm sure it's not THAT bad ...
BC: And she won't let me buy a tank! She hides her tasty whole chickens from me! And her bazooka!
Vet tech 2: Ellie does this?
BC: NO! My Momma! Pay attention! Can you believe she BRUSHES my TEETH?!?
Vet tech 2: Sounds like she loves you.
{Silence}
BC: Whose side are you on?

{Pause}
BC: TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU! We could slip out the back and no one would know! We'll make a run for it! I'll be quiet! I promise!
Vet tech 2: YOU?!?! Quiet?
BC: Okay. Okay. I see what you mean.
Vet tech 2: I think your Momma would be upset if you disappeared.
BC: HMPH.
Vet tech 2: I think you love her so much that it messes with your need to be independent and your own cat - and you react - by complaining and showing her she's not the boss of you. You don't really mean it ... you're really a Momma's boy at heart.
BC: LIES!
Vet tech 2: Where's your favorite place to be?
BC: Err ... the pantry?
Vet tech 2: Try again.
BC: {mumbling} In my Momma's arms.
Vet tech 2: When you're scared or not sure where do you go?
BC: MY MOMMA! That woman would send the world to hell before she let something happen to me.
Vet tech 2: Uh huh. Every time she brings you in, she pulls you out of the carrier and sits down with you in her lap, wraps her arms and coat around you and holds you until we come in. And even more, you prefer to be there - while many cats prefer to explore the room.
{Pause}
BC: Holy smelly goose farts! I AM a Momma's boy! Don't tell my Momma! She'll get all uppity.

Vet tech 2: It sounds like the feeling is mutual and she loves you too.
BC: Do you know that she'll walk into a room where I am JUST to make sure I'm breathing? Like what's she going to do if I'm not? 911 doesn't answer our calls anymore.
Vet tech 2: WHAT?
BC: SOMEONE in our house, who shall remain nameless, got in BIG trouble for repeatedly calling 911.
Vet tech 2: For what?
BC: Let's see ... there was the empty food bowl ... actually, that call happened more than once. Then a call or ten reported missing tasty whole chickens. OH! And assault.
Vet tech 2: Someone was assaulted at your house?!
BC: ME! Momma clipped my claws!
Vet tech 2: So YOU made these calls?
BC: No?
{Pause}
BC: The last straw was when I caught Momma digging around in the litter box and I called 911 to report that someone had been murdered and my Momma was burying the body in my litter box!
Vet tech 2: Wow.
BC: I admit it was amusing to watch the police sift through my litter box.
Vet tech 2: Oh, NO! They didn't!
BC: How was I supposed to know that Smellie had out-done herself with a stinky poop that Momma wanted to cover? I thought she was burying The Boy!
{Pause}
BC: Or maybe that was wishful thinking.
{Pause}
BC: So, tell me the truth, Giggles. Is the vet a real vet?
Vet tech 2: Of course! Do you want to see all his fancy certificates on his office wall?
BC: His OFFICE? Is there stuff on his desk?
Vet tech 2: Yes.
BC: And papers?
Vet tech 2: Ummm ... I think.
BC: I want to see his office!
Vet tech 2: Can you behave?
BC: Is that a trick question? I just want to see if he's a real vet.

Vet tech 2: See? These are all his ...
{THUNK!}
Vet tech 2: BEAR! Did you just knock something off his desk?
BC: Err ... my foot slipped.
Vet tech 2: This was a bad idea. 
BC: Those papers look fake! Let me get a closer look ...
Vet tech 2: Okay ...
{THWACK!}
{THUNK!}
Vet tech 2: BEAR! You just knocked his vet school diploma on the floor!
BC: NO! WAIT! Let me paper surf! My Momma never keeps this many papers scattered all over!
Vet tech 2: I don't know ...
BC: You be the lookout!
Vet tech 2: Okay.
BC: {sliding one way across the desk} WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
{Pause}
BC: Surf's up!
{Pause}
BC: {sliding back across the desk} WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Vet: What's going on in here?
BC: Uh oh.
{Pause}
BC: *@&!#!
{THUNK!}
Vet: Was that a cat sliding across my desk? Interesting.
BC: MEOW!
Vet: AHHHH! Wait a ...
{Pause}
Vet: Why is there a cat in my trash can?
BC: Err ... no speako Englaish?

Vet: {leaning back out into the hall} Why is there a non-English speaking cat in my trash can?
BC: I think the better question is why your trash can is around me?
{Pause}
BC: {SNIFF SNIFF} Did you have a chicken sandwich for lunch?
Vet: I don't remember ...
BC: SCORE! Chicken AND cheese! Don't mind if I do ...
Vet: Did you knock my stuff off the desk?
BC: {while chewing some chicken} Erf ... noff?
Vet: There's an empty spot on the wall!
BC: {while chewing some chicken} Oofs? 
{Pause as Bear finishes chewing}
BC: HEY! This is a good sandwich! MUCH better than anything my Momma can make. And no vegetables! Why didn't you want the rest of it?
Vet: I DID want the rest of it. I left it out on my desk while I made a phone call.
BC: Oops. I guess I knocked it in the trash can with me. 
{Pause}
BC: {holding out the rest of the sandwich} Sorry? It still tastes good!

{Bear drops the sandwich on the floor}
BC: Oops.

Vet: How did you get in here?
BC: Well, see ... I saw all the papers on your desk and my Momma doesn't have papers laying around like that so I went paper surfing. I might've misjudged the stopping distance and I ended up in the trash can.
Vet: Not how did you get in the trash can ... how did you get in my office?
BC: I don't remember. One minute, I was safe inside my carrier, and the next, a band of wild aliens came running through and cat-napped me.
Vet: Aliens?
BC: Yeah!
Vet: Did you hit your head when you fell into the trash can?
BC: No ... 
Vet: Where are you supposed to be?
BC: The mother ship?
Vet: Wait a minute ... {shuffling charts} ... you're Bear?
BC: Err ... I don't remember?
Vet: Your Mom's in Exam Room 3?
BC: Holy cat crap on a cracker! I knew my Momma was a moose, but I didn't realize she was checked out by a vet too!
Vet: So you are Bear?
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY, I'm Pooh Bear Cat Kat, First of His Name, King of the Momma Kat household, Lord of Tasty Whole Chickens, and Keeper of the Handsome Stripe-y Pants. But you may also call me Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest. My fans call me B-Cube.
Vet: Interesting.
{Silence}
BC: AHEM!
{Pause}
BC: AHEM!!!!
Vet: What?
BC: You may bow before me.
Vet: Let's get you back to the exam room.
BC: Only after you bow.

Vet: To a cat in a trash can eating the rest of my lunch? 
BC: TECHNICALLY, I'm no longer eating your lunch because I tried to give it back to you and it fell on the floor.
Vet: Come on, big boy!
{The door to the exam room opens}
MK: WHERE WERE YOU!?! Giggles took off with you half an hour ago!
Vet: Giggles?
BC: Aliens.
Vet: One of the alien's names was Giggles?
BC: NO! Giggles, the vet tech! But I was abducted by aliens!
MK: Gary and Larry?
BC: YES!
Vet: Wait ... you see them too?
MK: Well, no ... but Gary and Larry only make an appearance when some cat has been misbehaving.
BC: There's another cat here?! I didn't see him.
MK: Bear ...
BC: Err ...
Vet: I found him in the trash can in my office.
MK: BEAR!
Vet: My office is a mess.
MK: BEAR! What did you do?
BC: I'm an outlaw. Throw me in the slammer and throw away the key. Tell all the torties I'm bad to the bone.
Vet: He also ate my lunch.
MK: BEAR!
BC: It was an accident!

MK: BEAR!
BC: Err ... MOSTLY an accident.
MK: BEAR!
BC: You really need to work on your vocabulary! All you keep saying is BEAR! No wonder our blog sucks!
Vet: I guess I don't have to ask about his appetite.
BC: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRP.
MK: BEAR!
Vet: {leaning out the exam room door} Can we get a tech in here?
{Pause}
Vet: Where is everyone?
BC: Maybe next time you'll believe me about those aliens.
Vet: Or they're cleaning up my office.
BC: Oh, by the way ... I think your vet techs might be scared of me.
Vet: Interesting.
BC: So are you going to ban me from coming back here?
MK: BEAR!
Vet: IN-TTERRRRRESTING.
BC: SHEESH! What is this, the twilight zone? SHE keeps saying my name and you keep saying "interesting!" "Bear! Interesting. BEAR! Interesting. Bear! Interesting!" And you think I have a head injury?
MK: BEAR!
Vet: Interesting.
BC: ARG! FINE! I knocked the diploma off the wall! I knocked the coffee cup off the desk! I paper surfed into the trash can and knocked papers off the desk! And I ate a chicken and cheese sandwich. Just stop saying ...
MK: BEAR!
Vet: Hmmm ... interesting.
BC: {sigh} Humans. I clearly expect too much.
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Watch where you stick that! You seem to be enjoying doing that a little too much!

© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern. 
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com. 

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35 comments:

  1. Oh Bear, you gave me the giggles pal, but the aliens being involved really explains a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We think your mom might need to "bribe" your vet with goodies before your next visit. . . .

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  3. Bear I'm purrty sure all the vet offices have Aliens...or vampires I mean they are always on the search for blood
    Hugs Cecilia

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  4. Bet the vet has written, "Holy Terror!" on your chart, Bear!

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  5. Bear...I do believe you will out do anything I have ever been accused of. I need to be at your knee learning more and mre.

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    Replies
    1. My Momma should know better by now. And she doesn't let me talk about all the stuff I do! Imagine the movement or revolution I could foment! ~Bear Cat

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  6. dood....de vet tech getted it WRONG...yur answwer.. de pan tree waz correct.... { N due ewe reel let
    mom brush yur teeth } !! ?? N noe yur blog doez KNOT suck....itz awesum !! :) ♥♥☺☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't LET her brush my teeth ... she's like a gazillion times my size and doesn't give me a choice! But I get my revenge in other ways ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. That was quite the adventurous vet visit! Ours have been far more boring. LOL
    Jan & the crew at Wag 'n Woof Pets

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    Replies
    1. Boring is usually better for the humans. Just saying ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. Gosh, Bear, we never have fun at the vet like that! You are one lucking cat...plus you got a sandwich. We want to change vets. We hope you didn't cause Giggles to lose her job. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

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    Replies
    1. Well, you know, sometimes you just have to take matters into your own paws! ~Bear Cat

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  9. Sounds like you did a great job getting revenge. And a snack :) The new place we go gives out handfuls of Temptations.

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  10. They totally love you at the vet, don't they ??

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    Replies
    1. Who doesn't? I am Bear Cat Kat and I am AWESOME! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Don't worry about humanoids, the world expects far too much of them, just look how they screwed up democracy, peace and tasty chickens! All in all though, Bear, I think you came out on tops in that little adventure.
    Purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. I hope that's what they put in my chart, "Always comes out on top!" My Momma learned this YEARS ago. ~Bear Cat

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  12. Bear you surely packed your best revenge for that trip to the vet...and I bet they will respect you more next visit
    Hugs Cecilia

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    Replies
    1. By the way that vet was wielding the thermometer, I'm kind of not sure respect is in the cards ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. We bet the vet has your chart flagged, Bear...that you’re a trouble maker...and a lunch stealer!

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  14. No doubt the vet staff get hazard duty for your visits. 😺

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    Replies
    1. At least they don't have to wear heavy coats and gloves like when Kitty used to go to the vet! ~Bear Cat

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  15. Bear, you make our vet visits look like a piece of cake! And no, there's no cake involved. (I know you'd try to eat it along with the vet's lunch.)

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    Replies
    1. I might be interested if it's a crab cake and there's a tortie waiting to jump out of it. ~Bear Cat

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  16. I've hopped in the garbage at the vet a couple of times. I still had to have my temperature taken, so it didn't work! I need another plan.

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    Replies
    1. We've seen the picture! We gotta give it to you, Lola ... you are far smarter than we are! Then again, neither of us would fit through the hole to the garbage!

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  17. [rolling on the floor and holding my paw to my tummy] Tee hee hee! Oh, Bear that was quite the visit you had at the V-E-T. You and I both know the ALIENS are real, but trying to convince the others is an ongoing challenge! Winks. Thank the stars that you didn't have to stay overnight on the Mother Ship, 'cause you might've been experimented on. YIKES!

    ReplyDelete

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